The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

By Rocky

Copyright © 2003

 

Rating: R

Disclaimer: Characters and show are owned by JW and ME.

Distribution: The Mystic Muse http://mysticmuse.net 

Feedback: Yes, please!

Spoilers: Season 7

Pairing: Buffy/Faith

Author's Notes: This is a teleplay—a fic in script form—since I'm a screenwriter.  It's my first "Buffy" attempt.  I've never read a script for the show, so I can't be sure how descriptive the ME writers get with the action, but since this will only be READ, and not SEEN on a screen, I made the action very descriptive so people could picture it in their minds.  Also, dialogue in a dual column means that the characters are talking at the same time.  '(OS)' means 'Off-Screen'.  And I wrote the entire thing in less than 5 days...just sayin'.

Dedications: To the Girl From My Class who's idea to do Bad Buffy I pretty much stole and made my own (everything else is from my brain)...AND most of all, to my darling Gina Lola Lesbia who inspires and energizes me like no other.  Thanks dollface.

Summary: Buffy goes bad after an encounter with a demon and its up to the Scoobs to make her better.

FADE IN

 

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

 

Eerily deserted and silent except for the faint sound of

MUSIC in the distance.  Suddenly:

 

                         FEMALE

                   (screaming)

            OH MY GOD!

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

EXT. DARK ALLEY - CONTINUOUS

 

Close on a PUNK CHICK pressed against the wall as she PANTS

and MOANS loudly.

 

                         PUNK CHICK

                   (breathlessly)

            Oh God yes...yes...don't stop baby,

            don't stop.

 

She MOANS even more until letting out a HORRIFYING SCREAM.

Popping up into the frame is FAITH, who clamps her hand over

Punk Chick's mouth to shut her up.  Smoke arises from beneath.

 

                         FAITH

            Aw, sweetness, am I hurtin' ya?  Is

            it an agonizing pain that you wish

            would just go away to be replaced

            by pleasure?  Yeah you do.  You

            wish it was my tongue inside you

            right now...

 

Faith looks downward and then back up.

 

                         FAITH

            Instead of a cross.  Never expected

            to get one down there did ya?  Next

            time, just do your job and eat

            instead of gettin' some.  And I

            thought I was a slut!

 

In a flash, Faith pulls out a stake and turns Punk Chick to

dust.  Faith wipes her hands and absentmindedly picks up the

cross from the ground.  She takes a few steps before looking

at the cross and dropping it, disgusted.

 

                         FAITH

            I'm not THAT kinky.  All right, I

            am...but that's just sick.

 

Faith heads out of the alley.  As she walks:

 

                         FAITH

            Let's see what else is goin' on.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

EXT. RESTFIELD CEMETERY - NIGHT

 

BUFFY has her hands full with an UGLY RED DEMON.  WILLOW

nervously keeps a safe distance and watches the fight.

 

                         WILLOW

                   (to Buffy)

            So do you need any help?

 

Buffy lands a vicious right cross followed by a kick to the

midsection and an uppercut.

 

                         BUFFY

            I'm fine.

 

The Ugly Red Demon recovers and floors Buffy with some

powerful blows.  Buffy gets back up.

 

                         BUFFY

            Okay, maybe just a little help.

 

                         WILLOW

            How about the ax?

 

Buffy throws herself back at the demon as Willow retrieves

the ax.  She searches for a good moment to get it to Buffy

but the Ugly Red Demon clobbers Buffy with a series of

punches and backhands.  The Ugly Red Demon then holds up its

right hand, ROARS, and fires 5 mega-claws out of his fingers.

He catches Buffy off-guard and swipes at her, catching her

in the back causing Buffy to HOWL in agony.  Willow's eyes

widen in horror and then anger as she approaches the Ugly

Red Demon.  She leaps up into the air and slices off it's

head, the lifeless body falling to the ground.

 

Buffy falls to her knees clutching her back.  Her breathing

becomes ragged as blood seeps from the wounds.  The blood

glows green for a moment.  Willow doesn't notice, staring in

awe at the demon's dead body.

 

                         WILLOW

                   (shouting; to the body)

            Yeah, that's right!  How does that

            feel you rotten, ugly piece of red

            oozy--

 

Willow stops herself and softens up.

 

                         WILLOW

                   (meekly)

            I mean, take that you bad bad evil-

            doer.  Don't mess with my best

            friend.  Right Buffy?  Nobody

            messes with my Buffy-shaped best

            friend.  Right?  Buffy-shaped person?

 

Willow looks over at an awful-looking Buffy getting up.

 

                         BUFFY

                   (weakly)

            Right.

 

                         WILLOW

            Oh my God...are you all right?

 

                         BUFFY

            Your Buffy-shaped best friend is

            in...uh, good shape, I guess.  I

            just need to relax.

 

Buffy smiles sickly before collapsing to the ground

unconscious.

 

                                            END TEASE

 

ACT ONE

 

FADE IN

 

INT. SUMMERS HOUSE - NIGHT

 

The door busts open and SPIKE walks in with an unconscious

Buffy in his arms.  Willow rushes in behind him jangling

some keys.

 

                         WILLOW

            Did you have to kick the door in?

            I have keys.  See?

 

Willow displays the keys to Spike as DAWN and GILES rush

down the stairs.

 

                         SPIKE

            Buffy's hurt beyond comprehension

            and you're worried about the bloody

            door?

 

                         WILLOW

            It's Buffy's door!  She's not going

            to be happy to see this!

 

                         SPIKE

            She could very well be dying in my

            arms as we speak--

 

Dawn and Giles share a concerned look.

 

                         SPIKE

            --And you're ranting and raving

            about a stupid piece of wood.  That

            is unbelievable.  Dying is what she

            is right now.

 

                         DAWN

            So maybe we should help her.

 

Willow and Spike turn to Dawn.  They look at Buffy, then

each other, then back to Dawn.

 

                         SPIKE

            Good idea.

 

                         WILLOW

            Absolutely.  You see Dawny, you're

            not useless.

 

Dawn scowls as Spike carries Buffy into the living room and

Willow follows.  Giles removes his glasses and rubs his eyes.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. THE BRONZE - NIGHT

 

Teenagers dance to the blasting music. XANDER and ANYA stand

at the bar.

 

                         ANYA

            Xander, I want to dance.

 

                         XANDER

            We will sweetheart--just let me get

            a drink first.

 

                         ANYA

            Oh for the sake of all that is

            logical and horny, if you dance

            with me, you'll work up a sweat and

            get tired and thirsty and then have

            a GOOD reason to drink.  You know

            I'm right.

 

                         XANDER

            Of course you are.

 

Anya smiles triumphantly.

 

                         XANDER

            But I'm still getting the drink.

            Face it An, you can't push me

            around anymore.  I'm a manly man.

            In fact, I'm the manliest of manly

            men.  Deal with it.

 

                         ANYA

            Fine!  I'll dance with someone

            else...a girl.

 

Anya scans the dancefloor and spots someone.

 

                         ANYA

                   (pointing)

            Her.

 

Xander turns to look and his eyes bug out.  We see Faith

tearing up the place.  Xander's afraid.

 

                         XANDER

            Oh dear lord...um...um...uh...we

            have to call Buffy!

 

                         ANYA

            Oh, let her have her own fun.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. SUMMERS HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 

Buffy whimpers laid out on the couch, but remains

unconscious.  Dawn strokes her hair compassionately.  Giles

stands off to the side rubbing his eyes.

 

                         DAWN

            We have to do something.

 

                         GILES

            And we will once I get Willow's

            full cooperation.

 

                         DAWN

            Where is she?

 

                         GILES

            On the phone upstairs.  Would you

            like me to go to her?

 

                         DAWN

            No that's all right.

                   (screaming)

            WILLOW!

 

Willow almost trips down the stairs.  She enters the room.

 

                         DAWN

            There's Willow.

                   (shouting)

            Now do something!

 

                         GILES

            Right.

                   (to Willow)

            What have you got?

 

                         WILLOW

            I called Kennedy.

 

Spike walks in.

 

                         SPIKE

                   (sarcastically)

            Well that should make everything

            better.

 

                         WILLOW

            Are you implying something?

 

                         DAWN

                   (unconvincingly)

            No he's not Willow.  We all love

            Kennedy.  She's wonderfulness

            personified.

 

                         WILLOW

            Why do you not like her?

 

                         SPIKE

            Word is the humans made a list.

 

                         WILLOW

            She's nice to me.

 

                         SPIKE

            Naturally.  You're probably the

            only lass that's put out for the

            bint.

 

                         WILLOW

            God I want you to die so much.

 

                         SPIKE

            You're not alone.

 

           WILLOW                         SPIKE

  You know, you're going to be   You're too braindead,

  blowin' in the wind one of     blinded by lust, to realize

  these days you bleached,       how much of an unlikable

  anorexic, freaky,              twit she is and it just

  immasculated Angel rip-off.    makes you look like a

                                 redheaded moron.

 

                         GILES

                   (booming)

            SHUT UP!  Both of you just settle

            down so we can get to the bottom of

            this...by working together.  The

            way it is supposed to be done--and

            with Buffy as the victim...

 

Willow and Spike look properly chastised.  Dawn YELPS as

Buffy goes into a seizure on the couch.  Everyone runs over

to restrain and settle her down.  The seizure finally stops.

 

                         GILES

            Willow, can you describe the demon?

 

                         WILLOW

            Um, it was big and blood red

            and...ugly...and--

                   (thinking)

            --Oh, it had these gigantic claws

            shoot from its hand and that's what

            he used to get her.

 

                         GILES

            All right.  You and I will research.

            Spike, you go out and see if you

            can find anything.  We'll take

            Buffy up to her room to make her

            more comfortable.  And all this

            will be executed with expediency.

 

Everyone nods in agreement.  Spike heads for the door, but

Willow's voice stops him.

 

                         WILLOW

            Oh, Spike, if you run into Kennedy,

            tell her "Hi" from me and feel free

            to impale your chest on her stake.

            That's all.

 

Spike glares for a moment before leaving.  Willow turns to

find two pairs of eyes disapproving of her.  Willow

regretfully hides her face.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

EXT. THE BRONZE - NIGHT

 

Xander and Anya argue outside.  A street light illuminates

the area.

 

                         XANDER

            What are we gonna do?

 

                         ANYA

            You could confront her and get it

            over with.  Take care of business.

 

                         XANDER

            Anya!  She's a slayer and she's

            dangerous.  She probably followed

            us here so she could kill me and

            make you her slave.

 

                         ANYA

                   (enthralled)

            Sex slave?

 

                         XANDER

            NO!  And don't sound so thrilled by

            the idea!  This is serious.

 

                         ANYA

            I thought you were--

                   (imitating Xander)

            --A manly man who's manliest of all.

 

                         XANDER

            I am.  But in the face of brutal

            death, I cower in fear and throw

            spiritual moral support to the

            superpeople from my hiding place.

 

                         ANYA

            Tell me again why I sleep with you.

 

                         FAITH (OS)

            That's a good question.

 

Xander and Anya jump as Faith walks out of the shadows.

 

                         FAITH

            Not that you were bad or anything,

            just virginal.

 

                         XANDER

            That's right...strip me of my pride

            before killing me.  Do you have no

            honor?

 

                         FAITH

            I think it says a lot that I didn't

            get you with your back turned.

 

                         ANYA

            So does that mean if we keep our

            backs to you, you won't kill us?

                   (to Xander)

            This is so much easier than you

            make it out to be.

 

                         FAITH

            I'm not gonna kill ya.  I coulda

            gotten both of you without you even

            knowin' it, but here you are--

            puttin' on one helluva wussy show.

 

                         XANDER

            Hey!  There's only one wuss here--

            no, wait, there's no wusses.  I'm

            not a wuss.

 

                         FAITH

            You just act like one occasionally.

 

                         XANDER

            That's right.  No--that's wrong.

 

                         FAITH

            Xan, I'm not gonna hurt either of

            you.  I wanted to wait a couple

            days to do this...settle down first

            and figure out what I was gonna say

            to you, but I guess now's as a good

            a time as any.

 

The street light goes out with a SHATTER as three FIGURES

approach in the darkness.

 

                         ANYA

            I guess that talk is on hold.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. UNDERGROUND LAIR - LATER THAT NIGHT

 

Shady and undecorative.  Sitting on a throne is the gray,

behemoth demon KALAMAR.  He towers over all his MINIONS who

surround him.  A HIGHER MINION enters the lair.

 

                         HIGHER MINION

            Your Royalness, I have news.

 

                         KALAMAR

            Did the Padek do its job?

 

                         HIGHER MINION

            Yes Lord.  He stabbed the slayer

            before being killed.  But, Lord,

            the slayer is now in the possession

            of her friends--what if they get

            her back to health before--

 

                         KALAMAR

            --You fool!  The Padek doesn't

            infect someone with the clap.

 

                         HIGHER MINION

            The what?

 

                         KALAMAR

                   (powerfully)

            QUIET!  The slayer will be mine in

            no time.  Very soon, she will join

            me in my quest to open the

            hellmouth, and then she will die.

                   (to Higher Minion)

            Approach.

 

The Higher Minion reluctantly does so.

 

                         KALAMAR

            You've done well.  But--

 

Kalamar grabs Higher Minion's throat and squeezes tight.

 

                         KALAMAR

            --I will not tolerate incompetence

            or insubordination.

 

Kalamar squeezes until Higher Minion's head explodes.  Skin

and goo splatters everywhere.

 

                         KALAMAR

                   (booming; to all)

            Take note: I will no longer accept

            being questioned by anyone!  And

            stupidity has no place in my

            kingdom!  Now someone bring me the

            slayer!

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. SUMMERS HOUSE, BUFFY'S BEDROOM - LATER

 

On the bed, Buffy wakes up with a start.  She seems a little

confused before shaking it off.

 

She checks her back, which has healed completely, then eyes

the room.

 

                         BUFFY

            Anybody home?  Taking care of me?

 

Dawn rushes in.

 

                         DAWN

            You're awake! You okay?

 

                         BUFFY

            I feel kinda weird.

 

                         DAWN

            Weird...besides that, you're good?

 

                         BUFFY

            Pretty much.  Weird's not unusual

            with me anyway.

 

                         DAWN

            We were so scared earlier.  You

            were out cold and then doing stuff

            with your body and stuff, and

            shaking and seizuring and, I'd

            swear you almost puked, and--

 

                         BUFFY

            --That's all I need to hear right

            now.  Thanks for being so good to

            me.  So sweet.

 

Dawn smiles.

 

                         BUFFY

            I think I'll go to the bathroom.

 

                         DAWN

            Need help?

 

                         BUFFY

            Did I suffer memory loss?

 

                         DAWN

            I don't think so.

 

                         BUFFY

            Then I'm sure I remember how to do

            it.

 

Dawn sheepishly nods.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

 

Giles scans through a big book and discovers something.

 

                         GILES

            I think I have it.

 

Willow runs over as Giles presents the book to her.

 

                         GILES

            Is that the demon?

 

                         WILLOW

                   (looking it over)

            Oh yeah.  That's the ugly bastard.

            He really isn't photogenic, huh?

 

                         GILES

            No, I'd say he's not.  But that's

            the least of our concerns.

 

                         WILLOW

            Why?

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

 

The toilet flushes as Buffy washes her face and checks

herself in the mirror.  She appears normal enough until her

eyes glow a dark green.  Buffy doesn't make much of it and

opens the door, but quickly returns to the mirror to look

again.  Eyes still glowing.  She slaps her hand over them.

 

                         BUFFY

            I did not just see that.

 

                         DAWN (OS)

            It's kind of hard to see anything

            with your eyes covered.

 

Buffy's startled but keeps her hand in place.

 

                         BUFFY

                   (harshly)

            God, can't you knock?  One minute

            you're a wonderful sister that I

            want to be around, and the next you

            become the obnoxious little runt

            that I can't stand.

 

                         DAWN

                   (hurtfully)

            I'm sorry.

 

Buffy drops her hand revealing her still-glowing eyes,

causing Dawn to GASP.

 

                         BUFFY

            You never learn.  You don't get it.

            I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, blah

            blah blah apology-cakes.

 

                         DAWN

            Buffy, your eyes are green.

 

                         BUFFY

            And that's none of your business.

 

Buffy's anger subsides as her whole body glows green.  She

begins to shake wildly and falls to her knees before:

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

 

A blood-curdling SCREAM comes from the bathroom as Giles and

Willow rush up the stairs.  They're knocked to the ground by

Dawn who sails through the air from the bathroom and lands

on them.  A steely Buffy enters the hallway, darkness in her

eyes as she surveys the damage.  Dawn gets up allowing Giles

and Willow to do the same.  Buffy strides towards them.

 

                         GILES

                   (shakily)

            Buffy, the situation is much more

            serious than we originally believed.

 

                         BUFFY

            Save it.

 

Buffy grabs Giles by the shirt and flings him over her

shoulder into the bedroom at the end of the hall.  She

addresses a frightened Willow.

 

                         BUFFY

            Save yourself.

 

                         WILLOW

            But...but...dying...Buffy...

 

                         BUFFY

            Try some of that magic your

            supposedly good at to improve your

            hearing.

 

Buffy slams Willow's head into the wall resulting in a

sickening crunch.  Buffy heads down the stairs and is about

to exit through the doorway but gets stopped by Dawn.

 

                         DAWN

            Buffy, where are you going?

 

                         BUFFY

            I was thinking a place where I

            don't have to deal with a whining,

            useless, pain in the ass--so, I

            guess that means anywhere but here.

 

                         DAWN

            But there's something incredibly

            wrong with you.

 

                         BUFFY

            No...

 

Buffy lifts Dawn into the air by her throat.

 

                         BUFFY

            ...There's something so very RIGHT

            with me.  And I'm gonna make the

            best of it.  So, please shut up.

            Don't worry--I won't kill you.  I

            love you Dawn--really.

 

Buffy throws Dawn into the dining room.  Dawn crashes down

onto the table shattering the whole thing.  Buffy dons a

cruel smirk.

 

                                            END ACT ONE

 

ACT TWO

 

FADE IN

 

EXT. MALL - LATER

 

An ALARM rages from the building as two police cruisers pull

up with lights and SIRENS blaring.  Four COPS get out and

approach with caution.

 

The doors plop open as Buffy exits with a bag hanging from

her shoulder.  She's got a new look--leather: black and

extremely tight.  The Cops can't help but notice.

 

                         COP 1

            Hold it ma'am.

 

                         BUFFY

                   (miffed)

            Ma'am?  Exactly what part of this

            gives you the impression of MA'AM?

 

The Cops all glance at each other.

 

                         COP 1

            MISS, stay right there and put your

            hands up.

 

                         BUFFY

            Or what?  You'll shoot me?  Beat me

            with your nightsticks?  Blow my

            intestines by shoving donuts down

            my throat?

 

                         COP 2

            We will use force if necessary, so

            just surrender peacefully.

 

Buffy rolls her eyes and puts her hands up.

 

                         BUFFY

                   (flatly)

            Okay, you got me.  I give up.  You

            can arrest me as long as you don't

            hurt me or shoot me because I'm

            scared--a scared, tiny girl that

            just wants to go home to mommy

            where it's safe.  I'm sorry for

            being bad.  So so sorry.  I won't

            put up any sort of fight at all.

 

The Cops believe her.  1 and 2 approach her.  When they get

within reach, Buffy sends a lightning-fast punch at 1 while

spin-kicking 2.  Cop 3 runs at her with a nightstick but

Buffy kicks it away and knocks him out with a backhand.  Cop

4 draws his gun but Buffy flings the nightstick at it

knocking it away.  She leaps into the air and kicks him

square in the face, then bodyslams him onto the windshield

of the car.

 

Buffy reaches over her shoulder and pulls out an aluminum

baseball bat.  She taps it a few times, grinning

psychotically the whole time.  She looms over 1 and 2.

 

                         BUFFY

            Sunnydale's finest losers.

 

Buffy positions herself over 1 and holds the bat vertically,

the top of the head aimed at his back.

 

                         BUFFY

            No more soccer for you.

 

Buffy lifts the bat up, and drives it down.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

EXT. THE BRONZE - NIGHT

 

Anya SCREAMS as a SCRUFFY VAMP gets a hold of her.  Xander

takes on a HEAVY VAMP and is losing.  Faith fights with a

MUSCLED VAMP and beats him to a pulp.

 

Faith sweeps him to the ground and hops downward with a

stake, dusting him.  She pops right back up and does a

backflip onto the Scruffy Vamp who evades it slightly and

gets a punch in at Faith's face.  She staggers for a moment

giving the Scruffy Vamp time to attack, but high-kicks his

head sending him flying into the air.  Before he lands,

Faith stakes him in mid-air, turning him to dust.

 

Faith searches and finds Xander get in a shot at the Heavy

Vamp before the vampire gets the upper hand and backs Xander

up against the wall.  He leans to bite, but explodes to dust

before he can.  A stake hits the ground.  Faith rushes over

to check out a beat up, out-of-breath Xander.

 

                         FAITH

            You okay?

 

                         XANDER

            Well there's pain everywhere and

            I'm struggling to breathe as well

            as feeling more anxiety after

            almost dying--again.  But at least

            my teeth are okay.

 

                         FAITH

            As long as they're not fangy.

 

Xander chuckles for a second before sliding back against the

wall.  Anya smothers Faith with a hug.

 

                         FAITH

            I guess you're good.

 

                         ANYA

            Of course I am.  You saved me!

                   (in awe)

            In one of the more impressive

            displays of slaying I've ever seen.

            You were incredible and fearless

            and strong and dynamic and agile

            and cunning.

 

Anya feels Faith's biceps in a way that makes the slayer

nervous.

 

                         ANYA

            This is quite a body you have on

            you.  I've received rave reviews on

            my own physique--just ask Xander.

            He is an expert, what with all

            those porn mags.

 

                         XANDER

            Anya!  Don't embarrass the woman--

            or me.  Especially me.

 

Faith pulls herself away from Anya.

 

                         FAITH

                   (to Xander)

            You still afraid of me?

 

                         XANDER

            I tend to appreciate those who save

            my life.

 

                         ANYA

            What about Angel?  And Spike.  And--

 

Xander shuts Anya up with his hand over her mouth.

 

                         XANDER

            You still wanna have that talk?

 

                         FAITH

            Want...Need.  Either way--yeah.

 

                         XANDER

            Then I know just the place.  Come on.

 

Xander releases Anya and starts walking.  Faith and Anya

follow, Anya getting up-close and personal with Faith.

 

                         XANDER

            Oh man, I think I chipped a tooth.

            Damn vampires have to be anti-

            dental hygiene!

 

                         ANYA

                   (to Faith)

            Just so you know, I have no problem

            with sexual enslavement.

 

Off Faith and Xander's dumbfounded looks:

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

EXT. CHURCH - NIGHT

 

A pew SMASHES through a window landing on the street.  LOUD

CRASHES and overall DESTRUCTION emanates from inside.

Moments later, the NOISE stops and Buffy walks out holding a

bottle of holy water.  She drinks from it then throws it away.

 

                         BUFFY

            That's good stuff.  I'd prefer the

            wine though.

 

A LOWER MINION jitters his way up the sidewalk towards Buffy.

She spots him and pulls out a large wooden paddle.

 

                         BUFFY

            Freeze or face a spanking.

 

                         LOWER MINION

            Excuse me, Lady Slayer, but Lord

            Kalamar requests your presence.

 

                         BUFFY

            And your point is...

 

                         LOWER MINION

            That he demands to see you in order

            to make you an exceptionally

            irrefusable offer.

 

                         BUFFY

            Nothing is irrefusable.  All I have

            to say is "I refuse" and it's

            refused.  So tell this Calamari guy--

 

                         LOWER MINION

            --Kalamar.

 

                         BUFFY

            Whatever.  Tell him I REFUSE his

            offer and that he can have a nice

            day, wherever he is.

 

                         LOWER MINION

            But he has chosen you as his

            partner in world domination.

 

                         BUFFY

                   (intrigued)

            World domination?  Really?

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

EXT. REVELLO DRIVE - EARLY MORNING

 

Faith, Xander, and Anya turn the corner onto the street.

Faith notices where they are and freaks out--namely at Xander.

 

                         FAITH

            Did you lose your common sense back

            at the club?

 

                         XANDER

            No--just part of my tooth.

 

                         FAITH

            I can't see her yet.  I can't.  I'm

            not ready for this.  You can't just

            spring somethin' like this on me!

 

                         XANDER

            Calm down.  I thought your mantra

            was "as good a time as any".

 

                         FAITH

            When I don't take a beatin' for it.

 

                         XANDER

            Look, saying "I'm sorry" is simple.

            You go in there, face everyone, say

            it, and then deal with the

            consequences.

 

                         FAITH

            Easy for you to say.  How would you

            feel if you said "I'm sorry" to me

            and I kicked your ass for it?

 

                         XANDER

            Most definitely NOT GOOD.

 

                         FAITH

            Yeah.  Now imagine that situation,

            only with me apologizing to Buffy.

            I'd feel...

 

                         XANDER

            You wouldn't FEEL--you'd be dead.

 

                         FAITH

            That's right!

 

                         ANYA

            What is with all the fear?  It's

            ridiculous!  Xander is afraid of

            Faith; Faith is afraid of Buffy;

            Buffy is afraid of intimacy with a

            human; Willow is afraid of intimacy

            with a man; and Giles very well

            might be afraid of Americans.

                   (to Faith)

            You are a slayer!  And you could

            certainly defeat Buffy any time if

            you really wanted to.  You're

            bigger, probably stronger and more

            athletic, and you certainly are

            much much much sexier!  So stop

            whining and be a woman!  You're

            supposed to represent female

            empowerment--so represent!

 

                         FAITH

            I'm really startin' to like you.

            Before you just freaked me out.

 

Anya lights up.

 

                         FAITH

            But be careful--with me, it's a

            fine line between like and freaked.

 

                         XANDER

                   (to Faith)

            Are you gonna do this?  Buffy's

            changed.  She might surprise you.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. SUMMERS HOUSE - MINUTES LATER

 

The trio enters the house and finds the mess.  Xander mourns

the door.  KENNEDY appears at the top of the stairs and

makes her way down.

 

                         KENNEDY

            Thank God!  I can't handle this on

            my own.

 

                         XANDER

            What happened?

 

                         FAITH

            Where's Buffy?

 

                         KENNEDY

            Buffy IS what happened as far as I

            can tell.  Can somebody go check on

            Dawn?  She's unconscious in the

            dining room.

 

Anya takes the initiative and does it.

 

                         FAITH

            Buffy did this?

                   (to Xander)

            You weren't kiddin'!

 

                         KENNEDY

            Apparently Buffy got clawed by a

            demon and got sick.  I've only been

            here like 15 minutes, so there's no

            way of telling when this happened.

            I found Dawn in a pile in the

            dining room and Giles and Willow

            upstairs hurt really bad.

                   (to Faith)

            Who are you?

 

                         XANDER

            This is Faith--the slayer of record.

 

                         KENNEDY

            Oh, you have to die for me to get

            the job.  Is that gonna happen any

            time soon?

 

                         ANYA (OS)

                   (shouting)

            If she's anything like you, the

            whole town'll be gunning for her.

 

                         FAITH

            Look, you can't be sure Buffy did

            this.  There's tons of assholes who

            coulda known about her bein' sick

            and they decided to take advantage

            of that.

 

                         GILES (OS)

            Your optimism is unfortunately

            misguided.

 

Everyone turns to find Giles coming down--slowly.

 

                         GILES

            Buffy did this as a result of

            poison in the claws of a Padek.

            It's changed her personality.

 

                         XANDER

                   (flatly)

            No duh.

 

                         GILES

            We have to find her before it's too

            late.

 

                         FAITH

            Or she'll stay like that forever?

            Just 'cause your bad, doesn't make

            you evil.

 

                         GILES

            It goes beyond that I'm afraid.

 

A weary Faith and Xander glance at each other.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. UNDERGROUND LAIR - DAY

 

Buffy and the Lower Minion enter through the door.  Kalamar

is delighted to see them.

 

                         KALAMAR

            Ah, slayer--it is an honor and a

            pleasure.

 

                         BUFFY

            I'd say the same to you, but I

            don't know who the hell you

            are...so, I'll just say it really

            is an honor and a pleasure to be me.

 

                         KALAMAR

            I see the Padek's poison has worked

            its wonders.

 

                         BUFFY

            You sicked that ugly thing on me?

            Now that wasn't very nice.

 

                         KALAMAR

            My apologies.  But recruiting you

            would be unsuccessful if you were

            to keep playing hero.

 

                         BUFFY

            That's true.

 

Buffy surveys the lair and gets closer to Kalamar--much

closer.

 

                         BUFFY

            So this is your less-than humble

            abode...needs work.  Maybe some

            color; I could say the same for you.

 

                         KALAMAR

            Your wishes will be accommodated.

 

                         BUFFY

            That's good.  These minions will

            come in handy.  Maybe--they are

            minions for a reason.  Just so I

            have this right, you want to take

            over the world.

 

                         KALAMAR

                   (proudly)

            That is correct.  I have built up

            my power over centuries of death

            and destruction throughout the

            planet, and now that I have you on

            the side of darkness, together we

            will rule over a kingdom of hell!

 

                         BUFFY

            That sounds just peachy.  And this

            would entail opening the hellmouth?

 

                         KALAMAR

            Of course.  A demonic army headed

            by myself and the slayer would be

            unstoppable.

 

Buffy laughs.

 

                         BUFFY

            My, you are a dastardly, truly evil

            son of a demon-bitch.

 

                         KALAMAR

            Thank you.  Mother would be proud.

 

                         BUFFY

            You want to exterminate mankind and

            overrun the world with

            demons...screams "EVIL"!  You must

            be heartless.

 

Buffy presses her hand to Kalamar's chest.

 

                         KALAMAR

            I do have one--and it's as black as

            your outfit.

 

                         BUFFY

            Somehow I find that hard to believe.

            Let's see.

 

Buffy fires her hand into Kalamar's chest and rips out a

black-as-night heart.  Kalamar's eyes widen in deathly shock.

Buffy's surprised by what she sees.

 

                         BUFFY

            Well how about that?  You were

            right.  Oops.

 

Buffy tosses the heart as Kalamar falls to the ground dead.

The minions all stare in horrified wonder.

 

                         BUFFY

                   (to the minions)

            I admit it--I have trust issues.

            Oh well.

 

Buffy hops up onto the vacant throne and gets comfortable.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. SUMMERS HOUSE - DAY

 

Anya attends to Dawn on the couch.  Giles rubs his eyes

furiously as Faith throws a fit.

 

                         FAITH

                   (shouting)

            You gotta be kiddin' me!

 

                         GILES

            Does it look like I'm trying to be

            funny?

 

                         FAITH

            You never look like you're tryin'

            to be funny--even when you are!

 

                         GILES

            Well in this most dire of

            circumstances, I assure you I'm not.

 

Xander walks into the living room.

 

                         XANDER

            That was Spike...he couldn't get

            back here before the sun came up so

            he holed up in a bar.

 

                         GILES

            Did he find anything?

 

                         XANDER

            There's rumors of a demon coming to

            town trying to open the hellmouth.

            Really old with groupies.

 

                         FAITH

            Keith Richards?

 

                         XANDER

            Nope.  But maybe Keith has an

            antidote.

 

                         FAITH

            What do we gotta find?

 

                         GILES

            Perla Magna.  According to the text--

 

Giles picks up and reads from the book.

 

                         GILES

            --It's blood is the key ingredient

            in reversing the effects of the

            Padek poison.  They are rare but

            some can be found in Sunnydale.

 

                         FAITH

            So we just go out and find 'em!

            I'll track 'em down myself!

 

                         GILES

            But it's useless without Buffy.

            And whatever is trying to open the

            hellmouth probably knows that as

            well.  The fact is Buffy is

            extraordinarily dangerous to the

            entire town and she will not allow

            herself to be caught.

                   (dramatically)

            48 hours from inception is all the

            poison needs to kill the victim--

            which means we have 36 hours to

            find two creatures who don't want

            to be found.

 

A deafening silence fills the room.

 

                                            END ACT TWO

 

ACT THREE

 

FADE IN

 

INT. UNDERGROUND LAIR - NIGHT

 

Buffy boredly sits in the throne overlooking the minions.

 

                         BUFFY

            Could I be more bored?

 

                         PETTY MINION

            Are you asking us Lady Lord Slayer?

 

                         BUFFY

            No you warbling pusbox.  All this

            power, superiority, fabulous

            clothes, and unmatched beauty and

            Sunnydale offers nothing in return.

 

                         LOWER MINION

            May I suggest doing what you were

            originally brought here to do?

 

                         BUFFY

            Open the hellmouth and massacre the

            human race?

 

                         LOWER MINION

            Yes.

 

                         BUFFY

            Do I look a like a demon?

 

                         LOWER MINION

            Is that a trick question?

 

Buffy just silently stares.

 

                         BUFFY

                    (muttering)

            Minions.  Ugh!  This must be what

            Glory felt like.

 

Buffy dismounts the throne and strolls around the lair.

 

                         BUFFY

            I most certainly am NOT a demon or

            a monster of any kind.  The last

            thing I want is for creatures of

            the night to run rampant all day.

            I don't like demons, no matter how

            bad I get.

                         (MORE)

 

                         BUFFY (CONT'D)

            And you are some of the most

            unlikable ones of I've come across.

            Putrid on every level and frankly

            you don't deserve even a

            meaningless existence.

 

The minions become rattled.  Buffy stops in front of the

door and opens it.

 

                         BUFFY

            I'll give you a 30 minute head-

            start.  After that--minionhunt.

 

The minions move for the door but Buffy shuts it with a

devious smile.

 

                         BUFFY

            Did you learn nothing from the

            blackheart?

 

Buffy shakes her head and approaches the minions menacingly.

They all cower in fear.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. SUMMERS HOUSE - NIGHT

 

Willow sits on the couch holding her head as Giles tries to

pay attention to his reading.  He TRIES but fails with Dawn

raging.

 

                         DAWN

            Faith is investigating?  Faith the

            homicidal slayer.  That Faith.

 

                         WILLOW

            I'm with Dawn on this one Giles--

            I'm not trying to take the moral

            high ground here, but she did just

            come back.  You actually trust her?

 

                         GILES

            Honestly--no.  But I trust Xander

            and Anya.  She at least semi-trusts

            Faith and Xander quasi-trusts her,

            so that'll do for now.

 

                         WILLOW

            Semi plus quasi equals three-

            quarters of trust...it's only

            Buffy's life, so, yeah that's super!

 

                         GILES

            I don't like her anymore than

            anyone else here, but she's the

            best equipped to handle this

            situation.  Prison just might have

            put good sense into her.

 

                         DAWN

            Yeah, or given her enough time to

            plot Buffy's death.  And this gives

            her an excuse to kill her.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. BAR - NIGHT

 

Demons and humans share the space and drinks.  Spike leans

against the wall and watches, not too happily, as Faith

beats the crap out of one being after another.

 

                         SPIKE

            You know, Buffy would never do this.

 

                         FAITH

            And she probably never will.  Now

            it's just a question of never doing

            'cause she's too clean or too dead.

 

                         SPIKE

            Carry on.

 

Faith does so by grabbing a BIKER DEMON's head and kneeing

it several times.  She then flings him into a couple of

HUMAN DRINKERS across the room.

 

                         FAITH

                   (shouting; to everyone)

            The gist of it is, I ain't lettin'

            the slayer die.  I went to prison

            for crucifying the most innocent of

            innocents.  Just think what I'll do

            to you!  So how 'bout it?

 

After a moment, all hands go up to volunteer information.

Faith looks pleased and Spike looks impressed.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. LUCI'S LOUNGE - NIGHT

 

Pretty quiet and low-key.  Demons are dispersed here and

there.  A human-looking BARTENDER tends wipes some mugs.

Xander and Anya hover in the middle.

 

                         ANYA

            I'm exhausted.  How many more places?

 

                         XANDER

            As many as it takes.

 

                         ANYA

            Nobody will tell us anything.  We

            have to get tough with these freaks.

            You think you can do that?

 

                         XANDER

                   (offended)

            Are you implying I can't be a badass?

 

                         ANYA

            I'm not IMPLYING anything.  I'm

            SAYING you can't be a badass--at

            least not an effective one.

 

Xander stares at Anya for a moment.

 

                         XANDER

            Watch and learn miss unbeliever.

                   (tough; to the room)

            All right, listen up!  I'm not

            going to say this twice--unless

            you're hearing impaired--I want

            information!  Information that has

            been deemed "life or death" and so

            it's not a matter of IF you're

            gonna give it to me, but WHEN you

            do and with how much pushing I'll

            need to do!  If you want to get out

            of here alive, you'll give me what

            I want!  If not, then it's a

            WHOOPIN'!  That's right--a whoopin'!

            I will whoop your asses with my

            foot kicking like a Portuguese

            soccer player on steroids!  That

            is, if you have an ass--or at least

            the semblance of an ass--I can't be

            sure what your bodies are

            like...which pisses me off even

            more and makes me even more

            determined to deliver that whoopin'!

            Believe me, you don't wanna mess

            with the X-Man!  So how about it?

 

Silence.  No one even acknowledges his presence.  Anya rolls

her eyes and walks over to the Bartender.

 

                         ANYA

            Can we talk somewhere?

 

                         BARTENDER

            Sure.

 

Xander wallows in failure as the Bartender leads him and

Anya to a secluded area.

 

                         BARTENDER

            What's up?

 

                         ANYA

            Perla Magna?  Patron or not?

 

                         BARTENDER

            Who knows?

 

                         ANYA

            You do.

 

                         BARTENDER

            Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean

            I'm gonna tell you anything.

            People come in here looking for

            anonymity--for peace and quiet to

            do what they want without the

            hassle of poseurs like you two.

 

                         ANYA

            Hey!  The only posing I do is naked

            in the privacy of my own Xander's

            home.  You better watch it guy.

 

                         BARTENDER

            I'm not a guy and I don't rat on my

            clients...so get out of my bar.

 

                         XANDER

            You better answer--she's a

            vengeance demon!

 

                         ANYA

            That's right!  All he has to do is

            wish for your groinal area to be

            mutilated and I will do it with

            relentless enthusiasm.

 

                         BARTENDER

            My what?

 

                         ANYA

            Your penis and testicles!

 

                         BARTENDER

            I don't have those.

 

Xander looks questioningly at Anya who thinks it over.

 

                         ANYA

            Then I'll put them on you for the

            specific purpose of mutilating them!

 

                         XANDER

            Take it from someone who's had the

            jewels for two decades--unspeakable

            pain at any harmful touch.

 

The Bartender starts to sweat and shake a little.

 

                         BARTENDER

            All right.  One Perla comes in,

            doesn't say anything, just orders a

            milk and rum and reads in a booth.

            A real reserved bookworm-type.

 

Xander and Anya victoriously smile at each other.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. UNDERGROUND LAIR - NIGHT

 

The door collapses open, giving way to Faith and Spike who

enter cautiously.  They're downright mystified by the

carnage in this place.  Beaten, bloody, gooey, ravaged

bodies litter the entire area wall-to-wall.

 

                         SPIKE

            Three guesses on who went Rambo on

            these poor chaps.

 

                         FAITH

            This is unreal.

 

Faith wades through the sea of bodies and stops at Kalamar.

 

                         FAITH

            This must be Kashmir.

 

                         SPIKE

            Kalamar.

 

                         FAITH

            Whatever.  I guess she didn't like

            his plan for world domination.

            That or he gave her regular coke

            instead of diet.

 

                         SPIKE

            What's our next move?  She may not

            be crazy enough to go on a public

            rampage tonight--and with us

            looking for her...

 

                         FAITH

            Can't argue with that.  But if B's

            anything like me after a slay--or a

            slaughter...

 

Faith smirks at Spike.  Spike quirks an eyebrow.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

EXT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

 

Buffy slams a BURLY GUY against the door and kisses him

roughly.  She MOANS into his mouth and gyrates.  She breaks

the kiss after a few moments.

 

                         BUFFY

            We haven't got all night.  Well, I

            can go all night and all day

            without breaking a sweat, but I

            might end up killing you.

 

                         BURLY GUY

            There are worse ways to go.

 

Buffy grins.

 

                         BUFFY

            Excellent answer.  Now where's your

            friend?

 

                         FRIEND (OS)

            Right here.

 

The FRIEND walks up and shows off the door key.

 

                         BUFFY

            You have no idea how much I need

            this.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

EXT. SUNNYDALE LIBRARY - NIGHT

 

Xander and Anya stand outside a window of the dark and

closed building

 

                         ANYA

            The library?  Have you lost it?

 

                         XANDER

            My deduction skills have lead me to

            this conclusion.  The guy's

            reserved--likes to read--he wants

            anonymity.

 

                         ANYA

            And you get "library" from that?

 

                         XANDER

            We're not drowning in options here.

 

                         ANYA

            Well, what are our options in

            getting inside?

 

Xander takes a few steps away and picks up a big-ass rock.

He heaves it through the window shattering it to pieces.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. SUNNYDALE LIBRARY - MINUTES LATER

 

Almost pitch-black except for the light coming from outside.

Xander and Anya stealthily make their way around.

 

                         ANYA

            I don't see why this town even has

            a library.  Those involved in

            education have the ones in schools

            and everyone else is busy watching

            tv, getting drunk, and having sex.

 

                         XANDER

            Reading is something we can all

            enjoy Anya.  Except for me and you

            and Buffy and Dawn and--now--Faith.

 

                         ANYA

            I can't see anything.

 

                         XANDER

            According to my calculations, the

            reason for that is that the lights

            are off.  We don't need no stinkin'

            lights anyway.  Night vision is not

            just a slayer virtue.

 

A moment later, there's a BANG and a painful YELP from Xander.

 

                         ANYA

            Good one.  Any more virtues to

            display?

 

                         XANDER

            Just admitting my foolishness.  Try

            to find a lamp or switch or something.

 

The entire library lights up moments later.

 

                         XANDER

            Thanks.

 

                         ANYA

            Not me.

 

                         MALE VOICE (OS)

            What are you doing here?

 

Xander and Anya are startled noticing a short, mousy GUY.

 

                         XANDER

            Oh hey--we're looking for you I

            believe.  Are you the Perla Magna

            that regulars at Luci's Lounge?

 

                         GUY

            I don't see how that's your business.

 

                         XANDER

            Actually it is--you have something

            we need.

 

                         GUY

            Unless it's a book, we have nothing

            left to discuss.

 

                         ANYA

            It's blood.  Your blood.  We need

            it and are not leaving without it.

 

                         XANDER

            This can be really easy if you just

            come with us.  We have a friend

            who's infected with bad stuff and

            needs your blood to make her better.

 

                         GUY

            If it's not a book, we have nothing

            to discuss.

 

                         XANDER

            You're not getting this...

                   (emphatically)

            ...our friend is dying and she

            needs your blood to save her.

                         (MORE)

 

                         XANDER (CONT'D)

            We're not asking much here besides

            your help.  Like she said, we're

            not leaving here without what we

            came for and we'll use force if

            necessary.  Don't make us go

            there--you look like a nice enough

            guy, harmless and all...but that

            doesn't matter to us right now.

 

                         GUY

            I do believe YOU are the one not

            getting it.  It is either a book or

            nothing.  Your friend will just

            have to die.

 

                         XANDER

            Suddenly, I don't feel so bad about

            the prospect of killing you.

 

                         GUY

            I'd love for you to try.

 

Guy morphs into an awfully disgusting troll-looking thing.

He also grows to three times his original size.  Xander and

Anya glance at each other.

 

                         ANYA

            Weapons?

 

                         XANDER

            Just a stake.

 

Anya looks terrified and Xander doesn't look much better.

At Guy's signal, the lights go out and come back on with red

tint.  He waves his huge arm and dozens of books fly through

the air and hover over Xander and Anya.  One more hand

gesture and the books avalanche onto the duo giving Anya

just a fraction of a moment to SCREAM.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

 

The guys are half-naked and Buffy covers it with her mouth

and hands.  She's about to disrobe when there's a KNOCK on

the door.  Buffy's less than pleased.

 

                         BUFFY

                   (angrily)

            WHAT?

 

                         VOICE (OS)

            There's a phone call for the lady.

 

Buffy gets up and as she opens the door:

 

                         BUFFY

            Who would call me--

 

She stops when she sees who's there: Spike.

 

                         SPIKE

            It's your friends.  They're worried

            to death.  Yours.

 

Buffy moves to shut the door but Spike pushes it open

completely.  Buffy retreats deep into the room as Spike

makes his way in.

 

                         BUFFY

            I'm not going anywhere.

 

                         SPIKE

            Sorry love.  But you don't have a

            choice in the matter.

 

                         BUFFY

            You come any closer and I'll make

            sure William the bloody is what you

            are.

 

Spike steps towards Buffy but the guys get in his way.

 

                         BURLY GUY

            You're not touching her.

 

                         SPIKE

            Oh please.

 

Spike vamps out, scaring the shit out of the guys.  They

turn back and smile nervously at Buffy before jetting out of

there.

 

                         BUFFY

            Figures.  I bet they're small.

                   (seductively)

            Not like you.  You're big.  How

            about we go a round for old-times

            sake?

 

                         SPIKE

            You're out of your mind and you'll

            be out of time if you don't get

            back.  Don't you understand what's

            going on?

 

                         BUFFY

            Yes I do.  Which is bad for you.

 

Buffy spin-kicks Spike in the midsection and follows up with

a series of punches that Spike blocks.  He gets in a

backhand and avoids a sweep by Buffy before kicking her

against the wall.  Buffy fakes a punch and sweeps out

Spike's legs, burying her foot into his chest.  She leaps

onto the bed and rolls over onto the other side and opens

the top drawer of the nightstand.  She pulls out The Bible

and holds up in front of her as Spike nears.

 

                         BUFFY

            Hold it!  Another inch and I'll

            smother your face in this.

 

                         SPIKE

            Nothin' but bollocks.  I've read

            the damn thing for Christ's sake.

 

Buffy furrows her brow and eyes the book.  She presents it

to Spike who rolls his eyes and takes it, rubbing the book

all over himself.

 

                         BUFFY

            Okay--who wrote these stupid rules?

            Garlic can bring the burn but the

            Good Book can't.

 

Buffy headbutts Spike and exchanges numerous blows with him

before Spike gains an advantage and fires Buffy through the

window onto the ground outside.  He makes it to the open

doorway but gets nailed in the face by Buffy's boot.  Spike

swings and misses and Buffy lands blow after blow until

spinning him around and grasping Spike's neck in a choke-

hold from behind.

 

                         BUFFY

            My dear William the Bloody Idol,

            are you that stupid?  You'd have to

            be to think I'd go quietly into

            that good night.  I'm having way

            too much fun to do that.

 

Buffy snaps Spike's neck and he drops helplessly.  Buffy

runs out of the room.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

EXT. CEMETERY - CONTINUOUS

 

Buffy races through the gates and cuts through the graveyard.

Out of nowhere, she gets tackled by Faith.  The slayers

struggle for a few moments before Buffy kicks Faith off.

They both get up and Buffy is pleasantly surprised to see

the other slayer.

 

                         BUFFY

            Thank God!  Did you break out of

            prison just for me?

 

                         FAITH

            I'll take you down if I have to B.

 

                         BUFFY

            What is everyone's problem?  You

            more than anyone should know how

            much fun--and not evil--it is being

            bad!

 

                         FAITH

            Yeah...it's electrifyin' and

            liberatin' and totally not you.  Do

            you know what's goin' on with you?

            Besides the obvious.

 

                         BUFFY

            What?  I'm dying?  Big whoop.  That

            would just be another electrifying

            and liberating experience on top of

            this one.

 

                         FAITH

            That ain't gonna happen.

 

                         BUFFY

            Because you're not gonna let

            it...right F?

 

Faith just stares.  Buffy sizes Faith up, eyeballing her

deeply.

 

                         BUFFY

            I really missed you Faithy.  How

            was prison?  Did you have any

            bitches?  Oh wait, the new and

            improved and soft Faith would never

            make an innocent human her bitch.

            No she'd be someone else's bitch.

            Were you a lowly bitch, Faithy?

            Hmm?  I bet you were...maybe I'll

            make you mine.

 

                         FAITH

            Not tonight blondie.

 

                         BUFFY

            This may be your last chance.

 

                         FAITH

            You're comin' home with me!  I'll

            drag that tight ass of yours every

            block of the way.

 

                         BUFFY

            I can't believe anyone would think

            you could take me!  I've never lost

            to you.  You're not as smart,

            strong, or skilled as me; I'm more

            experienced and battle-tested; and,

            oh yeah, I'M BUFFY!  If I had my

            chains I'd tie my hands behind my

            back and still beat you down in

            time for Carson Daly.

 

                         FAITH

            Wow, you still act like a bitch--

            and now you dress like one too.

 

                         BUFFY

            What can I say--you're my inspiration.

 

The slayers simultaneously make the first move and engage in

a blistering fight with one relentless attack after another.

 

Buffy connects with a left hook followed by a right-left

combo but misses with her next shot.  Faith gets in a few

shots of her own, a couple to the midsection and then lands

a kick into the lower back.  Buffy counters with a spin kick

to Faith's side and a swinging backhand that lands but Faith

responds with a triple-punch, double-kick combination that

staggers Buffy and Faith grounds her with a sweep.  Faith

leaps onto Buffy and straddles her.

 

                         BUFFY

            I'm impressed.

 

                         FAITH

            Maybe I'll make YOU MY bitch.

 

                         BUFFY

            Tempting, but...

 

Buffy rubs her knee in between Faith's spread legs.  The

movement catches Faith by surprise, causing a hitch in her

breathing and closing her eyes.  Buffy takes the opening to

slide her knees up and under Faith's midsection, pushing her

body up and then kicking it off.  Faith flips in the air and

lands hard on her back.  Buffy does a back flip and lands

straddling Faith, pinning her hands to the ground.



                         BUFFY

            ...I'm not submissive.  Not even

            for a hot piece of ass.

 

Buffy and Faith stare intensely at each other, chests

heaving and breaths coming quicker.

 

                         BUFFY

            I always thought you were so sexy

            Faith.

 

                         FAITH

            B?

 

                         BUFFY

                   (breathy)

            Didn't you ever wonder?

 

                         FAITH

                   (mesmerized)

            What?

 

                         BUFFY

            What it would be like--in this

            position--but with kissing and

            licking; our hot, sweaty, naked

            bodies writhing in ecstasy as we

            enter each other with unimaginable

            power.  Orgasmic passion at the

            highest level.

 

                         FAITH

                   (shakily)

            Never thought about it.  You're nuts.

 

                         BUFFY

            You're lying.  You have.  There's

            no reason to hide it now.  You know

            what they say: two slayers are

            better than one.

 

Buffy smashes her mouth to Faith's, a wildly lustful kiss

loaded with tongues and lips battling each other.  Buffy

breaks it and releases Faith's hands.  They stare at each

other with yet more intensity, virtually communicating with

their eyes.

 

Faith gets an animal look on her face as she pulls Buffy in

for a bruising kiss.

 

                                            END ACT THREE

 

ACT FOUR

 

FADE IN

 

EXT. CEMETERY - CONTINUOUS

 

Faith's hands roam every inch of Buffy's body as the blonde

detaches herself from Faith's lips and kisses around the

brunette's neck and chest.  Low MOANS and GROWLS escape them.

 

                         BUFFY

            You taste incredible.

 

                         FAITH

            That ain't nothin' babe.  You know

            where to go.

 

Buffy smiles lasciviously and makes her way down.  Faith

spreads her legs giving Buffy full access.  Buffy massages

Faith's inner thighs through her pants before unbuttoning

and pulling them down enough to reveal Faith's panties.  She

pulls them down further and attaches her mouth to Faith's

wetness.  Faith lets out a guttural GROAN.  As Buffy settles

in:

 

                         BUFFY

                   (murmuring)

            So good.

 

                         FAITH

            Remember it.

 

Buffy lifts her head questioningly.  Faith slams her legs

shut, her knees colliding into Buffy's head.  Buffy YELPS

and falls by the wayside.  Faith quickly pulls her pants up

and jumps to her feet.  Buffy recovers and faces Faith,

clearly pissed.

 

                         BUFFY

            You are so gonna pay for that.

 

                         FAITH

            Really?  I thought you'd like it

            rough.

 

                         BUFFY

            God I hate you so much.

 

                         FAITH

            I love you too B.

 

Rage burns in Buffy's eyes as she takes a step forward.

Faith gets into a fighting stance but Buffy turns and takes

off.  Faith's caught off guard and not too happy about that.

 

                         FAITH

            Oh man, that's just wrong.

 

Faith SIGHS and picks up after Buffy.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. SUNNYDALE LIBRARY - NIGHT

 

Xander flies through the air and smacks into a towering

bookcase.  At Guy's will, Xander is suspended there as Anya,

looking the worse of wear, attempts to crawl to him.

 

                         ANYA

                   (to Guy)

            Let him down you fraggled puke

            monster.

 

Guy ROARS and gestures leading Xander to drop straight down

from there air hitting the ground with a thud and an

excruciating YELL.  Anya winces.

 

                         ANYA

            Not like that.

                   (weakly shouting)

            Xander!  Are you--

 

                         XANDER

            --Dead?  Almost.

 

                         ANYA

            Almost is better than "Yes".

 

Anya climbs off the floor and bravely approaches Guy.

 

                         ANYA

            You are in big trouble.

 

Guy actually seems to laugh and hits Anya with a magic blast

that knocks her down.  She gets back after a few moments.

 

                         ANYA

            Okay, now you're in really big

            trouble.

 

Guy laughs again but that stops abruptly as arrow upon arrow

hits Guy in various places.  It causes serious harm and he

collapses to the ground.

 

Anya looks around and sees Giles and Dawn, heavily armed

with crossbows, swords, and axes.  Anya's thrilled and

relieved and addresses a fallen Guy who morphs back into

human visage.

 

                         ANYA

            Told you.

 

Guy bleeds profusely but manages to grin.  Xander hobbles

over holding himself up.

 

                         GUY

            My family won't be happy.

 

                         XANDER

            Family?

 

Numerous THUNDEROUS ROARS come from different areas of the

library.  The group checks out the beasts--5 in all--and

slump in distress.

 

                         GILES

            Well I did say that SOME could be

            found here.  I was right.

 

Xander, Anya, and Dawn all look at Giles as if he's joking.

Impossible to tell.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

EXT. DESERTED STREET - NIGHT

 

Buffy runs and runs with Faith hot on her heels.  Buffy

nears a streetlight next to a car and switches to a longer

stride.  She hops into the air, uses the car's hood as a

springboard and latches on sideways to the lightpost and

swings around to hit Faith with her feet.  Faith sees it

coming and dodges the maneuver.  She gets in position and

nails Buffy as she swings back around knocking Buffy into

the car.

 

Faith kicks at Buffy, but the blonde blocks and grabs the

foot.  She twists and floors Faith and drives a boot into

Faith's midsection.  Buffy makes to run off but Faith trips

her up.  Faith flips back up and jumps onto the car.  As

Buffy gets up, Faith does a leaping spin-kick connecting

with Buffy's jaw.  Buffy's stunned for a moment, but manages

to dodge several shots from Faith and lands an elbow to

Faith's chest causing Faith to stammer a bit.  Buffy takes

advantage by yanking Faith's hair and blasting a knee to her

head.  Buffy takes two handfuls and throws Faith through the

passenger side window of the car.  Faith doesn't move for

awhile allowing Buffy to escape--but not without stumbling.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. SUNNYDALE LIBRARY - NIGHT

 

It's like an out-of-control laser show with the Perla Magnas

firing on all cylinders while engaged in battle with the

scoobs.  The building walls and furniture come apart from

the fighting and stray beams.

 

Giles uses a sword to defend himself against the BIGGEST

PERLA as the creature flails relentlessly at him.  Xander

employs an ax against a MIDDLE PERLA, doing a good job by

smacking the thing with the ax's broadside and then chopping

off it's left arm.  The Middle Perla reacts PAINFULLY and

fires several bolts at Xander who deflects them with the ax

right back at the beast, shredding it.

 

A SCREAMING ANYA runs around with her ax as a DIRTY PERLA

chases her while firing bolts at her.  She passes by Dawn

who's engaged in combat with a MASSIVE PERLA, pulling out

her sword to block blows from the demon and counter with

superb offensive moves, striking the perla with an

assortment blows and counterblows.  She ducks one shot,

lands a heavy punch, then slides between the demon's legs,

pops up, and skewers it through the chest.

 

                         DAWN

                   (to the perla)

            Yeah!  Who owns you?  Who's the best?

 

Giles ducks numerous swipes by the Biggest Perla and chops

off the demon's legs.  The demon plops to the ground and

Giles delivers the deathblow.  He turns around to see what

else is going on and finds Dawn taunting the dead Massive

Perla and a SNEAKY PERLA coming up behind her.

 

                         GILES

                   (yelling; to Dawn)

            DAWN!  Behind you!

 

Dawn checks over her shoulder and sees it.  She gets a

stunned look on her face before swiveling with sword extended.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

EXT. DESERTED STREET - NIGHT

 

Faith carefully pulls herself out of the window and slides

down to the ground.  She's sore everywhere.

 

                         FAITH

            Fuck!  Fuck fuck fuck.

 

Faith scans the area but finds nothing and no one.  She gets

on her hands and knees and prepares to get up, but halts.

 

She waits a moment, then shuts her eyes and seriously

concentrates.  After a few moments, her eyes shoot open and

her head snaps in the direction that Buffy left.  She

hurries off the ground and breaks into a sprint.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

EXT. DOWNTOWN - LATER

 

Buffy coolly makes her way down the empty street in the dark

area.  She stops to catch her breath, undoubtedly run down.

 

                         BUFFY

            Being bad is exhausting.

 

                         FAITH (OS)

                   (shouting)

            Hey Elizabeth!

 

Buffy's eyes widen in shock and rage.  She turns to find

Faith nearing her.

 

                         BUFFY

            I hate that name.

 

                         FAITH

            Had to get your attention.

 

                         BUFFY

            Now I'm REALLY pissed.

 

                         FAITH

            Which is REALLY sexy on you.

 

                         BUFFY

            Why won't you just let me go?

 

                         FAITH

            'Cause there's a lot of people who

            love you and want you back.  It's

            that simple.

 

                         BUFFY

            Simple in theory...

 

Buffy attacks Faith and the duo engage in a brawl that

culminates in Buffy landing several blows in succession and

sending Faith to the ground.  Buffy takes the opportunity to

jog over to a building and kicks the door in.  She runs in.

Faith recovers and gets up off the ground.  She follows

Buffy inside.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. SUNNYDALE LIBRARY - NIGHT

 

Dawn motionlessly lies on the floor.  Giles runs over to her.

 

                         DAWN

            Remind me to rub Buffy's face in

            this when we save her stupid life.

 

                         GILES

            I'm sure she'll appreciate the

            sentiment.

 

Giles helps Dawn up and the two admire the sight of the

Sneaky Perla cut in half.  In the background, Anya's still

running and SCREAMING with the Dirty Perla right behind her.

 

                         DAWN

            That's some good work if I do say

            so myself.

 

                         GILES

            I concur.  Your reaction time was

            exceptional--virtually reflexive.

 

                         DAWN

            I don't even need weapons.  I can

            take these things with my bare

            hands.  Did you see my moves?

 

                         GILES

            Well I was just a little busy, but

            I did notice some.  The adrenaline

            rush combined with your slayer

            blood have endowed you with

            remarkable strength.

 

                         DAWN

            And I'm angry 'cause Buffy's dying

            and all.  I'm also having my period.

 

                         GILES

            I may be a father-figure to you

            Dawn, but that's something I NEVER

            EVER need to know.

 

                         DAWN

            Sorry.

 

Anya runs towards Giles and Dawn and causes the duo to part

ways allowing her, and the demon, through.

 

                         ANYA

                   (screaming)

            Will you two slackasses do something!

 

Anya blows by with the perla almost on top of her.

 

                         DAWN

            There's still two left.

 

                         GILES

            Yes.  We should...

 

Dawn nods and they head off.  Xander pushes a desk behind

the rows of bookcases.  He YELLS Anya's name and gestures

for her to come his way.  She does as told and runs in

between two bookcases.  The Dirty Perla follows.  Anya

reaches the end and makes a sharp left turn.  Xander waits

nearby behind the desk.  As the Dirty Perla comes into

sight, Xander pushes the desk right into it knocking it to

the floor.  Anya circles back and forcefully brings down the

ax onto the Dirty Perla over and over again.  Anya finally

stops and looks up at Xander lovingly.

 

                         XANDER

            I know.  Lots of sex tonight...after

            a shower.

 

In the area between the last bookcase and a wall, Dawn goes

hand-to-hand with the LAST PERLA, more than holding her own.

Giles YELLS for Xander and the two get behind the last

bookcase.

 

                         GILES

            On my count, we bust it down.

 

                         XANDER

            Can we do that?

 

                         GILES

            If we gather up every ounce of

            strength we have and apply it in

            tandem, we can push it down and

            warn Dawn before it falls on the

            Magna.  Now, one...two...three.

 

Giles and Xander launch themselves against the bookcase with

all their might, but it doesn't budge.  They keep trying and

trying until Dawn appears.

 

                         DAWN

            What are you doing?

 

                         XANDER

            Don't worry, he'll be a perla

            pancake in no time.

 

                         DAWN

            But I killed him already.

 

Giles and Xander stop, incomprehension clear on their faces.

They go and check it out and find the Last Perla beaten to a

bloody pulp.  Anya and Dawn join them.  The group surveys

the entire scene.

 

                         XANDER

            Blood anyone?

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

EXT. ROOF - NIGHT

 

A door busts open and Buffy bumbles onto the roof.  She

heads to the edge and stops.  Faith is a few steps behind

and gets close to Buffy, but keeps her distance.  Both are

breathing hard and tired.

 

                         BUFFY

            Don't come any closer.

 

                         FAITH

            Or what?  You'll jump?  Give me a

            break.

 

                         BUFFY

            I just might be crazy enough...

 

                         FAITH

            You're suicidal?  I don't buy it.

 

                         BUFFY

            That would strike a chord with me

            if your opinion actually mattered.

 

                         FAITH

            It doesn't have to.  Why can't your

            thick skull let in the fact that

            you got people who love you in a

            way most people could only know in

            their dreams?

 

                         BUFFY

            Don't pretend to know about my life.

 

                         FAITH

            I know about it.  I do.

 

           FAITH                          BUFFY

  You got it so good.  And you   Don't pretend to know about

  know it, but you just won't    my life!  Spending time here

  let yourself see that 'cause   and tagging along for awhile

  you got the BAD thing goin'    doesn't make you an expert

  on.                            so JUST SHUT UP!

 

                         BUFFY

            This is MY LIFE!  I've lived the

            last day the way I WANT to.  It's

            been about WANT--about the freedom

            to let go.  I feel so good...so

            damn good...so much better than

            I've felt in a long time and it

            took some bad bad stuff to bring

            this.  Not resurrections, or sex

            with the undead, or magical

            epiphanies--just pure badness.

 

                         FAITH

            And you're gonna exercise more

            badness by jumpin' off a roof.

 

                         BUFFY

            If I feel this for only another

            minute, then so be it 'cause it's

            far better than the usual crap.

 

                         FAITH

            Cry me a fuckin' ocean.

 

                         BUFFY

            Nice attitude.  Very productive.

            One thing's for sure--

 

Buffy turns away from Faith.

 

                         BUFFY

            --I don't feel angry right now.

            Not angry or sad.  I don't care.  I

            just don't care...and I like it.

 

Faith reaches down into her boot and pulls out an object

that looks like a handle.  She grips it tightly as she takes

a couple of steps forward.

 

                         BUFFY

            I think I may find heaven again.

            I'll make for a beautiful angel.

 

                         FAITH

            You already are to me.

 

Buffy's confused and turns around.

 

                         BUFFY

            Huh?

 

Faith kicks Buffy in the head and gets in shot after shot,

not allowing Buffy anything.  She presses on the handle and

a blade slides out.  Faith grabs Buffy.

 

                         FAITH

                   (whispering)

            I'm sorry.

 

Faith rams the knife into Buffy's side.  Buffy lets out a

desperate CRY before Faith clocks her over the head with the

butt of the handle.  Buffy falls unconscious and Faith just

falls.

 

                                            CUT TO:

 

INT. SUMMERS HOUSE - THE NEXT NIGHT

 

Buffy walks up to Willow with cards in her hand.  She gives

one to Willow who glances at it.

 

                         WILLOW

            For crying out loud, I know you're

            sorry!  Stop it please?

 

                         BUFFY

            No.  I could've killed you.

 

                         WILLOW

            So what Buffy?  I'm used to near

            death.  We all are.

 

                         BUFFY

            I cannot stop apologizing.  I

            could've killed you and Dawn and

            Giles and Spike...and Kennedy.

 

                         WILLOW

            You don't like her--do you?

 

                         BUFFY

            I have never explicitly said that!

            If I happen to unintentionally

            imply it, well that's another story.

 

Willow shakes her head and walks off MUTTERING.

 

                         BUFFY

            But if I killed her I'd be sorry

            about it.

 

Buffy looks repentant before spotting Dawn.  Dawn cuts her

off.

 

                         DAWN

            Sorry?

 

                         BUFFY

            Yeah.

 

                         DAWN

            Card?

 

Buffy hands one to her.

 

                         DAWN

            Love you.

 

                         BUFFY

            Love you too.

 

They smile at each other and Dawn walks off.  Buffy keeps

smiling as Xander and Anya head for the open doorway with

Faith nearby.

 

                         XANDER

            So we're off.

 

                         ANYA

            Faith, are you sure you won't stay

            with us?  It'll be fuuun.

 

Buffy rolls her eyes and an embarrassed Xander hides his face.

 

                         FAITH

            No thanks...really.  I got a spot

            at a motel for now.

 

                         XANDER

            Same one as last time?

 

                         FAITH

            Different.

                   (sly)

            B's been there.

 

Buffy glares.  Faith just shrugs.

 

                         ANYA

            Well, if you ever change your mind,

            our doors are always open.  Both

            the front and the bedroom.

 

Anya pulls a polaroid out of her pocket and gives it to

Faith while cozying up to her.

 

                         ANYA

            A little eye candy for consideration.

 

Anya winks and takes off with Xander.  Faith looks at the

photo and her eyes bug out.  Buffy goes to see.

 

                         BUFFY

            What is it?

 

Buffy GASPS at the sight.  The slayers ogle the picture for

a few long moments.

 

                         FAITH

            That is one hot, nasty girl.

 

                         BUFFY

            Tell me about it.

 

Buffy and Faith glance at each other for a second, then

shyly look away.  There's an awkward silence for a while.

 

                         FAITH

            Don't even think about givin' me a

            card.

 

                         BUFFY

            No problem.  So thanks for saving

            me.  I know I didn't make it easy.

 

                         FAITH

            YOU wouldn't be YOU if it was easy.

            You woulda done the same for me.

            Actually, you wouldn't, but that's

            okay.

 

                         BUFFY

            I like to think I would.

 

                         FAITH

            It doesn't matter...I never get

            into these stupid situations anyway.

 

                         BUFFY

            Are you calling me stupid?

 

                         FAITH

            No,  The SITUATION is pretty stupid.

            You're so friggin' sensitive.

 

                         BUFFY

            I'm sensitive?  One searing look

            from me got your nipples stiff and

            your panties--

 

Buffy stops herself and covers her mouth.

 

                         FAITH

            God, could you be more full of

            yourself?

 

                         BUFFY

            It's true.

 

                         FAITH

            I played you.  You're not the only

            slayer who can come up with

            ingenious plans.

 

                         BUFFY

            Whatever.

 

                         FAITH

            That's the truth!  You don't

            believe I could outsmart you or

            anything like that.  I'm just

            second-rate, right?

 

                         BUFFY

            Don't put thoughts into my mind.

            Your self-esteem issues are your

            problem.  I couldn't care less.

 

                         FAITH

            That's nice to know.  You ever need

            help again, call Angel 2.0--I'm

            sure he'll happily suck up to you.

 

                         BUFFY

            At least he won't stick a knife in

            me.

 

                         FAITH

            Go to hell.  I hate you.

 

Faith makes her way out.  As she goes:

 

                         BUFFY

            I hate you too!

 

Buffy slams the still-broken door.  She stays silent for

awhile, blankly staring ahead.  She regretfully shakes her

head and then notices the door.

 

                         BUFFY

                   (shouting)

            Who broke my door?

 

On Buffy's angry face:

 

                                            FADE OUT.

 

                         THE END

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