Safe In Her Arms

By The Rainbow Writers

Copyright © 2003

kathleen_wolf@yahoo.com

Part Nine

Dawn slipped her school bag over her head and looked around the kitchen nervously.

"Okay so bye!" She yelled to her sister upstairs who was getting ready for work. To her benefit Willow had left a few minutes earlier when their morning program on dolphins had ended.

"Have a good day, I'll see you at dinner." Buffy's voice filtered back down.

Dawn breathe a sigh of relief that her sister wasn't going to be ready for work in time to walk her part way. Not that she'd been happy when she witnessed the Slayer's slow movements, but the cut on her side was healing quickly just like they always did.

'Now to the university.' She thought to herself as she pushed out the backdoor and pulled her bike off the porch.

Tara had found it hard to concentrate in her early morning ethics class. After all she had expected her night to be calm and comfortable curled up in Buffy's safe arms. Instead she'd been back in her shoebox of a dorm room, feeling horrible for upsetting both Willow and Dawn. On top of that she'd bailed on Buffy completely, while the Slayer was injured, and she just couldn't find a way to forgive herself.

"I think they should be returned to Greece don't you Tara?" One of the students who she was walking out of the building with asked for her opinion.

Tara nodded in response as she flicked her long auburn scarf around her neck and walked down the three stairs that led out of the large building.

"But it would mean that the world..." A fellow student countered the argument.

Tara lost interest in the ongoing discussion as she spotted something or rather someone who shouldn't be there. Turning quickly to her friends, she made her apologies and jogged across the lawn approaching the bench from behind. When she had seen the familiar brown haired profile she'd known instantly she was going to be late for her next class.

"Dawnie?" For a moment Tara wondered if anything was wrong with Buffy and her heart leapt into her throat.

"Tara, hi." Dawn turned slightly when she heard the blonde's voice and tucked her wind-tousled hair behind her ear.

"W-W-W-Why… Wh-What are you doing here?" Tara hugged her art history books to her chest as she looked down at the teenager.

"I wanted to apologize." Dawn looked down frowning.

"You don't need to do that." Tara shook her head, causing the wind to catch her free blonde locks and send them blowing over her face.

"I do, because I didn't want you to leave." Dawn's frown grew deeper, it set itself firmly on her face.

"It was better that I did. Did you and Willow enjoy the dolphins?" Tara perched down on the edge of the bench not really knowing why her insides felt vaguely numb and frozen.

"Tara, when I said weird I didn't mean you were weird or Buffy was weird, or even you with Buffy was weird." Dawn looked up at her not answering the question. "It's just I get you and Buffy, or Willow and Buffy, or me with one of you but everyone can hardly make it in the same space anymore." Her frown never broke. "That's weird, in a hard, damn I wish I was older and I understood this, but I'm fourteen and I don't, I don't understand any of it."

"I'm 21 and having a hard enough time." Tara said very gently. "Dawn, I love you and Willow very much." She went on softly. "But I am in love with Buffy and I know that makes things so hard." She took a light breath. "But I can't pretend that it's not true."

"I know it's true." Dawn nodded sincerely. "In a weird way..." She cringed as she used the word. "That's like not the issue at all. Cause I know you love her, way more than anyone else ever did, even Angel I think, regardless of the whole cursed vampire and him trying to kill us." She stopped herself. "You loving her is the easy bit."

"What do you see as the hard bit then?" Tara pushed gently.

"I don't want Willow to think I'm picking sides." Dawn's head dropped again slightly.

"I understand." Tara reached out and gently guided Dawns face higher. "I'm sorry I left you yesterday. It was the easy way out." She apologized softly "And you're worth more than the easy way." She underlined.

"I didn't want you to be mad at Willow either." Dawn looked up. "It wasn't her fault, she was trying so hard to be so cool about it."

"Did Willow think I was mad?" A frown flashed across the blonde face.

"Willow just cried for a bit, it was sorta like when you first left." Dawn swallowed hard. "Then we fell asleep watching the nature channel."

"I'm sorry." Tara apologized again. "I'll find Willow today, speak to her." She outlined her plan.

"I don't think she was mad." Dawn finally answered. "Just disappointed that she didn't do a better job."

"Then I definitely have to see her because she did great." Tara pointed out.

"So you don't hate me?" Dawn checked one last time.

"Remember that chat we had a little while back…" Tara patted Dawn's arm. "The 'Nothing you could do or say would make me hate you' conversation." She named the conversation for reference sake. "Still stands." She smiled. Dawn nodded and her frown dissipated for the first time. "You don't think I'm weird?" She checked with a crooked grin.

"Only when you beat me at Snakes and Ladders." Dawn qualified with a grin.

"I might have won but you ate my candy winnings!" Tara retaliated laughing. Dawn laughed with her for a moment until the joke settled.

"Can you write me a note? I missed first and second period trying to find you." Her request was optimistic.

"Even better why don't I take you in, the cars in the parking lot and we can lock your bike at my dorm." Tara kept her smile.

"I think it's so cool Buffy lets you drive the car around." Dawn grinned and stood up moving her bike so they could go.

"Me too." Tara confided with a wink.

Buffy balanced the large paper bag and tray of drinks in one hand as she knocked on Tara's door. The Wicca pulled it open, a pen tucked behind her ear, a text book in her hand and her eyebrow quirked high.

"You ordered lunch?' Buffy smiled broadly when the obviously studying blonde opened the door.

"Mmmmm smells good." Tara lowered the book and grinned at Buffy.

"That spicy Thai soup you like with a fresh sprout and cucumber sandwich." Buffy nodded as she moved inside and lowered the food down. "And a very thin slice of chocolate cheesecake to share for dessert."

"Wow." Tara stepped back and put her book down moving to the bed she flopped down on it and crossed her legs.

"Well you know I felt bad for scaring you last night with the pitch fork thing." Buffy sat down on the bed.

"So why only a thin slice?" Tara tried not to loose her grin though the memory of the night before still pained her.

"Because I'm getting podgy." Buffy poked her stomach and reached for her drink.

"Where?" Tara raised her eyebrow. "Cause if you are then I'm becoming a public speaker."

"You could easily." The Slayer leaned over. "Hello President Tara." She kissed her lightly.

"You aren't serious about the podgy thing are you?" Tara held her eyes for a moment before kissing her again.

"I'm not." Buffy laughed lightly and kissed her back. "It was the last piece they had."

"Well for that I think I should make you eat it all." Tara smiled. "Because you're getting too thin, where I'm getting all hippy."

"You say that like your hips are a bad thing?" Buffy looked at her seriously. "And I think you should eat it all, because you are getting too thin darling."

"Since when did you steal my name for you?" Tara gave the Slayer a beaming smile.

"Since Xander used it to make a cute joke about us and I realized how much I love it." Buffy admitted.

"You know it took me a week to work out he was poking fun at us, even if it's nice fun." The Wicca nibbled the sandwich.

"Do you want me to tell him to stop it?" Buffy bit into her own sandwich.

"No, it's… you know… nice. Nice that he feels he can though I don't know about you." Tara filled in her thoughts on the subject.

"What about me?" Buffy opened the container with her soup and sipped it.

"Well you seem to be doing all too much grinning and not enough video watching on video cub nights." Tara wrinkled her nose gently.

"Oh!" Buffy blushed realizing she'd been caught. "I just... well you know I don't always get the movies you and Anya pick so I figure I might as well fully appreciate the company."

"Mmmm well all I can say is thank goodness we had the blanket over us last week, you do realize what you hand was doing don't you?" Tara teased finishing off her sandwich.

"It could have been worse." Buffy admitted finishing off the first half of her sandwich as well.

"How?" Tara raised her eyebrows high.

"Good soup." Buffy grinned wickedly while she sipped.

"Buffy." Tara said her voice loaded with comic warning. "You know this week I might just sit with Anya." She teased.

"I would never do that at movie night, well not unless it was only you and me or they'd gone out for more chips." Buffy kept grinning.

"How's the wound?" Tara let the humor die down a little as she met Buffy's eyes.

"It's a lot better." Buffy's voice was softer. "I missed your pampering though."

"I'm sorry things happened that made it impossible for me to stay." Tara said sadly.

"I sorta figure it wasn't me." Buffy nodded. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" She reached out and rubbed her lover's leg lightly.

"Dawnie." Tara whispered.

"Dawnie did or said?" Buffy put her soup and drink on the side and carefully slid in behind Tara to hug her.

"Said." Tara gave the one word answer.

"Said what?" The Slayer settled into their official comfort position.

"That living with me, living with you and me…" Tara clarified. "Was weird."

"Weird?" Buffy questioned confused. "In what way?"

"I'm afraid I didn't stay around long enough to find out last night." Tara admitted. "I heard her and Willow talking when I went down to get your pills. Dawn was saying how unfair it was and how it was better when Willow was there."

"So basically I'm an evil sister who stole you from Willow and makes her life horrible?" Buffy frowned and leaned her chin on Tara's shoulder.

"Or I'm a horrible witch who shouldn't have fussed so much about a silly little spell." Tara sighed and then shook her head.

"You have every right to fuss, you had every right to bean Willow with a two by four." Buffy hugged her a little tighter.

"But I don't think it was really either of those things." Tara slipped her 'sensible' head back on.

"Even Willow knows that, Dawn just doesn't understand everything that went on." Buffy filled in.

"I just think Dawn misses Willow, misses what we had as…" Tara began but stopped herself.

"What you had when I was dead?" Buffy clarified pulling back a little.

"No, Goddess no." Tara turned around staring at Buffy hard as she pushed up from the bed. Quickly she wrapped her arms around her stomach. "How could you even say that?" She frowned harder, backing away from the bed giving Buffy a horrified stare.

"Cause that's when it was." Buffy looked back at her not sure why the blonde was reacting so strongly.

"S-S-S-So you think it'd all be better if you were just dead again?" Tara tried to take the pain from her voice.

"I didn't say that, it's just that the three of you were a happy little family, Willow hadn't totally hurt you and Dawn had everyone huddled around her trying to protect her." Buffy shook her head catching up with the question. "I haven't thought that in along time." She frowned. "I couldn't be with you, be in love with you if I wanted to be dead Tara." She stood up. "I thought you understood that."

"I thought I did too, until you just mentioned it." Tara let her hands release her sides and hang loosely by her body.

"Am I not supposed to mention it?" Buffy's forehead furrowed.

"Would I be horrible if I said no?" Tara couldn't stop the honest question from spilling out of her.

"Oh okay, you'd rather I just pretend none of it every happened." Buffy moved fluidly up to stand and paced towards the door. "That's fine." She added her voice tight. "I have to get back to work."

"I don't want you to pretend it never happened, you couldn't do that Buffy." Tara answered her voice shaky. "But does it have to be the first thing you think of? Because I don't like thinking about it, it's so hard to think about it."

"You think I don't find it hard?" Buffy looked at her lover surprised. "It chokes me sometimes so much I feel like I can't breath. But then I remember that now I have you, I have Dawn, Willow, even Xander and Anya. I remember that I have reasons to be alive. But I can never forget what happened, if I forget that then I loose so much of myself."

"Then please just don't let it be the first thing you think of." Tara pleaded. "I know you can't forget it, I know you can't ignore it but please get this idea out of your head that everything was so great here then, cause it wasn't." She boldly took a few steps towards the Slayer.

"I don't mean to remind you of how hard it was." Buffy felt her anger shy down as she watched Tara's reaction and realized that though things hurt so much for her when she thought about those months she'd been dead, it hurt for everyone else too. "I don't mean to make it harder." Her voice was soft and defeated as she again found herself causing pain to the people she loved.

Not able to stop herself, Tara moved the rest of the way and hugged the Slayer to her. She knew that if the move were unwanted Buffy would be out of her arms before she could even react, but she also knew how difficult it was for Buffy to make the move forward on her own. She was relieved when Buffy only moved to lean into the offered closeness.

"Hard is ok, we can do the hard." Tara tightened her grip kissing down onto Buffy's head. Buffy held on a bit tighter letting the hard feeling of panic tone down inside her. "We can get through this Buffy, all of us, you, me, Dawnie even Willow."

"We have too." Buffy whispered closing her eyes as she curled into the blonde's body.

"It's just going to take time." Tara soothed when she still heard fear and worry in her lover's voice.

"I don't really have to go." Buffy admitted still tucked against Tara.

"I was hoping you would stay." Tara dropped another kiss onto the Slayer's head.

"I want too." Buffy pulled her head back just a little to look in blue eyes with misty hazel ones.

"Good." Tara leaned down placing her lips lightly on Buffy's.

"I'm sorry about..." Buffy kissed her back for a moment. "I won't mention it, well I'll try not too."

"You can mention it, just don't, you know…" Tara shrugged softly knowing she had to give a bit. "Just don't obsess about it." She warned gently.

"I love you." Buffy moved to kiss her again and Tara met Buffy's mouth with willing lips.

The drab room of the community center was typical. Its concrete block walls were painted an aged dull yellow and held bolted bulletin boards with multicolored flyers announcing everything from flu shots to a chess club meeting. The room was filled with only about a half dozen people, more women then men, their ages varying. At the front near the chalkboard, a painfully slim and tiny creature rubbed off the notes from the room's previous occupants. Her movements were slow and deliberate, giving Willow time to appraise her. Her jet-black hair sat long on her shoulders and held the remnant of a slight wave that she'd obviously attempted to blow dry out. Putting down the eraser she dusted off her hands and turned back to survey the crowd with her piercing green eyes.

"Well I think we might as well get started." The woman smoothed out her long dark purple skirt as she took her seat in the circle and slowly crossed her legs. "As everyone knows this is Spellcaster Anonymous. My group name is Iris, so please remember we don't use real names here. Pick a pseudonym for yourself and remember it. This group is for serious spell casters who have found that magic is not the wonderful Disney pleasure or the glamour foretold in fairy tales. If I discover you are here to make fun, get kicks or try to corrupt others into doing magic with you, I will ban you from this group. Any questions?" She looked around at everyone, her pale drawn skin just barely hinted with tiny lines around her eyes as the only proof she wasn't as young as she appeared at first glance. Iris looked from group member to group member.

An elderly man looked down into his hands and nodded a gesture that seemed to contagiously spread around the circle. Within the small pack Willow followed suit her curls bobbing slightly.

"Good." Iris took a slight breath. "Now unbeknownst to new people we give them one 'free' meeting to just sit and listen and then if they come back we do introduction. So you are?" She looked at Willow, her clear sparkling green eyes fixing the redhead in her spot.

"Oh!" Willow made a small noise and looked around for a moment her mind whirling slightly, she'd liked being able to just sit back and watch last time.

"Remember please use a pseudonym." Iris prompted her softly seeing she was uncomfortable with being brought forward in the group.

"Pandora." Willow filled in the first thing that came to her head.

"Pandora." Iris nodded. "Usually the best way we can get to know you is if you answer two questions for us." She saw the others start to appraise 'Pandora' as well. "Please tell us the most successful spell you have ever cast."

"I did a great relocation spell once. It certainly was amazingly successful considering the circumstances." Willow wondered exactly how to answer the question and so she decided to side with caution.

"And the most unsuccessful spell you ever cast?" Iris didn't acknowledge her answer as she carried on to the second question.

As 'Iris' asked the second Willow felt her heart sink deep down in her chest.

"A mind control spell." She whispered looking down.

A younger girl to her left chewed down on her lip making a slight noise in surprise that she tried to cover.

"Why was it the worst?" Iris didn't seem to react again.

"Because…" Willow struggled a little to answer. "I did it to someone, without their permission."

"Mind control spells are usually not done with permission." The girl piped up. "Oh I'm Cinderella by the way." She smiled at Willow.

"Hi." Willow said but she couldn't smile. "It was more the person I did it too." The redhead partially explained her head dropping down again.

"Would it have been a better spell if you did it to anyone other than who you did?" Iris causally jumped on her wording.

"No, no I don't mean that, I mean messing around with a person's mind is wrong, always wrong." Willow replied icily.

"Did it feel good?" A middle-aged woman whose blonde hair was a mess around her shoulder questioned quietly but with great interest.

"Initially yes." Willow admitted. "Not now though." She added sadly.

"Thank you Sabrina." Iris acknowledged the questioner. "And why do you think it no longer feels good?"

"Because." The redhead paused, actually looking up. "It cost me everything."

"Every spell has costs Pandora." Iris appraised uncrossing and then crossing her legs again. "Sometimes we are unaware of the price when we make our purchase."

"I wish I had known." Willow whispered.

"Anyone here realize what magic would cost them before it was too late to turn back?" Iris questioned the group softly and everyone basically found spots on the wall to stare at. "Pandora our questions may sound harsh at times but what we are really trying to achieve here is the ability to look at what we have done, the prices we have paid and quantify how we have and will pay for them the rest of our lives."

Willow didn't know what to say so she just nodded slightly before looking down again onto her lap.

"Did the relocation spell have costs?" Iris tried to get Willow to say something.

"Some really bad headaches and a galore of nose bleeds." Willow answered with a slight shrug.

"I cast a glamour spell for two straight days and ended up in the emergency cause my heart starting missing beats." Cinderella offered Willow.

"Lucifer, why don't you share with Pandora?" Iris looked to the elder gentleman.

"I attempted to summon a luck sprite and ended up infecting myself with a skin poison." Lucifer glared at Iris slightly before looked at Willow. "The doctors couldn't explain it but they managed to stop it before it went above the knee." He tapped his lower left leg and a hollow sound echoed.

"I blew up my ex-boyfriends car." Another member of the group offered.

"Costs come in many forms. Sometimes physical, sometimes spiritual, sometimes emotion and occasionally monetary." Iris summed up. "I lost my partner and my ability to be self sufficient."

Willow swallowed hard and glanced over to the group leader. Iris held Willow's eyes for a moment, the color in them sad before she took a breath.

"So has everyone managed to make the week without casting?" She questioned moving away from the harsh reality.

"Mmmmm Buffy that tickles." Tara wiggled slightly on the bed her bright blue eyes twinkled happily.

"What?" Buffy dipped her lips down again kissing the small of Tara's back. The Wiccan had been laying on her stomach reading and Buffy had only been able to resist the strip of soft skin that was looking at her from between the blonde's shirt and skirt waistband for so long. "Continue reading, I'm just enjoying myself."

"That is your 'I'm a bored slayer' hint?" Tara put down the book and eased herself over onto her side so that her back was now open to the Slayer's exploration.

"Well..." Buffy grinned as she softly pushed the shirt up higher and kissed more skin. "Nothing good on TV."

"Do you want to go out, maybe grab some donuts from that shop you like?" Tara quizzed pushing her hips slightly forward unconsciously in response to Buffy's kissing.

"Mmmm too busy for donuts." Buffy kissed again. "Unless I get to cover you in frosting." She grinned.

"Buffy where exactly is your mind right now?" Tara questioned softly.

"It's embracing my lost poet." Buffy pushed her shirt up further and unclasped her bra to leave Tara's back bare as she kissed over new areas.

"I have massage oil, oh lost poet." Tara glanced over to the dresser.

"Has anyone ever told you that you do the best impression of an innocent girl?" Buffy leaned up and kissed her ear.

"Has any one ever told you do the best impression of an untemptable girl?" Tara replied grinning madly.

"Do I?" Buffy stopped leaning on the blonde slightly.

"No." Tara chuckled.

"Oh come on, you always thought I was like this even when you didn't know I was like this?" Buffy teased.

"I can't say anything to that because it would raise questions as to the nature of my thoughts of you since we met." Tara smiled lovingly.

"You can tell me." Buffy grinned more. "When we first met I didn't think you even could stand me."

"You unnerved me." Tara admitted. "You were so, so amazing, you know, the slayer, plus you knew Willow so much more than me."

"Sorry." Buffy kissed her shoulders. "The whole slayerish intimidation thing is hard to turn off sometimes."

"It's okay, I knew it wasn't the real you pretty soon." Tara explained slipping onto her stomach again.

"When?" Buffy kept questioning as she leaned over and opened the drawer taking out the oil that was tucked near the back. Very deliberately she spread it out onto her hands and warmed it up by rubbing her palms together before she began massaging the blonde's shoulders.

"Pretty soon and come on when you first met me, you didn't even think twice about me. In fact until Willow mentioned me that time Oz came back, did you even know who I was?" Tara leaned her head on her arm relaxing as Buffy began the massage.

"I knew of you." Buffy admitted. "But we're not talking about that." She smiled. "We're talking about you and thoughts of me."

"To be honest." Tara wiggled a little to get more comfortable on her stomach. "You were Buffy, Willow's incredibly pretty best friend, oh and the slayer."

Buffy lifted herself briefly before settling back down over Tara's thighs when the blonde was comfortable as she continued to massage.

"So basically you thought Willow hangs out with pretty girls who can kick demon ass?" Buffy laughed. "Doesn't say much for my impression power."

"Hey what more could a young lesbian want?" The Wicca grinned.

"Well us new fledglings into the sport could be comforted that we were at least appraised." Buffy teased as she worked her strong fingers into hard muscles.

"Mmmm." Tara moaned slightly in appreciation. "The one thing about you and appraising, I have to admit, was Riley. Even if I did get beyond very pretty, very fit, intelligent and funny I ran head long into 'straight'."

"Mmmm well I can see that." Buffy smirked to herself. "But that was only cause you weren't around when Faith was."

"Sh-Sh-She didn't make the best impression on me." Tara admitted remembering her run in with the dark slayer.

"I meant pre-evil streak." Buffy qualified.

"I bet pre-evil, she was still, you know…" Tara paused. "Dominant."

"Very." Buffy nodded as she glanced at the oil bottle and checked before lowering to kiss Tara's skin again as she massaged. The move made Tara chuckle softly.

"I thought you would like raspberry flavor." She soothed.

"You bought this for me?" Buffy questioned the broad smile obvious in her voice.

"Yes." Tara blushed.

"Miss. Maclay!" Buffy leaned down and kissed her lover's neck slowly.

"Yes Miss. Summers?" Tara moved sensually against the mattress.

"You were telling me about your previous thoughts." Buffy whispered to remind her of the topic of their conversation. She licked her lips as the subtle enjoyable raspberry taste registered.

"But then you moved on to exploring your present." Tara countered her voice thick as Buffy began kissing more of her neck.

"I'm still doing that." Buffy reassured as her tongue licked over Tara's shoulder blade. Tara closed her eyes breathing deeper. "But I want to know."

"Know what?" Tara breathed out hard.

"What you thought about me." Buffy kissed down the blonde's spine.

"Well when I saw you for the first time today, I thought… mmmmm Buffy Summers you have amazing hands, and lips, and eyes." Tara moved her hips slightly against the mattress.

"Busy mind." Buffy kissed her way back up her hands massaging deeply into the blonde's lower back.

"Very busy." Tara admitted moaning slightly, she rolled her shoulders and settled into the mattress more.

"So go on." Buffy urged her as she stopped for a moment only to ease the shirt and bra completely off Tara's body. She carefully moved the blonde's hair off to one side before continuing with her attentions.

"Don't you get tired of me telling you how much I think of you?" Tara asked softly.

"You know I don't." Buffy whispered in her ear her hands finally straying slightly to the blonde's sides.

"Just like I don't ever get tired of thinking of you." Tara admitted.

"Please." Buffy asked in a breathy tone as her fingers drew lazy circles on Tara's back and sides.

"Do you want to hear, or feel what I think about you?" Tara asked as she turned to look at Buffy slightly.

"Both." Buffy leaned in and kissed her, as the blonde's mouth became accessible.

Kissing her back for a long moment Tara let her body flood with the warmth of Buffy's love.

"Where should I start?" She whispered breaking their kiss.

"At the beginning." Buffy pulled back before kissing her lightly, barely touching their lips together.

Willow watched as 'Lucifer' picked up his coat from off the chair, walked over to Iris, shook her hand and moved off towards the door. Then slowly she stood up pulling her furry brown hooded coat off the chair pulling it on slowly.

Iris didn't move towards the long slim trench coat that she had left slung over the desk. She seemed content to wait for each person to say goodnight. The procedure soon left her alone in the room with Pandora. It wasn't unusually for the newcomer to be the last to leave.

Willow wasn't sure what she could or indeed should say to the group leader. This week's meeting had been so much harder than the first, everything becoming more real and much more personal.

"It's okay, I know it feels really odd for it all to come to an end." Iris reassured her when they were alone and finally the slim woman moved to put on her coat.

"It's just that I was just beginning to..." Willow looked up as the other woman moved and gave up her sentence.

"Feel uncomfortable enough to just spit it out?" Iris pushed a little as she did up the buttons.

"Yes." Willow admitted.

"Sometimes its better if we pull back, gives you the chance to be honest with yourself." Iris sorted out the deep navy scarf she had with her coat.

"I guess." Willow pulled a pair of gloves from her pockets and slipped them on trying to warm her chilly hands.

"Pandora, why are you here?" Iris stood up straight and for the first time it was painfully obvious that the leader of the group was smaller and tinier than even Willow.

"To find out who I am, what I am." Willow answered softly.

"You already know what you are." Iris looked her up and down. "You're a witch."

"I'm not, not anymore." Willow shook her head.

"I have not cast a spell, not so much a twinkle." Iris wiggled her hand at Willow. "In almost ten years, and I am still a witch Pandora. Once you have tasted what most people refuse to acknowledge, once you have drunk from that dark goblet, you are forever changed by it."

"But I don't want to be, I want to go back to what I was before I did it." Willow knew that she sounded almost like a whining child but she couldn't help it.

"And if you did, if you truly did… Do you not think you would stumble in the dark and break the same things within yourself you have broken this time?" Iris shook her head. "You have come here to find forgiveness Pandora, forgiveness for opening the box. But there is no one here who can forgive you, only you can do that."

Willow inwardly cursed herself for choosing what she thought was an intelligent and cryptic name, but that Iris had obviously seen straight through.

"I don't know if I can." She admitted.

"Then it's best you admit that to yourself as soon as possible and scrape together what you can to move forward." Iris began packing things into her soft-sided briefcase.

"Is that what this group enabled you to do? Forgive yourself?" Willow asked looking at Iris' back as she tidied.

"I don't come here for forgiveness." Iris shook her head, looping the strap over her shoulder.

"Then for what?" Willow asked slightly confused.

"I come her to remember exactly what I have done and how I can never take that back. Remember what a coward I was, what a manipulator, I come to remember the power and then I go home to remember how horrible life is without it." Iris demanded Willow hold her eyes. "While you took a sip little one, I held the chalice in both hands and drank till I was full. So don't look to me to offer you forgiveness, I have none for you or myself in our foolish choices."

Willow opened her mouth to say something but nothing came.

"Ready?" A bright voice called from the suddenly open door.

"Yes, sorry." Iris turned to the young woman in the doorway. It was obvious from first glance they were related.

The other woman's hair was much shorter, cut to frame around her face, though she was slightly taller and her eyes held a different shade of green.

"I was just making sure that Pandora was coming back to join us next week."

She looked briefly back Willow. Willow caught the green eyes and nodded that she was.

"Looks like a yes to me." The younger woman at the door commented.

"Good." Iris acknowledged before moving to the door, there was a tentativeness and frailty in her steps.

"You okay sis?" The other woman's voice changed as she directly addressed Iris, it became more soothing and soft. She reached out a hand towards the frail woman.

"Tired." Iris took a small breath as she took the offered hand and let herself be guided through the door by the taller and overall stronger looking woman.

Willow watched with an almost morbid fascination as the pair disappeared. Then suddenly feeling chilled to the bone she moved out into the hall to the pay phone to call a cab.

Dawn looped her arm through Buffy's as the pair strolled through the busy mall. It seemed an easy way to get through the throngs of other shoppers who were busily moving past them. With only a few days left before Valentine's Day it was obvious that those who had left their gift buying to the last moment were out in full force desperate to find that perfect gift. She hadn't been surprised to find her sister among them, and immediately dragged her to the Galleria. She also had the secret hope she could convince the Slayer into getting her the flared hip huggers that were on sale in one of the smaller shops.

"So what are you going to get her?" The teenager asked as she looked through shop windows they passed.

"I have no idea." Buffy frowned slightly as they passed the shops. "Flowers?" She fielded the idea.

"Are you for real?" Dawn raised her eyebrows high.

"What? She likes flowers." Buffy defended herself.

"Yeah I am sure she does, but aren't flowers like the thing you buy her all the time?" The teenager chided.

"Chocolate?" Buffy tried again.

"Hello modern life to Buffy. You'll be suggesting a stuffed bunny next." Dawn laughed and shook her head.

"What's wrong with a nice fluffy bear?" Buffy glared at her a little.

Suddenly Dawn pulled her arm out of Buffy's and ran over to a shop window pointing.

"How about this?" She beckoned Buffy over to the shop window as she pointed out the lacy underwear filling the window.

"DAWN!" Buffy turned around. "I am not buying her lingerie!" She shook her head. "Especially not when it's my teenage sister suggesting it."

"What? Like I'm not supposed to know you two are completely into each other." Dawn looked innocently at her older sister.

"Not in a lacy bra set kinda way." Buffy felt herself going a hotter shade of red.

"Want me to go have a milkshake so you can look by yourself?" Dawn offered loving her new ability to embarrass her sister.

"Dawn, I don't think I'm the buy a bra kinda girlfriend." Buffy coughed slightly. "I wouldn't even know what size she was."

"For real?" Dawn stared at her sister. "You don't know Tara's bra size?"

"Dawn, I know you are like super cool with the whole thing." Buffy pulled her away from the window to the railing on the far side of the walkway. "But I don't know if lacy lingerie is quite me on our first Valentines Day."

"I know what she's got you." Dawn teased gently.

"What?" Buffy pushed instantly biting.

"Oh like I'm going to tell you." Dawn sniggered.

"Is it lacy?" Buffy questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"She bought it from this mall." The teenager drip-fed the information.

"Dawn!" Buffy groaned. "Please, just tell me does it qualify as lingerie." She could hardly believe she was having this conversation with her sister.

"Not lingerie as such." Dawn twirled her hair around her finger.

"When exactly did you get so cool about my romantic life?" Buffy asked her seriously and, probably for the first time, the question wasn't condescending just curious.

"Hello, you're dating Tara, she's like the coolest thing." Dawn replied with a shrug. She put her hand in her pocket looking around at the passing crowds.

"Yeah but..." Buffy pointed out slowly.

"But what?" Dawn looked at Buffy with a frown.

"Dawn, it's just you know. I want to make sure that you're okay with all of this. I worry." Buffy explained.

"I'm cool." Dawn said honestly. "But if you hurt her, or let bad stuff happen to her, I'll never forgive you. I mean it." She added her humor suddenly gone.

"Thank you." Buffy smiled as she leaned in and hugged her sister.

"I just want you to be happy." Dawn said with another shrug. "Well, actually I want us all to be happy."

"So do I Dawn." Buffy pulled back. "I'm sorry for being such an idiot lately, but I am going to do better. I promise. So anything we need to pick up for your special valentine?" The Slayer offered casually glancing back at the lingerie shop.

"I bought it yesterday with Tara." Dawn explained.

"Oh." Buffy felt herself stall for a second. "Do I even get to know who and what?"

"A boy, just a boy." Dawn went a little shy.

"Whose name is?" Buffy smiled. "Or is Justa his first name and Boy the last?"

"You're funny." Dawn quipped.

"Well you know all about my love life. I want spillage." Buffy linked their arms together again.

"His names Elliot." Dawn admitted.

"And?" Buffy glanced in the windows as they went along.

"And before you ask yes he's in the grade above me." The teenager gave the information reluctantly.

"Only one grade?" The Slayer checked.

"Yes." Dawn nodded.

"That's okay." She conceded. "No seniors!" She warned gently. "What's he like? How come you haven't brought him over?"

"Tara's older than you!" Dawn put in cheekily. "We're not like dating, I just you know, watch from a far."

"What did you get him?" Buffy nodded that she understood.

"Just a card and this candy heart thing." Dawn shrugged.

"You want invite him over? We could watch movies." Buffy offered. "Well you and he could watch movies while I putter around like Mom would have making sure where his hands are." She teased with a smile.

"We'll see." Dawn shrugged.

"What about a necklace?" Buffy spotted a jewelry shop.

"Like you said…" Dawn shook her head. "Go for flowers, chocolates and a teddy bear, it's your first Valentines after all."

"No, I don't want to be all predictable." Buffy stopped looking at her sister. "And Tara's special, she deserves a lot more than just cheesy flowers and candy."

"Maybe she wouldn't see it as predictable or cheesy." Dawn reasoned. "You know so much in Tara's life is slightly wacky and not normal."

"I just don't know." Buffy sighed. "Want to get some lunch?"

"Yes, point of starvation here." Dawn grinned and pointed to her stomach.

"Come on then, can't have you starving." Buffy laughed and they headed towards the food court.

Buffy finished her salad and watched Dawn demolish the last of her Chinese food.

"Should we get something for Willow?" Buffy questioned as she sipped on her iced tea.

"For Valentines?" Dawn pushed away her plate and picked up her fortune cookie pulling open the plastic wrap.

"Yeah, in a friendly way." Buffy explained.

"From you and I?" Dawn pushed for more elaboration on Buffy's thoughts

"Yes." Buffy nodded watching her meticulous procedure. "You know big stuffed animal and some chocolates."

"We could look, see if anywhere have any Valentines for friend's cards, and maybe get her some mocha powder." Dawn hedged on the side of caution.

"Very cool." Buffy nodded. "And maybe that book she wanted, by that physics guy."

"Good idea." Dawn snapped the cookie open and pulled out the small bit of paper. "I got you one of these too." She slid the cookie over.

"Really?" Buffy laughed and took the cookie, tearing off the plastic and snapping hers open. "What does yours say?"

"Fortune should be earned not wished for." Dawn laughed as she tossed the slip of paper on the plate. "Yours?"

"The instinct of the heart often is best weighed heavier than the wisdom of the mind." Buffy smiled. "Want switch?" She laughed.

"We should go and raid the place for better ones." Dawn giggled.

"Yeah I want one that tells me what to get..." Buffy was about to add her wish when a shadow fell over the table.

"Hey Dawn." A tall blonde haired tanned boy towered over them, his red-letter jacket sitting full on his broad shoulders.

"Oh Elliot, hi." Dawn squeaked sitting up straight in her chair and flicking her long hair casually over her shoulder.

"Hey." He looked at Buffy and gave her a slight smile.

"Hi." Buffy smiled back and tried to find somewhere else to look.

"This is my sister Buffy." Dawn explained blinking her large brown eyes up at the young man.

"Hey." He nodded again before looking back to Dawn. "I figured I'd come over and say hey."

"I, I didn't see you in here." Dawn flustered a little.

"Rick and I just got here. A bunch of us were going to hook up and watch a movie." He nodded back towards a table full of people.

"Great. I'm just doing some, you know, shopping, with my sister." She floundered a little.

"Cool." He nodded briefly at Buffy.

"Well I just have to get Willow's book, if you want to hang out and go to the movies." Buffy jumped in and tried not to yelp when Dawn kicked her under the table.

"Have you seen Collateral Damage? That's what we're gonna see, not really a chick-flick but it should be cool." Elliot didn't notice the attack under the table as he followed along with Buffy's suggestion.

"Sounds great, if you're sure?" Dawn checked with Buffy.

"Have fun." Buffy smiled. "Do you need money?" She questioned softly.

"No, I got it Buffy." Elliot stood a bit taller.

"I won't be late." Dawn stressed as she stood up nearly stumbling on the chair.

"Please have her home by ten Elliot, it is a school night." Buffy winked at the broad young man who nodded back.

"See you then Buffy." Dawn crossed over and hugged Buffy's shoulders. "See what I mean dreamy." She whispered.

"Totally." She whispered in return grinning for her sister.

"See you at eleven!" She called as she moved along side of Elliot.

"Ten, I SAID TEN DAWN!" Buffy called after her sister shaking her head.

"I think I'm giving the annual Valentines dance a no vote Danielle." Willow pulled her bag off her shoulder as she settled into the lecture chair. She pulled out her note pad, then her blue and red pens placing them into the pen rest.

"But it'll be fun, no one whose actually with anyone will be there." Danielle settled in next to her and pulled out her clipboard and pen.

"I'm busy actually." The redhead explained drawing a little flower at the top of her paper with the red pen, and then the date in the blue.

"Doing what?" Danielle pushed as she wrote the date and lecture on the top of hers.

"Out with some friends, some non school friends." She made the fact clear.

"Okay, subject is divided to no remainder." Danielle joked. "Did you do the reading?"

"I always do the reading." Willow chuckled.

"Yeah but did you do the supplement? Cause it took me three hours to do question five." Danielle reached in and took out sheets of solved problems.

"I..." Willow began to reply.

"Hi everyone, sorry I'm late." A petite woman entered the room in a whirlwind of leather coat tails and papers.

The redhead turned from her friend to look down at the lecturer.

"Dr. Linctuses called me at the last minute to ask me to fill in and I rushed over." She started settling her stuff down at the front. "I see a few familiar faces, but for those of you who don't know me I'm Dr. Heather Glaive." She slipped her coat off her thin petite frame.

On automatic Willow wrote the woman's name at the top of her page, though her eyes never left the young lecturer.

"I'm not totally up to speed on where you are, I normally focus on advanced applied Calculus classes so supplementary physics algorithms might be a rusty area for me but I'm sure we can work together to get through." Heather brushed her short midnight black hair off her forehead.

Willow watched as the dark haired woman set herself up and made her introductory speech but Willow knew she wasn't listening.

"So have any issues arisen from the homework?" She began and took an immediate response from a young man in the front.

It had taken Willow approximately ten minutes of the class to work out where and why she knew the young lecturer who was delivering the animated lecture. The fact that she remembered was just the start of her problem. She'd come to realize that Dr. Heather Glaive was Iris' sister, Iris leader of her Spellcaster Anonymous group and the same young woman who had picked up her group leader after the meeting the week before.

Willow's first reaction was to get up and leave, worried that the lecturer would also make the connection. She then calmed herself down enough to work out that standing up and leaving in the middle of the class would draw even more unwanted attention.

She quickly moved to plan B which was taking notes with her clipboard and notebook held more or less up right. Of course her trusty blue pen had objected to that one by refusing to work after the first few lines. So she moved to plan C leaning forward on the chair rest and never glancing up.

By the time she'd run out of idea's it was the end of the lecture and she had to honestly admit she had no idea what Dr. Glaive had spoke on for the last hour. Secondly, she had nothing but a few scratchy words on her blank paper, and lastly she had no idea where they were in the 'homework' recap they were now doing.

"So since we already know the value of Z, then X is simply the remainder of our constant to the power of Z." Heather turned away from the blackboard that was covered in stages of the mathematical problem. "Any other questions?" She looked around and everyone shook their heads as they packed up. "I suggest pages 87 and 88 as review of the concept and the corresponding questions in the chapter review."

"Did you get any of that?" Danielle poked Willow a bit shell-shocked. "She was amazing, just like this then that then wow. She so knows her stuff."

"I think I'll need to reread my notes." Willow quickly flipped her note pad closed.

"I got to rush to meet Kino. See you tomorrow in physics?" Danielle quickly packed up her stuff.

"Oh yeah, right." Willow stayed in her seat as her friend moved in a blur of activity.

Down at the front of the room Heather packed up her stuff slowly and moved to erase the erratic mess she'd made on the board.

Before Willow knew it the lecture hall was more or less empty, well empty except for Heather and her. In a sudden panic Willow got up knocking her pen off the rest.

"Did you have a question?" Dr. Glaive looked up at the noise.

"A question?" Willow squeaked looking down with the cover of looking for her pen.

Heather focused on the last student in the room and with a brief blink her face flashed with recognition.

"Hi, this is a surprise I bet." She smiled. "I question about the problem." She asked again as she watched Willow packing up her stuff.

"Oh the problem, no, no question." Willow realized there was little point in behaving as she was. She stood up slowly and shouldered her bag. "It's a bit of a surprise yeah." She added playing with her recently rescued pen.

"I guess this is when I ask you not to spread around to the faculty that my sister is an ex-witch?" Heather softened her smile.

"I don't think its something I would mention." Willow managed a slightly nervous smile too. "Is Iris okay?"

"Iris?" Heather seemed to stumble for a minute. "Oh Hannah, yeah she's okay. She gets tired on the nights she goes to your meetings."

"I don't think I'm supposed to know her real name." Willow blushed slightly. "So I'll pretend I didn't hear." She gave the lecturer a classic Willow smile.

"Can you tell I'm not the covert one in the family?" She shook her head as she blushed slightly at her error.

"Probably never had things to hide." Willow hoped that sounded like a positive statement not a bad one.

"Well I wouldn't go that far..." Heather conceded. "But I'm sorta the 'here I am, take me or leave me' type."

"I suppose I should be going, I have a class." Willow glanced to the door but for some reason she wasn't eager to leave.

"Yes, sorry." Heather laughed softly. "I'd keep you here all day making sure all of what I just babbled on about made sense."

"Actually I kinda missed the lecture." Willow admitted glancing down slightly. "Seeing you made me feel a bit, you know, edgy."

"Now I'm so sorry." Heather leaned against the desk. "I would never mention it to anyone. I mean I know how private Hannah likes to keep her past and I'm not about to out a witch."

"I'm not a witch, not anymore." Willow stressed quickly but as she did so Iris' words echoed in her ears. "Once you have tasted what most people refuse to acknowledge, once you have drunk from that dark goblet, you are forever changed by it."

"Good for you, it's so hard." Heather nodded her voice soft and understanding.

"You're a lot younger than your sister aren't you?" Willow said suddenly unsure where the question had come from.

"Nine years." Heather filled in.

"You must be proud of her, doing what she does for us all." Willow waffled.

"I am glad she's found a way to channel all the things she has experienced into help for others." Heather's answer was very succinct.

"I'm sorry I guess I shouldn't talk about this." Willow shrugged apologetically.

"No, it's fine... Pandora." She hesitated knowing it was the only name she had for the redhead before her. "It's just... Hannah didn't give up magic for good reasons."

"Willow." Willow offered her own name without thinking. "She mentioned that her magic use caused her to loose her partner. I guessed it wasn't good. I'm taking it her partner couldn't forgive her for whatever it was." She made the observation.

"Willow..." Heather looked up green eyes holding green. "Molly is dead." She answered simply not sure why she felt the need to be so honest with the young woman.

"Oh God I'm sorry." Pain laced through Willow's chest for some unknown reason the redhead's thoughts hadn't once even considered that Iris had meant her partner was dead. "I thought…" She began to explain but stopped when she realized she had no explanation.

"It's not information that Hannah readily gives out, and before you think something horrible she didn't kill her." Heather fumbled trying to explain as she realized how misinterpreted the words could be. "Drunk driver."

"Oh right." Willow could breathe a bit easier instantly. "How horrible." She added realizing that it actually made it no better how the woman had died.

"I should have probably let Hannah explain all this to you..." Heather took a slight breath realizing she'd pretty much already dug herself the hole. "The magical problem came when Hannah couldn't let her go, and she brought her back." She said the words quietly waiting for Willow's look of horror or disbelief.

"She resurrected her?" Willow stated without any extreme reaction.

"Yes." Heather nodded.

"Bad news." Willow glanced down.

"Tell me if I'm wrong here but I'm getting the 'has been there done that' vibe off you?' The dark haired girl questioned without contempt in her voice, only curiosity.

"Yeah, could be because I have." Willow admitted before she could check herself.

"Nothing quite like seeing someone you love turned into a mindless soulless zombie to turn you off magic." Heather's voice held contempt for the first time as she shivered.

"Well it wasn't quite like that." Willow frowned a little as Heather's tone changed, worried about the distress that the topic obviously caused the lecturer. "But I imagine that's a dreadful thing to have happen." She added quickly.

"Did you have time to get coffee and talk about this?" The professor asked point blank.

"Yes." Willow said without thinking.

"I mean we're talking around what went on and it's probably easier if we just spit it out right?" She smiled softly.

"Right." Willow agreed. "Can I push for off campus?" She added as she watched Heather pick up her bag

"As you wish." Heather nodded moving with her towards the door.

Heather cupped her hands around the warmth of her ginger tea and watched as Willow nervously stirred her mocha.

"I'm sorry if I blurted out a lot back there." Heather started slowly. "Just other than Hannah it's not something I can talk about with a lot of people."

"You can talk to me." Willow offered openly. "That is…" She hesitated. "I'm not sure if Hannah, Iris would mind." She frowned slightly. She really did want to hear what Heather had to say about a story of magic addiction told by someone other than the addict.

"You'd figure it out sooner or later for the bits that Hannah does say." Heather shook her head. "And as long as I tell her and it's not out there to blindside her Hannah won't mind. It doesn't change what happened."

"So what did happen?" Willow asked softly.

"Hannah had already gone pretty far into the dark magicks by the time Molly was killed." Heather skipped the painful basics, the parts that mostly included her. "She had been given apprentice in a very exclusive coven to help her control and expand her powers, it was cause of that she was able to find out how to resurrect her."

"It's not an openly known thing." Willow agreed. "You say she was already into dark magicks, when was Molly killed?" The redhead asked not sure if she should push but wanting to know details.

"Eleven years ago." Heather fluidly answered the questions as she sipped at her tea. "Hannah started doing magicks when she was in her middle teens. Our Father... well let's just say he was a spare the rod spoil the child man and Hannah had enough. She's not big enough to fight back so she found another way."

For a sickening moment Willow thought briefly of Tara and the childhood she had had to endure once again struck by the blonde's purity. Never once had she mentioned even being tempted into dabbling in dark magicks. But then as she glanced at the dark haired woman opposite her thoughts turned again to Hannah and Heather's past.

"But you never…" Willow asked softly.

"When I was younger Hannah refused to have me near any of it and by the time I was fifteen I saw what it had done to her and Molly and I wanted nothing to do with it." Heather shook her head.

"You were fifteen when Molly died?" Willow checked, suddenly quite shocked that that must mean Hannah was thirty-five.

"I'd just turned fifteen." Heather confirmed. "It was late on a Saturday and we were in the front yard watering the grass. There was a horrible heat wave when this big sedan jumped the curb and hit us. Molly was dead before the ambulance came."

"You were there?" Willow was further horrified.

"I had my arm broke." She turned her head to show a long faded scar that ran down from behind her ear to her neck. "Piece of metal from the bumper."

"I'm sorry." Willow's apology was heart felt. "And Hannah?" She asked wondering what injuries the spellcaster had suffered if any.

"Spilt iced tea, she was on the porch out of harms way." Heather filled in softly seeing the scene again like it was only moments before.

Willow too found an image printed in her mind that pained her instantly.

"When did she resurrect her?" She asked wanting to get this conversation done so she could stop asking such questions of the other woman.

"About three months later." Heather put her cup down. "As you know it's not easy getting the ingredients and the right lunar cycle and blah blah blah." She added the last bit trying to show only the details was lost on her.

"What happened?" Willow whispered her morbid curiosity driving her on.

"She came back." The dark girl's voice was thick with sadness. "She came back and for the first few days Hannah tried to convince me and herself that it was just the transition, it was just the catch up from the spell. But it wasn't, she wasn't Molly, she was dead inside, she was just a body moving around, there was no spirit, no laughter, and no life."

"Not right." Willow put in.

"Not right at all." Heather looked at Willow confirming what the redhead was saying. "When someone dies their spirit rejoins the universe, the energy disperses and you can't gather it all back, there is no way to do that."

"What did Hannah do about it?" Willow asked quietly.

"Hannah did nothing, her coven cleaned up the mess and put Molly to rest again." The brunette shivered.

"You had to loose her twice?" Willow's voice was deeply saddened.

"Yes." The other woman frowned. "And a large part of my sister."

"That must have been so hard." Willow gave Heather her heart-felt sympathy.

"It was. I had to become the adult, the one in charge, for a few years she couldn't even leave the house." Heather bit her lip feeling the deep sadness that lurked inside her.

"What about your parents?" Willow had to ask it didn't seem fair that her sister's care should fall onto the shoulders of a child.

"My Mother left us when we were very young." Heather shrugged. "Dad left when Hannah starting using the magic on him, that wasn't a bad thing mind you." She defended. "It's always really just been Hannah and me."

"You must hate magic." Willow made the observation almost casually.

"Magic didn't do this Willow, magic has existed for forever. Hannah used magic just as much as it used her, that she didn't want to listen to the warnings wasn't the fault of the magic." Heather shook her head sadly.

"You're right." Willow admitted.

"Who did you bring back?" Heather swayed softly into the question.

"My best friend." Willow replied. "But it's not the same." She stressed. "She wasn't really dead. Well she was, but she shouldn't have been."

"Did she come back wrong?" Heather's voice went almost silent. "How did she sorta die?" There was no hint of humor in her wording.

"It's sort of hard to explain." Willow didn't want to be cagey but she also didn't know how to answer.

"Well sorta die would suggest non-traditional means." Heather encouraged. "Magic accident? Was she a witch too?"

"She's not a witch no." Willow replied.

"Whatever it was if she didn't come back wrong, it wasn't her time to die." Heather summed up.

"I never thought about that." Willow admitted pushing away her mocha cup.

"Never thought about what?" Heather questioned softly.

"Oh nothing really." Though it was obvious that Willow was in deep thought. "It's just that since we did it, I've wondered about it being wrong, but you're right, it couldn't be wrong, not really because if it was, she wouldn't be her, and she is, I just didn't appreciate that."

"Trust me Willow, if she was wrong, you'd have known it from the first minute you saw her." Heather shivered.

"I'm sorry we shouldn't talk about this, it obviously hurts you so much." Willow apologized softly.

"No..." Heather reached out and put her hand over Willow's. "It's okay, I mean it hurts but I can see you've been through this. It's not the whole; wow your sister raised the dead shock thing."

"Believe me my life is not exactly normal, finding out things like that don't shock me so much as concern me." Willow tried to express how she felt.

"It's so nice to find someone to talk to." Heather smiled softly.

"I can listen, I listen well." Willow smiled feeling herself relax.

Part Ten

Buffy let out a slow breath as she shifted her legs out from her cross-legged position. The tiling of the floor was chilly under her butt, and the wall at her back was getting more uncomfortable by the minute. It was one of those times she wished she wore a watch, because even though she had gotten to Tara's dorm a bit earlier than they'd planned an eon had gone by and there was still no sign of the Wicca.

"Hi, you wouldn't be Buffy would you?" A tall dark haired male student looked down at the Slayer with a smile.

"Yeah, why?" Buffy looked up at the voice that addressed her.

"You're waiting for Tara?" He asked.

"I am." Buffy pushed up nervously suddenly very afraid something had happened.

"I think you'd better come with me."

"What's going on?" She rushed after him as he turned.

Keeping slightly ahead of the blonde the young man led Buffy around the corridors of the large dorm building. They soon made there way to the front exit and without hesitation he continued to lead her outside and across the campus.

"Hey buddy why don't you tell me what's going on?" Buffy clutched the bag she was carrying and walked quicker to pull up even with him.

"I was just told to come and find you." He replied over his shoulder.

"Told by who?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

"By..." He eased them to a stop as they breeched the high walls of the rose garden hidden on the grounds of the university.

"Me." A voice Buffy knew so well finished for him.

"Tara?" Buffy turned to the voice almost expecting to see her surrounded by vampires or other nasty creatures. The blonde Wicca was sat on a large chequered blanket, which was surrounded by small flickering candle lamps.

"Are you okay?" Buffy looked back to find her mysterious guide had disappeared. "I was worried."

"I am now." She patted the blanket urging Buffy to sit down with her.

Buffy didn't seem to drop out of slayer mode as she surveyed the area. She slowly moved over and sat down.

"Not exactly the reaction I was looking for." Tara admitted as she flicked her hair over her shoulder and reached for the neatly packed wicker basket that was just beside her.

"Well you know ominous 'come with me' usually means some big bad has kidnapped the woman I love." Buffy explained as she took one last look around and finally came to realize the romantic set up that Tara had prepared. "Hi." Her strong exterior dropped away and she smiled brightly.

"Hi." Tara smiled back knowing now she had Buffy's full attention.

"Wow." Buffy explained softly.

"Happy Valentines." Tara said quietly pulling two glasses from the basket

"Happy Valentines day." Buffy reprised the words in a loving voice.

"I got apple juice, but it's the same color as champagne." Tara explained as she set the glasses down and pull the bottle of apple juice out showing the Slayer the color similarity.

"Perfect." Buffy nodded. "Especially since you don't drink and post the kitten poker night neither do I."

"I have muffins too." Tara smiled softly.

"You should have told me I could have brought something." Buffy smiled too, remembering their first attempt to have muffins.

"There's only muffins and apple juice. It was going to be coffee, you know to remember that night," Tara blushed slightly. "But like I said once, my coffee, really bad."

"It's perfect." Buffy took her apple juice smiling broadly. "And this place is gorgeous, I didn't even know it was on campus."

"It's part of the chapel really." Tara pointed to the small building in the distance as she sipped at her drink and pulled the muffins out of the basket.

"Beautiful." Buffy looked at the building for a moment. "And the flowers are lovely too." She looked at Tara.

"I wanted it right." Tara asserted.

"It's perfect." Buffy assured her reaching out to put her hand over the Wiccan's.

"You look great." The blonde smiled over to Buffy as she put down her apple juice.

"Well I wanted to..." Buffy looked down to her tight white spandex shirt, which was covered by a see through over layered button down also in white and long beige suede skirt. "To look nice." She blushed a little.

"You managed." Tara tucked her hair behind her ears and tuned the hand under Buffy's over to enlace their fingers as usual.

"And you look gorgeous." Buffy appraised the deep red peasant shirt and flowing navy linen pants Tara wore.

"Thank you." Tara whispered.

"No, thank you." Buffy chimed their glasses together softly.

"So tell me about your week since I last saw you." The Wicca asked as she sat forward relaxing in her lover's presence.

"Well Dawn and I went shopping." Buffy leaned down a bit but kept their hands together her thumb rubbing over Tara's soft skin. "Then she deserted me to go to the movies with Elliot."

"Oh Elliot, what's he like?" Tara almost giggled with curiosity.

"Tall and broad." Buffy laughed lightly with her. "Sorta surfer dude to the max." She grinned remembering his slim vocabulary.

"But does he look like a 'nice' boy?" Tara asked sounding a little concerned.

"Yeah I think he falls under nice." Buffy nodded.

"I sound like some fifty year old don't I?" She listened to Buffy's answer before breaking into a brighter smile and letting out a low chuckle.

"She didn't give you the scoop then? You sound concerned." Buffy shook her head. "I hear you helped her pick out a pressie for him."

"She said he was dreamy." Tara laughed softly. "Didn't tell me a lot."

"She kept teasing me that she knew what you got me for Valentines Day." Buffy grinned.

"She does know." Tara admitted. "She was there when I bought it."

"She did her best to embarrass me by suggesting I get you lingerie." Buffy admitted blushing slightly.

"Dawnie suggested you buy me lingerie?" Tara's eyes widened in surprise.

"She was very adamant, apparently the rest of my ideas were lame." The Slayer bit her lip.

"I doubt they were lame." Tara shook her head.

"Predictable probably." Buffy smiled and reached to the plate between them to tear off some muffin.

"Well it's hard not to be drawn into the gimmicks and the commercialism of the day." Tara watched the Slayer attack the muffin.

"Something so cute about a little stuffed devil with a heart that says 'I love you' on it." Buffy acknowledge as she munched.

"Well I thought about getting you one but I worried that you might have the over whelming desire to practice devil staking on it." Tara chuckled.

"Very true." Buffy grinned. "So what did you want for Valentines day?" She questioned softly.

"I told you what I wanted, you to come here." Tara replied gently.

"That was all?" Buffy leaned down looking up at the blonde as she played with the hand in her own.

"Well I think the extended wish was for you to stay over." Tara blushed gently, her voice lower.

"Well that I can arrange too." Buffy spoke back softly. "It was sorta my wish."

"There you go my Valentines wish is complete." Tara squeezed Buffy's fingers.

"So I have to ask... since when have you had minions?" Buffy teased.

"That's Todd." Tara smiled. "He's a sweetheart."

"Oh really?" The Slayer pouted slightly. "Should I be jealous?"

"Mmmmm I'm not one for the timber!" Tara winked.

"Tara!" Buffy blushed more at the blonde's alliteration.

"So do you want your present?" Tara questioned as she laughed softly at her lover's blush.

"I thought this was my present?" Buffy asked honestly looking around at their lovely picnic.

"No silly, this was the presentation." Tara shook her head.

"Oh..." Buffy sat up more. "Yes please."

"Close your eyes then." Tara instructed.

"Okay." Buffy did as she was told.

Pulling her hand from Buffy's Tara pulled the wicker basket closer and took out small black box held closed with a red ribbon. She laid it carefully in Buffy's hand.

"Okay open." She said in a hushed voice.

Buffy opened her eyes slowly and looked at the box a bit surprised.

"Do I open it?" She looked up into blue eyes and blinked.

"Yes." Tara encouraged.

Buffy took a slow breath and reached first undoing the ribbon and then easing the box open. Revealing a blue velvet cushion on which was a silver broach, made out of a single strand of silver wire that was carefully twisted to spell out Buffy with a love heart at the start and end of the name.

"Oh my... wow... it's beautiful." Buffy reached down and carefully traced a finger over the hearts and letters.

"There was a stall in the mall, I h-had in made." Tara explained.

"Wow, Tara it's gorgeous." She reached out and hugged the blonde. Tara held her tightly and smiled. "Okay so now I have to run to an all night mall because what I got just won't cut it." Buffy pulled back eyeing her present again.

"Buffy you are my present." Tara stated clearly. "I don't need anything else."

"But I got you something." Buffy carefully cradled the box in her lap before reaching back and rummaging in her bag before she came up with the slightly large square red tissue wrapped present. Tara smiled broadly loving the fact that the Slayer had got her a gift.

"Red tissue, I love it, so pretty as a covering." Tara watched Buffy's every move.

"Please just open it." Buffy blushed a little at the blonde's attempt to make whatever she had gotten special. Tara reached out and began to do so.

"Oh Buffy!" Tara pulled the book from the red paper and sat it on her lap flicking through the blank artificially aged pages and ran her hand over the intricately designed cover.

"It's empty so that you can chronicle all that you learn and discover. Some day some dusty old watcher can refer to your notes on one demon or another." Buffy explained the reason for the gift softly.

"It's amazing, thank you." Placing both her hands on the cover Tara leaned forward kissing Buffy's cheek lightly.

"You're welcome." Buffy grinned under the kiss.

"You know what we should do with this?" Tara put forward softly.

"What?" Buffy questioned.

"We should make it a book about us." Tara explained her sudden idea.

"About us?" Buffy smiled not quite understanding.

"I mean about us as in the way we fight evil, the things we do as the S-S-Scoobies." She clarified. "The Scooby diary."

"Very cool." Buffy nodded.

"Though any Watcher that gets to read it in the future may find it had better be a little less shockable than Mr. Giles." Tara grinned cheekily.

"Bloody hell." Buffy did her best English accent and Tara giggled.

"Especially if I do all the writing about my special Slayer." She kissed Buffy again.

"I would like to read that." Buffy blushed slightly as she realized what she had said, she smiled when she saw the pink hue in her lover's cheeks as well.

"I'm not sure I'd right about that in the Scoobies journal." Tara laughed adding the serious point.

"Good" Buffy grinned. "I could get you another journal if you wanted." She suggested softly.

"An us journal?" Tara moved closer to the Slayer her voice dropping lower.

"Killed three vampires, had lunch with Tara, enjoyed smooches for very long time." Buffy filled in with a smirk.

"Well you've done the patrol and we've had lunch, can't remember the smooches yet this evening." Tara smirked back.

"Mmmmm how many minions are going to come into the grove?" Buffy questioned moving slightly closer.

"They're all at the dance." Tara filled in inching closer.

"We could dance here." Buffy carefully moved the book out of her lap.

"We don't have any music." Tara objected softly.

"I hear music." Buffy smiled and kissed her lightly.

"Me too." Tara whispered she met Buffy's lips gently.

Willow glanced at her watch, she was late, she hated being late. She had briefly though it would be better just to not go at all but she knew that she should. It was important to go, she needed to go.

Taking a deep breath outside the drab building Willow summoned the courage to go in. As soon as Willow's feet hit the tiled corridor she regretted wearing shoes with heels as each of her footfalls echoed loudly down the empty corridor. Pushing up on her tiptoes Willow hurried straight down towards the meeting room trying to be quiet.

Hearing the gunfire like echo of heels Heather looked up from her magazine. She was on a rickety chair outside the conference room's door.

"Stealth mode engaged." Heather joked when she saw Willow turn the corner and realized that the sudden lack of noise was from the redhead being on her tiptoes. Dropping instantly back onto her heels Willow stopped just shy of the professor.

"I am so late." She hissed frowning deeply as she glanced to the door.

"Don't worry it's a thin crowd in there." Heather nodded to the door. "Cinderella is telling stories of past Valentines day spells and how she had the urge to incant some fat free chocolate. I don't think you're missing much."

"Do you sit there every week?" Willow asked still frowning. She realized that she'd never even considered that Heather might hold this ritual every week. Though as she thought about it the devotion the younger woman displayed to her frailer sister was admirable.

"Usually I'm only here the last ten minutes or so when I come to pick Hannah up." Heather admitted. "Just with tonight being what it is, I don't like leaving her on her own."

"It's hard." The redhead nodded her agreement.

"It's okay, you're doing great." Heather reached out and patted her arm briefly.

"Not really." Willow admitted with a sigh. Her hand dropped away from the door she had been just about to push open.

"What do you mean? You're here, that says a lot." Heather moved around on her chair to fully face Willow.

"I'm late because I've just spent the last forty five minutes crying." The redhead admitted drawing in a tight almost painful breath. "Doesn't so much scream doing great so much as falling apart?"

"Yeah but crying, unlike magicks, is really more in control then you're giving yourself credit for." Heather reached out again rubbing her arm for a longer time. "It's a hard night, and that's even if you are just alone. You should be proud of yourself."

"Do you have some really understanding beau at home making supper for when you guys get in?" Willow wasn't sure why she asked.

"Hannah hasn't been with anyone since Molly." Heather filled in without missing a beat. For some reason these questions seemed natural from Willow, even though they had only known each other a short time. "And not many people can handle the freaky obsessed mathematician that is me for very long."

"Sorry I had no right to ask." Willow shook her head suddenly embarrassed by her own inquisitiveness.

"It's okay. I wouldn't have answered if I didn't want to." Heather shook her head back.

"I suppose I should go in." Willow looked up at the door.

"Go on, save Hannah for me." Heather smiled softly to encourage her.

Willow nodded somewhat stiffly and pushed through the door, the new courage that Heather had given her making.

Tara stroked her hand over the back of Buffy's shirt as they swayed slightly to the sound of distant music in her dorm room. They had decided after a few 'quiet' dances in the grove that perhaps complete privacy was needed as hands had begun to explore more freely.

"I really didn't think we'd be able to hear the music from here." Tara whispered to the Slayer whose head rested on her shoulder.

"Cupid's looking out for us tonight." Buffy whispered back, her eyes were closed as their bodies swayed in time together.

"This really is a nice top." Tara said softly tracing her fingers over and over the material.

"Is this when I say that I sorta bought you another present?" Buffy lifted her head slightly to whisper in the blonde's ear.

"Another present?" Tara pulled back a little so she could see Buffy's face.

"A present in one of those silly something for me that's really for you sorta ways." The Slayer blushed.

"Explain." Tara pushed gently.

"Well now I feel silly because I have no idea what you like and don't like..." Buffy hesitated, her words stalling a moment away from really explaining.

"What I like and don't like?" Tara quizzed. "I like you." She added in a whisper.

"Yes but..." The Slayer took a slight breath as she took her courage in one hand and stepped back away from her lover.

The idea had seemed so romantically perfect at the shop, which was probably why it seemed so out of place and odd to her usual mindset now.

"Do you like this?" She slowly shed her sheer button down and peeled the tight spandex shirt off to reveal a deep crimson lace bra. The satin cups sat low, pushing in and up for maximum cleavage effect. It was Victoria Secret at her most classic and sexy.

"Buffy." Tara took a light breath, reaching a trembling hand out she traced a fingertip along the edge of delicate lace. "It's so beautiful." She whispered.

"I figured red was very Valentine." Buffy whispered back her voice wavering a little as Tara traced over the material.

"Very Valentine." Tara agreed stroking over and over for a long moment before pulling her hand back to her own body.

Without even a breath of hesitation she slipped her hands straight to the waistband of her loose pants and unfastened them smoothly. The generous material fell to the ground as she stepped back to reveal she was wearing tiny red satin shorts.

"We match." Buffy grinned and blushed as she reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"We do." Tara whispered with a pleased smile.

"You know Miss. Maclay these are very, very attractive." Buffy stepped forward towards the Wicca and put her hands on Tara's hips. The flared shorts had a small slit up each side making them all the more revealing.

"Do my legs look too long in them?" A little of the shy unsure Tara raised its head briefly.

"Your legs could never look too long." Buffy shook her head seriously.

"You could loose the skirt so I could compare?" Tara suggested with a smirk.

"Well then you'd see that the bra has matching panties." Buffy reached up and undid the button on her skirt before sliding the snug suede down her body. "Disappointed?" She smiled as she remembered to herself how the crimson lace had contrasted against the skin of her stomach and legs.

"How could I be?" The blonde looked her lover up and down feeling her temperature rise.

"Well you could hate red, or lace or thongs?" Buffy blushed as she turned slightly to the side to show the cut of the underwear.

"Not on you I couldn't." Tara shook her head as she pulled off her peasant top to reveal a red silk strap top that ended in a high v just above the waistband of the shorts.

"Okay so if you tell me Dawn suggested lingerie to you too I'm going to freak out completely." Buffy laughed as she moved back over to loop her arms around Tara's neck. She instantly enjoyed the feel of the silk top against her bare stomach.

"She didn't." Tara slipped her hands round Buffy's waist to press her hands into Buffy's skin.

"Mmmmm then less freaking out... more with the... Mmmmm delicious." Buffy smiled and put her head back on Tara's shoulder as they began to naturally sway to the music again.

"I could close the window and put some music on in here, make it more of a private dance." Tara offered not truly realizing the double meaning in her words.

Buffy nodded and kissed the blonde's cheek for a minute before pulling back and moving over to lean back on her elbows on the bed.

Tara moved quickly to fulfill her task, pulling the drapes closed and flicking off the main light. The room was now only lit by the soft glow of various candles that bathed everything in a hazy dreamy light. She then flicked on her small stereo being careful to adjust the volume down fairly low.

"You're beautiful Buffy." She appraised gently as she crossed back to the bed.

"I haven't spent most of my life feeling beautiful." Buffy admitted as Tara moved even closer.

"What have you spent it feeling?" Tara asked kneeling on the floor just in front of the bed her eyes at the same level as Buffy's.

"Cheated." Buffy admitted shifting forward a bit towards the blonde. "But when you say it... I know you mean it."

"I do." Tara vowed.

"I know." Buffy reached out and cupped Tara's cheek in her hand. "You don't say anything you don't mean, which is so brave."

"I'm not brave." Tara shook her head.

"Listen to me, you are." Buffy stroked her cheek. "In a million ways, you are one of the bravest women I've ever met."

"Not like you are." Tara gazed lovingly at the Slayer.

"I'm not brave Tara. I do what I have to do. I do it with Slayer strength and speed. If I had to do it without any of that I'd be girl running furthest away from the problem." Buffy shook her head holding blue eyes. "And that's not really the brave I'm talking about. I'm talking about facing everyday brave."

"I love you." Tara replied leaning forward meeting Buffy's warm soft lips with her own.

"I love you." Buffy whispered and met the witch's movement.

"Is it too much to ask for another Valentines gift?" Tara whispered holding the Slayer close.

"Anything." Buffy held her lover back; she didn't want them to part again for along time.

"Make love to me all night long?" The Wicca asked in a soft loving whisper.

"Yes." Buffy leaned in to kiss her again fuller on the lips.

"I think one of the hardest things I find is when I'm faced with things that I used to use magic for, you know?" Willow said honestly as she glanced around the severely reduced crowd. "Almost that the little things are the hardest now."

"When do you feel most tempted?" Iris had slowly begun to focus completely on Willow as the others became uninterested in them. "When faced with situation that needs a large spell or one to fill in a little thing?"

"It used to be the major things you know? I know it sounds stupid but once right before I committed myself to giving up, I thought you if I did a major spell I could make everyone be okay again. But then, well…" Willow paused briefly. "Then things went more wrong and I realized that big magic wasn't the answer."

"Spells with the wrong intentions Pandora will always be doomed to fail from the beginning." Iris nodded. "The energy of a spell is so easily upset if your center of concentration isn't rooted in balance."

"I still sometimes question how wrong a teeny tiny spell would be." Willow admitted honestly.

"As you go longer without magic, you will wonder that more and more."

Iris smiled sadly. "The terror, the shakes, the withdrawal and the feeling of addiction will be so far from your immediate mind. They will be memories you will be trying to forget. But you can't forget them, or before you know it you could find yourself in the same position or worse."

"Did you ever slip?" Willow found herself directly addressing the leader.

"I had a third party that ensured I would not slip." Iris admitted looking down a bit ashamed.

"Um do we have to stay the whole time, because I have a party to go too?"

Cinderella leaned in a bit cutting the tension between them.

"No, no of course not." Iris looked back up shaking off cobwebs of thought.

"Voluntary attendance Cinderella." She reminded only to watch the young girl immediately start to pack up. The rest of the group matched Cinderella's movements.

"Doe that mean group over?" Willow asked from her seat watching everyone.

"Only if you have somewhere better to be." Iris shifted in her seat and reached back to take her tea off the table.

"Believe me I only have worse places to be." Willow admitted.

"Worse places?" Iris couldn't help questioning the phrasing.

"The university dance." Willow explained glancing over to the older woman.

"Oh I think my sister mentioned what an exciting event it would be." Iris sipped her tea as the room emptied out of everyone but them.

"I've never been to one." Willow admitted. "But I'm picturing it as bad."

"I think that would depend if you are open to a new love." Iris broached the subject carefully.

"I've not really thought about it at all, I mean…" Willow toyed with her hands. "I should I think, after all Tara's... I mean my girlfriend...my ex..." Willow babbled. "Girlfriend."

"Has she moved on?" Iris' words were blunt.

"Yes." Willow bowed her head sadly.

"Pandora, I hope above anything that our discussions here can be open and honest." Iris tried to lessen the blow of her words. "Do you think you can fix things with her?"

"I don't know how I can." Willow sunk into her chair more. "I did something dreadful"

"The mind control spell?" Iris clarified and fully expected the nod she received. "Do you think what you did is forgivable?" She rested the tea in her hands on her lap.

"No." Willow admitted. "Thinking about it makes me feel sick."

"I can't imagine how hard that must be Pandora, but if you know in your heart you can't forgive yourself, how can she?" Iris held green eyes with her own.

"If I told you everything, no..." Willow shook her head. "I can't do that." She frowned. "I just wish I could tell someone what happened, tell someone everything." She added after taking a deep breath.

"I can't guarantee you'll like what I'll say, but I can listen." Iris offered softly.

"I just don't know if I can." Willow shook her head. "Some of it's gonna sound…" She took another breath. "Insane." She admitted.

"You'd be surprised how much of insane I understand." Iris smiled slightly. "And besides, I'm not here to commit you, I'm just here to listen and maybe offer some comment."

"When I was a witch, a good witch." Willow started after a moment of contemplation on how to begin. "A group of friends and I worked together to help keep people safe."

"A noble reason to start doing magic." Iris nodded.

"But then something bad came to town, really bad." Willow frowned at the memories.

"And you had to start using dark magicks?" The brunette filled in the obvious progression.

"She stole my girlfriend's mind and wanted to kill my best friend's sister." Willow stated her voice hollow.

"Stole her mind?" Iris couldn't help but note the fact.

"To add stability to her own fragile sanity she took other peoples." Willow realized she probably wasn't making any sense.

"Consumption of sanity?" Iris seemed to think for a moment. "Displaced Hell God?" She questioned and caused Willow's jaw to drop in shock and it took her a few moments to recover.

"Glorificus." Willow's throat tightened as she spoke the cruel creature's name.

"Wow." Iris nodded softly.

"I flipped, freaked, went straight from the hospital to destroy her." Willow began to retell those horrible days.

"The first time you used dark?" Iris interjected her questions quickly to get Willow to open up more.

"Yes." She answered and then paused. "Well no." She admitted. "But the first time I meant it to hurt someone, something with it." She pointed out the difference.

"A very important distinction." Iris agreed.

"But I had to do something, she hurt Tara. I had to hurt her back." Willow defended herself quickly.

"Why?" The one word was plain and straightforward.

"Because Tara is my everything, for me to let someone hurt her and do nothing is wrong." Willow reasoned. "She had to feel the pain I felt."

"What about Tara?" Iris caught up on the focus Willow had had at the time of the attack.

"Tara?" The question tripped Willow up.

"Shouldn't your first thought been to ease her pain?" The older woman followed up her initial query.

"I..." Willow stumbled.

"Your first thought was that Glory's actions hurt you, made you upset, took your everything. What about Tara?" Iris pushed.

"I was there for Tara." Willow replied. "When they let her out, I was there for her and I researched ways to get her back. To bring her back to me."

"But your focus was making Glory pay for hurting you." Iris challenged. "Even when you knew the magicks you were using could consume you."

"Tara is worth the risk." Willow defended.

"If you had asked her, would she think it was worth the chance of losing you?" Iris dug into the heart of what she was hearing.

"I couldn't ask her she..." Willow stopped as she realized what the other woman was saying. "Tara would never risk losing me, at least she wouldn't have then."

"You feel like she betrayed you don't you?" Iris pressed. "When she left you, made you face what you had become."

"NO!" Willow snapped quickly but had to bite her lip as soon as the admittance slipped from her mouth. "Maybe."

"Pandora, until you face these feelings. All of them, good and bad, you cannot win against this addiction. You cannot be in control if you are in denial." Iris pointed out. "You went to face a Hell God, and I bet that felt good, damn good. All that power, all that power was yours, you were like a Goddess standing up to a primal force seeking justice, seeking retribution for your pain."

"I was too angry to feel any of the power." The redhead slipped in her voice tight.

"Anger." Iris nodded.

"I just wanted her to hurt, her too loose something as important as I had lost."

Willow seethed breathing in sharply.

"Do you think she cared?" Iris questioned almost shocked by her own words. "Do you think a Hell God cared what pain you could cause her? I bet she laughed at you." The older woman stood up. "I bet she even let you have a few shots before she turned the tables."

"Are you saying I should have just left it and done nothing?" Willow frowned and watched the other woman's movements feeling small and beaten.

"I can't tell you in hindsight what was the best course of action." Iris shook her head slowly. "I can only point out to you the flaws in an approach that you obviously thought was righteous and justified. Magic does not use the scales that our hearts do Pandora, they do not see raw emotion as a force to be used without question."

"I had to get her back." Willow whispered

"I'm really not here to judge you." Iris sat back down.

"What if I want you too?" Willow asked suddenly she looked up at Hannah her eyes suddenly young and sad.

"Then I would call you a selfish child." Iris looked down at the redhead with a slight scowl.

"What?" Willow asked astonished.

"You acted like a spoiled little girl who had her toy broken in the playground, and instead of fixing the toy, you sought revenge for its injury." She kept her stare.

"I mended her as well." Willow stated her voice hard.

"As well?" Iris laughed tightly. "What as an afterthought? When it suited you? When you had time? Before or after you placed her mind under your control?" She bit back.

"It wasn't like that!" Willow objected. "We were busy, we had to find ways to stop Glory for good, and I spent all my time thinking about ways to get Tara back anyway. I wasn't the help I should have been to everyone else because I was working out ways to help Tara. I didn't control her mind I just took away some of the bad things."

"Did she ask you take the 'bad things'?" Iris questions continued relentlessly. "Did your friends really expect you not to have Tara as your main focus? Did you expect yourself to sit by while she was injured and not do everything you could to help her? Because if you didn't then I doubt you know even what love means."

"I don't know what I thought, what I expected, right now I don't know why I did anything that I did then, or even more recently." Willow frowned.

"But that is what you have to understand and accept Pandora." Iris moved over to sit and pulled her chair closer to the redhead. "The how is simple, magic. The why, the motivation, is what you have to come to terms with and walk forward from."

"But I'm afraid I won't like the answer." Willow admitted.

"I can guarantee you won't like it." Iris shook her head. "You'll hate it, you'll feel dirty and used, and you'll be angry for awhile and then feel totally hopeless. Then you will have to make a choice." She outlined softly.

"A choice?" Willow could hardly dare ask the question.

"Do I give my life to magic knowing that it can not give me anything in return now? Or do I make my life my own." The older woman answered slowly.

"But it could give me something couldn't it?" Willow challenged.

"The last time you did a spell what did it give you?" Iris challenged back.

"That's not what I meant." Willow refused to answer.

"It will give you one of two things Pandora." Iris held defiant green eyes. "Absolute power at the cost of everything, including your soul or it will give you death."

"I have given up magic Iris." Willow stated firmly.

"But it has not given up on you, not as long as it can convince you that it can make life better, easier, less painful or give you back what you have lost." Iris' voice softened a bit. "Everything that I say to you Pandora is only because I did not face what I had done not for a very long time, and it cost me dearly."

"What made you face it at all?" Willow asked taking a deep breath.

"Someone made me realize I had a choice." Iris took a slow breath.

"Who?"

"My sister." The older woman found it was her turn to admit a hard truth.

"I suppose I should let you go." Willow glanced at her watch suddenly not sure she could take this level of emotional exploration much longer.

"Pandora, you're not like the rest of the people who come here." Iris calmed things down slightly. "I can see it in your eyes: the pain, the understanding of life and death." She frowned. "I know it will be so hard, but you need help."

"I want help, I want to get better." Willow admitted.

"You have no idea how hard this is for me to offer but..." Iris took a deep breath. "Do you want to meet and talk without all the distraction?" She motioned to the room where the others would be.

"Are you sure?" Willow asked truly surprised by the offer. After all it wasn't Iris' job to straighten out her broken life.

"Yes." Iris smiled softly. "And before I change my mind we should set a time." She admitted her own failing.

"I only have the one class tomorrow." The hacker jumped at the offer.

"Fine, let me give you my address." Iris moved to her purse.

Buffy shifted slightly under the soft sheet and put a little distance between her own hot skin and Tara's.

"Did I ever think to ask you if these rooms had thick walls?" She teased as she reached up and tucked her tousled hair behind her ears.

"Do you honestly think I care?" Tara managed the words through her fast, but slowing breathing. Her face beamed with a beautifully satisfied smile.

"Good answer." Buffy grinned back as she took a deep breath and her lungs filled with the damp air that was scented with their lovemaking. She felt completely energized and exhilarated as she shifted up on her knees and moved her body to hover over Tara. "You are so beautiful." She appraised in awe as she dipped her head down and kissed the blonde's neck.

"And you are astounding." Tara breathed out heavily.

"Astounding?" Buffy leaned up momentarily and giggled.

"Did I really say that?" Tara giggled with her.

"Is that the nice Tara way of saying give me a second to catch my breath?" The Slayer laughed and forced herself to stay still.

"Well I haven't really ever tested my lung capacity as thoroughly as I have over the last three hours." She replied chuckling. "But they say aerobics are good for you."

"Drink?" Buffy grinned. "To replace fluids." She bounced slightly on her knees making the bed rattle a little against the wall.

"Good idea." The Wicca agreed laughing at her lover's never ending energy.

Buffy nodded rolling back and off the bed in a quick move. She felt energized, focused and most of all happy she decided as she pulled open the fridge and took out two bottles of water.

"For you." She sat back on the edge of the bed and opened one holding it out for Tara who was still sprawled out exhaustedly.

"Thank you darling." Tara moved herself slowly and carefully into a neater more upright position before taking the bottle.

"You're welcome." Buffy grinned as she chugged down her water. "Are you hungry? We could order something in." She questioned a bit worried as she focused on the deep red flush in Tara's face. As her mind cleared a bit from the passion she felt she realized she might have let her Slayer energy get the better of them.

"At the moment the only thing I'm craving is you." Tara's lip turned up into a seductive smile as she took small sips of her drink.

"Are you sure you don't have a touch of slayer stamina?" Buffy grinned and put her bottle on the side table as she scooted closer.

"I might need to sleep for a week after this, but it'll so be worth it." The Wicca reached out and put her water bottle down next to the Slayer's.

"I can't go a week without you." Buffy spoke honestly as she strongly but softly pulled Tara to her.

"Every hour apart is long enough." Tara agreed, moving easily to Buffy's body.

"I'm addicted to Tara." The Slayer grinned.

For a fraction of a second Tara stiffened in the embrace, her eyes darting aside as her lover's words sliced into her heart.

"Oh God, I'm sorry." Buffy froze as she realized what she had said. "Body on fire, brain hazy, stupid slayer." She frowned.

"No Buffy its okay." Tara evened her breathing and melted back into the embrace. "I know it's a good thing, your Tara addiction."

"How about I edit it to be Tara devotion?" Buffy smiled back as she rubbed her hands over her lover's skin.

"Perfect." Tara conceded nuzzling closer.

"I'm sorry if I don't always say the right things." Buffy apologized softly holding Tara tight to her.

"Buffy there is not right things or wrong things to say during this kind of time." Tara soothed. "Well unless you suddenly start talking about Xander or something." She grinned mischievously.

"No worry of that." Buffy laughed lightly. "Xander who?" She questioned with a wink.

"I love you Buffy." Tara briefly squeezed the Slayer.

"I love you Tara." Buffy returned the heartfelt words. "Before all the craziness happened, I can't say I ever in my wildest dreams though I would ever feel this much for someone, anyone, but I do."

"You really are turning into a poet aren't you?" The Wicca turned up her face in a smile as bright as her blue eyes.

"Lost poet syndrome." Buffy blushed slightly.

"Goddess this is going to sound like a strange request, but can we get dressed?" Tara asked the question softly.

"Dressed?" Buffy faltered for a minute. "Of course, if that's what you want?"

"It is, that is, I want to get undressed again very quickly, but I think you're going to want to be wearing something when we walk out of the dorm." Tara filled in the information.

"Okay." Buffy nodded not quite sure she understood what Tara was proposing but going along with it anyway. She kissed the blonde lightly and then pulled back moving to find her clothes that were strewn around the room with Tara's.

Tara similarly moved away and slipped back into the outfit she had been wearing. It was somewhat distracting that her body was alive and heated after recent hours of making love with Buffy. It didn't want to be enclosed again by fabric of any kind. The most it wanted was a cool sheet and the warm weight of the Slayer's body but still she dressed and took a place near the door.

"You okay?" She checked with Buffy.

The Slayer in turn reluctantly re-clothed herself, pulling on her boots in time to follow Tara's movements.

"Well a bit lost as to what you're planning but fine." Buffy admitted.

"Planning?" Tara laughed softly. "I'm not sure any of this is planned." She admitted as she pulled open the door and held out her hand for Buffy's. Buffy laughed and slipped her hand into Tara's letting herself be led along willingly. Tara glanced at the large dorm wall clock as the moved out along the corridor it was nearly twelve she realized so they still had time.

As the pair emerged from the building into the cool night air Tara's worries about time were lessened slightly as the music from the University dance hung heavy in the air.

"Come on." She encouraged with a light giggle as she pulled them into a gentle run. Her blonde hair blew around behind her as it was caught in the wind. Buffy easily kept pace with her lover, laughing as the cool air hit her flush skin and soothed it slightly, though the anticipation that was building inside her made it hard to cool down completely.

Tara led them quickly to the large conference center on campus where the Valentines ball was being held. Pushing boldly through the doors, the pair was hit by a wall of warmth and music. The doormen had long since given up their vigil and students were coming and going freely.

Pulling Buffy tighter beside her, Tara moved through the masses towards the dance floor. Most of the patrons were hung in close groups; chatting, drinking, smoking or laughing. The rest of the crowd were on the extended dance floor wrapped around their partners, lost in the slow rhythm of the love ballads churned out by the surprisingly calm DJ.

Ignoring all the calls of 'Hey Tara!' and 'Tara didn't think you were coming' the blonde Wicca moved straight to an open spot on the dance floor. She pulled Buffy to a gentle halt and then turned so that they were facing each other.

"Happy Valentines day." She whispered as the last few chords of the old song began to fade.

"Happy Valentines day." Buffy whispered back looking around at the foreign world for a moment and then to the blue eyes that watched her lovingly.

Tara offered her hand as the first few bars of the next song began. Buffy reached past the hand that came towards her and stepped in to loop her arms around Tara's neck. Tara rested her hands on Buffy's hips and slowly drew her closer. While Sarah Mclachlan's voice added words to their silent emotions, their bodies melted together again to dance.

"Willow..." Danielle moved up behind her shorter friend and interrupted the hacker's conversation with another student. "Come outside with me for a bit." She put out the suggestion with a slight amount of agitation.

"Outside? Danielle I only just got here, and besides Jen was just telling me about all the action I missed earlier, I am so disappointed I missed Leon trying to kiss Kristy." Willow didn't even turn from her conversation.

"Come on, I hate this song." Danielle glanced back at the dance floor wishing she could put up a barrier or something. "Just come outside, Jen will come with us and tell you all the gossip." She nodded to the dance floor and Jen's eyes went wide as she realized the problem.

"Yeah come on Willow, it's stuffy in here and besides I think Terry is outside." Jen looped her arm into the redhead's intending on leading her to the exit.

"Why should I care where Terry is?" Willow stepped back a little moving to pull her arms free. "Why don't I just go and ask the DJ to..." She turned her head to look across the dance floor. "Tara." The horrified whispered stuck soundly in the hacker's throat. "Maybe outside is good." Unable to turn away Willow began backing up, she treaded on peoples feet and chair legs as she blindly tried to retreat.

"Outside." Danielle underlined as she and Jen began apologizing to the people Willow was stepping on and followed her closely till they reached the front.

"I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay." Willow repeated her mantra over and over as she leaned hard against a wall trying to draw breath into her gasping lungs.

"I can't believe the nerve she has." Danielle started in trying to help Willow feel better.

"And did you see that tramp she's with? I mean you are a hundred times better looking than her." Jen added fumbling in her purse to get Willow a tissue.

"A thousand times better looking." Danielle backed up moving over to put an arm around Willow and help stabilize her. Willow fought to control her breathing, trying to battle against the feelings threatening to totally overpower her.

"Th-Th-That's Buffy." She managed to say.

"Buffy?" Danielle's eyes went wide. "As in Buffy Summers?"

Willow dipped her head and nodded as things began to slow a little in her spinning mind and settle in her flip flopping stomach.

"I didn't really mean the tramp part." Jen backtracked. "More that you and Tara look better together."

"I need to go." Willow tried to collect herself and stand straighter.

"Do you want us to come with?" Danielle questioned not sure what was going through the redhead's mind as she recomposed herself.

"No I need to g-get away." Willow shook her head as she pushed off from the wall.

Buffy didn't even feel the rest of the world. Her eyes had gently closed as Tara held her safe and the world became about the gentle sway of the music within them. She barely even heard the lyrics, barely realized that she was in a room of close to five hundred people slow dancing with another woman.

Death had changed her. It had been a fact she'd been trying to ignore, trying to embrace, trying to do anything other than just accept. Her mom dying had forced her to realize she was not the world's true keeper, time was that and she had no power. Not over a second, a minute or a life. She could rage against the dying of a light all she wanted, some days the flame would stay lit and the monsters under the bed would die under her hand and sometimes the monsters would rise again and the light would go out anyway. It was all part of a cycle that she was starting to understand.

Death had been her gift. A gift to give Dawn life, a life that her sister had never really been given until the moment the portal closed. But the cryptic message of the first slayer had confused her. Confused her into believing that was where her role ended, when the truth was it was only the beginning. Possibly one of the most truthful and useful things that Spike had ever told her was that after awhile a slayer craves death, craves giving up the fight and if she was honest she'd been there. But unlike the others she'd had death, had the bliss of whatever that was and now had life again.

Here in Tara's arms, she could see for the first time that maybe death had held another gift. A passage away from her own cold feelings, a route through the heart of the darkness she was forced to deal with everyday and a promise of something better on the horizon if she only kept fighting.

"Still with me?" Tara whispered gently in Buffy's ear.

"Yes." Buffy pulled her head back a little looking into blue eyes that sparkled with the lights from the dim dance floor. "Just thinking how lucky I am."

"I'm the lucky one Buffy." Tara said softly.

"Tied?" A slow smile spread across the Slayer's face.

"Tied." A warm somewhat surprised smile crossed Tara's face at the Slayer's unpredicted comment met her ears.

As they made the agreement the soft song melted into something with more of a techno dance beat. Quickly the floor around them filled up until everyone was tightly packed together.

"Hi Tara." A petite brown haired girl danced by and waved at the blonde.

"Keisha." Tara looked around at the voice to identify who it was before looking back at Buffy. She held her hands loosely around the slim waist of her girlfriend, making it easier if Buffy wanted to slip away.

"Hey Tara." A tall lanky slightly awkward guy was dragged by as his partner tried to get him to dance. "I didn't think you were coming." He questioned over the music.

As Buffy watched so many of the other students take the time to say hello to Tara, she was amazed if she was honest. Tara's usually self-conscious demeanor seemed shattered by this large circle of friends. She smiled as Tara gave her the room to flee and instead she instantly decided to keep her place. If Tara wanted her to move she'd have to make the move away.

Tara returned the various greetings. She was pleasantly surprised when Buffy didn't step away. In a show of appreciation Tara moved herself around behind Buffy holding the blonde around the waist from behind.

"You're popular." Buffy teased and leaned into the body behind her.

"Not really." She blushed lightly.

"Hey Tara, the picnic impressed eh?" Todd's bright call came from beside the pair as he walked into view with his girlfriend.

"Very much, thank you." Buffy looked up at the young man who had so sourly led her to the grove.

"I'm glad." He said sincerely. "Amanda this is Buffy, Tara's girlfriend." He introduced his partner to the Slayer.

"Hi." Buffy nodded from her place in Tara's arms.

"Hi, Todd was telling me about the set up Tara had prepared for you, so romantic." The young girl enthused as she squeezed Todd's hand and smiled broadly at Tara and Buffy.

"Very." Buffy agreed grinning broadly back.

"We have a table and drinks Tara." Todd pointed somewhere behind him offering a place to the Wicca. Tara glanced at Buffy, her eyes asking all she needed to know.

"Up to you." Buffy smiled back telling Tara she didn't mind either way.

"Why don't we meet up in the week Todd?" Tara offered. "I'm feeling slightly tired."

"You're looking a little beat." He smiled at the happy couple. Tara squeezed Buffy lightly and the Slayer looked away with a guilty grin. "Lets say Tuesday night." Todd offered and Tara nudged Buffy to remind her she needed her to confirm.

"What?" Buffy questioned softly having assumed Todd's offer was to Tara and not the both of them.

"Tuesday night sweetie, are we free?" Tara asked softly.

"Oh we." Buffy took in a short breath. "Yeah we're free."

"Great." Todd gave a content nod, "Take your girl home Tair, looks like she needs her bed.

Tara managed to turn her face into Buffy's hair before she giggled softly. Her usually pale cheeks glowed red as Buffy joined in.

Willow wasn't sure she even knew where Marakow Drive was but as she almost tripped over a grate in the sidewalk and her eyes caught sight of the road sign that clearly indicated that she was at '34 Marakow Drive'.

'What are you doing Willow?' She asked herself as she stumbled along down the small residential road. 'It's nearly one in the morning and you're in the middle of nowhere.' She stopped and closed her eyes dragging a painful breath into her lungs. As she did though the image of Buffy cradled in Tara's arms glared back at her forcing her to flick her eyes open again.

"Willow?" Heather rounded the short corner of the street to see the redhead standing alone in the dim streetlight. She wound the dog lease further around her hand to shorten the large Newfoundland sheep dog running room.

"Heather?" Willow looked around almost blindly pulling the recognition out of nowhere.

"You okay?" Heather could easily see the distress on the hacker's face, which had to explain why she was walking down a dark street at almost one in the morning.

"I..." Willow looked between the dark haired woman and the beautiful dog and then burst into tears.

"Whoa." Heather jogged over to her quickly. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"I went to the d-d-dance." Willow almost recoiled from Heather sobbing harder.

"Come inside." Heather bit her lip as she moved over and opened the gate, letting the large dog off its leash to roam forward freely.

"I don't deserve you to be nice." Willow hung back shaking her head in fact all of her fragile form shook.

"Willow, you haven't done a damn thing to me to not deserve a cup of tea and a shoulder to cry on." Heather moved back and put her arm around the redhead pushing her forward. "So just move before I pick you up." Her voice was playfully stern as she tried to get Willow to move.

Willow somehow managed to make her feet inch forward as Heather directed.

Part Eleven

Buffy shifted and sat on the edge of the ledge behind her. Even with all her slayer skills she wasn't quite sure how she managed the maneuver as at the same time Tara was kissing her breath away. They had decided to take the long way back to the dorm, winding through the open corridors of the buildings.

The choice had seemed like a mistake when they had got a little distracted in one of the halls and a security guard had shooed them away. To the Slayer's surprise Tara had produced a key to one of the history annexes and now tucked away amongst old books and maps they had privacy.

"Mmmmm I though you were tired?" Buffy teased as she felt hands press slowly under her shirt and creep up her stomach. The Wicca's standing position between her legs gave the blonde easy access to the Slayer's body.

"You're the one I had to put to bed." Tara smirked spreading her fingers over Buffy's flesh.

"How could you resist such a direction?" Buffy threaded her fingers into blonde hair kissing Tara deeply.

"Mmmmm." Tara moaned into the kiss as she slid her hands around and then down to rest over the curves of Buffy's butt.

"If another security guard interrupts us I'm going to very gently knock him out." Buffy growled as she kissed the blonde hotly and moved her hands down to undo Tara's skirt.

"Very gently." Tara agreed distracted. "But I locked the door." She pulled back her hands to lift the key into Buffy's line of sight before dropping it onto the ledge nearby. She finished the Slayer's effort and soon her skirt pooled at her feet.

"Better and less painful for the security guard." Buffy moved her arms back for a moment to peel the layers off her upper body.

Tara quickly removed her own top leaving her only in the red satin set she'd bought for Buffy. Buffy used the moment of busy separation to undo her own skirt and slip it off to meet Tara's on the floor.

"I hope you didn't mind me taking you over to the dance." Tara moved back closer to Buffy.

"It was nice." Buffy admitted softly as she wrapped her arms around the blonde again. "Being out, around people... being there with you."

"I didn't think to ask that maybe you weren't ready to be seen with me." Tara traced her finger up along the lace at the top of Buffy's bra.

" I don't..." Buffy took in a slow ragged breath as her body arched forward a little. "Mind."

"It felt so right, being there, dancing with you" Tara traced the weave of the red silk slowly.

"Meant to be." Buffy agreed as she ran her hands over Tara's creamy shoulders.

"I don't want to hurt Willow Buffy, but..." Tara drew her fingers up to lightly cup Buffy's chin and then drew the Slayer's face upwards so she could look into hazel eyes. Buffy moved as she was urged and held blue eyes waiting for her lover to continue. "I think I want to come home." She whispered finally.

"You do?" Buffy felt her heart slam up into her throat.

"I mean not if you don't think I should, I m-m-mean obviously you and Dawn come first, and Willow of course..." Tara suddenly lost her confidence and she pulled her hand back from her lover's chin.

"No, no, not what I meant." Buffy reached up in a snap reflex to catch the retreating hand. "I meant... you want to move home with me?" Her voice was softer and slightly awed.

"I meant what I said earlier Buffy, every hour I don't see you is longer than the rest. It's hard not waking up with you beside me, well on top of me." She smiled her crooked smile.

"Selfish sleeper." Buffy smiled back as she gave her standard answer. "I want you to come home." She added in a whisper leaning forward to kiss Tara softly.

"I don't want to be selfish Buffy. I mean I don't want to move back in tonight, that is I do, but it's going to take planning I know that." Tara explained her own rationale.

"Planning, not tonight." Buffy nodded. "But soon." She kissed her lover again.

"Mmmmm soon." Tara took the kiss deeper moving her hand back to caress the silky bra. She eased her fingers under to graze against the heated skin beneath the material.

"Not right now, other things right now." Buffy groaned as her body arched further into Tara's hands and she hooked one leg around the blonde drawing her closer.

"What do you do to me?" Tara breathed the question as she lavished kisses on Buffy's exposed throat. "I'm supposed to be the shy witch."

"I don't know what I do, but I don't want it to stop." Buffy admitted tilting her head so that Tara could nuzzle in closer.

Tara immediately moved to fill the space offered, her lips covering as much warm flesh as they could. She closed her eyes and lost herself in the feelings that filled her to overflowing. Being with Buffy was not like anything else she had ever experienced. Willow had loved her gently, tenderly and with passion but with Buffy there was something else. There was intensity and energy that she could only guess came from her lover's slayer status. An energy that somehow linked to Tara's inner soul and led it forwards to a new place. Actually as Tara made her kisses slightly harder she realized she had no idea what made her behave this way with Buffy. It just wasn't something she could ever explain, it just was the dynamic between them.

Buffy's moans reverberated through Tara's lips and fuelled her burning desire more. She latched lightly onto a small flushed patch of skin, licking and sucking gently as her hand cupped Buffy's breast. She ran her thumb back and forth over the contrasting hard and soft flesh.

"Darling." Buffy moaned out the short word as Tara's attention made her body surrender its defenses and a swell of pleasure rose within her.

It was then that an element of clarity entered Tara's mind. The difference between the way Buffy and Willow made her feel, was just that. One was Buffy and one was Willow, the defining factor that would never change.

Sucking a little harder Tara let her hand squeeze the soft flesh beneath her fingers. Making love to Buffy, with Buffy was like walking in a summer rainstorm, refreshing, renewing and invigorating all at the same time. Releasing the hot skin between her lips, Tara drew her tongue over and over the recently released flesh before sucking it lightly again as her other hand slid down Buffy's body cupping her ass lightly.

"Mmmmm Tara." Buffy moaned again as Tara's hand moved. She freed her hands from flowing blonde hair, down to cover over the silk that cupped Tara's breasts.

"God, I'm sorry did that hurt?" Tara pulled her lips free.

"No." Buffy shook her head softly. "That was a mmm... good mmm."

Tara took a moment in the dim light of the annex to appraise the skin she'd been so attracted too. She quickly moved her hand from Buffy's breast to rest on the patch hoping perhaps what she was seeing wasn't right.

"Oh Buffy." Tara sounded worried as she moved her finger over the small patch.

"What?" Buffy couldn't place the blonde's concern.

"I think I…" She rubbed lightly looking at Buffy's neck with a furrowed brow.

"You gave me a hickey?" Buffy put on a mock look of horror.

"Oh I'm sorry." The Wicca's face blossomed into a full-blown frown when she didn't' catch the humor in Buffy's tone.

"Tara, it's okay." Buffy laughed and hugged the witch.

"I've never ever done that before, I…" Tara blushed. "I didn't know I knew how." She chuckled getting more embarrassed.

"Well I think it's pretty much just a sucking thing." Buffy giggled and kissed her lightly. "And I can vouch for the fact you know how to do that well." The honest comment made Tara blushed even more.

"I didn't hurt you did I?" She worried.

"I'm fine." Buffy shook her head. "Marked as yours and loving it." She grinned.

"You could return the favor." Tara smirked.

"You'd want me too?" Buffy smiled a little shocked that Tara would want that, mostly because the Wicca didn't seem big on childish high school throwbacks like hickeys.

"I've never had one." Tara admitted.

"Never?" Buffy raised an eyebrow and Tara shook her head. "Where would you want it?" She licked her lips.

"There are choices?" Tara asked genuinely surprised.

"You can have a hickey anywhere you have skin." Buffy filled in softly. "Do you want it where it shows or somewhere private?" She leaned in and whispered the options into the blonde's ear.

"Somewhere private would be nice." Tara replied her voice warm and thick.

Buffy nodded and kissed the ruby lips before her softly before leaning down and kissing Tara's throat before moving her lips lower. As she reached the swell of flesh that peaked out from the tight fitting bra she kissed lightly before picking an area and sucking harder.

"Mmmmm." Tara leaned her head back a little embracing the wave of heat that flowed into her from the point where Buffy's lips met her skin.

After a long time Buffy pulled her head back to inspect the area before she planted another firm kiss for a few more moments.

"There you go first hickey." Buffy grinned at the small heart shaped bright red mark. Tara glanced down and beamed as she traced a slightly shaking fingertip over the mark.

"Its beautiful." She appraised with a happy smile.

"It's a hickey, you're beautiful." Buffy leaned back up to kiss her. When she did Tara captured her lips and kissed her back hard.