Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all characters belong to Joss Whedon,
Mutant Enemy, and Fox.
Distribution:
The Mystic Muse http://mysticmuse.net
Anywhere else, please ask me first.
Feedback: Constructive comments are encouraged.
Spoilers: None.
Author's Notes: This is the first fan fiction I've ever written. I was
an immediate fan of BtVS from the first episode falling in love with the
characters, especially Buffy and Willow. When season six started to turn the
characters that I'd come to love into people I no longer recognized I began to
search the web to see if anyone else was as disheartened as I. What I discovered
was fan fiction, especially Buffy/Willow. I decided to rewrite things the way I
would like them to be and I came up with this.
I started writing in third person but as I became lost in the writing process I
switched to first person without realizing it.
Pairing: Willow/Buffy
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10
Prologue
In the beginning
The sun was shining down on soft green grass while gentle breezes softly moved among the topmost tree branches. The laughter of young children blended with the sunlight and wind to create an almost magical symphony, causing everyone young and old to smile just for the joy of being a part of such a beautiful day.
A dozen children who had just completed their first year of school played in the park, loving watched over by a few mothers. One young girl with blond hair in twin pony tails was casually hanging from the top most bars of the jungle gym. She wasn't concerned with her precarious position as she balanced on one foot with one hand casually keeping her body from tumbling forward. No, she was as comfortable in precarious positions as a most people only feel when safely ensconced in their big comfy easy chairs.
She didn't give it a thought actually, because her thoughts and focus were on the young girl kicking herself into long arches on the swing. At six years old, there was no thought about what she was feeling while looking at the girl on the swing. Only that she needed to look at her because it felt right. Seeing her just made her feel good. Nothing complicated, it just felt nice. There was no insightful analysis of the way the girl's soft reddish brown hair moved in cadence with the swinging arches. No aching desire to touch the bare skin of her legs as they pumped back and forth below the hem of her knee length shorts, none of the complexities of adolescent hormones. Just the rightness only felt with childhood innocence. None the less, this was another defining time in the nature of the young blond, even though she had no concept of the feelings portent.
Suddenly, the scene altered as the girl on the swing was sent careening by the malicious push of a dark haired boy who had rushed the girl from behind. She froze quickly, and a screech emanated from deep in her throat as she clutched desperately to the chains of the swing as they twisted above her like a rubber band on a toy wind up airplane.
The young boy laughed wildly at the chaotic scene he had caused, watching for her to swing back so he could increase her discomfort and thus his enjoyment. He never got the chance as a blond missile that had virtually launched from the bars of the adjoining recreational equipment slammed into him with enough force to send him crashing to the ground where his body and head smacked soundly into the grass. While not terribly hurt, the shock and sudden pain resulted in what happens to small children when in this situation. He began to cry.
The cause of his current position on the ground had turned immediately to throw her arms about the careening and twisting girl in the swing. With a thud and a grunt, she used every ounce of her small frame to halt the swing, bringing it to a stand still. She then very slowly turned the swing until it was completely untangled and steady. She then carefully reached out touching the girls face, and as she looked with concern into the girls green eyes, she said "You're OK now".
The girl looked back at her slowly getting her breathing under control and replied, "What happened Buffy?"
"Tony pushed you." Buffy replied simply; know that nothing else was necessary. Coinciding with the girls rescue, Tony's crying had quickly brought the attention of the mothers whose attention had been temporarily focused on the group of smaller children playing in the sandbox. They had quickly run over to Tony laying on the ground, and after sitting him up, asked him if he was all right and what happened. Tony's tearful reply was "Buffy hit me!"
The two ladies looked over at the accused to witness her with her arms protectively hugging the young girl in the swing with the other girl's arms desperately holding onto Buffy while quietly sobbing after her terrifying experience. The mother with raven hair who happened to be Tony's mother quickly walked over to the girls and grabbing Buffy's arm, yanked her away from the other girl while simultaneously yelling out, "Why did you hit Tony!"
"He pushed Valerie and hurt her." Buffy replied defiantly. Before things could escalate, the other mother grabbed the angry mothers shoulder and in a firm, forceful voice said, "Carla, let her go now. You're going to hurt her."
"But she hurt my Tony", the fuming mother spat out. "Tony is fine, but you're not going to be if you harm a six year old girl." The concerned woman said as she slowly, but forcefully pried Carla's hand from Buffy's arm.
"Besides, she was just protecting Valerie, you know how she is..., and you know how rambunctious Tony is..." The other mother left both concepts hanging in a knowing sort of way in an effort to get Carla's thought turned elsewhere.
"Yea, Lori. Just the way I'm getting with Tony." Carla responded knowingly as she calmed down and as her thoughts returned to her perceived feelings that Buffy's actions around Valerie bespoke of unnaturalness.
"Come on Carla, their just kids. Buffy just has a protective nature." Lori continued in her matter of fact tone.
"Yea, but she only protects the girls, and she's always close to Valerie." Carla argued back. "And don't you think its funny how such a tiny girl always wins her battles even against larger boys?" She added emphatically.
"So she's a tomboy, she'll grow out of it. By the time she's thirteen, all she'll be thinking about is how to get boys to like her." Lori replied with false confidence.
"You might be right; it would be hard to believe that such a pretty little thing could turn out to be a dyke." Carla replied with a touch of venom underlying her words.
Immediately after Carla's hand had left Buffy's arm, she immediately returned her attention and arms to comforting the still sobbing girl on the swing. Valerie again buried her head into the shoulder of the girl who always made her feel safe and happy. Buffy's right hand instinctively came up and stroked her hair the same way her mother had done to her when she had needed comfort.
She realized the two women were talking about her, but didn't understand what they were talking about except that Tony's mother was mad that she had knocked Tony down. She did sense on some level that they were talking about her, about beating up the mean boys was her take on the conversation. That is until the last part. She had been told she was pretty plenty of times, so that didn't surprise her, even though she knew she wasn't as pretty as Valerie. No, what caught her attention was the new word, 'dyke'. She could sense by the way the word was said that it was a bad thing. At least Tony's mom thought it was bad. But she had discovered that she didn't always agree with what Tony's mom said, hardly ever actually. As she continued to comfort Valerie, even though the girl was calmed down, she thought to herself that she would ask her mom, 'mom will know if it's really bad or not' she said to herself with confident nod.
That night after dinner, Joyce Summers, the woman that Buffy totally and completely trusted with the knowledge of her small universe was combing Buffy's hair after her evening bath. As she carefully stroked the golden hair she noticed the thoughtful pinch to Buffy's face causing the tiny vertical folds between her eyebrows. The one she had learned from experience that meant Buffy had a question she wanted to ask. All she had to do was wait until Buffy figured out how to put into words what was bouncing around in her very active mind. She didn't have long to wait, but she was totally unprepared for Buffy's topic.
"Mommy, what's a dyke?" Buffy asked with a determined air.
Joyce Summers wasn't oblivious to her daughter's tomboyish ways, but where the heck had she heard that awful word. Joyce didn't have any objections to lesbians, but she did have problems with derogatory terms for any group of people who were different from the accepted norm. Dyke, kike, nigger were all words that perpetuated false stereotypes. Now that the waiting was over, Joyce had to decide how to answer such a complex question in a way that a six year old girl could understand.
"Mommy?" Buffy asked turning her head slowly to gaze up at her mother, concerned over her mother's silence.
Joyce took a big breath and released it slowly and looked into her daughter's concerned face and immediately her eyes softened and her mouth curved up in a warm, loving smile. Buffy was immediately reassured by her mother's smile, and smiled back, patiently waiting for her explanation. "Well Buffy, it's not a nice word to use. It's a mean word." Joyce began.
"But what is it?" Buffy persisted.
"You know how your father and I are married and love each other very much?" Joyce asked, hoping to start off with something easily understandable.
"Yessss" Buffy replied slowly.
"Well, your father is a boy and I'm a girl. Most boys fall in love with girls and most girls fall in love with boys". Joyce continued slowly, watching Buffy's face for signs of confusion.
Buffy nodded slowly, and encouraged, Joyce continued.
"While most boys and girls are like your daddy and I, not all girls fall in love with boys. Some girls fall in love with other girls. There is nothing bad about this, it's just different. But mean people don't like people who are different and they make up nasty words to call them to hurt them. Dyke is a word that mean people use to hurt girls who fall in love with other girls." Joyce took in another breath, trying to anticipate Buffy's next question.
"If it's a bad word, is there a good word?" Buffy asked hopefully.
"There is a word that is in the dictionary. The word is lesbian." Joyce replied carefully.
"Lesbian", Buffy repeated the word. Saying the word slowly and committing it to her growing vocabulary.
Buffy thought back on the afternoon's events. Buffy was too young to worry about lying to herself or get involved with self-deceit. Once the concept was explained, the result was obvious. She didn't love boys, in fact she couldn't figure out what good they were for except to cause trouble, and she loved Valerie. She wasn't sure what love was except that she knew she loved her mommy and daddy 'cause she was safe and happy with them. She also knew she was happy when she was with Valerie and everything just felt right when they were together. She decided matter of factly that she loved Valerie. Since she loved girls that meant..." Buffy again looked at her mother and proceeded to push Joyce's parenting skill's to their limit.
"So I'm a lesbian, and Tony's mom is mean because she said I was a dyke." Buffy stated with finality.
Joyce's eyes shot open as a myriad of thoughts and emotions threatened to deluge her upon hearing her baby girls self declaration of something she couldn't possibly even begin to grasp the consequences such a belief would have on her little girls life. All these thought fighting with the desire to grasp Carla by her fat throat and rip her in two.
Buffy gasped as she saw the look of shock on her mother's face and Joyce quickly caught herself realizing the devastation she could cause if she didn't handle this properly. She immediately relaxed her face and smiled again. She placed her hands tenderly on her daughter's cheeks and said.
"Buffy, you're too young to be a lesbian. As you get older, you will change and boys will become nicer and what you feel for girls will just be friendly stuff."
Joyce silently prayed that this explanation would prevent Buffy from embarking on a possibly damaging path at such an early age.
"As for Tony's mother, yes, she is mean. That was a very mean thing for her to say." And incredibly stupid and insensitive Joyce thought to herself.
The thought of changing to the point of feeling for boys what she felt for Valerie caused Buffy to feel frightened and in a panic cried out to her mother, "But mommy, I don't want to change. I don't want to love boys. They're yucky. Please don't make me change mommy." The now frightened girl pleaded with her all powerful protector as tears began to spring from her bright hazel eyes.
Quick Joyce, she mentally slammed herself in the head, say something.
"Buffy, no one is going to make you change. You will only change if it's who you are meant to be. You started out as a little baby who couldn't talk or walk. Then you grew and learned to talk and walk and make friends. Changing is part of growing up. Who you are will change as you learn and grow, but what you are will always be. I'm just saying that you are too young yet to be sure of what you are." Joyce said desperately hoping to alter the course of Buffy's thoughts.
Buffy paused, sniffled and wiped her eyes as she thought about what her mother just told her. Buffy had to see thing in their simplest terms. She heard her mother say who and what she was, who would change but what didn't. So...
"What I am is a girl; I will always be a girl. Is lesbian a what?" Buffy questioned her mother.
"Yes Buffy, lesbian is part of what a person is, like being a girl. But unlike the girl part, being a lesbian is more complicated. Your body will keep growing, and while you will always be a girl, you will also become a woman when your body is finished growing. And you can't know you're a lesbian until your body becomes a woman." Joyce explained, hoping desperately that she could end this soon. She was running out of ways to explain this to a frightened six year old girl.
"But why do I feel like I'm a lesbian now?" Buffy persisted.
"It's probably because little boys are so mean and little girls are so nice. But you don't want to make yourself something now that may not really happen later." Joyce paused, deciding it was time to bring this to an end.
"Buffy, will you do me a favor, because I love you so much." Joyce said lovingly as she captured the young girl's eyes with hers.
"Yes mommy." Buffy replied with total trust.
"Please don't say anything about being a lesbian to anyone. Not anyone. Let's keep it between the two of us until you become a woman and then we'll be able to know for sure if you are a lesbian, OK Buffy? She softly said to the now calmed girl.
"OK, it's just a secret between us." Buffy said in agreement followed by another question that popped into her head.
"But is being a lesbian a problem?" Buffy asked now curious why this had to be a secret.
"Some people are mean to lesbians and try and hurt them, that's why I want you to keep it a secret until you know for sure because I don't want anyone to hurt you." Joyce explained with what she hoped was a finalizing tone to her voice.
"OK, I'll keep careful. This is like not talking to strangers, right mom?" Buffy said with inspiration. "Yes Buffy, that's it exactly." Joyce breathed out a sigh of relief as she bundled the now yawning girl up off to bed and what she hoped would be a trouble free night of sleep.
Chapter 1
Becoming a Woman
The school bell finished ringing and with the admonishment to be quiet and study from the teacher at the front of the class room, the 9th grade class off Milliken Junior High School quieted down, continuing conversations surreptitiously with the passing of notes or in whispers.
Buffy Summers needed no change, there was no one she had been speaking with, no one laughing at anecdotal comments that she would share with friends since she had no friends. Today was the last day of Junior High. She was fifteen years old, and she was again continuing her analysis of whom and what she was. She never forgot that long ago conversation she had with her mother. Looking back, she realized that her mother had done a pretty decent job of explaining things and her final advice wasn't bad either. Not about waiting until she was a woman to discover if she was a lesbian, the other advice about keeping it a secret until she was grown up.
The year after that conversation, Buffy kept quiet and just continued on with enjoying being with Valerie. She had thought about telling Valerie that she loved her, but it never felt necessary to do so. That is until after Valerie's family moved away, she wished she had told her, thinking at the time that maybe she wouldn't have left her if she knew she loved her.
When her mother found her crying in her room the night she found out she was gone, Joyce explained that it wasn't Valerie's choice. She had to go with her family. She missed Valerie for the rest of the school year, especially since she was about the only friend she had. All the boys were afraid of her and while the girls were OK with her because she had kept the boys from being too mean, Buffy could also interfere with their getting closer with boys. So they just avoided Buffy altogether.
Buffy had tried to talk with her mother about her feelings a couple of times but was put off with the wait until you're older answer. Buffy figured out that her mom was just hoping she would grow out of it, waking up one day and be all boys crazy. Well that hadn't happened and being a woman now, albeit a young one, she had no doubts whatsoever regarding her sexual orientation. She now knew all the right words to describe what she was and also was aware of the nasty ones also. Though most of the phrases some how included the hated word 'dyke'.
When she first entered junior high she thought to herself that she would at least pretend to be interested in boys so that at least the girls would talk to her. Actually, she was trying to find out if any of the girls felt like she did. She suspected there were a few others. She would notice the way some of the girls would let their gaze linger maybe just a little too long as teen age hormones messed with their ability to remain nonchalant. She had even made friends with Debbie. Buffy had figured out that if you dressed in a way that attracted boys, no one suspected you weren't straight, with the added advantage that she also attracted the ones for whom she was really wearing short skirts and skimpy tops.
Debbie was one of these girls. She had long brown hair, a pretty face and incredibly long legs. She could have sworn that Debbie was six feet tall, but she insisted that she was only five-ten. To Buffy's five feet and two inches, it was close enough.
A couple of months after becoming friends with Debbie, Buffy was pretty certain that Debbie was gay but terribly afraid of the possibility. Debbie's halfhearted interest in boy talk became nearly non existent once she realized that when they were alone, Buffy made it clear, in a non responsive sort of way that discussing boys didn't appeal to her.
One Saturday, Debbie was over at her house and they were just hanging out in Buffy's room and Debbie was laughing at Buffy's pantomime of Ms. Dever's description of proper hygiene during menstruation.
Buffy thought to herself how cute Debbie looked and just blurted out, "You have the cutest laugh. I want to be a comedienne just so I can make you laugh all the time."
Debbie had blushed scarlet and Buffy felt her breathing quicken as she approached Debbie, placing her right hand on her cheek, Buffy gently brought their lips together. Debbie was very still for a moment and then leaned into the kiss and that was all Buffy needed. Buffy deepened the kiss and finally felt herself in sync with her desires. She was kissing another woman and was being kissed back. All was right and she wanted to yell it from the highest mountain.
'The higher you climb, the farther you fall." Buffy thought ruefully. Monday morning at school, she discovered that Debbie had shared their afternoon of discovery with her friend Michelle.
Michelle, for whatever reason that she wasn't sharing but supposedly to protect her friend Debbie from being brain washed by some dyke had concocted a cover story. The long and the short of it was that I had tried to seduce Debbie, and Debbie had gone crying to Michelle about the terrible ordeal. I was outed, ostracized and literally spat upon. I was even jumped by four girls who were part of a gang just because they thought I would be an easy mark.
These girls didn't know about my reputation before junior high, and none of the boys who I had beaten up in grade school were anxious to advertise the fact. The end result was a pretty much a draw. I had a split lip, a black eye and bruised and bleeding ear from being kicked in the side of the head. Between the four of them, they had 5 black eyes, 3 split lips and at least 2 cracked ribs, also two broken fingers on the one who tried to scratch my eyes. I don't take kindly to fighting dirty, unless I'm forced into it.
All five of us were suspended for 3 days. When we got back to school, everyone gathered around them wanting to know what happened and I was avoided like a wino looking for a handout. I would occasionally get some sympathetic looks from some of the other girls who I suspected were gay, but no one would dare be seen befriending me. Junior high was very lonely. The upside was I got straight A's since I didn't have anything else to do (except read 'Ruby Fruit Jungle' for the umpteenth time).
Now it's the last day of junior high. In three months, I'll start high school at Hemry. Mom suggested that I try out for cheer leader since I'm so athletic and all. Mom of course knew about the fight and suspected what it was about. She started to ask me about it and then stopped and told me she was glad I wasn't hurt too badly and that I was able to defend myself. She asked me if it would happen again and I said I doubted it.
She asked me to be careful and told me she loved me. She then went downstairs to talk with Dad, and I closed my door in preparation for the next round of yelling that had started a little after New Years of that first year I spent in junior high. I knew she had tougher things on her mind, so I didn't bother her with my problems, I had already proven I could handle every thing on my own. I just had to remember not to trust anyone. I couldn't have what I needed most, at least not until I was someplace safe, yea, as if there is such a place.
Chapter 2
The Watcher
Having a lot of time to myself accomplished several things during my exile in junior high. I did a lot of reading which exposed me to different perspectives and forced me to think things through. This is very important because I'm a very emotional person. I tend to just want to rush in and get things done and worry about the consequences later.
I was looking for ways to be more appreciative of being gay, even though it was turning to be pretty lonely so far, and I came to the realization one day that if I had been straight, I would probably just be another blond, southern California ditz. That was almost as scary as the thought of being groped by some smelly, testosterone driven boy. The other thing was that after two and a half years of keeping a low profile, anyone I was at Milliken with totally forgot about what had happened in light of trying to survive at Hemry. Coming in at the lowest rung of the food chain tended to put personal survival above all else.
Because of my grades and test scores, I was enrolled in the AP courses. I didn't mind, I had discovered that I liked being challenged intellectually. I even like the idea that I could conjugate a sentence properly, though I wouldn't think of doing so in a conversation with any class mates. Also, I took my mom's advice; I tried out for cheer leader rather than any of the girl's athletic teams. I did seriously consider trying out for track, but there was some perception that athletic women might be gay. I think it has to do with some movie 'Personal Best' I think. I tried renting it once, but the video store said I needed to be 17. It's on my "When I'm old enough list". The list is now four and a half pages long, half of them would probably make my mother faint.
Anyway, the cheerleader thing is actually ok. The routines are really fun and allow me to work up a good sweat and get my juices flowing. I just have to be careful when I have to hold one of the other girls in a routine. Can't let them know how much I enjoy that particular aspect of cheer leading or I'll have a repeat of junior high quicker than you can say alleyoop.
I have made friends with the girls on the cheer leading squad and while only one of them is in AP classes with me, they're not too bad to talk with as long as I can keep the conversation away from boys. I usually switch to talking about fashion. They all readily talk about fashion and it's something that I do know about and enjoy, though I do feel anything more than 15 minutes tends to become inane unless their talking about Victoria's Secret. When they do, I just shut up totally and listen, nodding my head in encouragement to anyone willing to continue the discussion. But I never allow myself to talk during these times knowing that my enthusiasm would quickly reveal my true interest. I also have to work hard at controlling my breathing, especially when Vicki pulls out the latest catalog and points out the latest line of lingerie. The first time she did that, I nearly fainted.
The others noticed my reaction, but thought that I'm just really innocent. I play the innocent card when they talk about boys and sex. While I feel like gagging hearing about the two in the same conversation, I pretend embarrassment.
While Vicki and Lauren seem to derive pleasure in seeing me embarrassed with these conversations, I tolerate it to maintain my cover and also because they do the Victoria Secret thing also to get a rise out of me. I've learned to take the bitter with the sweet. I've read about how Jews at their Passover meals do something representative of this concept. I hope to make friends with someone Jewish someday who might allow me to share this experience.
I celebrated my sixteenth birthday last week. Dad took me to the Ice Capades, without mom this year. The tension between them is awful. I get ill just thinking about it. Dad keeps coming home later and later and sometimes he works all night. I don't see him too much anymore, so the Ice Capades and dinner with him were really cool. I don't think of my dad as a guy, he's my dad. It's outside of guy territory, though I have started to think of him as a guy when he's yelling at mom. He reminds me of Tony when he would try and harass Valerie. It makes me really sad to think that my dad could be anything like Tony, anything like a guy.
Now that I've got all those recent thoughts out of the way, here comes the strange stuff. I woke up this morning feeling really lightheaded and just a little queasy. I looked in the mirror and my face was really flushed. I took my temperature and it read 103.4. I took a shower and then told my mom how I had felt after waking up and about my temperature. She asked how I felt now and I realized that I wasn't light headed anymore or queasy. In fact, I felt really good. She decided to take my temperature again just to be sure. This time it was normal. I didn't have a clue as to what happened, but I headed off to school feeling better than I could ever remember feeling, almost euphoric. Feeling euphoric is one of the things on my list, just not having to do with school, so I'm not crossing it off yet.
When I got to school, I went to my locker and Janice came up to me to talk about the Science project we were assigned last Friday. As I'm listening to her talk, I suddenly felt threatened from behind and without thinking, I spun around and grabbed a hand that was just about to grab my derriere. I instantly recognized the perpetrator as Craig Flower, an obnoxious football type who had been trying to get me to go out with him. All this information processed at the same time that my other hand reached up and grabbed him by the throat and I then completed my spin by tossing him over my head and onto the floor like he was a blowup doll.
Now Craig is a junior and a varsity linebacker, six foot two and weighing in at about 215. So he made a loud thud as he hit the floor and made an even louder grunt. I had no idea what or how I had done what I had just done, but I knew I had to say something quick to divert attention. It's almost always the first one to speak who gets heard and believed.
"Craig I'm so sorry, you slipped on my orange peel I dropped." I yelled while quickly bending down, pretending to wipe something up with a tissue.
Craig wasn't about to even consider that he had just been tossed around by a tiny little girl, so he quickly accepted the apology and then got a look on his face.
"No problem Buffy, but if you really want to make it up to me, you'll go to Thompson's party with me Saturday night." He said in a confident manner, thinking he had me cornered.
Well I don't like to be manipulated, so I fell back on my standard excuse. "That sounds like it would be fun Craig, but I'm not allowed to go out with guys until I'm sixteen." I replied in my most conciliatory tone.
Having heard this one before, Craig new it was hopeless and just let out a grunt and stomped away.
Everything happened so quick, I hadn't had time for what happened to register yet. I wanted to figure out what was going on, but something was telling me that major wiggins could ensue, and I better be someplace where I could indulge in a major freak out without anyone seeing. I clung to this sage advice and went about classes as if nothing had happened.
Everything was going along fine until cheer leading practice. I was out of time on all the routines. I was ahead, moving too fast. I was jumping too high and when I did the leap off the human tower, I overshot by twenty feet.
Seeing that I had misjudged, I went into a tuck and roll as I hit the ground springing up after the roll feeling exhilarated and somewhat embarrassed. I turned to the rest of the squad and apologized profusely, and claiming dizziness, retreated to the locker room. That's when I fell down the rabbit hole. Only the rabbit turned out to be a nice old guy who wore tweed and said his name was Merrick.
Chapter 3
The Letter
I have everything that happened with Merrick written down in a separate journal. My time with Merrick is very personal and special. Someday I will share it, but not now. All I will say is that because of Merrick, I was able to handle the loss of my father.
I will always treasure the times when he was my Dad, but in the last few years, those times were few and far between. And the pain it was inflicting on my mother made me realize that as much as I hated not having both my parents in my life, my mother had suffered enough.
I wanted to know why my parents couldn't get along, but I was afraid to ask. I was afraid that dad couldn't handle that his little girl was a lesbian, a 'dyke'. I knew mom loved me no matter what I was, but I wasn't sure dad would, and I was afraid to find out. I didn't want to be the reason my parents divorced.
But getting back to Merrick, he helped remind me that there are good men out there. That it was possible to trust without having the trust betrayed. He also confirmed for me that trust must be earned and never violated and that to trust was too valuable to be given freely. I know that sounds harsh, but this is life and death. There are no second chances. Enough said about that except for 'The Letter'.
Merrick died for me. He's only supposed to watch, I'm the one who's supposed to die. Actually, I'm supposed to slay. Dying is only supposed to happen if I screw up. And I had screwed up royally. I wasn't ready a Master Vamp. Oh yea, that's what I slay. Get this; I'm Buffy, the vampire slayer. When you finish laughing, feel free to catch up with story when you're ready. Really, it's OK. I still giggle every time is say it. Even though I know better than anyone how unfunny it really is.
Where was I, oh yea, I screwed up. Merrick sacrificed himself so that I could survive to fight another day. I want to share his last words with you. I don't need them written down, they are forever burned into my memory. I just feel better putting them down to remind myself for Merrick, I can't ever give up. I won't allow his death to be meaningless.
"Buffy, I have lived many lives as a Watcher. I've tried to save the best slayers from the cruelty of the Council. And you are by far the best. You have the potential of finally breaking the hold of the Council and creating something that will truly fight evil. You are worth dying for Buffy. Take this key and open my chest. In it you will find a letter with your name on it. Read that letter tonight and commit it to memory. I won't be around to protect you from the damned test, but I hope the instructions I have left will enable you to survive the Council's evil."
I retrieved that letter and have committed it to memory and pledged myself to fulfilling the promise and hope Merrick saw in me. I now have a new list. As with my other list, I will only reveal what's on it once I complete each task. This list I call my "Before I die" list. I refuse to die until every task on this list is completed. So I swear.
Chapter 4
Willow
Welcome to Sunnydale. The sign seemed like a joke. It was all so peaceful. So mundane, why am I in Sunnydale? Well, four weeks ago, I turned sixteen. One week after that I became the slayer and all within two more weeks, I had gotten my watcher killed, slayed the master and roasted his minions and my parents are getting divorced.
After burning down the school gym, even though they couldn't prove I did it, my dad said he couldn't handle me anymore. He actually suggested military school, but my mom won that battle.
Two things saved me. One, some of the kids claimed that I saved a bunch of them from some biker gang (that's easier to believe than vampires) and two, my grades were excellent, well except for missing half my classes the last 2 weeks before the dance where I dusted the vamp that had killed Merrick and fried all his minions using the gym as an incinerator.
Merrick said one of my strongest features was my ability to improvise. Merrick would have been proud. Those two items saved me from prosecution, not from expulsion. That along with mom needing to get a job brings us to Sunnydale.
Mom has a degree in art history and had worked in a museum and some art galleries off and on but hadn't had any thing to add to her resume for a few years, having decided to be a stay at home mom.
Mom had two items on her list, get a good paying job dealing with art and find me a high school that would accept me which meant outside the LA school district. Sunnydale is almost two hours outside LA and mom thought it would be perfect for a new art gallery that would cater to buyers from Santa Barbara to Monterey.
I was expecting a really small town, but was pleasantly surprised. Population was around one hundred thousand. They even had a real mall with a Cineplex.
There was also a university, UC Sunnydale. And I was all set up for Sunnydale High School. We arrived on Saturday, two hours before the moving van and got settled into a really quaint two story wood frame house with a nice big porch. I kept telling myself this was going to be OK, even though I was concerned about how I was going to fulfill my "Before I die" list being so far from the action. That was my first false assumption.
I was also excited about no one knowing me here, false assumption two.
I was looking forward to making new friends who would have no preconceptions of me. Well at least that part was right.
So Monday morning comes all sunny and bright and I move around boxes getting ready for school. I get a little nervous thinking about having to start all over again, but remind myself that it's like having a second chance to get everything right, kinda like ground hog day. I just hoped I didn't need that many times to get things right.
Mom drops me off in front of school and as I close the door, she calls out to me.
"Buffy," she says with a pleading quality.
"Yea mom," I reply.
"Try not to get kicked out school, OK", she finishes with hope in her voice.
"Yea mom, I'll try", I give her a big grin and hurry off.
As I'm walking up the front steps, I hear a thunk and thud behind me and glance back and see some pathetically dressed guy with a skateboard lying on the ground on his back under the guard rail. He shakes his head and I turn around and continue walking into school. I find the Administrative offices and let them know who I am. They tell me the principal, Mr. Flutie would like to talk to me.
Let's just say Mr. Flutie was embarrassing. He started to rip up my school record from Hemry claiming everyone got a fresh start and then taped it back together muttering something about burning down the gym. Not the best of starts, but at least I hadn't been kicked out yet.
I got my schedule and headed off to my first class with paperwork and class slips for my teachers in hand. I was told to go to the library on my first free period to get my books.
My first class was History. I gave my paper work to the teacher and grabbed an empty desk near the back next to a really pretty girl who dressed really well. She shared her text book with me during class and told me her name, Cordelia.
Pretty name I thought and I was encouraged by how openly friendly she was right off the bat, but trust must be earned, and the price of my trust is high. After class, we walked down the hall to the next class, stopping by the drinking fountain. Cordelia had been talking about how she wished she could be in LA for all the shoes or something and then started talking about hanging with her if I passed some cool factor test. I played along to see where it was going, but I was cooling fast. Cordelia was turning out to be a really bad cliché'. We stopped at the drinking fountain where some girl about my size with long red hair was getting a drink.
"Willow," Cordelia spoke out, "glad to see you've found the softer side of Sears".
"My mother picked it out." The embarrassed girl squeaked out, turned and ran.
She stopped at the hall exit and looked back. I then realized that I had been staring at her, totally dumbstruck at how beautiful she was and couldn't believe no one else could see it.
I then heard Cordelia saying something about watching out for the nerds but all I was thinking over and over in my head was a name. "Willow".
Lunch came and I went hunting, I needed to find her. I couldn't explain it, but I hadn't felt this strong a need since Valerie left. I walked out into the south court and saw her sitting on a bench, opening a lunch bag. I walked up to her and waved.
"Willow, right?" I said in what I hoped was a captivating way.
"You want me to move," she asks me. Looking at me with the most beautiful green eyes I have ever seen. I shake myself realizing what she's thinking and quickly respond. "Lets start over, I'm Buffy. I have a favor to ask. It doesn't involve moving, but it would involve hanging with me for awhile." Please say yes, I silently plead.
"Aren't you hanging with Cordelia?" She almost accuses me and I can't quite blame her for that one.
I decide to play safe for a bit longer and reply, "I can't do both?" I query.
"Not legally", she responds in all seriousness with a perfect deadpan.
I break out into a big grin, stifling my laughter, thinking she is just too adorable.
"Her loss then." I reply sitting down next to her on the bench. We are both straddling the concrete bench facing each other.
"As for the favor, I heard you're the one to talk to about getting caught up on classes and all." I let her know.
"I can totally help you out there, but you would really rather hang with me than Cordelia?" She says in disbelief with a hint of suspicion.
The suspicion in her voice cautions me not to come on too strong.
"Absolutely," I reply, "as for the reason why, I know Cordelia's type, knew it well in LA. They can't be trusted. And they have only two things on their minds, boys and clothes. Those conversations get really boring fast."
"You find talking about boys boring?" She asks cautiously.
Damn, I say to myself. Then I remember "The Letter". "To Thine own self be true." But could I trust this girl who I just met. I then decided to go with my instincts and said, "I guess I have to give a little trust before I can expect to be trusted, does that sound fair Willow?" I say softly, holding her gaze with my own.
"That sounds fair, but what do you trust me with?" She says back to me equally softly, and with anticipation of something important.
"The answer to your question is yes, Willow, I find discussion about boys very boring. I am trusting you with some very personal information about myself. All I ask is for you to trust that I would rather spend time with you than with Cordelia or any of her cronies. If we can get past this, then I think we could have the start of a real friendship. What do you say?" I almost plead with her, ready to run if she rejects my offer. I can't believe that I have exposed myself this quickly, this readily. I must be crazy. Then I look again into her eyes and know that she's worth the risk.
"I say friendship is good." A quick pause, a nod of her head and a pursed lip. "I trust you." She gulps out and then gives me this huge smile that would put the most beautiful sunrise to shame.
I can't help but grin goofily from ear to ear upon seeing it. Just then, the moment is shattered by loud smelly guys, one on each side of us. I glance at each of them in turn, ready to pound them if they threaten Willow. I look back at Willow and she still has her big happy smile and I relax. She looks at me and say's while pointing at the guy with the messy hair, "Buffy, this is Xander. Xander, Buffy. And this is Jessie." She finishes up pointing at the other one.
I want more time with Willow but these are obviously friends of hers, and Willow's friends are my friends I tell myself, even if they are male.
Xander starts off on some weird ramble about getting to be close friends and relationships and I just glance at Willow. She rolls her eyes at me, which causes me to chuckle and her to look pleased that I chuckled.
Just then Cordelia came up.
"Don't let me interrupt your downward mobility," she started while trying to shoo Jessie away. "But your meeting with the gym teacher is canceled because of the extreme dead guy found in the girl's locker room."
Jessie starts to offer some inane platitude about comfort and I interrupt him with a question to Cordelia.
"Any idea how he died?" I ask pointedly.
"Morbid much, I didn't ask", she states with a look of extreme disgust. Could be she got a whiff of Jessie.
I look around and then at Willow and say, "I gotta book, see you later?" I ask her.
"I'll meet you in the library, OK?" She replies.
"In the library." I repeat back to her.
I then head quickly off in the direction of the women's lockers. When I get there, I find the door locked. I decide not to break things my first day in school and go outside and see the large window open about 12 feet up.
I look around and see that I'm alone and launch myself up and through the opening. Good thing I'm a tiny little thing I murmur to myself. I land with a bit of a thunk on top of a row of lockers and quickly jump to the ground. I walk around until I see a tarp over what I assume to be a body. Gotta make this quick before the Coroner and cops arrive.
I pull back the tarp and turn the guys head and see the twin punctures in the side of his neck. "Bite me." I whisper.
I then check his mouth for any evidence that he had done any drinking. There was no residue in his mouth and no smell of vampire. I wouldn't have to track him down later for staking. But I would have to figure out who did the deed. But I could do that later. Right now I had a date to meet Willow at the Library. The thought of Willow immediately put a smile back on my face as I covered the corpse and left by way of the door. Making sure it closed quietly and completely after my exit. I then referred to the small map I had been given that morning of the school and made my way to the Library.
When I entered the Library, I was stopped by the feeling of power in the room, but I wasn't able to discern if it was good or evil. As I slowly walked towards the desk, a tall man, older than thirty but not grandfather age yet, came from a back room. He looked at me and said in a very British accent, "Can I help you?" He asked this while raising his eyebrows. The accent immediately made me suspicious.
"Yes," I replied, "I'm new and need some books." I stated simply.
He looked me more carefully and said "Miss Summers?"
"Good guess." I replied, almost certain now that this guy was a watcher.
"I have just what you're looking for." He stated gleefully and plopped out this huge old book with the title Vampyre.
"Wrong," I said looking right back at him. "I'm not registered for blood suckers 101. I need some textbooks, but now the dead guy in the locker makes more sense. I really hadn't expected vampires. Not in this quiet little town and especially not on my first day of school. What's going on with the guy who's had all his blood drained through two tiny holes in his neck? Are you handling it?" I ask, already knowing the pat answer.
"What am I to do about it? I'm a watcher, you're the slayer." He states as if that should be enough.
I reign in my emotions, reminding myself not to give anything away. But it doesn't mean I can't have a little fun.
"Well, I just got here, why you don't try slaying while I get settled in. It's no biggie, a stake through the heart and off they go."
"But I'm your watcher" he stammers. "I train you, and guide you and instruct you in your duties."
"Well," I start out. "I have this fondness for living, and living means being careful and not taking bad advice. So I don't take advice from people I don't know and who haven't earned my trust yet. Are you prepared to earn my trust, whatever your name is Mr. Watcher." I spoke challenging.
"I'm Mr. Giles. You are required to trust me; I am the Council's representative." He spoke with authority.
"I saw 'Charge of the light brigade' Giles, and it made the last act of Hamlet look like a walk in the park. You want to work with me; you're going to have to prove yourself. I've taken out a Master and over 50 of his minions. I've proven myself. What about you?" I said coldly, daring him to make a come back.
"Well yes, you have been remarkably successful for a recently called slayer. I think I can see my way to earning your trust. Unfortunately, I have to attend a staff meeting right now. I'll return in an hour and we can then discuss the matter."
"It will have to be later," I replied, "this is my first day and my mom is expecting me."
"All right," he replied shortly, "I'm sure something can be arranged. We'll talk later" and with that he picked up a notebook and left the library.
I was gazing at the swinging doors after Giles left when I was startled.
"Buffy?" I jumped straight up and turned around while in the air to see Willow emerging from the darkness of the upper level book stacks.
"Willow" I barely whispered, just now remembering why I originally had come to the Library.
"Uhhh, I pulled your textbooks for you." She looked at me with a look of curiosity and confusion, walking toward me with half a dozen text books in her arms.
"Let me take those," I quickly approach her, and with a grateful smile, take the books from her arms.
"Buffy, I heard your conversation with Mr. Giles, what was that all about?" She asked while at the same time locking her eyes to mine. I knew she was looking for any sign of deceit.
I had already started on a path of trust with her; I was determined not to blow it now.
"Willow, this is going to require me to trust you with something incredibly important, are you sure you want the responsibility of knowing?" I asked, letting her see the seriousness in my eyes.
She continued reading me for a few more moments then gave me that heart melting smile of hers and I swear I could feel my self blush as I responded with an ear to ear grin of my own.
"So this is bigger then telling me you're gay, huh? If I trust you with my friendship for life, will that be good enough?" She stated with sincerity.
I was struck speechless, but I had to say something. Which meant my emotions ran away from me and took over my mouth.
"Willow, pledging my eternal, undying love to you couldn't match such an offer as your lifelong friendship." It was out of my mouth before I had even run it by my brain. I swear my hormones were going to be the death of me yet but somewhere in the back of my mind I heard this little voice screaming at me to not hold back.
Willow gazed back at me dumbfounded and I panicked. I dropped the books and reached for her, putting my hands on her upper arms because she looked ready to faint from shock.
"I'm sorry Willow, but sometimes my mouth just runs off without my brain. Please ignore what I said; I really want your friendship. Please just tell me what to do or say so you don't run away screaming." I pleaded with her desperately.
I knew I had really blown it and wondered if I could run away and join the Navy. As I stood there, holding her upright and contemplating a life at sea, her vision cleared up and those beautiful green eyes began to sparkle again.
"Don't sell yourself short, Buffy." She spoke in a low, soft voice. "You've just pledged your eternal, undying love. How do I know it's for real? We have only just met today. How can I be sure you're serious?"
"You want me to be serious?" I ask in amazement.
"Why not?" She says to me mischievously, "It's not like I get an offer like that every day. Besides your are absolutely the most beautiful woman I have ever met." She finished huskily.
"Will this prove it to you?" I lean towards her knowing now what proof she needs. My lips gently touch hers slowly applying pressure. At the moment our lips touched, I felt a rush of energy like nothing I had ever felt before. I felt infused with power and light and every nerve in my body was suddenly awake and singing. I faintly heard our echoing moans of pleasure as my arms encircled her neck and her arms went around my waist as we pulled ourselves closer together.
Mindlessly, our mouths devoured each other finding the rhythm of the energy flowing between us. We used the kiss to modulate the flow through and over our bodies instinctively until we finally pulled apart in a desperate need for air. As we clung to each other, waiting for coherent thought to return, we simultaneously gasped out with what little intellect remained to us collectively.
"WOW". At least we did it in unison.
Finally Willow spoke up, "Buffy, I accept your eternal, undying love and only feel right in doing so if you accept my eternal, undying love in return." She whispered this to me while gazing into my eyes with so much love and affection that my only response was to start crying uncontrollably with the happiest tears I have ever experienced.
"Thank you Willow." I finally gasped.
Willow put her hand to my cheek and began to wipe my tears away and gently kissed my cheeks, causing incredible waves of pleasure each time her lips touched me.
With my tears dried, I returned the kisses to her cheeks, hearing her gasp with pleasure, and I moaned as my lips felt like they were alive, with a sensitivity that I can't begin to describe.
I pulled back finally and lost myself in those beautiful eyes of hers.
"So Buffy, what's a slayer?" Willow asked me finally.
"Come with me and I will explain everything." I promised.
"Uh Buffy don't we still have three classes before we can leave school?" Willow asked with a sorry look on her face.
I had forgotten that we were on lunch break. "Oh yea, we can go to my house right after school and do home work and I can tell you everything, if that's OK with you of course." I asked letting my embarrassed stupidity show on my face.
"Can't wait." She replied with a big smile and went over to the library door to wait for me.
I gathered up my books and we left the Library. The Library which I pledged would forever be one of my most favorite places in the world.
Chapter 5
Taming the Power
Willow and I arrived at my house a little after four with books and lots of unanswered questions. On the walk home, I laid out my plan. I wanted to get homework out of the way and then I could fill her in on the whole slayer bit. As curious as Willow was, apparently being responsible enough to want to get homework done first really impressed her.
She went into this non stop dialog about not being able to relax if she doesn't have her assignments done on time but how she wishes she could be more devil may care, but if she try's, she just wakes up in the middle of the night having to get everything done before school and she must have toured the land of Oz at least twice before taking a deep breath and said, "OK, stopping now."
I was just dumbfounded by the entire event. The expressions on her face going from worry and panic to serious discussion with occasional smirky witticism. She's looking at me all worried, so I smile bigger and just say, "That was incredible, you are the most adorable being alive."
"Huhh" she replies with her eyebrows arching up and her eyes opening wide. "You don't think I'm a big old spaz?" She asked me fearfully.
"No way." I tell her. "I could listen to my Will all day. Whatever comes out of your mouth is far more interesting than anything else I have ever heard." OK, I know the mush factor has gone through the roof but these are the things you do when you've just fallen head over heals in love. You don't know what's up or down and frankly, you don't care. Aren't hormones great!
Her response was to blush so deeply her ivory complexion became the color of her hair. I shifted my book bag to my right side and put my left arm around her while placing a tender kiss on her cheek. We finished walking to my house just like that, well except for the kiss on the cheek part.
Mom wasn't home from the gallery yet and I didn't expect her until six thirty. We hit the books and with Willows help, I got my assignments worked out and we finished a little before six.
We had set up in the living room because I still had some unpacking to do in my room. Putting our books away, Willow sat back and looked at me expectantly. I leaned towards her and gave her a gentle kiss on those oh so soft lips of hers. Again we felt energy flowing, and I was able to break it off with a mutual sigh. I sat back turning sideways so that I could face her and she was twisted to face me. I rested my hand on her knee which caused her to shiver a little and her cheeks flushed. I took a breath and looked her straight in the eyes.
"A slayer is a human girl endowed with extraordinary strength, speed, agility and healing so that she can battle evil. Primarily in the form of vampires, but essentially any demonic creature bent on evil. Any questions so far?" I ask her.
"Not yet, keep going." She tells me while her eyes slowly get bigger.
"OK, there is only one slayer active at a time. How slayers are chosen is a complete mystery. And all we know about the activation process is that when a slayer dies, a new slayer is activated, or called. I was called one week after my sixteenth birthday. I was always pretty tough and strong for my size, but all of a sudden, I was like super strong. Then Merrick showed up. Merrick was my watcher."
Willow interrupted with a question here, "Like Mr. Giles?" She says.
"Sorta. But I'll go into the difference later." I give her leg a gentle squeeze.
"Merrick introduced me to the fact that vampires and demons really existed. He took me to a graveyard where I witnessed my first vamp rising from a new grave. I was never a screamer and never shied from a fight but this thing was ugly and gave me major creeps. But when he jumped me, my instincts took over and I dusted him pretty quick."
"What do you mean by dusted, and how strong are you?" She interjected while I was catching my breath.
"When you kill a vamp by piercing their heart with a wooden stake or decapitate them, the entire body turns to dust. It's thick and gaggy. You learn real quickly not to be inhaling when you take one out up close." I explain. "As for how strong I am, let me give you an idea." She had previously turned sideways on the couch and was sitting crossed legged. I slid my hands under her legs, palms up until they were firmly under each of her small firm hind cheeks. As my hands firmly cupped her cute little butt, her back stiffened and her eyes shot open wide and her breathing began to quicken. I smiled encouragingly at her and with my arms straight out in front of me, I slowly lifted her until her knees were level with my forehead. She gazed down at me and saw that I wasn't even straining and able to hold her without a tremor.
"Wow, can you fly?" She whispers.
"No, I can't fly but I can jump straight up about twenty feet and I think I can do a running broad jump of about a hundred feet." I then lower her back to the couch and reluctantly remove my hands from underneath her. Willow also looked a little disappointed and protruded her lip in a pout. It was so cute, that I just had to lean forward and kiss it.
I decided to move things along before mom got home and grabbed her hand pulling her up from the couch while saying, "Come with me. I've covered the basics now I need you to read something."
We go up to my room and I closed the door and tell her she can sit on my bed. I quickly move two boxes of clothes out of the way and open my special chest. I lift up the top to reveal my slayer stuff underneath. From the special compartment in the side, I pull out The Letter, the one from Merrick. I open it and walk over to Willow. I hand the pages to her and ask her to read it.
She takes them from my hand and does as I ask. I watch her carefully as she reads, watching her brow furrow and her mouth opens forming in a silent oh. When finished, she just keeps looking at the last page for a few moments and then looks back up at me.
"Well? What do you think?" I ask.
"This council really sucks, and if Mr. Giles works for them, there is no way you can trust him." She says with vehemence. "And we've got to figure out this person of power you need to train with so you can begin to fight these guys. Do you have any ideas who it is?" She asks me hopefully.
I look right back into those emerald pools of hers and just feel this incredible happy glow spreading out from my chest all through my body as I reply to her question.
"I already know who it is." I tell her quietly.
"YOU DO! Then who is it, tell me, tell me" she practically begs while bouncing impatiently on the bed.
"How about I give you a hint" I say with a smile.
"So it's someone I know?" She quickly guesses. I knew she was sharp. She just has no comprehension of how special she is.
"Yes, it's someone we both know." I continue to lead her on.
"OK, give me the hint." She pleads.
I lean forward and begin kissing her and as she responds we feel the passion and the power build. We ply each others mouths with our lips and tongues. Learning to make the power flow and dance within our sensitized bodies and make it dance along our tender flesh. Finally, I break the kiss and she's leaning forward with her eyes closed, her lips half open in a tender request for more. I place my hand against her cheek and say "Willow, don't you feel the power?" I ask.
"Of course, but isn't that what happens when you kiss?" She says innocently.
I immediately realize that Willow has never been kissed before. I'm her first I think to myself smugly.
"You've never kissed anyone before?" I ask quietly.
"Other than relative's, just Xander and that was when we were five. Then he stole my Barbie and we broke up. So I don't think that counts, because looking back, it was like kissing a relative." She says with a little regret.
I decide not to pursue that little tidbit, so I proceed with the matter at hand.
"Willow, if kissing was like what we are experiencing for everyone, that's all anyone would be doing. Kissing is normally nice, and feels really good and if done with the right person, really gets your juices flowing. But to the best of my knowledge, it doesn't raise waves of energy that make your body sing. What you and I create together is special and one of a kind. As Merrick's instructions state, it can only occur between two people of great mystical power who are soul mates." I tell her pouring all the love I feel into my words and making sure she sees it in my eyes.
"I'm a great mystical power?" She squeaks. "And you, me, us we're uhhh, Buffy and Willow us, you, me, soul mates?" She's starting to hyperventilate so I kiss her again.
We're beginning to get good tuning the power to affect our mood. And I was guiding the flow with tender teasing of her tongue and lips to bring a calming peace to both of us. As I felt her return to a calm demeanor, I slowly pulled back and asked her, "Think about it Willow. We only met today for the first time. Yet we both felt compelled to commit ourselves to each other, completely trusting in each other with only token caution. And you, had you ever thought you were gay? Did you think you could love another girl? Would want to kiss and be kissed by a girl? No other explanation can explain what has happened to us."
"I kinda see your point, about the gay thing. Until today I never really thought about sex. I thought about kissing Xander because we've been best friends since we were five and I've never had any other friends that would spend much time with but Xander did. We did all sorts of stuff together when no one else would even give us the time of day, so I liked to think that we would get married some day, but I never thought what we would do if we were married other than live in a house together and give each other hello and good bye kisses and just be safe and comfortable with each other. In fact, until today, I never knew what it meant to be aroused, in a sorta uh… you know way, like when we kiss or you put your hand on my knee I get all warm and soft inside like what must happen to an M&M under the candy shell when you warm it up. So you can shut me up now since somewhere in there I think I presented a good argument for being gay besides the fact that I can't stop thinking about how I want you to touch me, like all over touch and I am definitely stopping now." She took a big breath and blew it out.
I leaned really close to her and rested my forehead against hers and said with all the sincerity I felt, "I love you Willow ..., ah and I don't know your last name, oh my god. I feel like such an idiot."
She smiled at me and said, "Let me introduce myself, Hi, I'm Willow Rosenberg".
I smiled back and said, "Pleased to meet you Willow, I'm Buffy Summers."
Then I thought back to one of my old list items. "Rosenberg," I say slowly, "Willow, are you Jewish by chance?"
"Uh, yes." She replied warily.
I broke out my biggest smile and said, "Besides making me the happiest girl alive, you have the opportunity to fulfill one of my childhood wishes. I've always wanted to attend a Seder."
"Really?" Then she gets the biggest smile on her face and says, "That would be so great. I can hardly wait to share that with you, and it's just a few weeks away." She responded with such joy in her voice and then she rewarded me with that patented melt into a puddle of Jell-O smile of hers and I had only one thing left to say,
I felt totally inspired and compelled by whatever powers that cause people in love to be total mushy idiots as I opened my mouth.
"I Buffy Summers, take you Willow Rosenberg as my soul mate, to love, cherish protect and honor all the days of my life."
Apparently it was contagious as Willow spoke.
"I Willow Rosenberg, take you Buffy Summers as my soul mate, to love, cherish, protect and honor all the days of my live." She responded as tears began to pour from her eyes. Seeing her like this I pulled her into my arms and nuzzling her neck, breathed in her scent, losing myself in her essence.
We held on to each other like that, sitting on the bed completely lost in the moment until,
"Buffy!" I heard my mom call from downstairs.
We quickly pulled apart and I grabbed a tissue and handed it to Willow. "Be right down" I yelled back to my mom.
"Come on, time to meet the parent." I grinned wickedly at her.
"Oh no, are we going to tell her, uh you know about us, us as in you and me?" She sputtered out.
"Lets just leave it at you're my new friend who is so kindly helping me catch up on classes, just say Hi Mrs. Summers and follow my lead, OK?" I tell her.
"OK, follow your lead, don't babble, and stay cool. I can do this." She says determinedly.
"I have faith in you Willow. Just relax; I'm here for you always." I assure her.
I lead her down stairs and find mom in the kitchen pulling stuff out for dinner.
"Hi mom," I say as we enter the kitchen. As I see my mom's eyes focus on me and then Willow, I follow up quickly.
"Mom, this is Willow. She's the smartest person in school and for some strange reason took pity on me and is helping me get caught up with classes."
My mom smiled brightly at Willow, saying "Hello Willow, thank you for looking after Buffy. I hope you can keep her out of trouble." She smirks and winks at the both of us.
Willow gasps momentarily, then catches the smile and the wink and relaxes responding with a "Nice to meet you Mrs. Summers."
"Buffy, I'm heating up meat loaf, mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner. Would you like to join us Willow?". Joyce asked.
I looked at Willow and mouthed "Yes".
Willow looked at my mom and said "I'd love to Mrs. Summers,thank you very much."
Mom had prepared everything yesterday so she just needed to reheat the food. Willow and I set the table and helped mom put out the food. We sat down and filled our plates and started eating. I kept glancing over at Willow, just enjoying watching her. I totally forgot how observant my mom could be, and I wasn't doing a very good job hiding my interest in Willow.
"So Willow," my mom starts out, "will you be able to introduce Buffy to any nice boys."
I had a mouth full of mashed potatoes and fortunately Willow was between bites because those potatoes came shooting out of my mouth like they were shot out of cannon.
"Huhhhh", Willow looked up like a deer caught in the oncoming headlights of a Mack truck.
"Thought so." My mom said smugly, looking first at Willow and then at me. "Buffy Ann Summers, I may have been distracted the last couple of years but I know you and I remember our talk when you were six. I'm sorry that we never had the follow up discussion, especially now that you are a young woman and it's pretty obvious that your original belief is in fact true. I think we should include Willow in this talk, or am I reading things wrong Buffy?"
As I'm trying to clean up the mess I just made, I'm carefully listening to mom and as she finishes talking, I look at Willow, gulp and say,
"Willow, she knows I'm gay. She just wants to make sure we don't get hurt. It's OK to talk with her, but if you're uncomfortable with it, maybe we can put it off for a day or two." I say to Willow and she's nodding back aggressively.
"Yes, please, uh in a day or two or more even would be better." She says desperately.
I look at mom and implore her "Mom, you took us by surprise, Willow needs a little time to process things and then we can have a talk. I promise we'll be careful. OK mom?"
"I did spring that on you." She agreed. "Willow?" She asked getting Willow's attention and once she had it she proceeded. " Don't be frightened Willow, I'm not going to get mad at you or hurt you in anyway, besides, if you haven't figured out by now you soon will that Buffy won't let anyone harm you." She smiled affectionately at me and I glowed with pride back at her.
"But people can be very cruel without physically attacking you." She continued. "I just want to have a practical discussion with the two of you on how you can best have a relationship without drawing unwanted attention from those who would want to hurt you because they think you're different, so try not to put this off too long, I just want to help you both. OK Willow?" She asked with concern for what she thought was a teenage infatuation. I was thinking that we would let mom believe that for now and let her come to the real answer in time, as mom already proved, she's pretty observant when she wants to be.
"OK and thank you Mrs. Summers. I just want to think about it first a little bit so I don't feel so unprepared." Willow explained in this little girl voice that just broke my heart. It apparently got my mom also because she got up and went around to Willow and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and said,
"Please Willow, you have nothing to fear. I know if Buffy cares for you then you are very special. I have learned over the years that Buffy is very good at finding truly good people. Please believe me when I tell you that I would no more do anything to hurt you than I would to Buffy."
Willow looked up at my mother and for reasons I was not yet aware of tears began streaming down her cheeks and my mom just put her arms around Willow and pulled her into a comforting hug. Willow clutched her desperately, just letting her fears wash away with her tears as mom just kept repeating "It will be all right, everything will be all right." Willow stopped crying and with a last sniffle pulled back from mom and Willow gave mom one of those smiles. Mom's face lit up like Times Square and gave Willow her warmest mother smile.
I need to ask Willow what's going on I think to myself, her reaction to my mom is a bit extreme.
"Thanks Mrs. Summers. Can we talk tomorrow? Buffy and I are going to do homework after school together."
"Whenever you say Willow." Mom lets her know that there is no pressure.
I go up to mom and give her a hug and say "You're the best, mom"
"Just don't keep any more important secrets from me, OK Buffy? It kinda hurts when you don't trust me." She lets me know.
Her words rock me but I do a good job of hiding it and Willow is still dealing with the other issue so hadn't really registered the significance of my mother's words.
"Willow and I have a little studying to complete and then she was going to show me the place where everyone hangs out and listens to some of the local groups. Then I was going to walk her home." I explain and then wait for her answer.
"That's fine Buffy, just be home by ten thirty, it is a school night." She responds with the gentle authority of a caring parent.
"Sure mom, no problem. Come on Will; let's finish up so we can get going. I think we're both due for some fresh air, don't you think?" I smirk at her.
"Sounds good Buff." She winks back at me.
As we start up the stairs towards my room, I can feel mom's eyes on our retreating backs and say a silent thank you for having a mother who cares and doesn't freak easily, well not too easily. I always suspected that wouldn't be the case if we hadn't learned to confide in each other so long ago. I was also grateful for getting out of clean up detail. That was a nice bonus, but one I would have gladly forgone rather than go through that kind of shock again.
Once in my room, we both knew what to do since Willow had just read Merrick's letter. Merrick had said that my soul mate would have great mystical power and would enable me to focus on demon presences like no other slayer before. He then detailed the procedure we were about to follow.
"We can do this on the floor over there." I pointed. As Willow sat down crossed legged, I went back to my chest and retrieved the yellow and violet crystal Merrick had left me.
I then sat on the floor facing Willow, also crossing my legs. I held out the crystal in front of me, grasping its base with the fingertips of my right hand. Willow reached out with her right hand and matched my contact to the crystal. We then reached out our left hands, passing them under the crystal and our right hands, and clasped each other at the wrist. We were able to feel each others pulse through the palm of our hands. I looked at Willow and saw her eyes locked with mine in growing anticipation.
"Ready?" I asked.
"Oh, yeah," She smiled. "I'm the readiest."
As we kept our gazes locked, we both commenced a deep, cadenced breathing. Once our breathing was fully synched, we could feel the gentle pulsing of power flowing up our arms. At this point we turned our focus to the crystal and felt ourselves drawn into its now swirling landscape. I was focusing on my slayer demon sensing ability and gradually felt Willow join me. We worked together to still the swirling power and concentrated together on extending ourselves outward. The sensory circle grew more rapidly until we could sense an area approximately a mile in diameter. The sun had already set, so I wasn't too surprised to discover that tingling sensation I get when vamps are present. I was trying to focus on identifying the location of the demon sources when I thought [ I need to somehow overlay the signals onto our sense of the landscape ].
Then I heard in my head [relax, and let yourself see the landscape. Then pull the feeling of the demon sources onto it. ] I knew it was Willow thinking because it felt like her. Her thoughts were comfortable, safe and felt like a Willow hug. This was an unexpected surprise. [OK, send me a little extra energy so I can focus in the landscape.] I quickly felt a warm energizing flow and was soon able to bring the area into sharper focus. Let me explain for a moment, we are not seeing this with our eyes; it was more like visualizing a 3-dimensional area in your mind. But rather than imagining it, we had opened a door to the metaphysical plane which allowed the physical presence of the outside to be felt or seen within our minds just as if we were looking at it with our eyes.
As the sense of the area became clear I took a moment to let Willow know my appreciation. [Wow, you are a real natural at this. We make a great team. ] I could almost feel her blush and felt a wave of pride from her.
[No big deal, I'm just helping to make it a little easier for you.]
[None of that, I chided gently, I could not do this alone. We are equal and complimentary partners. OK? ]
[OK. ] she thought back, [ now lets locate the bad guys. ] I could almost feel the pride my words had just given her. 'Note to self, keep building Will's severely trounced ego.'
It only took a couple more minutes to fully place the demon signals on our mental map of the surrounding area. Two of them were moving across the North West area towards the older downtown area. But one was approaching our location, right for us so to speak.
Willow then said [the two up there appear to be going towards the Bronze; this other one looks like its coming here.]
Then the one approaching my house stopped, placing it across the street and a few houses down. It wasn't a typical demon though; there was something else with it. This new perspective had so greatly enhanced my previous senses, that where previously all I felt was a general awareness of something evil being in the area, now I could actually discern the individuality of the presences.
[Does it look like there are two creatures there, Willow?]
[Sort of,] she replied, [but I think it's more like a demon and something else sharing the same body.]
[Could it be a possession?] I asked.
[Maybe, but I think we should treat it very carefully for now.] she said with extreme care and caution ringing the thought.
We explored the area for a few more minutes, getting more comfortable with holding the landscape in place and simultaneously sensing the demon presences.
[Are you ready to see if we can take this on the road?] I asked her.
[Yea, I think we're ready.] She responded confidentially.
We slowly pulled our gaze from the crystal and at the same time kept our minds focused on the image of the virtual landscape around us. We had a few minutes of disorientation as our vision and mental image fought for supremacy. But we were told to expect that and so took our time and using the energy flow between us while we brought the two views into compatible coexistence.
We could now see everything with our eyes just like normal, but still had access to this virtual world in our heads. [Cool.] I thought to myself.
"Yea, it is, though I'm thinking more WOW." Willow spoke out loud.
"You heard me think cool?" I asked her surprised.
She smiled at me with an impish quality. [Of course silly, if we're able to maintain the landscape, there's no reason we can't maintain the total mind talk thing. I guess its telepathy, thought I doubt we could do it with anyone else though it would be really useful if we could read minds, like the minds of those council guys. ] she cut herself off before she went into a total mind dump.
"WOW" I responded. Then I softened my gaze and put my entire heart into my thoughts [I love you so much].
[I love you too] she thought as she blushed again.
I leaned forward and captured her lips with mine. As the energy flowed between us this time, it had a richer quality. It was stronger, and contained our emotions and our sensory feelings which we were able to guide and share. This enabled us to build off of each others excitement. That melting M&M thing that Willow had described was quickly happening to both of us and embarrassing dampness was quickly ensuing.
[Oh, we have to pick this up later] I thought pulling back with the utmost reluctance.
"Definitely later." Willow responded with this incredibly sexy and throaty voice.
She then gave me her million watt smile. I think she knew what it did to me and took great pleasure in rewarding me with them. As for me, I just melted into my goofy grin until she said,
"Better get going if were going to complete this trial run and get you home by 10:30. I can't believe you're mom gave you a 10:30 curfew." She said in awe.
"Yea, pretty sucky, huh." I responded quietly.
"Maybe, "she told me, "but at least you've got someone who cares enough about where you are to give you a curfew." She said in that small voice of hers.
I then realized that Willow had not called home to let her mom know where she was. Hadn't asked permission to have dinner with someone she had only met. And nothing about when she would be home, or even if she would be home.
"Willow, what's with your parents?" I asked with concern.
"They're not really parents, they gave birth to me, house me and provide food and clothing for me, clothing which happens to be twenty years out of date, otherwise, they just ignore me. If I was kidnapped, they probably wouldn't even notice I was gone until the police showed up with my dead body." She responded sadly.
Her reaction earlier to my mom was now making more sense. I began to suspect that she had just become overwhelmed with the concept of a caring parent.
"I'm sorry, Willow. I can't believe that anyone would neglect you. But if it helps, you can probably count on my mom coming down on you once she finds out how unsupervised you are." I said with a smirk.
"You think?" Willow responded hopefully.
"Yea, maybe she'll ground us in my bedroom together for a whole week". I said mischievously.
"Oh wow," Willow started to breathe quickly, her cheeks turning a bright red. "Time for fresh air, yes, must have air, cool air, cool down the heat, did it get really, really hot in here?"
"Yea, time to go, as for hot Will, you're the hottest thing around" I said huskily. I could almost see steam rising off her bright red cheeks. Oh yea, boosting Will's ego was definitely a good thing.
Chapter 6
Field Trip
As we walk out my front door, I yell back to my mom, "Mom, We're going to the Bronze. I'll be home by 10:30."
"OK, Buffy, and hope to see you soon Willow." She called back.
Walking down the street, the air hung still, the warmth of the day slowly dropping to a silky coolness. The sound of our shoes and the feel of Willow by my side were background to the still slightly disconcerting dual perception of the world of five senses and this new world of extended vision. I felt like I had a third eye that was looking somewhere that my other two couldn't. As new and different as this was, there was also something incredibly comfortable, warm and, and Willow. Willow was there with my new sight. Not in a way that I could actually see, more like a warm whisper in my ear. A caressing touch barely felt.
[I can feel you with me. It's very nice.] I let the thought slide towards her.
[Yes, you feel like a warm caress.] I felt the loving in her words like honey on my tongue.
I felt less disconcerted as the two worlds in my perception began to meld together, still separate but cohabiting now.
[The one across the street is moving again.] I brought her attention to what now appeared to be a demonic stalker.
[Yea, it sure looks like he's following us, which indicates that he came here to do just that. Could he know who you are? ] Willow elaborated with her observation of the possible possession entity following us.
[Possibly, but I have an idea, we need to surprise him so we can find out what his game is. I don't want to kill it if there is a possibility of their being an innocent soul involved. Do you know of some place on the way where I can place you safely out of the way? I also need good ambush aids to take him from behind so I can disable it quickly without killing it.] I asked her. [And this mind talking is turning out to be way cool.] I added a mental giggle.
[I know of a good spot just a block from the Bronze. It's a side alley with lots of potential for ambush. ] Willow then visualized her memory of the alley and I knew exactly what to do.
[That's perfect, is it any wonder I love you so much. Beauty and brains, how did I get so lucky? ] I replied somewhat rhetorically.
[You haven't gotten lucky yet.] Willow thought back with a very teasing quality to her thought. [But if you keep buttering me up like this, I'm going to rip your clothes off any time now.]
Wow! Willow confidence building was definitely beginning to have an effect. I just wasn't sure if I was ready for it as I felt my whole body flush at the unbidden vision of Willow tearing my clothes off in passion.
[There's the alley.] She said before I became totally lost in the vision.
[Its action time.] I replied, silently cursing that it wasn't a different type of action.
A tall dark figure walked into the alley. Previously, this is where my vamp senses would kick off, but with the extended demon scape, all I felt was intensification due to proximity. But the feeling was somewhat muted as I gazed down on him walking below me with the feeling that somehow there was also a soul in residence. Willow was safely tucked up on a deep window sill about fifteen feet above the ground. I was doing a hand stand on a steel bar running between two buildings over the alley about ten feet up. Just as he passed beneath me, I swung down catching him at the base of his skull with my feet. The force of the blow literally flipped him over and he landed on his back with my foot firmly against his neck after the completion of my dismount.
[Awesome Buffy.] I felt Willow's admiration. I had to catch the smile that wanted to come out in response to the pleasure I felt at her comment. I had serious issues at hand or foot depending on your point of view.
"You want to explain yourself, stalker? Or do I just dust you now?" I state meaningfully, with my words spoken slowly and carefully.
He looks up at me and gives a little smile. He hasn't broken into game face yet but I don't let up the pressure on his neck.
"Don't worry, I don't bite" He actually smirks.
I slowly remove my foot and take up a defensive stance letting him get up. He looks me over while rubbing the back of his neck and says, "I thought you'd be taller, with more muscles. But you are pretty spry." He grudgingly says.
"What do you want?" I get right to the point.
"Same as you." He says, his voice conveying a creepy intonation.
"And what's that?" I ask, finishing with an incredulous lilt to my voice.
"To kill them, to kill them all." He says vehemently.
"Wrong." I say totally fed up with this bull and I then did my best to convey that feeling with the anger I felt laced into the following words. "I just want a nice quiet evening alone with my girl friend and to be left alone. But you've got to have something else on your mind, so spill already."
"You have to be ready," he tells me with a hint of menace. "The harvest is coming"
"And what's that supposed to mean?" I ask him, instantly becoming more cautious to his tone.
He reaches into his coat and pulls out a black case and tosses it to me. I catch it with my left hand never taking my eyes off of him.
"You're standing at the mouth of Hell. You better be ready." He just keeps up with the cryptic bull. This guy is so full of himself, I can't believe it.
"And who are you?" I ask, trying to get any kind of comprehensible information out of him.
"A friend" he replies.
"I don't need a friend." I tell him, now totally fed up.
"I didn't say I was yours." He states smugly and turns around and walks away. Both Willow and I tracked him on our virtual landscape until he was a couple blocks away before I leaped up next to Willow and she immediately put her arms around my neck and pulled me into a desperate kiss. I could feel all the fear and trepidation she had been holding in check all wash away on the waves of energy the contact provided.
[ phew, ] she thought, "That was exciting, in a very non fun way, well maybe a little fun 'cause it wasn't boring but not the kind of fun I want to repeat any time soon." She blurted out with her eyelids raised up and drawn back like when somebody just said boo.
"I hope so too, but don't count on it." I assured her as best as I could. "Can you place where the other two blips are?" I asked getting back on track.
"If I've got the landscape right, they're at the Bronze." She said with her forehead scrunched in concentration. Oh my gawd, she's even cute with the scrunchy face. If she ever figures it out, I'm so screwed, but I'm certain that my Willow would never take advantage of it. On second thought, after that ripping my clothes off comment, maybe it wouldn't be so bad with Willow in control, yea, maybe not so bad after all. As these thought meandered through my mind, warm squishy melty body feelings were quickly turning me into a pile of dreamy eyed mush.
"By the way, what did he toss you?" She asked me, apparently totally unaware that she had just incapacitated someone with the strength of twenty virile men into something resembling melting butter sliding off the top of a pile of hot pancakes.
"Huh." I responded brilliantly. "Oh, the case." Good recovery Summers.
I remembered the black case in my hand and opened it up. Inside was a silver cross and chain.
"Why'd he give you that?" Willow asked me.
"Crosses hurt vamps, even burn them on contact, I suppose he thinks I need all the help I can get." I reply as I felt my own brows knit in thought.
"Do you think a Star of David would work the same way?" She asked her question sending hopeful shivers up my arms.
"I don't know, but since vamps were around before Christ, I wouldn't be surprised." I said with sudden inspiration. "If you get me one, I'll try it out the first chance I get." That would be so cool to see the symbol of David burned into a vamp. I might just let him live for awhile until enough other vamps got the idea.
"I sure hope it works, 'cause there's no way Ira Rosenberg's little girl is wearing a cross." She states emphatically.
"OK partner." I say turning around so she can climb on my back. "Lets get you down and then we can party." I tried to imply a double entendre, but I think I failed as she climbed onto my back and threw her arms tightly around my neck without saying a word.
We walked into the club which is actually a converted warehouse. I was assaulted with glaring lights and the sounds of a grunge type band trying to sound like nine inch nails. I had to give them some credit; at least I could tell who they were trying to sound like. We found a couple of seats at the drink counter, a little off to the side.
[Lets get visual's on our bad guys. I'll take the one on the dance floor and you try and spot the one in back, ok? ] I think at her, which is really great because it is unlikely we could hear each other talk over the noise of the band.
[I'm on it.] She shoots back, her enthusiasm to help felt momentarily like slurping a slushy too fast.
I can't quite pick my guy out of the crowd but I notice that there is a second level that looks down on the dance area.
[I need to get upstairs to get a better view of the dance floor. Would that help you also? ] I ask her.
[I've already got mine spotted.] And she flashed me a view of a young blond girl in of all things a catholic school uniform.
[Oh my god, she sticks out like a sore thumb.] I groan in almost sympathy for the fashion deprived undead.
[Keep an eye on her while I go up top for a look see and let me know if she makes a move on anyone.] I tell her and then something occurs to me as a tsunami of doubt crashes upon the reef of my insecurity.
The band had just completed their set so I put my hand on her knee which is touching mine and I say,
"Willow, I just realized that I'm kinda being command girl. You don't feel like I'm bossing you around, are you?" I ask her guiltily, with the noose drawing tight.
"No way Buffy, I understand that this is your world. You have all the experience and know what you're doing. It would be stupid if I was to question you. And the confident way you say things makes me feel safe. Like I just know that you know what you're doing and I'm in awe of how you handle yourself. Like taking out that huge guy and pinning him to the ground in a second flat. I'm totally at your command 'cause I know you'll take care of me and I'm just so excited that I can help you." Then she shot me the smile and I knew we were OK, even better than.
[But when I get you alone, it's my turn.] And she wagged her eyebrows at me suggestively.
I could feel my eyes open wide and my cheeks warm up with a blush and I gulped.
"Thanks Will" I nearly stammered. Oh my gawd, I've unleashed a monster, oh yea, I've unleashed a goddess thoughts spin around in my mind.
I gave her knee a quick squeeze and headed for the upstairs. I still had my guy placed in my mind, but I'm vertically challenged and there are a lot of tall people around. I think it was a basketball convention. When I got upstairs, I was surprised to see the librarian/watcher leaning on the railing looking down.
[Watcher on the poop deck.] I shot at Willow along with the image of Mr. Giles checking out the crowd below accompanied with my feeling of 'what the hell is he doing here'.
[What the heck is he doing here?] She asks me, the thought accompanied with concern.
[Looking for me probably,] I replied, [there is nothing he can do here, so let's find out what he wants. I'm going to try and leave my self open so you try and listen in. I could really use your take on him. ] I meant this completely. I was consistently finding that Willow filled in my gaps.
[I'm with you Buff. I'm not letting him pull anything on you.] Her thoughts restored my confidence.
"Into the breach rode the six hundred" I mumble under my breath as I approached the watcher from behind.
"Come here often to check out the young crowd?" I say loud enough for him to hear. He jerks his head around and glares at me.
"I came looking for you. I knew you'd be here. This is a perfect breeding ground for vampire activity." He whispered loud enough for only my ears to hear.
"Just looks like fun to me" I answer nonchalantly. I needed him completely off guard.
"Can you even tell if there are any vampires here? You should be able to hone right in on them. You need to be trained." His tone was so emphatic, I almost clicked my heels which was enough to make me totally distrust him.
"Sure," I reply, intent on keeping him off guard. While he's talking I had already put my bird's eye view to good use and got a visual on bad guy number two. I sent Willow the visual and got back a [ewwwwe ].
This was going to be fun. I pointed the vamp out to Giles and said "There's one"
"How can you tell? How can you be sure?" He asks me with so much condescension I felt the urge to strangle him.
"Oh please," I say in my best snooty prep school voice. "Just look at the way he's dressed, nobody would dress like that unless they'd been under ground for the last ten years."
"You can't rely on such obvious telltales all the time. You need to train your senses." He responded dramatically. He just doesn't give up.
"You need to prepare." Mr. Persistence continues. He kept trying to push his point that he needed to train me and that I needed him. I wasn't ready to reel him in yet, but soon. But he did give me an opening to get some information on vamp with a soul.
"Prepared, that's what your friend you had following me said, what's up with that anyway." I said with annoyance.
"Who said what?" He demanded, his indignation would be funny under better circumstances.
"Some tall dark creepy guy. Said something about a harvest. And that we are at the mouth of Hell. I really didn't like him." I said with just the right amount of petulance so that he would continue to think of me as just a little girl who didn't know what she was doing.
"Harvest, Mouth of Hell?" He repeated. "Did he say anything else?" I could almost see flecks of foam forming at the corners of his mouth.
"No, he didn't. I thought you were buds or something." Oh, I am so good with the petulant little girl tone.
[Buffy, we've got action.] Willow called my attention back to our virtual landscape.
"Damn, vamps making his move" I say loud enough to break Giles from his reverie about my recent revelation.
"Can you handle it, do you need any help?" I look at him momentarily surprised that he actually sounded concerned and offered to help.
"No, I can handle it." And with that I took off. He hadn't done anything to earn my trust yet.
I quickly made my way back downstairs taking the most direct route towards the moving reject from the '80's.
[He's with a medium height brunette heading for the door.] I heard Willow update clearly in my head with my eyes just catching site of the two as they headed out the door.
[Oh no, the blonde is with Jesse.] Willow's thought was tinged with panic.
[Stay calm, Willow, I'll take this one quick and be right back to keep Jesse from making himself into a late night snack.] I quickly assured her.
As I step outside just fifteen feet behind them I yell out. "Hey, you"
As they turn around to see what's going on, I continue "Just where do you think your going with my boyfriend." I threaten the girl and stomp toward her with clenched fists and fire in my eyes.
"I didn't know, please don't hurt me" she quivers. Sometimes, I just don't know my own power.
"Get back in side while we work this out." I glare at her.
She quickly runs back into the club and I see the arrogant and stupid vamp just smirking at me. He actually thinks I want to fight for him.
"You didn't really want her, now did you?" I ask sweetly as I get within striking distance, my hand already wrapped around a nice sharp stake under my jacket.
"You want me, I can tell." He smirks just as my hand flashes out from under my coat and plunges the stake right into his heart. A big poof and I turn around to see a wide mouthed Xander staring at me.
"Whaaa, whaaa, whaaat was thaaat?" He finally sputtered out.
"What was what?" I smiled innocently, cocking my head in a way that I knew disarmed hormone driven boys.
"The guy who just went up in uhhh like poof" he explained with a wave of his hands.
[Willow, Xander's out here and he just saw me dust the vamp. Is Jesse still with the other one?]
[Yea, he is. How are you going to explain this to Xander?] Confusion overlaid all her thoughts.
[With plausible denial, I'll make him think he imagined it and I need a good distraction to make it work.] I tried to send feelings of reassurance and calm.
I look Xander right in the eye.
"Xander, I don't know what you think you saw," This is where I raise my eyebrows for dramatic effect." But Willow and Jesse are inside and Willow thinks Jesse is being hit on by some skanky hoe' dressed up like an innocent catholic school girl."
This gets his attention real quick. His imagination and hormones are in sync and I can tell that he's totally forgotten about what just happened for the time being.
"No way, I've got to see this. No way Jesse is going to score!" He jabbers excitedly turning quickly and heading for the club.
I enter the club right behind him and make a beeline for Jesse who's trying to look cool with the blond as she acts all cute and demure.
The vamp had gotten Jesse back into a semi dark corner under the stairs and no one else was around. Xander walked up to them excitedly talking to Jesse while totally drooling over the blond. The vamp just smiled bigger, thinking she was going to get two for the price of one.
[Willow, can you distract the guys long enough for me to take her out?] I asked already knowing the answer.
[I'm your girl Buffy, I'm moving in now.] Yep, that was the answer. Big smiley face if I could allow myself to smile right now.
As Willow came up behind Jesse, I approached from behind Xander. Willow grabbed Jesse's sleeve, "Hey guys, I've got something to tell you. Can you step over here for a sec?"
"Uh, OK, but make it quick Will." Xander said as they both moved over with Willow, their backs turned to me and the vamp.
As soon as they were out of earshot, I approached the vamp and raising my eyebrow while smiling seductively, "You're way too pretty for a couple of dork's like them." I say in my best sultry voice.
She raises her eyebrow to match mine and also smiles. I reach out my left hand to take her right, which she places in mine, I feel the coolness of her dead flesh and keep my smile as I clamp down on her hand and jerk her body toward me and the waiting stake in my right hand. I twirl away as she disappears in a cloud of dust and I walk up to the boys who were being totally confused by some incredible Willow babble and improv.
"Hey Jesse, weren't you with the blond that just left with the big football player type?" I asked them with just a touch of amusement.
They both whipped around and not seeing her, "We're did she go?" They both whined.
[Good going my quick talking and very sexy lady.] I added with a silently mouthed thank you.
"Like I said, she left with this big guy, looked like he was her boyfriend. If you guys were hitting on her, I thing Willow just saved your butts." I told them pointedly.
The looks of disappointment on their faces were quickly replaced with looks of realization and eventually of relief.
"Thanks Will, you really saved Jesse's butt that time." Xander said nudging Jesse.
"Uh yea, thanks Willow." Jesse replied with just a hint of regret over what may have been, yea, in his dreams.
I did notice and appreciate Xander making a point of recognizing Willow for her help. I realized that if he had been friends with Willow all these years, he had to be pretty decent, even if he was a guy.
While Jesse stood there with a wistful look on his face, Xander looked back at me and said "Nice to see you out and about Buffy, want to hit the dance floor?" He said trying to sound confident and failing miserably.
I froze, and before I could do or say anything else, Willow was beside me clutching my hand saying, "Buffy has a curfew, and I promised her mom I would have her home by ten. We have just enough time to make it. Come on Buffy, you don't want to get grounded your first day out."
And with that, I quickly snapped out of my shock and let her pull me out of the club. As soon as we were outside, I stopped her, and gently grasped her hands in mine and looked her in the eyes.
"You are my hero." I said to her with total sincerity.
Her eye got big as her face blushed to a rosy pink." Really?" She asked timidly.
"Really, really," I affirmed.
She rewarded me with the smile and I responded with the goofy face and all was right with the world as we started off towards her house. Checking in on our virtual landscape and finding it clear, we clasped hands and swung our arms as we walked.
Chapter 7
Look Ma, No Hands
Willow and I made it to her house a little before ten PM. She lived about three blocks from me, maybe a ten minute walk, in a large rambling two story house I noted as we approached the front door.
"My room's kinda neat, it's upstairs on the opposite end of the house from my parents with French doors going out onto a verandah with stairs leading down to the back yard." Willow explained quickly, with a touch of embarrassment.
"Sounds really nice Willow, but hardly makes up for absentee parental units, huh?" I responded with what I hoped was an understanding tone and not the anger I felt at parents who could neglect such a magnificent young woman. I was just going to have to make sure Willow was never neglected again. Yep, I just need to think of some good ways to make sure she never feels neglected again. Mmmmmmm, that would do for starts as visions of Willow plums danced through my head.
"No, I guess not," she mumbled. Then she looked at me and the corners of her mouth started to pull up in a smile. "But things are definitely looking up." She finished brightly.
"Yes, they certainly are." I replied with warmth, trying to decide if I needed to do something right away to stave of Willow neglect. We had stopped in the entryway as she closed and locked the front door and I noticed her long hair had swept back as she had turned around. With her hair back, her ear was completely exposed and looking incredibly neglected. I quickly stepped closer and taking her in my arms, gently pressed my lips to her ear and commenced to lavish its silky contours with my tongue. I felt her body melt into mine and I began to alternate from her ear to her neck, eliciting little moans of pleasure from my little red headed waif.
"Oh Buffy, that is sooo good." She sighed out between moans.
"And there's more to come, but aren't your parents here?" I asked reluctantly, remembering where we were.
"They're supposed to be, but everything seems like they're not here." She said as she looked about. "If they're gone, they would have left a note in the kitchen." I followed her as she headed towards what I assume must be the kitchen.
I followed Willow past a decorous living room and formal dining area into a very modern kitchen. On the center island, there was a note with an envelope. Willow sighed after reading the note.
"They've taken off again." She exclaimed with exasperation.
"My parents, they've left for some conference in Chicago. They'll be gone for two weeks." Willow said, her voice filled with dejection.
I needed to nip this Willow neglect in the bud, and I just might be able to nip a few other Willow things while I'm at it.
"There is no way you're staying here alone for two weeks." I told her.
"It's all right Buffy; I do it all the time." She said matter of factly overlaid with sadness.
"That was B U, Before Us." I exclaimed. "Start packing, I'm calling my mom. You're staying with me 'till your parents get back." I told her. This was a good reminder that not all Willow neglect solutions involved titillating physical contact.
She looked at me excitedly, "Are you sure?" She asked.
"Show me too your phone, I'll call my mom right now. You can hang here and listen." I spoke assuredly.
Willow grabbed the cordless on the kitchen counter and quickly handed it to me. Her face was a gorgeous mixture of hope and trepidation.
I dialed my house and heard my mom answer.
"Hi mom, I'm over at Willow's. We just got here and her parents left her a note saying that they've gone to Chicago for two weeks. I told her that we can't let her stay alone and that she can stay with us. Please say its OK mom."
"What! What kind of parents just go off and leave a teenage girl all by herself like that? I can't understand why anyone would do this. Of course she can stay with us Buffy, but I insist that she notify her parents where she will be staying and makes sure that they have our number. I will also want their contact information in case of emergency." Mom was taking control, her mothering instincts were in full force.
I grinned at Willow and gave her thumbs up.
Willow threw her arms up in the air and exploded with a big "WHOOPEE".
"Thanks mom, I'll just help Willow pack and we'll be home shortly." I said.
"You can help Willow pack, but I'm not letting you carry luggage through the streets at this time of night. I'm coming to pick you up. Just give me directions and I'll be there shortly." Mom tone left no room for argument.
"Thanks mom that would be great. Let me give you to Willow and she can give you directions." I said.
I handed the phone to Willow and she gave her the directions with address and phone. Then she said something that I knew would get my mother crying, because it sure made my tear ducts swell up.
"Mrs. Summers. I really want to thank you for letting me stay with you. It will be so nice not to be alone for once." Her voice filled with gratitude.
She paused to listen and then said "Thank you and see you in a bit, yes, I'll call my parents hotel right after we hang up. Bye!" Willow disconnected, set the phone down and threw her arms around me, and started sobbing into my shoulder. "I can't remember ever being this happy." She cried into my shoulder.
"I'm very glad you're happy, but I think you need to do it with a few less tears so you can call your parents hotel and fill them in." I told her while caressing and stroking the back of her head.
She took a big breath, dried her tears and gave me the most incredibly wonderful smile. I just totally melted right there. Guess I'm doing that a lot lately.
She picked up the phone again and I grabbed the pen lying next to the note from her parents and wrote our address and phone number on the bottom of the note for Willow. I could hear that her parents weren't in their room, but she was able to leave the message on their room's voice mail system.
"Let's get you packed," I said. "Two weeks with my honey. I'm so going to enjoy this." I exclaimed excitedly.
"Just one thing before packing and your mom gets here." She says with darkly hooded eyes as she puts her hands on the side of my face and draws me into a deep and wondrous kiss. She used the power flow to share with me all the love and gratitude she was feeling. I could actually feel how wonderful she felt knowing she wouldn't be alone. When we broke the kiss, I rested my forehead against hers, both of us catching our breath and too breathless to voice my feelings, I responded silently [I am so happy that I'm the one that cures your loneliness. Because I know without you in my life, I could never be truly happy. I love you Willow, forever and ever. ]
[I love you too Buffy, for all forever's.] She told me accompanied with a tender kiss to my nose.
We then reluctantly separated and went up to her room where she got out a suitcase from her closet and methodically began packing. She was so efficient and organized that she was nearly complete when the doorbell rang downstairs announcing my mother's arrival.
"Would you let your mom in Buffy?" She asked.
"Sure thing." I replied sprinting for the door.
"Hi mom." I chimed out after opening the door and stood back so that she could come inside.
"Hi sweetheart, is Willow about ready?" She asked. She was in full fledged mother mode. I was hoping that she didn't lay into Willow's parents when they got back, even if they did deserve it. I was having conflicting emotions about my love's, which sounds so good to say that, abandonment by her parents. While I hated for Willow to be alone, it was affording us some great together time, something that I couldn't imagine ever getting enough.
"Yea mom, I'll just run upstairs and help her with her bag." I said sprinting back up the stairs to arrive in Willow's room just as she was snapping her suitcase closed.
"Let me get that," and I paused a moment for effect, "Honey." I giggled.
She giggled right back at me, "Thank you sweetheart." She responded with a happy lilt.
I grabbed her suitcase and of course it seemed light to me, but I had a feeling that Willow would have struggled to carry it. She grabbed a small overnight bag she had sitting on the bed and we headed out the door.
We had discovered that we were monitoring our virtual demon scape almost as an after thought and we were half way back home when we detected vamps just appearing on the demon scape moving quickly just ahead of us.
[Where the heck did they come from?] I exclaimed without alarming mom.
[That's the cemetery, maybe they come from under ground?] She offered in explanation.
[Very possible,] I responded, [but I think they're looking for fast food right now and I think I see who's on the menu.] I flashed her with what I had just seen up ahead with my heightened slayer sight.
There were two young kids, about our age. A boy and a girl and they were making out while leaning against a tree shaded from the street light.
We could see the vamps were really close, just about 30 yards away when I knew I had to do something. "Mom, pull up quick. I think we know them." I said hurriedly while pointing to the oblivious couple leaning against the tree.
"I don't think they're going to take kindly to being interrupted." My mom replied, but began slowing down to stop anyway.
Just then the vamps came around the tree and went after the lip locked pair.
[Keep my mom here while I take care of this.] I told Willow as I burst out the door of the nearly stopped vehicle with my hand pulling out a handy stake.
My mom had just registered the attacking vamps at the same time as my quick exit from the car.
"Buffy!" I heard her yell, but didn't stop as I launched myself at the closest vamp that had grabbed the girl and was in the process of pulling her back in preparation for a neck plunge when my stake entered his heart from behind. I yanked the stake free just before he turned to dust and decked the other vamp with a left cross before he could lay into the guy leaning against the tree still in confusion over what happened to the girl he was kissing. As the vamp quickly recovered and jumped at me, I brought my left across in a feint that the vamp blocked while bringing my right in from low and plunged the stake in an upward motion into his heart with enough force to lift him a couple of feet into the air before he burst into a cloud of dust.
"Where'd they go?" I heard the frightened girl exclaim.
"Uh, they took off that way; I think it was just a couple of guys trying to play a practical joke." I tried a really lame cover up.
"I'll kick their asses if I get a hold of them." The now indignant guy exclaimed with lots of bravado.
"We'll you guys had better get in. We stopped because we heard on the radio that theirs a guy who escaped from the city jail on the loose." I continued with the bull since they seemed to be buying it.
"Oh wow!" the girl exclaimed. "Later Johnny." She waved as she ran towards the house across the street.
"I looked at the guy and said, "Need a lift?"
"Nah, I'm just two houses that way" he explained.
"OK, see you later." I said and went back to the car.
[Thank god, I think your mom's in shock.]
[Oh, boy, I'm in trouble now.]
"Hi mom" I said cheerily as I got back in the front seat of the car.
"Buffy, what was that all about, what happened to those men, those really ugly hideous men?" She said with her no nonsense mom voice, and have I mentioned how annoyingly observant she can be?
"And what's that thing you used to make them go poof? The thing you put back under your jacket." Yep, I told you mom was observant.
"You mean this?" I said as I pulled out the stake and handed it to her.
She reached out her hand and took the stake, feeling it and looking at it very carefully. "This is just a wooden stick with a point." She finally said looking me right in the eyes.
"The technical term is stake mom." I tried lightening things up a bit.
"As soon as I get you home young lady, you have a lot of explaining to do." She said as she put the car in gear and we quickly made it the last block to our house.
As soon as we got there, I jumped out and grabbed Willow's suitcase and made it to the door with my key already in hand. I quickly took the suitcase up stairs, dropped it off in my room and sped back down stairs to the living room to watch my mom enter with a strange look on her face and Willow right behind her mouthing a good luck.
"Buffy, where's Willow's suitcase?" Mom asked me slowly.
"I took it up to my room. Is that OK mom?" I told her very quietly.
"How are you moving so fast? I couldn't believe how fast you got in the house and now I've found you've also dashed upstairs with a suitcase, probably a heavy one at that, and you've done all that and are waiting patiently here in the living room all before the two of us can make it from the car. And you're not even breathing hard." Mom would have made a great detective. I had to admire the way she was putting the evidence together. It just might mean she would believe me when I told her.
"Mom, I'm really glad this finally happened 'cause it's been killing me not telling you." I told her sincerely.
[I need you Willow.] I pleaded.
[Be right there Buffy.] Willow quickly came over and sat next to me on the couch and joined me in carefully watching the expressions on my mother's face, both of us trying to guess what she was thinking.
"Well I'm very pleased that you're glad so no more delays. Start with what I saw you do to those two people, things or whatever they were, and you better make it good. I've never known you to lie to me Buffy, please don't start now." She let me know she was tolerating no sidestepping. She wanted the truth, the whole truth and nothing but.
So I gave it to her.
"Mom, those were vampires. When you put a stake through their hearts or decapitate them, their body's turn to dust. I'm a vampire slayer. There's only one slayer at a time so I'm often referred to as The Slayer. I don't know why I'm the slayer but I am and the only way to quit being the slayer is by dying." I said all this in an even voice and then waited a moment for any questions.
Her eyes softened in thought as she digested this first bit of information. Then they locked with mine again.
"How long have you been this slayer?" She asked.
"About a week after my sixteenth Birthday." I answered truthfully.
"Just how do you know you're this slayer, did it just pop into your head or something?" She shot back quickly; she was getting into a rhythm. I could tell that the questions where starting to pile up and she couldn't get them out quick enough.
[Good one, think you should let her read the letter?] Willow asked me softly.
[If she found out what the council had in store for me she would freak big time, let's hold that for last and only play it if necessary.] Mom finding out about the council scared me big time.
"There is this very old group in England called the Watcher's Council. They have supposedly been around for ages identifying the slayer as she's called and assigning a Watcher to train and assist her in her duties." I gave her the propagandized version.
"You say she, am I to assume that the slayer is always a woman?" She asked.
"Yep, usually a girl in her early to mid teens." I answered.
"How long have slayers been around?" She kept digging.
"Don't know for sure, supposedly thousands of years, long before any Watcher's Council I think." I explained as best I could.
"So one of these watchers's showed up and said you were a slayer and that you had to risk your life against vampires?" She had suspicion interlaced with the words, desperately searching for a way to make this not true.
"Yea, I didn't believe him at first either. But then he started showing me things I could do that were humanly impossible and how strong I am. Then he introduced me to a newbie vampire rising out of its grave. It freaked me out, but my instincts took over and I killed it. After I did, I wasn't grossed out, well the dust kind of grossed me a bit, but killing that vamp just made me feel so right. But I still wasn't happy with the whole destiny thing. So I tried to avoid it, but a Master Vamp had come to town hearing about a new slayer. He was killing people to bring me out. Remember that party that was supposedly crashed by a gang and dozens of kids where hurt or killed? That was the Master and his vamp flunkies out for a little fun. Well, I thought I would get clever and just take this guy out sneakily, I didn't listen to Merrick's advice, Merrick was my watcher by the way, and nearly got myself killed. But Merrick sacrificed himself to save me. That was when I knew I could not be the slayer. If I didn't accept my calling, lots of people would die. I finally followed Merrick's now posthumous advice and was able to take out the master and barbecued his minions in the gym." I finished with a big sigh.
"You burned down the gym to kill a bunch of vampires?" Mom asked me with a touch of relief.
"Yea, it was for a good cause." I carefully smiled back at her.
She got this contemplative look to her face for a few moments and then continued with the questions, but her voice was quieter and softer now. I might survive this after all.
"How strong are you Buffy?" Mom now asked with growing curiosity.
"How about we go outside and I'll show you." I got up and walked through the kitchen and headed for the garage.
I opened the garage door as Mom and Willow came up behind me. I could tell Willow was dying to ask me what I was planning but she was holding herself back because she knew this was difficult for me and didn't want to distract me from doing the best I could to bring mom on board.
With the garage door open, I looked at mom and said "This should give you a pretty good idea mom."
I then turned and approached the back of mom's SUV and grabbed the sturdy rear bumper with both hands and lifted the back end of the vehicle over my head, keeping the grunt I felt somewhat quiet and fortunately we had a garage with an open ceiling. I hadn't been sure I could do this but I needed something convincing.
"Wow, isn't she amazing Mrs. Summers?" I heard Willow exclaim with pride as I was lowering the SUV back to the ground. I turned around just in time to see my mom's eyes roll up and her knees kinda fold up as she fainted and began to fall to the ground. I leapt forward and caught her before she could smack her head or anything. I picked her up in my arms and looked at Willow.
"Could you get the door please?" I asked desperately.
"Sure Buffy." And she quickly went up the porch and held the back door open for me while I carried my mom inside. I decided that since it was getting really late to just take her up to her bedroom where I gently laid her on her bed. After removing her shoes, Willow came up to me with a wet wash cloth, which I then placed on my mother's forehead. I gently said, "Mom, please wake up mom."
"Buffy" she weakly replied with her eyes fluttering open. "What happened?" She asked.
"You fainted mom." I explained to her gently.
"Oh, I thought you had lifted the car up over your head and then everything went dark. You didn't really lift the car over your head, did you Buffy?" She again asked.
"Sorry mom, you didn't imagine it. You asked how strong I was and I just thought that would give you a pretty good idea how strong I am." I explained. "Mom, it's getting pretty late, can we just sleep on this for now and finish this tomorrow? I think you need to sleep right now. OK?" I pleaded.
"I think you're right Buffy, you girls get to bed. Oh wait, the guest room isn't set up. Buffy, Willow, if I let you sleep together, do I have your word that that's all you'll do is sleep?" Damn, I was so hoping she would forget about that. But her mom instincts were just way too strong.
"Would a good night kiss be OK?" I asked her.
"I guess so, as long as you're both wearing night clothes and you keep your hands off each other, and don't pretend you don't understand what I mean by that, are we perfectly clear young ladies?" She said looking from one of us to the other and back again.
"Yes mom" I said meekly.
"Yes mo...rs. Summers." Willow nearly mirrored my words under the intensity of the mom gaze.
"OK then, Good night Willow, Good night Buffy." I gave mom a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek and left for my room turning at my mother's bedroom door waiting for Willow. I then saw my mom reach out her arms to Willow and Willow fell into my mom's embracing hug.
"Good night Mrs. Summers" Willow said with barely contained emotion.
"Good night Willow." My mom replied and gave Willow a kiss on the forehead before she could turn away. I saw Willow's face light up like the Hollywood Bowl on the Fourth of July. I felt warm happy feelings all over as the wave of her emotions flowed over me like the caress of butterfly wings.
We went to my room and I designated a couple of drawers for her to unpack her suitcase into and while she was doing that, I unpacked the two remaining boxes I had of clothes to hang and knick knacks for my desk and shelves.
We then got changed into sleep wear, light sweats and a tank top in my case, a knee length pajama top for Willow. We made our bathroom runs and got settled into bed and I turned off the light.
"Good night Willow." I said aloud then followed with a thought. [I love you.]
"Good night Buffy." She replied. [I love you too.]
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