Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Guess what, I don't own W&T, Buffy or the rest of the BtVS crew. Any similarity to actual
persons living or dead is purely coincidental and fortunate.
Distribution: Littlecrazy80/Romy
The Mystic Muse http://mysticmuse.net
Spoilers: Season 6
Author's Notes: Well I think it's always a good idea to start with the important thanks: Thank you to the love of my life:
Rachel. Thank you to Joss Whedon who created these characters and the Buffyverse. Thank you to the fictional
characters of Willow & Tara and the wonderful actresses Alyson Hannigan & Amber Benson.
Finally thanks to all the Kittens who read and enjoy and comment on these fictions, particularly the moderators
and Xita!
Pairing: Willow/Tara
Summary: The sequel to W/T Season 3 Y'all.
Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10
Willow woke with a start and looked around the room. The sunlight slashed through the glass doors from the patio and she surmised that she must have slept nearly 20 hours. It was not a huge surprise since she knew that her body needed the rest. I certainly didn't get that much sleep the first time I stayed here she smirked as she remembered that weekend. Her Tara had planned a surprise weekend away for the two girls for their anniversary. It was the first time they had revealed how much they loved each other and their first time to share that love fully. It was an amazing weekend and one she frequently remembered.
After showering and getting dressed she decided to eat. She ordered a large lunch to be delivered to the patio and opened the doors to let in the light. Finding a newspaper outside the door she began to read through the headlines. As she did it occurred to her that she should start to do some research to find out what this world was like. Pulling a notebook from her backpack she began making a list of events to review in the newspapers of this world. It was apparent from this day's news that as in her world President Bush had been elected but she would like to know the details on that. In addition she could think of many other events to review.
When she looked up again she realized that a few hours had passed and she had eaten the entire meal. She smiled as she noted just how much fun she could have doing research or planning. After calling downstairs she determined that the hotel had high-speed Internet access and booted up her computer to begin doing her research. She knew that she was putting off calling Tara but persisted for two reasons.
The first and less important was that for the first time in three months, she found herself happy just sitting on the patio and researching. The sun was warming her skin, well heating it actually, but she felt good sweating. It was the first time she had felt really alive since Tara's death. The waitress came by every 30 minutes to refill her iced coffee and by dinnertime she had worked up a pretty big hyper. The second reason was absolute fear. What if Tara answered? What would she say? What if Tara didn't answer? She had no idea what she would do in either situation.
After enjoying a light dinner she called down to let the front desk know that she intended to stay another night. Breathing out slowly she set the phone back in the cradle and stared at it. For the third time in the past week she found herself scared silly of a simple piece of plastic with metal and wires inside it. Okay she thought I've faced hell gods and vampires and demons. I think I should be able to make a simple phone call. Without looking in a mirror she knew that she now displayed her famous "resolve face."
Before she could lose nerve she dialed the phone. Her nerves faltered momentarily as Michelle again answered: "Hello?"
"Uh hi," Willow ad libbed, "is Tara Maclay home?"
"No, she's not. Can I take a message?" Michelle answered politely. For a second Willow could have sworn that she heard the girl giggle.
Willow had already come up with an idea in case Tara wasn't at home: "Oh darn. You must be Chelle?" She waited a moment for Michelle to answer that she was. "Well this is Claire from her biology class."
"Oh right Claire," Michelle agreed. Willow almost chuckled to herself at the humor of Michelle acting like she had heard of Claire considering that Willow had picked the name out of thin air and didn't even know if Tara was taking a biology class. You'd think Tara's girlfriend would know her class schedule better than that she thought somewhat uncharitably.
"Well we have this test next week and I wanted to see if I can borrow her notes," Willow lied.
Willow thought that she heard Chelle whisper "stop it" with her hand covering the mouthpiece but moments later she heard the girl quickly speak: "Claire, do you want her number at work? She's there till late but she's studying."
"Oh that would be just great," Willow answered, her pen poised over the paper. She quickly took down the number, read it back, thanked Michelle and got off the call.
Before she could lose her nerve she called the number on the piece of paper. She knew that she had the right number when the voice answering the phone, not Tara's voice, said, "Pet Hospital."
"Oh, what's your address?" Willow asked and wrote down the answer quickly before hanging up. That was enough for tonight she decided. Tomorrow she would go to Austin and see what happened but now it was time to go to bed early.
Still attempting to pry off the fingers tickling her without mercy Michelle replaced the phone and turned around. "I was on the phone," she giggled.
"I could tell," Eliza teased without lessening her assault on the runner's ribs and underarms. Beginning to kiss her lover's neck the younger girl whispered, "did I hear you say that Tara was working until late?"
"Mmm hmmm," Michelle purred as she reached her arms behind her to pull the smaller girl closer.
As she felt Michelle's hands grasp her hips Eliza pressed forward into the taller girl. Her hands came up to cup the runner's slight breasts through the thin T-shirt she wore. Beginning to nibble on her lover's neck Eliza whispered, "so you can scream all you want?"
Michelle turned quickly into her lover's embrace grasping her cheeks in her hands and pressing their mouths together passionately. She enjoyed hearing Eliza give a whimper as she thrust her tongue into the smaller girl's mouth. As she started trailing kisses along Eliza's jawline she growled, "or you can…" and was rewarded by the moan her statement elicited.
Beginning her assault on her lover's neck, Michelle kissed and nipped down Eliza's jugular. As she reached the collarbone she moved to repeat the motion up the other side. Eliza's hands grasped her lover's tight butt and pulled their bodies closer and closer. Their breathing becoming very short Eliza whispered, "do you know how much you turn me on?"
Pushing the smaller girl toward the bed Michelle teased back, "I want to find that out baby." As Eliza contacted the bed Michelle pushed her backwards and lay her body on top of her, their lengths stretched together. Capturing her lover's mouth Eliza began a fiery kiss sucking on Chelle's tongue and enjoying the squirming movement that accompanied the action. She quickly raised her hands to slip them under her lover's T-shirt and began pulling the garment up and off.
Michelle lifted herself slightly off Eliza's body, mourning the loss of contact but glad that it meant fewer clothes. As soon as the T-shirt was out of her way, Eliza lifted her hands to cup her lover's small breasts in her palms. She softly stroked the round flesh, circling and circling but not contacting Chelle's small nipples. Still without touching either nipple with her hands, she suddenly darted her head to take Michelle's right nipple between her lips and softly kiss and then suck the dimpled skin, which quickly grew hard under her attention.
Even as she enjoyed the attention her lover was paying to her hard nubs, Michelle used one hand to begin unbuttoning Eliza's top. As the smaller girl switched to the other nipple Michelle allowed her hand to continue its journey, tracing the band of Eliza's panties and hearing her lover groan. Pressing their bodies together once again Michelle captured her girlfriend's mouth and began hungrily kissing her. Even in this short time she knew that their passion was enough. As she slipped Eliza's top from her shoulders and began pulling her shorts down and then off, tossing them on the floor, she could feel their sweat as their bodies meshed.
Deliciously naked from the waist up, Eliza flipped the two girls so that she was lying on top of her lover. Beginning to trail her lips down Chelle's neck and then chest she simultaneously pulled off her shorts and tossed them away. Sucking Chelle's nipple more deeply into her mouth and scraping the edge with her teeth, she allowed her fingers to trail through her lover's curly hair and feel her wetness surround them. "You feel so wonderful baby," she whispered.
Michelle only groaned her agreement as she took in the sensuous feeling of Eliza loving her. As Eliza's fingers began to trace her wet lips the smaller girl reminisced, "do you remember the first time we made love?"
Chelle smiled at the memory. "I remember how scared I was," she answered as Eliza's fingers began to circle her clit.
Eliza continued her journey down her girlfriend's lithe body whispering as she went, "I could tell you were scared." Blowing softly onto the runner's soft curls she noted, "I kept saying we could stop."
Knowing what would be coming when she spoke the words Michelle continued the memory, "and I just kept saying, 'I don't want to stop but kiss me again.'" As the last words came from her mouth she felt Eliza's soft lips place the magic kiss on her pleasure center. Entwining her hands in the other girl's hair she arched into the movement of Eliza's tongue moving along her soaking lips.
As she continued her attention to her lover's center with her well-practiced mouth Eliza placed her fingertips at Chelle's opening, whispering, "and when I came inside you I knew I was home." As she spoke the last word she slid two fingers inside the runner and felt once again that softness, that wetness of being right where she belonged.
"Me too," Chelle agreed breathlessly as she felt herself swallowing up her lover's fingers and tongue and mouth and the depth and intensity of her love. And then, and then, and then, needing more she spoke again. "You too baby," she whispered and wondered if it would be enough.
But Eliza understood. They had done this, walked this path and shared this connection enough times for her to have understood even without the words. And she removed her fingers just long enough to reverse positions, bending to rejoin her lips to her lover's center just as she felt Chelle place a kiss on her own. And then they were just together and there was nothing but them. Nothing but the kisses, nothing but fingers and lips and tongues, nothing but gliding and sliding and thrusting. And both girls pressed their centers a little harder into the fingers filling them so perfectly and felt the explosion beginning to unfurl around her lover and spiral outward from there.
Turning around Eliza curled against her lover's body and felt the taller girl's arms wrap around her. "I love you," she whispered as both girls surrendered to sleep without having really taken advantage of the opportunity to scream as loud as they wanted.
"Do you want a refill?"
Willow was startled from her concentration on the screen in front of her. "Huh?" she answered lamely.
"You seem really involved in what you're reading. I said do you want a refill?" the waitress repeated.
"Oh yeah," Willow nodded, "thanks."
"You don't have trouble sleeping?" the girl asked after having poured the warm-up. Willow shrugged non-committally. "If you do, maybe you just need some exercise in the late evening," the girl suggested.
"Uh, maybe I'll try that," Willow offered, not 100% sure what the girl was saying.
"We could get some dinner after I'm done here if you want?" the waitress asked, confirming Willow's suspicions.
"Thanks for the offer but I really don't… I mean not that I don't eat because I do eat. I mean food not… Well you know but well I just don't think that I …" she looked down at her computer as the waitress started laughing and mumbled something about "can't blame a girl for offering," before moving across the shop.
Willow looked at her computer screen with a blush burning in her cheeks. It was her second day sitting in this coffee shop. She felt like a detective from a B novel staking out the Animal Hospital across the street. It was obvious why Tara would work at this place, besides her love for animals and her wish to be a veterinarian someday that is. She had counted 5 different busses that stopped right across the street, which would make it extra convenient for the blond witch. Willow was sure that her finances would be no better in this world than in the other: why would they?
The first day Willow had arrived right after lunch and waited until after 10:00 at night before deciding that Tara must not be working. In the time yesterday and her wait so far today she had made a few conclusions about Austin. First was that the city was very wired. More than half of the people coming into the coffee shop carried a computer, which they set up and began working on or playing or whatever. She found out that the coffee shop offered a membership-type thing where you could pay a flat fee and use their wireless hub so that you could be online at the shop. Since the fee was low and money wasn't really an object, the redhead had eagerly paid the cost and then set to work hacking the system to keep anyone else from spying on what she was doing. Her second conclusion was that Austin was a very gay-friendly city, or maybe not so much gay-friendly as just plain gay. Even using a pretty conservative estimate and not counting questionable interactions, she had been hit on by two waitresses including the one working right now and 5 girls who had stopped in for coffee. One of them had outright propositioned her and she still reeled from the shock of the offer. Bluntness aside, she couldn't even imagine being with anyone but Tara. She never had been and didn't particularly ever want to be.
As the afternoon wore on she kept watch out the window for each bus that pulled up and continued her research. She was working her way through the different news media and had found nearly identical news stories to those that she remembered. She spent hours reading the newspapers from September 12 and found those reports to be virtually identical. Her review of the numerous and lengthy stories on the presidential elections showed the same outcome although it seemed to her that the vote counts were different in some states for some candidates. Having read national and international news she was beginning on sports and entertainment news.
She was also working on recreating her college transcript. She had printed out her transcript before leaving her reality and was working on creating a duplicate of it in electronic form on her laptop. She figured that once she had created the records, she would hack the UC Sunnydale system, which probably wouldn't be any harder than it was in her reality, and upload the transcript, so that she would have her educational history in this reality. She was still trying to figure out how to renew her identity since she had been dead for six years here.
As another bus came by she watched expectantly for Tara to get off and go into the animal hospital but she did not. Maybe she's not working again today Willow began to suspect. Looking at her watch and noting the time at 5:45 she decided to give it another hour before leaving for some dinner and returning the next day. I really am like a detective on a stake-out she giggled to herself.
A few minutes into her self-imposed deadline a blue Volvo pulled into the Animal Hospital parking lot and parked. She had not noticed the space that was marked for a handicapped vehicle but now noticed that the Volvo in fact had taken that space. Willow found it amazing what kind of pets people had and brought to the veterinarian: dogs, cats, birds, iguana, ferrets, and more. Traffic slowed significantly around 4:30 and she assumed that must be the time they stopped taking appointments. She waited expectantly to see what kind of animal the driver of the Volvo had and made an internal bet that it would be a medium-sized dog.
As the door swung open she watched to see the driver and particularly the pet emerge from the vehicle. Predictably two jeans-covered legs swung from the car first. It took her a moment to process the tip of the cane that came out next and landed next to the left foot before the driver hoisted herself from the car and started toward the door of the hospital. Maybe she's going to get help to bring in the animal Willow surmised. However, the driver did not come back out the door but appeared to go through a door into the back of the office. As the redhead sat there shocked she began to put together the clues: blonde hair, beautiful body, jeans in the dead heat of summer, and didn't come back out to get a dog. That wasn't an animal owner; it's Tara. But what happened? Why does she walk with a cane? And drive a Volvo? Did she win the lottery and get hit by a truck like in that Alanis Morrisette song?
After a few minutes the blonde came back out into the lobby of the hospital and bending down visited with a few people and their animals before returning to sit behind the desk. The guy who she was relieving visited with her for a few minutes before picking up his backpack and leaving. As soon as he did Tara pulled her books from her backpack and began studying.
Willow's emotions were confused and scattered. On one hand she was excited about seeing Tara again. Her love for the woman poured out and she could feel tears pooling in her eyes. Some part of her knew that this was not the same woman that she loved but another part said that it could be. She was also feeling fear over what to do and curiosity about what had happened in Tara's life in the past four years. There was obviously so much that the redhead didn't know! For hours she watched Tara studying and occasionally helping people with their emergencies. She knew that she should get something to eat but just couldn't leave the coffee shop, as if she feared that if she left or closed her eyes Tara would disappear. Realizing that she was in no shape to meet the woman of her dreams tonight she decided to come back tomorrow and go over to the animal hospital. After packing up she started to leave and heard the waitress call behind her, "see you tomorrow?" Willow nodded and smiled back that she would be right here.
Assuming that Tara probably worked a similar schedule every day, Willow merely drove by the pet clinic during the early afternoon to ensure that Tara's car was not there. When it was not she took the rest of the day to tour the city, stopping to ask people what she should visit. Faith was right: there were a lot of bars in town and even more coffee shops. If she hadn't been planning on spending most of her evening at a coffee shop, she might have visited a few of the more interesting ones.
About 5:30 she returned to her spot at the shop and got her coffee and a sandwich. Right on schedule Tara pulled in a few minutes before 6:00 and Willow watched her appreciatively as she got out of the car. As far as the redhead could tell her injury had not negatively impacted her appearance and Willow felt her body respond to her beauty. As she sat and watched, another Volvo pulled in and parked. She was shocked to see Eliza get out of the car and go inside to visit with the blonde. She was even more shocked as the girl looked both ways before crossing the street. It was obvious that she was coming over to the shop.
Willow started to panic. Eliza would see her and her cover would be blown. Again she giggled at the image of herself in trench coat and fedora, her cover blown by an enemy agent. She slouched in her seat and pulled a magazine from a stack by the window to hold in front of her face. As she surreptitiously watched Eliza ordered two drinks, flirted casually with the waitress, paid, and left. Only as Eliza was reentering the clinic with the drinks did Willow realize that Eliza wouldn't have recognized her anyway; this Eliza had never met or seen the redhead.
After bringing Tara her coffee, Eliza sat down and began visiting with the blonde. At times she was very animated, standing and moving around the waiting room waving her arms as if telling a very amusing story. Watching Tara laugh Willow felt as if something were pulling her toward the blonde. She had the same half-smile, the same way of tilting her head and it was hard to wait until Eliza left to go over to the hospital.
As she watched Willow wondered about the relationships between the three girls. If Tara and Michelle were still together then where did Eliza fit in? Did she have a girlfriend? Had Michelle and Eliza never felt their natural connection? Willow wondered, in this reality, would I be with Eliza? The thought made her giggle and shake her head. After a few more minutes Eliza gave the blonde a hug, got in her car, and drove away.
Willow knew she had to do this before she lost her nerve. After sucking on a mint for a minute, she put her bag in the trunk of her car and started across the street. She could see Tara through the window but the blonde was studying intently and didn't notice her moving toward the door. At the door she stopped for a minute before pulling it open quickly, like pulling off a band-aid all at once, and stepping through.
Tara looked up, obviously about to ask what she could do to help the pet owner, and saw Willow. The words she was about to say dried up in her mouth, a mouth that hung open in shock. Each woman stared into the eyes of the other for seconds. Finally Tara broke the silence as she asked, "Willow?"
Tara stood totally shocked at Willow's entrance. Perhaps it was another dream? A dream that Willow was here? But that couldn't be right. She had learned so long ago that Willow would never be here and she had given up all hope. And then a few months ago, even the dreams had stopped.
The redhead found herself unable to speak as she heard Tara address her. She felt tears form in her eyes as she nodded and began to move toward the counter. Suddenly she had no idea what to say. How do you explain to someone that their twin from your reality is dead and you've come to find them and take them back with you? As the idea spun through her head she suddenly felt dizzy and sat heavily into one of the plastic chairs in the waiting room. Her thoughts began to spiral around in her mind: Oh Goddess. This is insane. What was I thinking? I can't do this. How can I just show up here and expect to replace one Tara with another? They are different people. This woman doesn't even know me and she's already got her life. She's with Michelle and they're happy. I should leave. I can be back in my world by midnight. Oh Goddess. Crying, she started gulping breaths of cold air as if only that could keep her thinking clearly.
She took note of Tara silently limping out from behind the counter toward her and opened her mouth to say to stay where she was but she couldn't make the words come out. She nearly jumped as she felt Tara's hand close over her arm, sending magical healing energy through the connection. For Willow it was like falling into a warm embrace as she felt the connection between the two girls. Her partnership with Tara had always been more than physical, more than mental or emotional; the two girls connected on a magical level and she felt that energy pouring through her now. The blonde obviously felt the intensity of their connection also as her blue eyes were wide and locked on Willow's green ones.
Tara was amazed at the intensity of her connection to this woman. Yes she had thought of her, dreamed of her for years, but now she was here and she was touching her and it didn't seem real. It couldn't be real. She felt as if she were absorbing all Willow's emotions: her pain and her love and her hopefulness. "Willow," Tara repeated quietly.
The redhead couldn't tell what Tara's emotion might be. Obviously she remembered her as she had now spoken her name twice. Willow didn't know whether to think this was a relief or not. At least Tara hadn't forgotten her from their brief meeting, but what had she thought between now and then? Once again the redhead realized just how little she knew about this woman. Feeling that she just had to say something Willow opened her mouth to speak. Before she could say anything the door of the clinic banged open and both girls looked up to see a man coming through the door. He was trailed by a smaller woman and in his hands he carried a blanket which was obviously wrapped around a dog. Both the man and the woman were covered in blood as was the blanket, "help us," he pleaded, "she was hit by a car."
Tara looked at Willow for only a second mouthing, "please wait," as she stood and moved toward the family. "Bring her in b-b-back," she directed the man and moved toward the door to the back of the clinic. Willow heard her asking the dog's name as she disappeared through the doorway.
Realizing that she had been holding her breath from the time she was about to speak, Willow breathed out slowly. Leaning back in the chair she closed her eyes and attempted to do some of the meditation exercises that her Tara had taught her for calming and centering her energy. After a few minutes she looked up and realized that the man and woman had returned to the waiting room and were pacing nervously. "She called the vet," the man whispered to his companion. Making a quick decision Willow moved toward the door separating the waiting area from the offices.
As Tara worked steadily and compassionately to attempt to ease the dog's suffering she had completely relegated Willow's appearance to the back of her mind. The dog's injuries were extensive and the animal was awake and in pain. Tara washed the wounds the best she could so that she could begin her magical healing. The blonde witch was completely immersed in her work and didn't notice as Willow entered the room. She was roused from her concentration as the redhead spoke quietly. "I can help," she whispered.
Tara started and looked up to realize that Willow was standing next to her, her hand held up and fingers spread as if to take Tara's in her own. Not sure what the other girl meant or why she was doing it exactly, Tara held her own hand up palm facing Willow's and allowed their hands to come together, fingers interlaced. She could feel the electrical connection shooting through the point where their palms and fingers met and stared into Willow's eyes. As she did so Willow nodded her head slowly three times. On the third she squeezed Tara's hand, pleased to feel the blonde squeeze back and snapped her head to look toward the injured animal on the table next to them.
As Tara turned her head quickly to take in the sight of the injured dog she felt an unbelievable level of power and healing rush through her body. The green-blue light that she emitted from her hand was brighter than she had ever seen and she could feel the intensity of her healing gift as it rushed from her and into the dog. Even while concentrating on her gift, she could tell that Willow was completely open to her. The redhead had obviously used her power in this capacity often and was used to allowing the power to flow freely. The connection was even more intense than it had ever been when practicing with her mother or grandmother and the memory of both women caused tears to form in her eyes. Worried that she was taking too much and satisfied that the dog was doing better she broke the contact with Willow but not before giving another squeeze to the hand that seemed to fit so perfectly into her own.
As Willow started to back away Tara spoke: "the v-v-veterinarian will be h-here in a f-f-few minutes."
"I'll go," Willow answered.
Tara turned and reached out to take the redhead's hand once again, "can you w-w-wait?"
For a second the redhead could not even find her voice to speak she was so entranced by the feeling of Tara's hand on her own. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before answering. She was amazed at how shaky and quiet her own voice sounded as it emerged from her mouth: "there's a coffee shop across the street." Tara nodded as Willow spoke. "Take as long as you need," she reassured the blonde before quickly turning and walking out of the office and the clinic.
Willow sat at the coffee shop again waiting for Tara. This time she didn't use anything to distract her. The veterinarian had showed up a few minutes after she left and Willow noted that the vet and Tara seemed to be working with the injured animal for a long time. Occasionally Tara would come out and visit with the owners before returning to the back. Willow noticed that that as the evening wore on Tara's limp became noticeably more pronounced and she now was using the cane constantly to support herself whereas when Willow first arrived she had been able to move a short distance without the device. After a few hours Tara came out to the waiting room and the owners went through the door to the back of the office with her.
Shortly thereafter Tara came out the front door and began walking across the parking lot toward the street. Not wanting the blonde to have to walk any further than was absolutely necessary, Willow jumped up from her perch and raced out the front door, waving to the blonde to stay on her side of the street. While waiting Tara opened her car and placed a bag inside. She had changed clothes and it occurred to Willow that the girl must keep a change of clothes at work for these emergencies. By the time the redhead reached Tara's car the blonde had closed the door and was leaning on the car. "You look tired," Willow started, "maybe I should…"
"No," Tara said a little too quickly. Then "I'm s-s-sorry," she apologized reaching out to take Willow's hand. She looked down for a second before asking, "you are r-real right?"
For the first time Willow smiled as she heard the question. She vigorously nodded her head as she realized that she wasn't releasing Tara's hand. She felt as if letting go would mean truly letting go and she couldn't bring herself to do it. "Can, do you, are you hungry?" she finally asked. As she spoke a voice in the back of her mind screamed at her: You can't do this. She's not yours. She is with Michelle and you have to respect that. How can you…?
As she watched the half-smile spreading across the blonde's face Willow felt like she was home for the first time in months. "Starved," she heard Tara say. Before Willow could speak again Tara suggested, "if you like Thai food there's a g-g-good place near here. Do you w-w-want to ride or f-f-follow?"
As attractive as the idea of riding with Tara and getting to be so close to her, to watch her driving was, Willow thought better of it: "I should probably follow you." The two girls made plans to get to the restaurant and within minutes were pulling into the parking lot. After they arrived at the restaurant Willow asked a question that had been bothering her for a few hours. She didn't want to get into the super-serious stuff right now but she was very curious. "Do the vets know about your gift?" she asked.
Understanding the reason for the question Tara explained, "they know that w-when I'm left alone with the animals they s-s-seem to heal b-b-better. And they know that s-s-sometimes that t-t-tires me out." Willow nodded throughout the answer. "Beyond that, they d-d-don't ask and I d-d-don't say," Tara finished. Tara's response made sense to the redhead. In her years working with Buffy battling evil and her time as a witch she found that people were perfectly willing to write off what they didn't understand, particularly if it helped them.
Willow looked around the restaurant. Only one other couple was there: two women with dark hair. After ordering appetizers and dinner Willow asked, "you ordered Tofu. Are you vegetarian now?" She had noticed that both women had ordered Tofu too: maybe everyone in Austin was vegetarian or at least all the lesbians?
Tara nodded as she finished chewing her spring roll. "For a few y-y-years now."
"Is your daddy still a farmer?" Willow probed. Since Tara looked puzzled at the question Willow explained, "I asked you, I mean her, once about eating meat and being Wiccan and she said her mama, I guess your mama, I guess… Anyway, she said 'my mama may be a witch but my daddy's a farmer.'"
Tara laughed as she heard Willow's words and remembered her own mama using that phrase many times. "Yes she s-s-said that frequently." She looked down as tears gathered in her eyes. "I j-j-just couldn't keep eating animals while trying to heal them," she explained. Quietly she amended her statement: "or me…"
Willow reached across the table to stroke the back of the blonde's hand. "You had an accident?" she asked. When Tara nodded the redhead asked gently, "can you tell me about it."
Tara bit her bottom lip before answering, "that's a l-l-longer c-c-conversation than…"
"Ok," Willow quickly answered. She didn't want to make the other woman nervous or uncomfortable. It was obvious from her stuttering that she wasn't entirely comfortable with the redhead and Willow wanted to give her space. "I've got plenty of time," she explained.
Tara looked at her for a moment and cocked her head slightly. "Plenty?" she asked.
Realizing that she was holding her breath Willow slowly released it. "Really, plenty of time," she explained. "Unlimited," she clarified unnecessarily.
The food came and both girls began eating. Willow observed that Tara was right about the quality of the food and even tried the blonde's tofu finding it better than she expected. As they ate they visited about very surface topics: school and how Tara liked Austin. Neither asked the questions that were floating around: how was Michelle? Where was the other Tara? What had happened to Tara and why was she in Austin? Why was Willow here? Where did she get the money for a Volvo? Willow's mind raced with possibilities for every question but none were satisfying.
Finally Tara could take it no more. She had to know, "where a-a-am I? I m-m-mean your Tara?"
Willow grasped her chopsticks in one hand as she quietly answered, "she's gone." As she looked up and saw the confused look on Tara's face she continued, "longer conversation?"
Tara nodded her understanding of the need for a longer conversation. It was getting late but she couldn't stand the idea of Willow leaving. What if the redhead disappeared? What if she woke tomorrow and it as a dream? "C-c-can you… I l-l-live near…" she trailed off unsure how to say what she wanted to say.
Willow took Tara's hand in hers as they walked towards their cars. "I'll follow you ok?" she confirmed and was glad to see Tara nod and smile.
They reached Tara's house quickly and Willow parked on the street and followed Tara to the door. As she approached she silently took the blonde's bag from her guessing that Tara's leg must be really hurting her. Quickly the blonde unlocked the door and let Willow in first before pulling it shut and locking the door. Willow looked around at the nice space. The house was small but had wood floors and very fine woodwork. All the doorways were extra wide and she had noticed a ramp leading up to the front door. She wondered if Tara had been in a wheelchair before using the cane. As she was looking around a dog came bounding out of one of the bedrooms. The redhead immediately bent down to pet the dog as Tara leaned over to do the same. "Scooby," she admonished playfully, "were you sleeping on the bed?"
Willow looked up at Tara for a moment. "Your dog's name is Scooby?"
"Like D-d-doo," Tara explained. She added on, "do you h-h-have that where y-y-you're …?"
Willow started giggling as she nodded. "Yeah we have that. I'll explain why it amused me sometime ok? I mean if we have a sometime. Not that we have to but I have questions and you have questions and longer conversation and…"
Hearing Willow's babbling Tara was filled with conflicting emotions. On one hand she loved the sound. Willow's voice was adorable and when she was babbling it was just even more cute and funny and filled her with a sense of peace and amusement. On the other hand, she had a strange feeling that she knew how to stop the babbling but couldn't quite put her finger on it. She smiled to let the redhead know that she shouldn't be embarrassed. "I n-n-need to check messages if you d-d-don't mind? The bathroom's through there," she pointed down the hallway, "if you need."
Willow nodded and made quick use of the bathroom. It was tidy and efficient without being impersonal. On a hunch she reached into the shower and quickly smelled Tara's shampoo, reveling in the familiar scent of honeysuckle from the bottle. She emerged from the bathroom after a few minutes to see Tara standing by the machine listening: "beep: Hi sweetie. It's Michelle. I picked up some milk and cereal and stuff at the store earlier. Eliza has an early class so I'm going to stay over here tonight. She said you were having a light night when she stopped by. I'll see you tomorrow. Call if you need anything. Bye."
Tara turned when she heard Willow's footsteps on the floor and saw that the smaller woman was standing there looking shocked. "Willow?" she asked. When Willow didn't answer she continued, "Willow. What's w-wrong?"
Willow continued looking from Tara to the machine. Finally she spoke: "Michelle's staying at Eliza's?"
"Yeah…," Tara answered, "she d-d-does that."
Still trying to grasp the meaning of the message and Tara's casual acceptance Willow asked, "Michelle and Eliza?"
Sitting down on the couch Tara spoke quickly, "oh s-s-sorry about that. Michelle's my roommate and Eliza is her g-g-girlfriend." Seeing the shock still on Willow's features Tara tried to calm the redhead: "It's ok. I mean s-s-sometimes they stay here but they're really n-nice and they k-k-know… They're ok."
Joining the blonde on the couch Willow confirmed what she was hearing. Her heart felt like it might burst through her chest but she wanted to make sure. "Michelle's not your girlfriend?" she asked.
Tara laughed briefly as she heard the question and tried to reassure the redhead: "Goddess no. Why w-w-would… Oh, when I v-v-visted you she w-w-was." Further explaining she told Willow, "that was y-y-years ago here." As something occurred to her she had to ask: "h-h-has it been years for y-you?"
Now it was Willow's turn to smile as she explained, "as far as I can tell, it's the same day here. Same time, same everything. Ok, not same everything." As something occurred to her she reached out and grabbed Tara's hand, shocking the blonde with her enthusiasm: "Oh Goddess! I forgot to ask: did the Cubs really win the World Series?"
Tara rolled her eyes as she answered, "yes again!" Willow laughed not only at Tara's confirmation but that it was apparently a "yes again" situation.
Silence filled the room for a few moments. "Longer c-c-conversation?" Tara asked. Willow nodded and looked silently at Tara's leg which the girl was lightly massaging as they sat on the couch. The redhead knew that if it were her Tara hurting she would be lovingly rubbing her sore muscles but she just didn't think it would be right with this woman: not now anyway.
Tara began explaining, "Brenhams, the p-p-private school where I went. Well, I guess where you and she w-w-went…?" she waited a moment for Willow to nod that she was right before continuing, "they have a s-summer program. Students c-c-come who are behind and need additional classes or are p-p-probational or just have parents who don't want them around I guess. Some a-are all three."
"Sure," Willow answered. She added, "we knew Michelle and Eliza there too."
"Of course," Tara answered remembering, "your M-Michelle was with Eliza when I v-v-visited."
"Still is," Willow confirmed.
"That makes me h-h-happy," Tara told the redhead. "Anyway, for their s-s-summer program they need a r-riding instructor."
Willow remembered, "right. They asked Tara but we were in Sunnydale so she turned them down. She got a job in Sunnydale instead."
Tara's face clouded for a moment. Suddenly she stood up from the couch: "I need a drink. Do you want?" She returned a few minutes later with bottled water for both girls and continued, "I t-t-took the offer. It p-paid more than it cost my father to h-h-hire someone to do my work at home and the school provided the room and board."
"That makes sense," Willow agreed. She really wanted Tara to get to the part that would explain her injury. The school truck had never been in very good shape and she guessed that Tara had had an accident
"The summer after my senior y-y-year I taught riding and shared a room with Eliza. She was doing extra classes and Michelle was at h-h-home. Chelle was working at a running camp/clinic and c-c-came out to visit almost every weekend," Tara said. A smile crossed her face as she added, "I had to take a lot of l-l-long rides that s-s-summer for those two." Willow smiled back thinking of the couple she knew.
Tara continued her story knowing that she was "Readers Digesting" a lot of it: "that Fall I s-s-started at Texas A&M. I had gotten a lot of scholarships so I could afford it with a part-time job at a vet's office and another at a stable. The s-s-stable let me keep my horse, C-c-chestnut, there."
"She's beautiful," Willow complimented. "Did you not like A&M?" Willow wondered out loud.
"Thank y-y-you," Tara answered as she thought about Willow's compliment of her horse. She didn't answer the second question but continued her story: "the next s-s-summer Brenhams offered again. Eliza stayed again, more for lack of any thing else to do than any need, and Michelle left for track c-c-camp at USC."
Willow interrupted, "so she did go to USC? She and Eliza are there in my world."
Again Tara decided to plunge forward rather than getting sidetracked: "about four weeks into the summer s-s-session I had a small c-c-class to teach." She looked down as she remembered that day:
Tara rode in the middle of the group of horses. All these students had started the summer as beginner riders. They were progressing well and learning to be comfortable on their mounts. The two girls were particularly interested in learning and seemed to enjoy the physical activity and the power that came with riding. It was something that had always excited Tara in her lifetime of riding.
One of the male students seemed similarly excited about riding but the final student seemed to look at the activity as a punishment. In fact from what Tara had heard he saw attending the school in the summer as a prison sentence. It was amazing to her as someone who worked so hard for the privilege of attending the school that some students had to be forced to go. While she could understand not wanting to sit in a classroom during the summer, her class took place in fresh air (and overpowering heat of course) and under the blue sky. Who wouldn't like that?
Their ride was nearly half over and they were walking their horses after having a nice trot. The streambed lay a little ways away and she wanted to take the horses there to water before turning back. Maybe the students would enjoy a rest under the trees or they could wander off by themselves for a few minutes before returning. As they rode she moved around giving pointers and feedback to each student about their poise, stance, and position.
She decided to drop back to allow one of the students to lead the group and to observe them moving as a unit. She was mentally reviewing the material for the anatomy and physiology class she was taking by distance. The nerve innervations were difficult to remember and she found that she had a better chance when she worked on them in multiple situations. Suddenly she heard three loud bangs like gunshots.
Her head snapped up as the horses the two girls were riding bolted. Spurring Chestnut to catch them she heard the troublemaking student laughing as she went by. She vowed to get him removed from her class that very day as she watched the two girls panicking on their mounts. This class had only ever walked and trotted their horses. They had no experience on a galloping animal and certainly not on a panicked one. Her fear for the two girls and their animals was twofold:
First the animals could buck their riders from their backs, which would certainly hurt the girls although the horses would run out their terror and probably return unharmed. Second, and more dangerous was the fact that they had turned east and were approaching a rocky drop-off. If the horses and their riders went over the side, there was no predicting the level of danger to all four of them. If the girls had been more experienced riders they could have controlled their mounts but as it was their inexperience, combined with their shrieks of terror and their lurching from side, were just spurring the horses on.
The big advantage Tara had was that she was riding Chestnut, the finest and fastest horse at the school. She was moving closer and closer to the panicked horses even as they approached the drop-off. As she approached she attempted to make a plan of how she could stop both other horses at once. She tried to call out instructions to the girls but found that her stutter made it impossible to be clear. All she could reliably get out was "s-s-stay c-c-calm," which it occurred to her was an insane thing to yell and would just make the girls more panicked.
As she approached she hoped that she would have the time to circle the other animals and veer them from the dangerous area before they came too close. If so, she would have more time to stop the horses. Drawing close, however, she knew that she would not have that much time. She rode between the horses, hoping that they would not panic and sandwich her. Both girls looked at her in wide-eyed fear as she reached out with both hands to take the reins of the other horses.
She was able to reach the reins of the first horse easily and applied just enough pressure to allow the animal to know that she was there. However, the other mount swerved just as she was reaching for its reins. She had to reach a second time to grasp the reins. Both sets of reins in hand she began pulling to slow all three animals. Without a grip on Chestnut's reins she had to use her knees to guide and slow her own mount and trust that her horse of 8 years would understand her body language.
All three horses began slowing as they reached the rocky terrain nearing the drop-off. Unfortunately when the horse that had earlier swerved felt the unfamiliar ground, it panicked further. Its feet hit the rocks and began to slide imperceptibly and it turned toward Tara and Chestnut. Without her hands to help balance Chestnut she was left completely vulnerable as the other horse broadsided her. She continued holding the other two reins, stopping the horses and their terrified riders even as the second horse took both she and Chestnut down and rolled over the two figures.
The entire event had taken maybe 15 seconds from the time she heard the firecracker to the time she felt and heard her leg crushed on the rocks. The sound of bone snapping was louder as it echoed through her body than she remembered the firecracker being. She smiled ironically as the comparison passed through her mind.
Tara took a drink of water before adding, "I woke up in the h-h-hospital two d-days later."
As she told her story Willow had felt Tara's emotions. First the joy and glory of riding and enjoying nature and then the terror of the emergency. As it dawned on her that this story was not going to be about a car accident or something like that but that it was a riding accident her tears started to fall. It pained her to think not just of Tara suffering this pain but that it happened while riding, while riding Chestnut, was especially terrible. "Your leg was broken?" she asked somewhat unnecessarily but she didn't know what else to say.
"C-crushed," Tara whispered, "shattered." In two years this was only the second time she had told the full story of what had happened. In repeating it she felt twinges spreading through her injured leg as if the limb could remember the pain of that earlier time.
Willow reached out to take the blonde's hand. She knew that she shouldn't, that it was too fast and she shouldn't push but it seemed like such and intimate moment. She was glad that Tara accepted the contact and the redhead began rubbing her thumb across the back of Tara's soft skin. "Michelle came home?" Willow guessed.
Tara nodded as she again remembered:
Tara lay in the hospital bed in a drug and pain-induced fog. If it wasn't for the visits from Eliza and the way that the nurses and doctors told her the date every time they walked in the door she wouldn't have known whether she had been there for eight hours or eight weeks. Morphine or no morphine, she felt unbelievable pain radiating through her body.
The metal contraption surrounding her leg looked like something from a science fiction novel or movie. Sometimes when she slept or dozed or maybe when she was awake the image of the metal creature appearing to eat her leg and entrap her body mixed with other images. She saw various space creatures and monsters attacking the hospital or just coming in and reading to her. Other visitors came and went and it was hard to determine which were real and which were not: Eliza, Ms. Geller, the two girls who had miraculously survived with minor scratches, her mother, her grandmother, Donnie, Willow, and the other Tara.
Upon waking she always turned her head to look out the window and watch the sunlight as it moved across the parking lot. On this morning she was looking out the window, having just finished attempting to eat some oatmeal when she heard a familiar voice loudly echoing through the room. "Geez, what some people will do to get out of working," Michelle joked as she threw her bag into a corner of the room.
Without turning her head Tara whispered, "You are s-s-supposed to be at USC."
"They were the first words I had spoken in four days," the blonde informed Willow. Willow took a moment to process this statement. Her Tara had always used silence to give herself time and space. When she wasn't speaking, Willow knew that she was concentrating or learning what was going on. To hear that Tara hadn't spoken in four days was shocking.
"Eliza called me," Michelle answered.
"Chestnut's dead," Tara answered as if it explained everything she wanted to say, perhaps ever.
"Eliza called me," Michelle repeated.
Willow sat in shock as she heard the final part of Tara's story. Except it wasn't the final part. There was obviously so much more to the story. This was just the final part for tonight. As she talked Tara had begun to cry and the tears just kept falling. Willow wanted to gather her in her arms but she didn't feel that she could. She just kept holding the blonde's hand and stroking it with her thumb. Even with her nearly non-existent ability to heal or empathize, Willow could feel Tara's exhaustion. "You should go to bed," she said quietly.
Tara nodded as she wiped her eyes. "W-w-would you l-l-like to s-s-stay?" Seeing the look of shock on Willow's face she amended her question, "I m-m-mean in Michelle's room. Not… you know. It's just it's l-l-late and…" She didn't know how to explain and wasn't sure that she would even if she could. She didn't want to make Willow uncomfortable but she couldn't stand the thought of the redhead leaving. It still didn't seem real to her that Willow was there and she feared waking in the morning to find that it had been another dream.
Once her shock passed Willow felt extremely grateful that Tara made the offer. For one thing, she couldn't stand the thought of being away from the blonde right now. She craved the opportunity to sleep near the woman of her dreams once again even if it was in a different room and a different woman. While she knew that Tara was different from her Tara, she could not deny the magical connection between them, just as it had been with her lover. Also Tara was right: it was late and Willow was not sure if she could find her way back to the hotel. "I'd appreciate that," Willow agreed.
Both girls stood up as Tara directed Willow to where she could find extra towels and such. Seeing how tired Tara was Willow offered to walk Scooby, which gave the blonde a few minutes to get ready. By the time Willow returned she had the bathroom to herself and got into the clothes Tara lent her quickly. After awkwardly saying goodnight they each retired into their respective beds.
Willow lay awake attempting to take in the day. She tried to fall asleep but kept reviewing and reviewing every moment she had spent with Tara. Most overwhelming was the joy she felt upon finding out that Tara and Michelle were not a couple. But also the pain and anguish of Tara's accident. So much was still unanswered: where did the money come from? Why was Tara at UT? What was her rehab like? And of course they had not discussed Willow's Tara at all yet. One question kept plaguing her mind and she knew that she would not be able to sleep.
Finally she got up and silently moved toward Tara's room. She stood in the doorway watching the blonde lie in bed for a moment before she heard Tara's voice: "I'm awake Willow."
Willow moved closer to the blonde's bed. "What did you say?"
"I'm awake," Tara repeated confused about why Willow had come to her room.
"No," Willow explained, "before you didn't speak for four days. What did you say?"
Tara woke up to unbelievable pain. She barely remembered the accident, having just the vague feeling that something truly terrible had happened. Mostly she remembered pain and noise more intense than she ever knew was possible. Turning her head she saw someone sitting by the bed and took a few moments to recognize Eliza. The younger girl pressed the button for a nurse as soon as she realized that Tara was awake. "Tara?" she asked.
"P-present," Tara joked painfully.
"The girls are fine," Eliza told her, "you're a hero." Tara waited for Eliza to say more. She had a black feeling and knew there was so much more, so much pain waiting to fill her life once again. "They had to put Chestnut down," her friend said as kindly as she could.
"They should put me down too," Tara stated as she turned her head toward the window.
Willow quietly in shock. "Thanks for telling me," she whispered as she turned to go back to bed.
Willow smelled a variety of scents as she began to wake. She and Tara had talked until nearly 2:00 and she hadn't fallen asleep until after 3:00. She had always associated certain scents with her lover and had reveled in them. Most important was the unique scent that Tara carried with her as part of her essence. At times Willow would just nuzzle into the blonde's neck sniffing deeply her lover's skin. It was entirely unique to the woman and felt and smelled like home. It was a smell and taste that permeated their lovemaking and Willow had always enjoyed carrying that sense with her for hours after their joining. In addition to her inherent smell the blonde reminded Willow of honeysuckle and sometimes amber.
Willow knew that this Tara used the same shampoo and the scent of it now floated through the house since the blonde had already taken her morning shower. She could also detect coffee brewing and wafting through the house. After getting up and using the restroom she quickly began her search for the blonde. Rather than finding Tara she found a note leaning on an empty coffee mug by the pot on the kitchen counter.
Willow,
Knowing that you went to Brenhams, I assume you are a coffee drinker. This is French Roast. I hope you like it. Please help yourself to bagels or a Danish or whatever you find in the refrigerator.
I have class all day and have to work until late. Michelle has a cross-country meet tomorrow afternoon. Perhaps you would like to come and you can meet (this) Chelle and Eliza? We could all get dinner afterwards if you would like.
Tara
The blonde had added her home, work, and cell phone numbers to the bottom of the page. Even though Willow was disappointed that she had missed the other girl this morning, she was very excited about the note. It was obvious that she wanted to see her again and the redhead took the three phone numbers as a positive sign.
After pouring herself a cup of coffee and getting a bagel Willow sat at the table to eat and read the paper. Every day was a study in the differences between her world and this one. At the same time she was aware that since she wasn't comparing the papers from the two worlds she couldn't know what was different. "Scooby, can you believe the Chicago Cubs are the best baseball team in the world?" As the dog waggled his ears at her she laughed.
Willow looked up suddenly as she heard a key in the lock. Oh Goddess, what am I going to do? she started to panic.
Michelle walked in the door tossing her keys on the table and stopped dead in her tracks. "Uh, Hello?" she asked as she saw the strange woman sitting at her kitchen table eating breakfast, drinking coffee, and reading the paper.
Willow looked down at her plate and started quickly explaining, "Tara went to class and I was having some breakfast and she didn't say you were coming home and I was just about to go and I can do that now and…" She stood and started clearing off her place to put the dishes in the sink and rinse them off.
Michelle's eyes followed the redhead incredulously. "Wait a minute. Tara went to class and left you here having breakfast?" she repeated with a completely shocked expression on her face.
Willow looked up from the sink. "Well she left me sleeping and left a note to have breakfast. I should have gone and I'll just go in a minute."
Michelle continued looking at Willow completely amazed, "you slept here and …" Suddenly her eyes opened wide as she shouted, "wait! Don't move. Don't go." She ran in her room and Willow heard her digging through her things.
The redhead internally chastised herself for not making the girl's bed before having breakfast. How rude is that? she admonished.
After 15-20 seconds Michelle emerged from her room holding a thick sheet of drawing paper. Looking between the paper and Willow she was clearly shocked: "you're her?"
"I'm her? I'm me," Willow answered wondering what Michelle was holding.
As if in answer, Michelle held out the paper toward the redhead who took it from her. "You're Willow?" the younger girl confirmed as Willow noted the drawing of herself. It was a simple drawing capturing her as she looked 3 years ago as a senior in high school. Tara's signature in the bottom corner identified it without question and Willow found herself tracing the words with her fingertips as she nodded.
Michelle sat on the couch as she questioned, "but how? Where?" Willow looked at her unsure just what to say. When she didn't answer Michelle continued, "we looked for you. I mean she said she thought you were from a place called Sunnydale and there was one in California. Was that right?" Willow nodded shocked at the new information. Tara had looked for her? Michelle had helped? They tried to find her in this world? "But, but, but," Michelle began, "the only Willow around Tara's age died 6 years ago they said." Suddenly she stood up. "Are you dead?" she asked.
Willow reached out her hand toward the younger girl. "I'm not dead," she answered knowing that it was a completely inadequate answer. Looking at her hand and then at Michelle she added, "you can touch me if you want. I'm real, not a ghost."
Michelle tentatively reached out to touch Willow's hand looking as if she thought it might burn or shock her. Satisfied that the girl was real she removed her hand but held it out indicating the picture. "What are you doing here?" she asked Willow, unconcerned if it sounded harsh. This woman was apparently back from the dead and had spent the night with Tara. The younger girl was scared for her friend and worried about whatever was going on.
Willow sat and looked at Michelle to see if the girl would join her. "You know that Tara is a witch right?" she confirmed. She knew this much already from their brief visit years ago but she wanted to let Michelle know that she knew and that she knew that Michelle knew. Ok stop there or your logic will confuse your own mind she told herself. The runner nodded her head. "I am too and I came to find her," she stopped speaking as if that explained anything.
Michelle looked at her watch before speaking quickly, "what do you want?"
Willow felt as if she was meeting a girlfriend's parents for the first time and they were asking her intentions toward their daughter. She started to giggle but thought better of it when she saw the look on Michelle's face. Obviously the girl felt protective of her friend. Who knew how many relationships she had seen Tara through and obviously none of them had worked out. She hoped that her answer would satisfy the other girl: "I understand that you're worried about your friend. I'm not here to hurt her; I promise." She waited a minute before continuing, "but I haven't explained to her yet and I think I should do that first. Last night we just talked about the accident."
Michelle accepted Willow's answer and understood why the redhead didn't want to tell her what was going on. If her words hadn't been delivered so respectfully she would have been likely to toss the girl out on her ass and call Eliza to come over and tell her to stay gone. But she could feel that the redhead had genuine feelings for her friend and wanted to treat her with respect. "She told you about the accident?" Michelle questioned incredulously.
Willow nodded and tears formed in her eyes. "She told me what happened, what she said to Eliza, and that you came home from USC. We didn't get farther," she explained.
As Michelle heard Willow's answer she felt completely shocked. As far as she knew the blonde had only repeated the story of the accident once before. The only reason that she knew what Tara had told Eliza was because her own girlfriend had told her; Tara had never repeated her fatalistic statement. "She told you all that?" she repeated still shocked.
Willow nodded before speaking again: "she did. I saw you look at your watch and Tara said you have class this morning. I was just leaving but she invited me to come to your meet and said we could all have dinner." She noted that Michelle was nodding as she spoke. "Why don't I let you get to class and you can grill me or play jeopardy or whatever you want tomorrow ok?"
Willow grabbed her keys and started for the door after Michelle agreed to her suggestion. Suddenly the redhead turned back toward the younger girl and grasped her hand. "Thank you for taking care of her," she said seriously.
Michelle grasped the newcomer's hand just as hard as she answered simply, "you're welcome. I love her."
Willow's head snapped up at the quiet knock on the door. Oh Goddess! she instantly panicked as she looked at the clock on her computer. Closing the coding window she quickly crossed the room to open the door and invite Tara inside. "I'm so sorry Tara," she began. "I was working and I completely lost track of time. I'm not ready at all but I can be in like 15 minutes or I could meet you there if you need to go now. I can't believe I did this. I mean I usually …" she was interrupted as Tara reached out and took her hand.
"Willow," Tara smiled, "breathe a little." As the redhead did as Tara had asked she noted that Tara wasn't dropping her hand. Perhaps she realized that the merest touch could calm her down. Or perhaps she just liked the feeling of their skin together. Either way, both girls absorbed their connection. "I'm a few m-m-minutes early. Why don't you g-g-get ready and I'll wait?" she offered. "Unless you w-w-want to go in those cute flying pig pajamas," she teased.
"Right, I'll just be a few minutes. Why don't you make yourself comfortable ok?" Willow said hurriedly as she grabbed some clothes and headed for the bathroom.
Tara took a look around the hotel room. Willow was staying at one of those rent-by-the-week places but a nice one. She didn't know whether to think it was a good sign or a bad one. The blonde tried to take in as much information as she could without being unnecessarily nosy. She wanted to know about this woman. She felt as if the redhead had her at a huge disadvantage in that she knew so much about Tara, or at least a reasonable facsimile of her, while she knew so little about Willow. Really all she knew was the connection she felt whenever she felt Willow's skin on her own or looked into her green eyes. And that connection… It was virtually all she had thought about since Willow's appearance. She still had so many questions: what was Willow doing here? Where was Tara? How long would Willow be staying? Really she wasn't even at the starting line in the asking questions race.
In the meantime she was trying to absorb as much information as possible from the items strewn around the room. Two computers sat side-by-side on the desk. One was plugged into the wall-socket and numerous wires ran between the two machines, a printer, and three other machines that she couldn't even identify. One hummed steadily as if constantly working while the other had a nondescript screen saver with Apples floating across it. The desk also had various pieces and scraps of paper lain on it. Some contained what she assumed were computer code while others appeared to be printouts from daily newspapers. Many had notes written in the margins in different colored pens. She suspected from the meticulous intermingling of colors that there was a method to the madness but couldn't identify it. Studying with her must be a trip she mused. Great job Tara: you hardly know this woman and you're fantasizing about studying with her. Could be worse: could be fantasizing about… Tara shook her head as if to clear it of the thoughts starting to run uncontrolled through the space. She couldn't be thinking like that.
Continuing to look around the room she found more and more pieces of paper and a few books. Some appeared to be magic tomes while the rest were mostly contemporary literature. Flipping through those she again found copious notes in the margins in the complex different colored pens system. A few pictures lay scattered about also, mostly pictures of Willow and the other Tara mixed in with some of another blonde girl, a guy about their age, and a younger dark-haired girl. As she expected in the kitchen she found few groceries but an ample supply of gourmet coffee, a coffee bean grinder, and a coffee machine.
Picking up a magical book she sat on the bed and began looking at a few of the spells within. The book was well-used but she couldn't tell if that was by Willow or another owner. She looked up as the door to the bathroom opened to see the redhead emerge from the steamy room. "Hey, all ready," Willow announced as she moved toward the blonde.
Tara looked at the redhead appreciatively. She suspected that her gaze was lingering too long on Willow's outfit. She wore jeans and a green sweater, which really set off her eyes and her still-wet hair was curlier than she had noticed before. Tara stood up to face Willow. Unable to resist she raised her hand and gently stroked the slight curls framing Willow's face. A voice in the back of her mind screamed for her to stop, to let go, but she just couldn't move her hand away.
Willow was completely entranced as she felt the blonde stroke her hair so intimately. It felt so right, so natural. She couldn't speak or move and wondered how long the spell might last. Finally Tara spoke, her voice no more than a whisper, "are you r-r-ready to go?" Not trusting her voice Willow nodded her head quickly. Again Tara whispered, "we should g-go." Both girls stood still wondering if she was trying to convince herself or Willow of the need to go.
Suddenly one of the computers made a loud whirring noise and both girls glanced over to the desk. Dropping her hands and tapping them nervously on her hips a few times Tara spoke more loudly, "we better g-g-go. Eliza will meet us there."
"Right, going now," Willow agreed somewhat breathlessly as she followed Tara out the door, locking the latch as she went.
As they walked toward the car Tara didn't want to pry too much but she still didn't understand why Willow was here or how long she might be staying. "Is this one of those p-p-places where you rent by the w-w-week?"
"Oh, yeah. It's a studio place. I put in for a month to start. That way I don't have to worry about an apartment for a while or anything," Willow answered. She had to bite her tongue a little as she felt herself starting into a babble about how long she wanted to stay and how time and money were no object.
As she let Willow into the car and closed the door behind her Tara didn't know what to say. She felt as nervous as she had ever felt in her life and that was saying something. Willow's answer seemed carefully measured as if the redhead had something to say but was afraid to say it. As she sat down, the blonde decided to attempt to direct the conversation in a safer direction: "so y-y-you like computers?"
"What? Computers?" Willow was stunned for a minute as she had a sudden realization. "You don't really know anything about me do you?" She didn't wait for an answer but plunged forward: "Oh Goddess, that's a dumb question. Of course you don't. Ok, let me see. I'm your age and went to the Brenhams in my world my senior year. Before that I went to Sunnydale High School in California where I lived my whole life. I'm a computer hacker/programmer and a witch. And what else? Oh I know: My best friend in that world is the vampire slayer, my ex-boyfriend was a werewolf, and my favorite color is blue." She trailed off from her babble to just wait and see how Tara would react. If the girl thought she was crazy then there wasn't that much point in staying was there?
Tara smiled at the girl across from her in the seat. She knew that it must have taken a lot of courage to let out that last part. "I've always liked g-g-green a lot myself," Tara said teasingly. Returning to the subject of the machines whirring in the hotel room she probed, "so what are you w-w-working on?"
"Working on? Working on? Oh computer-wise you mean?" Willow clarified. "Oh well, I can't exactly enroll in classes so I found some companies that allow you to contract on projects and submit them when they are done. So I'm trying to earn some extra money for the time being. That gives me a little time to figure out about college. I kind of, well, don't exist here officially."
Tara confirmed Willow's assessment: "you're d-d-dead here Willow."
Willow nodded as she heard the answer. "Yes Michelle told me that you looked for me. I died here when I was in high school," Willow explained. She was in the middle of speaking when she realized that she couldn't say when she died since she had died as a sophomore but not been destroyed until her senior year in high school apparently. Not that her alter-ego was attending high school that is. As she thought about it she reached over and took Tara's hand in her own. "I'm sorry that you couldn't find me," she softly told the blonde.
Willow found herself feeling guilty for the tear that formed in Tara's beautiful blue eye as she answered quietly, "me too."
Wanting to change the subject Willow asked, "so how do we watch a cross-country meet? I mean not like there are stands right and we can't very well chase them around in the woods or if we do, I'm not dressed right at all and I don't run that fast anyway" She smiled as she concluded her ramble and noted that Tara was laughing at her words.
"You d-d-don't want to get in a slow r-r-running contest with me," Tara joked as they pulled into the lot. Willow waited a few seconds before joining in the laughter as she realized that the blonde apparently wasn't that sensitive about her disability. As their giggles subsided Tara explained, "we'll s-s-stand near the finish and they pass there three t-times."
Both girls got out of the car and began moving toward the starting and finish line. "There's Eliza," Willow told the blonde motioning toward the dark-haired girl.
Tara looked over at the redhead for a minute. "It's a little weird you pointing out Eliza when you've n-n-never met her, you know," she commented.
Willow thought about it for a minute. "Yeah, that's makes sense," she agreed.
"What makes sense?" Eliza asked. She had walked over when she saw Tara and the mystery woman coming toward her.
Tara blew off the question as she turned toward Eliza. "Hi Eliza. This is Willow, uh Rosenberg? Willow, this is Eliza D'Angelo," she introduced the two girls although she realized in the middle that she didn't know Willow's last name. She believed it to be Rosenberg but wasn't sure.
Willow held out her hand as she told Tara, "yes, Rosenberg." Addressing Eliza she had to stumble over the words, "nice to meet you." It seemed so strange to her to be saying that when she had been friends with a woman so like this one for years but this was a different person. It seemed like a concept she was destined to have a hard time grasping. She internally reminded herself that the Tara, Michelle, and Eliza she met here were not the same people she knew in her world.
As soon as Willow had admonished herself that this woman was different from the bold woman she knew Eliza spoke loudly: "so this is Willow finally? Geez woman, where have you been? I can't wait to hear your story. In the meantime, come see my girlfriend kick some Aggie ass."
"You just w-want to watch her ass and you know it," Tara joked with the younger girl. By the time they reached the starting line the runners were taking their places. All three cheered the Longhorns generally and Michelle specifically as the gun sounded and the women all took off. Between laps Tara and Eliza visited and Willow mostly listened in on their conversation. The two were obviously very close—closer than they had been in Willow's own world and their commradery was refreshing to see. On each lap they cheered Michelle and she waved at them as she came by. Their friend came in fourth which disappointed Willow but the others assured her that Michelle only ran cross-country to allow her to train with the coaches in the Fall and that her true passion was the distance events in track.
After a few minutes the runner approached, giving Eliza a kiss and saying hi to the others. "Ooo, you're all sweaty," Eliza teased.
"Sometimes you like it when I'm all sweaty," Michelle teased back as the two girls held hands. Turning to the two witches she asked, "do y'all want to meet us at the restaurant? I need to clean up but I won't take long."
Tara turned to Willow asking, "do you l-like Italian food?" As the Redhead nodded she told the other couple they would meet them at a restaurant called Romeos. "Eliza do you want to go ahead with us or wait for Chelle?" she asked. Willow noticed that her stutter was barely present when she was talking to Michelle and Eliza.
"Thanks for the offer but why don't y'all get a table and we'll be along after Chelle gets cleaned up?" Eliza answered.
Tara and Willow started toward the car. The blonde's mind raced with questions. She had been very patient up to this point but she was starting to get really impatient. Why was Willow here? How long was she staying? What did she want? Tara wanted to ask all these questions but knew it wasn't the time. Perhaps after dinner they could get into all of it. As they got in the car Willow commented, "I can tell you're really close with both of them. That's great."
Tara nodded sincerely as she drove: "we're all r-r-really close. They were amazing really." She started to explain as she remembered:
Tara knew that Eliza was shocked that she would say that someone should put her down like Chestnut. It wasn't even that she wanted to die but she couldn't imagine how she would go on now. First she had lost her mother, then her grandmother, and now Chestnut. How could she go on with so much loss? She could hear sharp inhalation of breath from the dark-haired girl. She knew that Eliza was waiting for her to say something else but couldn't possibly think of anything she would ever have to say again. The next time she woke it was the middle of the night and she couldn't remember where she was.
By morning the pain was even more overwhelming than the sorrow. The morphine seemed to dull the intensity of the pain somewhat but for someone who valued her own sobriety so much and particularly a witch, having to give in to losing some control was terrible. After refusing to eat breakfast she stared out the window praying for some meaning about this accident and what it all meant.
"When you know what you want…" she heard Eliza singing from the doorway. Not turning her head Tara was aware that the other girl had entered the room. Plopping into a chair Eliza explained, "so Tare. First off, if you don't want to talk you don't have to. If you want to talk you can." Tara turned to look at her friend but didn't speak.
"Ok, that's what I suspected," Eliza smiled. "But I want to be prepared so …" She pulled from her backpack an assortment of books. "I'm going to start with Into the Woods since we did that your senior year." Tara looked at the other girl shocked but sure enough Eliza began singing and performing the entire musical right there in the room. She sang every part and when they overlapped (as they often did) she chose the one that she liked the best. By mid-morning a crowd had gathered in the doorway not to complain about the noise but to enjoy her performance.
In the afternoon it was West Side Story and then 42nd Street. She explained that she had considered Rent but figured the hospital might frown on the lyrics. Every day she returned, moving through the entire Sondheim, Rogers and Hammerstein, and Webber catalogs. By the fourth day she was working on the collected works of Gilbert and Sullivan.
"It was amazing," Tara commented. "People came for the start of her p-performances and just stood by the door. Eventually they came inside and sat on the other bed or the floor. Occasionally someone else would j-join in and they would perform together. She was relentless. She performed for me and talked to me c-constantly, all the while giving me drinks of w-water and carrying on conversations as if I would answer."
Willow felt the tears on her face as she answered, "wow. That's amazing."
"Yeah," Tara agreed, "she kept me g-going until Chelle arrived." By this time the two girls had reached the restaurant and had settled on the deck having iced tea and appetizers.
"They're really good friends," Willow agreed. She looked around the deck of the restaurant taking in the view. It was a strange restaurant with a nice interior with faux classic pillars and dim lighting. But the deck was even more strange since it was built in the parking lot. It seemed nice though and the wait staff seemed very casual and friendly. With the heat only one other table on the deck was occupied. Two couples, one lesbian and one straight shared appetizers and laughter. At one point one of the lesbians made an announcement, which caused the other couple to shriek in excitement and stand up to quickly trade hugs.
Both girls smiled at the exchange before Tara turned back to her. "Ok," she said, "now you have to t-t-tell me one of your stories."
Willow heard the challenge and barely believed it. She thought about it for a minute before answering, "Ok. Our freshman year in college we went to a Halloween party at a frat house. I know, why visit a frat house? But we did. So the cast of characters: Buffy is my best friend and the slayer. She dressed as little Red Riding Hood but carried weapons in her basket. I was Joan of Arc and Tara was the Goddess. Xander was 007 because he was afraid of turning into his costume again. Xander's girlfriend Anya, oooh you met her. She caused the spell that brought you through. She's an ex-demon and is terrified of bunnies so she dressed as a bunny." She looked to the blonde to make sure she was following.
Tara took a drink and motioned for Willow to continue. "Well this fear demon got activated and the house started acting on everyone's fears. I was afraid that I wouldn't be in control. Tara was afraid that I'd grow too powerful and leave her. Xander was invisible to everyone and Buffy couldn't save people who needed her. It was pretty intense."
"This isn't a f-f-fun story," Tara joked.
Willow told the blonde, "it will be. So we made it through the house to the top. Giles, he's Buffy's watcher, cut his way in with a chainsaw and we found the demon. He was, totally vicious looking with spikes and stuff sticking out of his skin but no kidding, he was like inches high. So Buffy stomped him and we went to eat Giles' Halloween candy."
Tara's emotions were torn as she heard Willow's story. On one hand, it was very funny and she was trying to picture in her mind a watcher, whatever that was, cutting into a frat house with a chainsaw. And the fact that the demon was 2 inches high was pretty amusing as a punch line. But the story also left so many questions in her mind. What did Willow mean Xander was afraid of turning into his costume again? Why was Tara afraid that Willow would become too powerful and leave her? Was that why Willow was here? Had she left Tara and if so why did she come here? They had an ex-demon as a friend?
More important though was the feeling when Willow talked or smiled at her. It was amazing. In spite of her stutter, she felt as if she was home, as if this was as comfortable as she could ever be with anyone. More amazing however was the fact that as Willow talked, first one and then another and then another bird had landed on the railing near her. Most were robins and blue jays or pigeons but one was a falcon. After landing the falcon had calmly moved to the arm of Willow's chair and she was absent-mindedly feeding it pieces of bread.
"That's a f-f-falcon," Tara stuttered.
Willow looked up and smiled at the blonde as she answered, "that's what the other Tara said the first time too."
Tara continued looking from Willow to the bird as she stated the obvious: "you're a caller?" At Willow's nod she questioned the girl further. "Can you call other animals? Is it just b-birds?" she asked.
Willow noted that Tara had hardly stuttered during the sentence and took it as a good sign. "I can call most animals but I have a special connection with birds, especially falcons and other predators," she explained. She hesitated before disclosing something that she was worried might scare Tara. She had found that part of her gift was very unusual. Deciding to trust the blonde she told the girl, "sometimes I can see what they see." She looked not at Tara but at the bird as if she were afraid what Tara might say.
The blonde measured her words carefully. It was obvious that was a sensitive subject to the other witch. Not wanting to spook Willow's visitor she reached out to softly touch Willow's other hand. "That must b-be wonderful," she said.
Willow didn't look up but she did allow her fingers to lightly wrap around Tara's gentle touch so the two girls were again holding hands. She could feel the magical connection and the energy was just a perfect feeling that she had missed so much. "It is," she whispered. Both girls were roused from the intimacy of their connection as all the birds but the falcon rose from the railing and flew away. "Michelle and Eliza must be here," Willow explained as she looked at the falcon and nodded before the animal rose gracefully from her chair and flew away.
Moments later the two younger girls stepped onto the deck and joined the two witches. Michelle both appeared to take in the sight of the two girls and their linked hands but didn't say anything about it. All four girls visited about their weeks and Michelle's meet today. She confirmed for Willow that she really didn't care very much about the cross-country competitions but just participated to get to train with the coaches in the fall rather than waiting for track season. She was very happy with her performance as were the coaches.
Willow felt a little left out of the "how was your week?" conversation. What would she say? Well, I crossed into a different dimension, found out that almost all my friends are dead here, met a friend who is dead in my world but not here, drove across the country and am now sitting here eating Lasagna? Pretty strange answer. She was jolted from her amusing reverie as Michelle finally asked, "Willow. How did you get here? What are you doing here?"
Willow looked at the other girls and all three were looking at her expectantly. "Uh well, it's kind of complicated. I um, came to find Tara, I mean this Tara. I uh, well, I'm a witch and I did a spell to come here from my world which is like a parallel dimension I guess," she explained lamely as she gave a grin as if to say, "do you believe this at all?"
She noticed that Tara was nodding while Michelle looked somewhat suspicious. Eliza was perhaps the most honest as she coughed into her hand, "Bullshit!" Everyone broke up laughing including Willow at her assessment of Willow's story.
Willow smiled as she offered: "I know it's far out. How about this: I'll just tell you some things about the world I'm from and you can think whatever you want." The other three girls nodded and Willow started to answer Eliza's none-too-subtle challenge: "ok. In my world I knew y'all. I met all y'all at Brenhams. Michelle you were a year behind me and Tara. Your birthday is September 22. Your roommate in high school was Emma Carpenter who dated a guy named James but is now married to someone else and lives in Chicago. James liked photography. You asked Tara to see Sleepless in Seattle at the weekly movie. You like horses and computers and won two state championship events in track your Junior year and three your Senior year. Your favorite book is A Prayer for Owen Meaney. You have an older sister named Elizabeth, or Bethie, who is, how do I put this? Imposing. She attends UT and is studying pharmacology." She looked up to see a somewhat shocked look on Michelle and Eliza's faces.
Rather than waiting for either girl to respond she continued: "Eliza you transferred to Brenhams in the middle of your sophomore year. You were expelled from your old school but I won't say what for. Your birthday is August 4th so you're actually older than Chelle even though you're behind her in school. You liked Anime and started using computers for graphic generation. You have six brothers whose names I can never remember. A few are Little Joey, Francis, and Gioviani. You have a bunch of nieces and nephews and are godmother to, I think, five of them. Your brother Francis' wife was pregnant when I left. You are Catholic but haven't gone to confession or taken communion since you were 15 because you said you can't do penance for something you plan to continue doing. Your aunt Maria and uncle Frank make the best hot Wings I have ever eaten and you played Cinderella in Into the Woods our senior year in high school. You and Michelle go to USC where she won a track scholarship and I believe that y'all made love for the first time the afternoon of our graduation from high school."
"Holy Shit," Eliza summed up.
Willow turned to look into Tara's blue eyes as she started to speak: "Tara's birthday was October 16, 1980 and our first kiss was on October 18, 1998. She was a scholarship student at Brenhams where she worked in the administrative office and the stables and taught riding. She was a witch and a healer who frequently drained her own energy to heal those around her, whether human or animal. She was a wonderful artist and singer and her favorite book was Temple of My Familiar, which I've read to her six times. She woke early every morning and usually left me a piece of fruit on the desk or dresser. She made funny-shaped pancakes and a surrogate mother to the sister of my best friend after my best friend died."
Willow didn't break her eye contact with the familiar beautiful blue of Tara's eyes that seemed simultaneously entranced and sorrowful. As Willow spoke, Tara reached out and took her small hand in her own as if she knew what was coming. "Tara's mother died when she was 17 and she always marked the anniversary of her passing with a day of prayer and meditation. She smelled of honeysuckle and amber and her blue eyes and half-smile were the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." Willow stopped for a moment before finishing: "and on May 7th she was shot through the heart and died in my arms."
As Willow stopped speaking, her expression did not change at all. She held absolute eye contact with Tara, not glancing to Michelle or Eliza to see the shocked and pained expressions on their faces. She didn't see the chain of connection flowing through the three friends as Michelle had taken Tara's free hand in hers and Eliza held Chelle's other hand. She simply looked into the crystal blue eyes she knew and loved so much, feeling that as long as she was looking into them it was not true. As long as she held Tara's hand in her own, might smell her skin, held her gaze, her Tara was not dead. It was her dream and her fantasy, and like many fantasies…it came to an end.
"I'm sorry for your l-l-loss," Tara finally said quietly. She could feel the pain and anguish radiating from the redhead. She could also feel the way that Willow was trying to cloak that pain, to lessen it and not believe in it. With her empathic gift she knew that the pain was much less now than it had been but that it was still there and still overwhelming.
"Thank you," Willow croaked out sincerely. She couldn't understand how this kept happening. How the world kept turning and everyone's heart kept beating and the sun rose and set and people said, "I'm sorry for your loss," and her Tara was gone. It was like the breathing and thinking about breathing. Quickly she stood and looked at the ground. "Please excuse me for a minute," she said as politely as she could and was gone from the table before the other three girls could respond.
Suddenly all three girls made themselves busy taking a drink of their teas and pushing the remainder of their meals around on their plates. Eliza broke the tension as she summarized Willow's exposition: "so we can conclude she's telling the truth." As the others nodded she joked, "or she has a very good private investigator." Michelle leaned across to whisper in the other girl's ear and Tara watched as Eliza blushed. "Right, no private investigator then," Eliza agreed.
Tara's cell-phone ringing cut through the tension and silence and sorrow of the moment. Michelle and Eliza returned to their desert while Tara spoke and listened to the caller. After a few minutes the blonde looked up to see Willow returning from the restroom, her eyes puffy but her face washed. She looked like someone who had learned to control her grief in fits and starts but only through necessity.
Tara stood and moved slowly to meet Willow a few feet from the table. As she took the redhead's hand she spoke quietly: "I just got a c-c-call from w-w-work. They n-n-need me. Can Chelle and Eliza take you h-h-home?" Willow nodded as she felt the blonde rubbing her thumb over the back of her smaller hand. In just a few days she had grown so used to this touch that it was starting to feel like home. She now identified it as a motion exclusive to this Tara as she could only remember her Tara doing it maybe 3-4 times but this one had employed this particular touch that many times in 2 days. "I'm s-s-sorry…" Tara apologized tentatively and sincerely.
Willow smiled, her lips closed as if she couldn't smile with true happiness, as she tried to reassure the blonde: "It's ok. You need to go and help." As sudden insecurity took over her she asked, "I'll see you soon?" Tara nodded twice as she dropped Willow's hand and quickly left the restaurant.
As Willow retook her seat Michelle and Eliza looked frantically to each other. Neither girl knew what to say. Tara had asked them if it was ok with them, if they would take Willow to her hotel and they had agreed but they hadn't thought about what they would say or do. And now the three girls just sat in silence and discomfort.
Willow looked up at Michelle and Eliza. She knew that they were uncomfortable and that she should do something about it. She hadn't meant to change the tone of the dinner so radically. It was just that Eliza had challenged her and it gave her the chance to prove herself and her story. When she got to the last sentence about Tara, it was like pulling off a band-aid fast. She could move through the most painful part at once with all three girls rather than telling and retelling the horror. And now it was up to her to fix it. To salvage the now-reduced, what was it? A double date? To salvage the dinner. Settling on an old-standby she asked, "so how did y'all get together?"
The two girls smiled at each other. So the spell is broken Eliza thought. We change the subject and move along. But Eliza wasn't the one who spoke. It was Michelle: "I have to start before the two of us got together," she explained:
Michelle reined her horse to a stop at the edge of the creek. It hadn't been but a few minutes since the blonde had yelled, "race you!" and yet Tara was already spreading a blanket on the ground when Chelle rode up.
"It's no fair," Michelle pouted, "you always win because Chestnut's the fastest." As she spoke she looped her reins over a branch and dismounted to join Tara on the blanket and begin pulling food from their packs. Still moping from her defeat Michelle asked, "what if someday she's not fast enough?"
Tara thought about it for a moment before cocking her head and giving her girlfriend a half-smile. "I guess when that happens everything w-will change," she smiled. The two girls ate and enjoyed the unseasonably warm weather. It was early January and this was their first visit since Michelle had returned to school for the spring semester. Tara of course, spent vacation at the school. And Michelle had been back a few days but between Tara's work and Michelle's training they had barely seen each other.
After finishing her sandwich and replacing the wrapper in the bag Tara reached for Michelle's hand. "Chelle," she started nervously, "can I a-a-ask you s-s-something strange?"
Michelle giggled slightly. "Sounds like a serious conversation Tare," Michelle teased.
Tara looked down at her hands and began to slowly pluck blades of grass from the ground. "It is and I don't know h-h-how to start it…" she tried to explain.
Michelle reached out to lift Tara's chin slightly as she smiled at the older girl. "Tara, it's ok. Just start, ok?" she urged.
Tara nodded a few times. Then she asked a question that caught the junior completely off guard: "do you think there is such a thing as s-s-soulmates?"
Michelle narrowed her eyes slightly. This wasn't at all the conversation she expected. Or one of the many conversations she thought it might have been. And her breath caught in her throat for a minute as she tried to understand this question and the question beneath this question and why her girlfriend asked it and why now.
And she thought…
And she remembered…
A feeling that had filled her two days earlier as she was pulling her suitcase from the car. Her other hand held her backpack and her computer bag and the suitcase was stuck under boxes that had shifted during the ride. And she was pulling and tugging on the bag and trying to balance the rest of her load. And then suddenly she felt another hand close around hers and turned to see a girl she had never seen before. "Let me help you before you drop your computer," the dark haired and darker eyed girl said and Chelle could do nothing but nod and step back.
"I don't know," Michelle answered Tara honestly.
Tara took the junior's hand once again and took a deep breath. "Don't take this w-w-wrong," she started, "but if there is, I don't think we're it."
Michelle let out the breath she had been holding and smiled, "me neither Tare." She waited a second before asking, "but what happened?"
Tara took a moment to think before speaking. It seemed to her almost as if she heard a sound, the sound of a friendship growing stronger and stopping being what it never was, the sound of love remaining love before it could grow into anger and resentment and never enough. She leaned against the tree and felt comfort as Michelle lay down with her head in Tara's lap. "D-d-do you remember the day before you left for break?" she asked the woman who 15 minutes ago was her girlfriend but who she knew instinctively now wasn't. Michelle nodded but didn't interrupt. "We w-w-went riding and then fell asleep and I had a dream. It-it-it … I dreamed of a woman. She was named Willow and had green eyes and I could smell her on my hand," Tara explained, only becoming embarrassed about her words after they had escaped her mouth.
"Wow," Michelle breathed not knowing what else she could possible say.
"There's more," Tara whispered. She didn't know if she could tell the rest. Perhaps she could say the second was a dream too and just pretend that was the truth. But she knew it wasn't.
Michelle rolled over and looked up at her friend. She brushed away the strand of hair blocking Tara's eyes and then Tara heard her words: "it's ok Tare. Tell me and I'll believe you. I always do."
Tara took a deep breath. She wanted to tell her whole story, albeit condensed, in one go. She didn't want questions and interruptions. So she began: "Later that afternoon, I was in the stable. But then I wasn't. It was weird and then I found you but you didn't think I was your girlfriend; you h-h-had another girlfriend. And this Willow was there and she said I was her girlfriend. But I was there too, another me I mean. G-g-goddess, this sounds so crazed. They had done a spell and pulled me through to their world but I didn't belong." She looked down to see that Michelle was completely spellbound by her story. She got a dreamy look on her eye as she explained, "this girl, Willow she had red hair and green eyes and when she touched me it felt like electric sparks shooting through my body and she kissed me before she knew I wasn't her's and it was like finding h-h-home." Tara's voice trailed off at the end as she realized that it sounded really bad. Here she was telling this woman who was probably her closest friend in the world that while they were dating she had kissed another woman who had knocked her socks off.
She looked at the ground embarrassed and somewhat ashamed and was surprised to hear Michelle speak, "we should find the one who is here."
"W-w-what?" Tara stuttered.
Michelle sat up ready to get into problem-solving mode. "You went to an alternative reality right? So in this reality this girl Willow must exist. We should find her here."
Seeing that Tara didn't look convinced Michelle told her as she stood and started packing to ride back, "it can't hurt to try right?"
Eliza and Michelle looked back and forth at each other and Willow before Eliza explained, "then I could either wait forever for Michelle to make a move or just kiss her, which I did a few days later in the stables, and the rest, as they say, is history."
Willow laughed at Eliza's quick explanation, "your first kiss in my world was in the stables too." A blush spread across her cheeks as she thought about being interrupted by the two younger girls as she and Tara had taken each other with such passion and animal force that day. Smiling at Michelle and Eliza Willow indicated that it was time to go: "come on you two can take me to my hotel and then enjoy your evening."
Notes: Shakespeare is a brilliant writer and inspiration to us all. Obviously I can't write words for Fairies so: Midsummer's Night Dream: Act II, Scene ii.
Willow could barely hear her own sobs over the repeated sounds of banging and pounding. She held the slowly cooling body of her lover as she had so many nights before but it was as if her sobs were becoming quieter. Or something else was louder. And the pounding was getting louder…
Willow sat up with a start and realized that the pounding was coming from the door. The door of this strange room, a room filled with so few of her belongings and looking like someplace else.
"Willow. Are you in there?"
Willow finally recognized Tara's voice from the other side of the door. She rubbed her face as she moved toward the door, switching on a lamp as she went. She pulled open the door and started speaking. "Tara? What's wro…," was as far as she got before seeing the woman on the other side of the door. She was shocked at Tara's appearance. Her hair was mussed, her face and eyes were puffy and red, and she leaned heavily not just on her cane but on the wall by the door to Willow's room.
Quickly the redhead reached out to take Tara's upper arms in her hands. "Come in Tara," she said gently as she began to guide the blonde into the room. Tara's grief and exhaustion was palatable even to Willow who completely lacked the magical gift of empathy. Reaching the desk, she pulled out the chair and settled the blonde into it before quickly shutting the door and returning to kneel in front of the girl. A small part of her wondered how she looked. After keeping it pretty well together at the restaurant she had come home and cried herself to sleep which she knew had to show on her face. And the face in front of her showed evidence of the same experience. Again she asked, "Tara, what's wrong?" When the blonde didn't answer Willow gently told her. "Why don't you take your time? I'm going to make us both some tea, ok?" She was relieved to see a nod from the other girl as she stood up and entered the small kitchenette.
Willow made the tea carefully and slowly, not wanting to rush what she was doing. And what am I doing? she wondered. She wanted to give Tara the time to get herself together before reentering and setting off whatever potential breakdown was waiting. And she wanted to get herself together. She had been dreaming of Tara and then suddenly she was there and the redhead was having trouble distinguishing where one version of reality ended and the next began. Maybe I'm still dreaming and I'll wake up in my bed and Buffy's house she thought with more than a little fear.
The tea done she walked back in to see Tara sitting up in the chair. She had her eyes closed and Willow guessed that she was meditating or doing a relaxation exercise. Willow walked slowly across the floor and sat on the bed facing her visitor but not looking directly at her. She didn't want to give her that creepy someone's watching me feeling but she wanted her to know that she was available. While in the kitchen she had looked at the clock and it was 1:30 in the morning. She wondered if Tara had been at the pet hospital all this time or if she had been off work for a while.
Tara's stuttering voice broke into Willow's thoughts: "c-c-can I have the t-t-tea?"
"Oh right," Willow agreed quickly handing her the cup. "I wasn't trying to keep it from you or anything but I thought you were meditating and I didn't want to disturb you or anything and … it's chamomile," she trailed off at the end.
Willow was surprised to see Tara smile as she took the cup. The blonde was quickly finding Willow's babbling to be addictive. After taking a drink she set the cup on the desk and took a deep breath. "Thank you Willow," she told the redhead. She looked down for a minute before speaking: "I've b-been d-done at work for a few hours and just d-d-driving around."
"I wondered," Willow answered. Taking a deep breath Willow asked the question that was making her crazy: "Tara, should I leave?"
Tara looked up and locked her eyes on the green ones in front of her. Both sets of eyes glistened with yet-unshed tears. "Why a-a-are you here Willow?" she bravely asked. As she saw that this was not the response the redhead expected she clarified, "I've b-been driving around for hours and p-p-puzzling for days and I d-d-don't know why you are here." She amended quietly, "or much else about you." Holding up her hand she clarified, "I mean, d-d-do you want me to help you b-b-bring her back or do you want to replace her with m-m-me or what? Why are you here Willow?" She emphasized each smoothly pronounced word in the final question.
Willow looked into her cup of tea as if it held a magical answer. Finally she spoke: "I'm not sure I know anymore." As she spoke she slipped onto the floor so she was kneeling in front of the blonde. She leaned slightly forward to allow her hands to cup Tara's shaking ones. Willow looked down as she started to explain, hoping that this woman could understand her grief and her love and her desperation, "I loved her so much and I miss her so much. I tried to make it different. I know I shouldn't have and it's against Wiccan law but I did. But it didn't help and she was still gone and everyday I felt like there was a hole ripped in my heart, as if the bullet tore through both of us and not just her." As her tears started to fall Willow realized that Tara was now the one stroking her hands rather than the other way around.
She continued, "and then one day I thought of you. And I thought that this was the answer. I would come here and everything would be fine…" She trailed off thinking what a failure her grand scheme had been.
Tara nodded as the redhead spoke. Her voice was barely above a whisper as she answered, "I c-can't be h-h-her."
Willow swallowed down the absolute dejection in her throat. I knew it. "I understand," she agreed, "you couldn't love me." She started to stand and turn her back as she muttered, "I shouldn't have come; it was stupid."
She was surprised to feel Tara's hands on her shoulders, hands which rubbed down her arms and wrapped around her stomach as if to hold her to this world. "I c-c-can't be her," Tara repeated, placing elaborate emphasis on the last word and hoping that Willow would understand.
Willow stilled her crying and emotion as she tried to process what Tara was saying. Was she saying to go? Was she saying to stay? What was she saying? Willow turned to face the blonde, stepping back to avoid the intimacy of their embrace. "What are you saying Tara?" she asked.
The blonde moved away from Willow to reclaim her seat. "My leg h-h-hurts," she apologized. "I feel guilty," she said, not answering Willow's question at all.
Willow was shocked to hear Tara's words. What did she have to feel guilty about? What could she possibly be referring to? Again she kneeled in front of the blonde witch and held her hands. "What do you feel guilty about Tare?"
Tara looked at their hands as she spoke: "For three y-y-years I've thought about you, dreamed about you, fantasized about you." She whispered the last as a blush spread up her neck and cheeks. "And so often I was jealous of her. That s-s-she got you but the you here wasn't." Tara swallowed down a lump of emotion in her throat before continuing: "but now you're h-h-here and part of me is so sad for you and your l-loss and for her. But the other part, feels your skin on mine and looks into your eyes and hears your nervous babble and thanks the Goddess for y-y-you."
Willow felt the shock of Tara's words. She could hardly understand them all strung together. And like a drowning woman she latched onto what she could: "how does my skin feel on yours?"
Tara looked up into Willow's shining eyes smiling at her. "Like belonging. Like comfort. Like magic and electricity and I'm captivated by it. I feel like I could spend days or years rubbing my thumb over the b-back of your hand and never get bored." She looked down again. "Which is s-s-stupid because I know nothing about you," she pouted.
Willow leaned forward placing a gentle kiss on the top of Tara's head as she whispered, "there's a cure for knowing nothing about me." Then to break the serious mood she jumped back and handed the girl back her tea. "And the cure today is questions and answers," she announced.
Willow ran into the other room and came back with two hats. "First thing," she explained as Tara watched fascinated, "is that I love silly hats." She held up the hats. One was foam and molded into the shape of a chicken like people have to wear at a fast-food restaurant. The other was a rainbow colored beanie complete with propeller on top. She handed the chicken hat over to Tara. "now sure, that had should be a Tofu hat but really who wants to see helpless Tofus slaughtered for our hat wearing enjoyment? Wouldn't be right I say." She paused to make sure that Tara was laughing, which she was, before continuing. "The question asker wears the chicken hat because it represents… something and the answerer wears the beanie because the propeller represents your brain working hard."
Laughing heartily Tara took the chicken hat and put it on her head. "Ok b-b-but my r-r-rule is I g-g-get to ask two questions for every one of yours." She took another drink of the tea as she waited for Willow to respond.
Willow agreed: "agreed but you should have bargained harder. I would have gone three to one if you had offered to sing a line of any song in between." As she finished she stuck her tongue out playfully.
Tara attempted to do an English accent as she asked, "we should get started. After all you know what the M-m-monty Python boys say?"
Willow laughed and shot back in her worst accent, "no one expects the Spanish Inquisition."
Tara looked around for a minute before speaking. "This doesn't c-c-count as my first question but c-c-can I sit on the bed with my leg up?"
Willow jumped up grabbing a few pillows as she helped Tara to the bed. "I'll sit in the chair," she offered.
"That's s-s-silly," Tara answered. "It's a b-b-big bed…" She trailed off as she realized that maybe it wasn't appropriate to be mentioning being on the bed together.
She was pacified as Willow immediately flopped onto the side of the bed, leaving a respectable distance between the two girls. "Do you want ice or anything," she offered.
Tara shook her head as she teased, "no getting out of your questions y-y-young lady." Willow nodded playfully and waited. "Ok," Tara started, "let's s-s-start easy. When is your birthday?"
Willow reached up and twirled the propeller as she answered: "November 27, 1980 so you're 44 days older than me old lady."
"Why was Xander 'afraid he'd turn into his c-c-costume again'?" Tara asked next.
Willow smiled as she started to answer, not before twirling the propeller, "ah yes. My stories are probably always going to lead to more questions. When we were Juniors in High School—that's me, Xander who is my best friend since childhood, and Buffy who is the slayer—this guy came to Sunnydale. He worships chaos and he cast a spell that we would all turn into our costumes. Xander turned into a military guy, which has actually been pretty helpful over the years, Buffy turned into a 18th century lady, and I turned into a ghost."
"Sunnydale sounds l-like an exciting place," Tara observed.
"You can hardly imagine," Willow agreed as she held out the propeller hat and took the chicken one. "But since I only get one question to your two, I'm not starting out easy. Why didn't Teresa help with your leg more?"
Tara raised her eyebrows and frowned at the redhead. "T-t-teresa? My grandmother?" she confirmed. As Willow nodded Tara continued to have a puzzled look on her face as she explained, "my grandmother passed away in the Spring of my freshman year. Eliza's father p-p-paid for my ticket to go home for the funeral." Her tears had started to flow again as she thought about the love and training she had always received from this woman who so wanted her to find a love of her own and the generosity from Eliza's father:
Tara sat in her dorm room crying rivers of tears over her grandmother. The woman had seemed so strong just a year ago but then everything had fallen apart. And now there was another hole in her life that could never be filled. Her grief was interrupted by the jangling sound of the phone ringing. She considered letting it ring but what if it was her father or brother? She needed to talk with them if she couldn't be with them.
"Hello?" she said as calmly as she could.
"Tara?"
"Yes this is Tara," she responded trying to place the voice on the phone.
"Tara this is Joseph D'Angelo, Eliza's father," the man explained.
"Yes sir," she answered confused about his call.
He passed on his condolences: "I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother Tara."
"Thank you sir," she accepted.
"Can you pack in an hour?" he asked.
"W-w-what?" Tara was completely confused about what he was saying. Obviously Eliza had called him after she had called the two girls at school.
"A car will be there to pick you up in an hour and take you to the airport Tara," he explained firmly. "Can someone pick you up in Amarillo or should I call a driver there too?"
Finally the blonde grasped what he was saying. "Sir, thank you but I can't let you do this," she tried to refuse.
Mr. D'Angelo's voice was simultaneously kind and gentle and firm: "Tara, the most important things in the world are family and love. A car will pick you up in a hour."
"Thank you sir," Tara responded.
Now it was Willow's turn to be shocked, not about Mr. D'Angelo paying for Tara's trip home but about her grandmother's death: "what? That's not right. Teresa just passed away this year. I saw her six months ago."
Tara disagreed: "it it it is right. She broke her hip in September and k-k-kind of went downhill from there."
"Well yeah, she broke her hip but it healed and…" Willow trailed off as the reason for the difference hit her.
"You and she went home for Thanksg-giving?" Tara asked. She continued sadly, "and she did some healing and y-y-you amplified for h-h-her?"
Willow reached out her hand to clasp Tara's. "I'm so sorry Tara. I'm sorry that I wasn't here to help you," she told the blonde. It was just starting to hit her that this woman had had a completely different life without her in it.
Tara quickly wiped her eyes and held out the propeller hat. "No f-f-fair trying to c-c-comfort m-m-me," she teased, "more questions."
Willow laughed as they traded once again.
Tara woke completely disoriented. Her leg throbbed and her side hurt as if she were lying on something unfamiliar. She opened her eyes and looked around trying to place the strange room. Noting the computers on the desk it all came back. We played questions and answers for hours she realized and didn't know when she had fallen asleep. Moving slightly she looked down at the bed to realize that the unfamiliar lump under her side was Willow's arm. Apparently in her sleep she had rolled closer to the redhead and onto her outstretched arm. As she began to roll away, clenching her teeth against the bolt of pain shooting up her leg, she heard Willow murmur, "no just a little longer."
Tara smiled as she extricated herself and gazed at Willow's face. She had spent three years thinking about that face. She had filled sketchbook after sketchbook with images of it but it didn't come close. The only word Tara could think of to describe the way Willow looked was angelic. She had one hand wrapped around the pillowcase and the other outstretched and she lay half on her back, half on her side. Tara wondered idly if Willow were a late or early riser, especially when she heard her stomach growl.
And it wasn't just that initial meeting that had inspired her sketches. For over three years her sleeping hours were filled with Willow. She'd had dreams that filled her with love and longing and some that she couldn't think of without blushing, even when she was all-alone. It was a memory that had become an obsession before settling into constant companionship. When the dreams had stopped it was like someone had shut off a necessary source of lifeblood for her. In the past three months her connection to the redhead had seemed so tenuous that she had palatably missed her.
Minutes later the blonde stood under the hot stream of water in Willow's hotel shower. Surprisingly enough the hotel seemed to have plenty of hot water. Of course that might have had something to do with the fact that it was after 11 o'clock in the morning. Normally Tara would never sleep that late but she and Willow hadn't stopped talking until the sun was nearly up.
As she stood in the shower, Tara thought of the things she needed to do. First on the list was calling Michelle and letting her know that she was ok. Tara had checked messages and her roommate had left two, the second sounding more worried than the first. It was a tradition for her to take Scooby to the park on Sundays and she needed to study. Finishing her mental list, she was able to review the evening and their long discussion. She had found out a lot about Willow and the other Tara's life in Sunnydale and their friends and adventures. There were still some holes in her knowledge that gnawed at her but she didn't feel any hurry about it.
In the meantime she had shared with Willow quite a bit about her life and especially her recovery from the accident. As it often did her mind filled with snippets of memories from the year following the accident:
Eliza sat next to Tara's hospital bed reading from a thick book.
"You spotted snakes with double tongue,
Thorny hedgehogs, be not seen;
Newts and blindworms, do no wrong,
Come not near our Fairy Queen."
Tara laughed out loud at both the writing and the way Eliza was reading. The younger girl seemed determined to entertain her friend and she was actually having fun.
Finally the younger girl knew why she was at school and what to do for the summer. Interspersed with singing and reading to Tara, Eliza was sharing more of herself. She had explained to Tara that as she neared the end of her spring semester, she had found herself completely lost as to what to do for the summer. Her father was very clear that she was not to work for her aunt and uncle again as he contended that she would only "get in trouble." Even her contention that her relationship with Michelle would keep her out of that kind of trouble could not sway his opinion. Her choices, according to him, were to spend the summer at her brother's house or at school. Knowing that with Michelle at USC she wouldn't get to see her for months, she picked school believing that it was the least of two evils.
Eliza and Michelle had talked for months about Michelle's college choice. She had received scholarship offers from many universities and they had finally chosen USC as the school which offered the best deal while still having good programs for Eliza to attend the following year.
So Eliza was upset about Tara's injury and the loss of Chestnut, but she also had a better outlook on the summer. When she had called Michelle she had no idea that the girl would leave USC to come home to stay. She just needed help in pulling Tara out of her silence.
"Ok do three more," Michelle coaxed.
Tara shot the runner an exhausted look as she raised her arms yet again, lifting the dumbbells high over her head.
"Two more," Michelle told the blonde as she waved a bottle of water in front of her.
Tara again grunted as she lifted the weights.
Seeing the exhaustion on her face and doubting that she would actually be able to lift the weights again Michelle leaned over offering the prize she hoped would rejuvenate the witch: "finish and we can have lunch in the courtyard in the sunshine."
Tara smiled as she easily lifted the weights a final time. The runner was putting her habits in keeping up her training regime to good use working with her friend to build up her arm muscles. She had met with every doctor and quite a few physical therapists to find out what she could do to help Tara. Initially reluctant to allow a young girl, and not even a relative, such a close relationship with Tara's recovery, they had quickly realized how powerful her role in shaping Tara's progress would be. Michelle attended every physical therapy session with her friend and met with the physical therapists to find out what exercises she could help the blonde with outside of the sessions.
As Tara waited for Michelle to get the wheelchair from the trunk of Eliza's car, she felt trepidation and terror. That and nausea. The nausea seemed to roll through her stomach and body without ending. Her first ride in a car in months, combined with the strain on her leg as she was moved from the hospital had been very hard on the witch. It was hard to know whether to feel more loved or humiliated at the sensory memory of Eliza leaning behind her, one arm around her stomach to support her, the other hand holding her hair back from her face as she vomited onto the pavement.
Now she stared up at the building where it seemed she had spent so much of her life. Four years she had lived in that building. Four years plus one summer plus four weeks and now she was returning there. But not to her roof under the stars. Honestly she wondered if she would ever be in her old room again. The stairs… Over two months and she hadn't yet taken a step. Worse, if she understood correctly she would have to learn to walk twice: once with the metal brace on her leg—no not on, through — and once after it was removed.
As she helped her into the wheelchair Michelle hummed to her friend, "wait till you see your surprise Tare."
Eliza leaned down to whisper in her ear, "you'll love it."
Tara reached out and grasped Chelle's hand asking, "w-w-why are w-w-we coming h-h-here?" Even as she asked she took note of the fresh planks on the ramp leading to the front doors of the dorm. Someone had obviously been busy. Pushing her through the doors Michelle turned quickly into a room just off the hall. "What the…..?" Tara trailed off looking around the room.
She sat in a room which had obviously just been remodeled. It had extra-wide doorways and a lower sink. Looking up she noted the many twinkling lights adorning the corners of the room and thousands of small glowing star and moon stickers on the ceiling. "We thought we'd bring the night sky to you," Eliza whispered in her ear as tears formed in the blonde's eyes.
"But how? W-w-why?" Tara stuttered.
As Michelle turned the wheelchair she pushed Tara toward the door in the side of the room. Quickly the blonde realized that the room was now part of a suite. Between this room and the other was a fully handicapped-accessible bathroom. Michelle and Eliza's belongings were recognizable in the second room.
Eliza sat on the edge of the bed as she explained, "father talked to the school. He helped them understand that they would like to set this up for you."
A slight smile graced Tara's face as she thought of the large man. "My patron," she agreed fondly.
Tara sat in her wheelchair feeling like she was going to be sick. She was so nervous she didn't know what to do. The only thing keeping her rooted was Michelle's hand tucked tightly in her own. Both had their eyes and ears on the physical therapist. Today would be the day. The day. The big day.
The physical therapist had warned both girls not to expect much. Her goal for the da