Fallen

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimers: The characters and show all belong to Joss Whedon, Fox, Mutant Enemy, Kuzui, and God only knows who else. The storyline, however, is the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

Distribution: http://www.hunterash.com/    http://mysticmuse.net

Feedback: Feedback welcome!

Pairing: Willow/Buffy

Part 1    Part 2    Part 3    Part 4    Part 5    Part 6

Part 1

Buffy hesitated outside the bedroom door and listened for a moment.  "Don't Fear the Reaper?" she asked softly.  "Willow usually isn't that retro."

The Slayer really began to frown when the track switched to Papa Roach's "Last Resort."  Buffy felt frozen to the spot as she listened, hearing the lyrics really for the first time.

// Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort

Suffocation, no breathing, don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces, I reach my last resort

Suffocation, no breathing, don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

Do you even care if I die bleeding, would it be wrong, would it be right

If I took my life tonight, chances are that I might

Mutilation out of sight, as I contemplate my suicide

Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine//

Buffy knocked on the door with a worried look on her face.  After a moment she looked surprised and knocked again.  She knew Willow was in her room, the young witch hadn't moved since they had gotten back from the hospital with Dawn.

Buffy Summers, the Slayer, pounded on the door and tried the knob when Willow still refused to answer her.  Surprisingly, it was open.

The blonde walked into the room as cautiously as she would enter an unknown darkened tomb, something didn't feel right.  Besides the fact that Amy was no longer a rat, playing in her cage on her wheel, that is.

A single lamp was the only illumination in the room and that was covered by a dark blue scarf, casting an eerie glow in a small circle in the room.  Buffy could make out that Willow was on her side on the bed, her back to the door and she wasn't moving. 

"Wills?" Buffy called softly.  She didn't think Willow was asleep, she had been pounding pretty hard on the door, but then again, the witch had been through something traumatic.

"Willow?"

"Go away," Willow's voice was strained and somehow seemed to lack any life. 

Buffy, instead of leaving, moved further into the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Wills, can we talk?" Buffy asked softly, resisting reaching out for Willow's shoulder.  Only hours earlier she had been about to hit her friend, probably more than once but now everyone had calmed down and it was time for answers and decisions.

"No," Willow muttered, surprising Buffy.  Willow had never refused to talk to her before.

"Willow, we need to talk, I need to talk," Buffy said slowly, a bit of irritation creeping into her voice.  Willow had endangered her sister, damnit! Last thing she was going to do was feel sorry for Willow.

"No," Willow muttered again.  "No need to talk.  Give me a couple of days and I'll move out.  I'll transfer to another school next semester.  You can even have Tara move in to help keep an eye on Dawn."

Buffy frowned, torn between the feeling of panic at the thought of Willow leaving all of them and irritation at Willow feeling sorry for herself.

"You don't have to leave, Wills," Buffy protested. "We just need to get a handle on this magick thing.  You know that you're out of control.  You almost got Dawn killed tonight."

"Yeah, I know and I'm sorry," Willow nodded, her hair and head moving slightly but she still refused to turn over and look at Buffy.  The Slayer was getting more irritated.  "It won't happen again, I won't go around Dawn. No more magick, no more black stuff and no more me."

"I am so not going to get into a pity party for you right now!" Buffy snapped. 

"Good, neither am I," Willow said calmly, again surprising the Slayer.  "I'm not feeling sorry for myself, Buffy.  I knew this would happen, I prayed it wouldn't and that I could control it.  I was an idiot and now I'm removing myself from the scene.  I won't become a danger to my friends."

"You could work with Tara controlling the magick thing," Buffy suggested.

"I'm more powerful than any of you realize, Buffy," Willow shrugged.  "Nobody can help. I do it or I fail, just me."

"You said you knew this would happen, they why did you do it?"

"Just go away, already," Willow snapped, her hand suddenly clenching into a fist.  "You haven't wanted to talk to me since we brought you back. In a couple of days you won't have to."

"That's not true!" Buffy protested weakly.

"Yes it is and we found out why, didn't we?" Willow said softly and Buffy could hear the tears in the voice, sounding more like her Willow.  "I ripped you from a peaceful ending and brought you back to this hell called Sunnydale. You've blamed me since."

"I don't blame you," Buffy continued to protest but her voice wavered.

"Yes you do," Willow pushed verbally.  "I knew what my price was in bringing you back and I was willing to pay it.  I thought I could handle it and I couldn't.  End of story."

"What do you mean your price?" Buffy asked.  "That hitch-hiking demon?"

"No, that was a surprise," Willow admitted.  "Listen, you didn't come in here to talk about any of this.  You came to yell at me about my use of magick, getting Dawn almost killed, her arm broken and you sleeping with Spike, why not get to it and get it over?  I'm tired."

Buffy almost fell off the bed.

"Spike?" she whispered.  "What? How….did you…"

Willow's laugh was bitter as she turned over to face Buffy.  The Slayer tried to not look surprised when she saw Willow's eyes were magick black.  She couldn't help look confused and concerned about the rest of Willow's appearance though.

The red head was sweating, trembling, blood was running in a steady stream from her nose and her eyes were sunken into her head.

"Wills?" Buffy asked softly, reaching her hand out, almost touching Willow's cheek but the witch looked angry and Buffy held back.

"I can smell him on you Buffy," Willow snarled. 

"Wills, what's wrong?" the Slayer asked as Willow collapsed back onto the bed, holding herself as if she were in pain.  Buffy pulled up the covers over her friend and grabbed a tissue to hold against Willow's nose.

"Don't bother, it's not going to stop for awhile," Willow said calmly.

"We need to get you to a hospital," Buffy growled, prepared to carry her friend all the way there if necessary.

"Again, don't bother," Willow said softly, the anger fading from her face as another wave of muscle cramping doubled her into a fetal position.  "They can't help with this!" she growled through gritted teeth.

"What's happening?"

"I'm detoxifying from black magick," Willow muttered and cried out with the pain.  She struggled as Buffy tried to take Willow into her arms.  "Don't feel sorry for me, damnit!"

"Willow, what am I supposed to do?" Buffy demanded.  "You're my best friend!  Yeah, I'm pissed at you and you deserve it but you're still my friend!"

"No I'm not," Willow's eyes were unnerving to look at and Buffy was having a hard time looking at her friend.  "We haven't been friends since you got back."

"Okay, maybe I had a hard time adjusting and blamed you," Buffy admitted, standing up and beginning to pace.  "You're still my friend, damnit!"

Willow didn't answer her but her eyes told the Slayer that she didn't believe Buffy. 

"How did you know about Spike?" Buffy asked, not looking at Willow.

"One demon can smell the mark of another on a human," the witch answered softly.

Buffy's head snapped up and she was by Willow's side instantly. 

Willow flinched back, unsure if Buffy was going to attack her or hold her.  Buffy looked deep into Willow's blackened eyes.

"What was your price for my life, Wills?"

"It doesn't matter now, does it?" Willow demanded. "I'm a danger to everyone so I'm going to leave.  It doesn't concern you, Slayer."

Buffy winced.  Willow's words felt like a physical blow and it showed.  The blonde ignored the tears threatening to escape her eyes.

"Wills, please don't leave. If you do this detox thing, we can help," Buffy urged.  "Then it can go back to the way it was, you part of the gang."

"Buffy, my love," Willow said sadly between the painful cramps. "It can never go back to the way it was.  Tara will be there, being your magick girl. Xander and Anya will be there as the married couple trying to have a normal life.  Giles is in England.  Do you know how badly that hurt?  Even more than Tara leaving me.  He knew I was hurting and in trouble and he left."

Willow's tears began to flow freely again.

"He was more of a father than my own father and he left," Willow whimpered.

Buffy was alarmed at the amount of blood flowing onto the towel Willow had placed under her head for her bleeding nose.

"I know," Buffy said softly.

"Tara loves me but she'll never trust me," Willow continued.  "I messed that up permanently. None of you will ever trust me again."

"Willow, we're human, we've all made mistakes and forgiven each other," Buffy said softly.  "You were there after I was gone, you took care of Dawn, you kept the gang together, and you kept up the patrolling and living with the nightmare of pretending I was still alive and dealing with that Buffybot."

"That was weird," Willow admitted.  "I didn't sleep a single night after you died. The nightmares were so horrible.  We watched you dive into that other realm and come out dead on the other side.  I died that night, Buffy. I kept going because of Dawn and to honor your memory."

"You risked black magick to bring me back," Buffy commented, hoping to keep Willow talking, even though she was in obvious pain.

Buffy moved slowly back onto the bed and Willow didn't move away this time and didn't struggle when Buffy placed her hand on Willow's shoulder.  The Slayer remembered the anti-drug movies they watched in high school and Willow, in her present condition, reminded Buffy of someone withdrawing from heroin.

"I kept having those nightmares of you being in one of the many hells and suffering," Willow said, laying her head in Buffy's lap.  Buffy whimpered as Willow cried out, curling up around the pain.  "I would have done anything to get you out of there and I did," she said after a few moments.

"Wills, don't leave, please," Buffy repeated.

"Why not? Tara will move on, Xander has Anya, you've got Spike and Dawn prefers Tara.  Not that I blame her after breaking her arm and getting her chased by a demon…"

"Wills!"

"Ah, I guess there's some of me left," Willow grimaced around the pain.  "I can still babble."

"Tell me, damnit! Quit dancing around it!" Buffy snapped.  "You said demon about you and Spike, and that you knew we slept together and that you had a price to pay for my soul."

"Yes to all of that," Willow nodded, clenching her hands into fists until Buffy could see the knuckles outlined in white skin.

"You gave up your soul?" Buffy whispered, praying that the answer was anything other than what she knew it was.  The Slayer knew, it all made sense and it was so horrible.

"Seemed like a fair exchange," Willow said softly and Buffy could feel Willow's tears soaking into her jeans.  "Don't yell at me right now, okay?"

Willow's voice finally sounded small and pained.

"Wills, anything but that," tears streaked the Slayer's face as she held her friend.

"When I die then the Arch Prince gets my soul," Willow said, trying to sound calm.  "I guess… I was hoping to play… a Faust and try to find a way… out of the bargain before my death.  It also… opened me to temptation and… the probability of losing my soul… long before that."

"You sound like a teacher or a scientist explaining a math problem," Buffy complained.

Willow gritted her teeth tightly as she whimpered.

"Hurts!" she finally admitted.

"What can we do?" Buffy demanded, wrapping her arms around her friend and holding her tight, rocking Willow.

"The…options…are limited," Willow admitted.  "Kill me….throw me….out.  Let Rack….have….me.  Let me…suffer and….hope I…make it."

"Willow, I am so not amused with those choices!" Buffy growled.  She held tighter as Willow cried out with the pain, finally unable to hold back. 

Buffy looked up and saw Dawn standing in the doorway.

"How much did you hear? Truth!" Buffy demanded.

"Everything," Dawn admitted.  "I heard you pounding on the door. How can we help her?"

Willow was weeping and whimpering in Buffy's arms.

"Get Xander, Anya and Tara over here," Buffy ordered.  "Anya and Tara might have some answers.  Tell them to also get snacks for everyone.  I've got a feeling it's going to be a long few days.  Also, bring me the phone."

Dawn scampered off to obey her sister as Buffy held onto a convulsing Willow.

"My God, Wills," Buffy whispered, tears streaming down her face. "I'm not going to let you go! You're not going to die because of me!"

"Let me go! You…have…Spike!" Willow hissed, her eyes glazed over with the pain.

"He was just a convenience," Buffy argued but wasn't sure if Willow heard her.

The witch's eyes rolled back in her head and her body went limp.

Buffy waited for Dawn to finish her calls to Xander and Tara.  The Slayer knew that it would probably take a few minutes to convince Tara to come over, especially if it concerned Willow.

Tara had already heard from Dawn that morning about Willow breaking her arm and summoning a demon that chased them all over town.  The witch was more than upset with her former lover. 

Buffy hoped that Dawn could convince Tara to come over, the Slayer felt out of her league as Willow's body convulsed in her arms. 

"Rupert Giles here," a familiar English accent greeted Buffy and she almost sobbed with relief.  She hadn't talked with Giles since her ex-Watcher had left the country.  Buffy knew he had arrived safe in England and was settling in as a researcher for the Watcher's Council because Anya had talked with him concerning business about the Magic Box. 

"Giles, it's Buffy," the young woman said slowly and heard his intake of breath.  She knew what he was thinking; Buffy would only call if it was trouble. 

"Buffy, so good to hear from you!" the voice was enthusiastic but Buffy had known Giles since she was 16, she could hear the hesitation.

"Giles, I need information," Buffy said, cutting to the point.  "I know the Watcher Council has held back since I returned from the dead, I assume they're focusing on whoever they got to replace Faith.  I really need information and you and the Council are the only ones I can think of."

"What is it? Some sort of new demon or something?" Giles asked, beginning to become curious.

"No, I need to know how to help someone detoxing from black magick and then I need to know how to break a deal with an Arch Prince of hell," Buffy said, almost holding her breath as she waited for a reaction from Giles.

"Oh God, Willow," he said softly.

"Yes," Buffy confirmed, trying not to cry as Willow whimpered on the bed behind her.  Even unconscious, the witch's body was racked with pain and cravings.

"How bad is it?" Giles asked over the long distance connection.

"How about the worst heroin withdrawal they ever threatened us with in school? How do I know? I don't know about this stuff!" Buffy protested.  She wanted to yell at him and was trying to keep her temper in line.  The Slayer felt Willow had been right, Giles might have felt Buffy was ready to stand on her own without his parental and Watcher guidance but he had known Willow was headed for trouble.

"Calm down, what's happened?" Giles asked and Buffy could almost hear him removing his glasses and beginning to clean them; his habit when he was nervous, thoughtful, and embarrassed or anything.

"Willow got mixed up with a black magician and in over her head," Buffy tried to explain, running a hand through her hair.  Buffy was tired and she wasn't sure she was going to get sleep any time soon either.  "Stuff happened, Dawn got hurt and Willow has sworn off magick and wants to move out."

"Go on," he encouraged.  "You said detoxifying."

"Yeah, I came in to talk to her and found her in like total meltdown!" Buffy tried not to shout. "Willow says she's detoxing and she's a total mess! Her nose won't stop bleeding, she's got the shakes worse than some wino, and she's in pain, Giles!"

"Oh God," he muttered.  "It does sound like detoxing. The best thing you can do is get her to a hospital and tell them you found her this way.  Explain that you don't know what kind of drugs she's been on, they will keep her safe and alive."

"Giles, how bad is this?" Buffy asked, still keeping her back to Willow, not wanting to see the witch struggling against the blankets in her sleep.

"From what you describe, it could kill her and most likely will," Giles answered truthfully.  "I didn't think she could fall that far this quickly though.  This implies some major dealings with black stuff, Buffy.  I knew she was playing with power and pushing the boundaries from gray to black but I didn't think this far."

"She said something tonight, Giles," Buffy said softly. "Willow said there was a price for bringing me back."

Buffy looked puzzled at the "clunk" sound on the other end of the phone and Giles obviously stumbling to pick the receiver back up.

"Buffy, I'm catching the next flight I can," he said firmly and then hesitated.  "I'm an idiot!"

"What?" Buffy demanded.

"I didn't question her about the details!" he shouted and Buffy knew he was angry at himself about something.  "Of course there was a price! Why didn't I ask? I merely scolded her for using high level magick."

"Giles, will you explain already?" Buffy shouted and Willow whimpered behind her.

"To bring your life and soul back there had to be an exchange," Giles said, his voice calmer.  "To bring you back would create a vacuum in the reality of things.  Something had to take your place.  Normally that would have been someone's life.  That's why these spells are never done! It was always done by black sorcerers who offered human sacrifices for it."

"Willow gave up her soul for me," Buffy added.  "She said when she dies that the Arch Prince Demon gets her soul and she would be open to temptation and losing her soul before then."

"Did she say what Arch Demon Prince?" Giles asked urgently.

"No, she didn't.  She said something about pulling a Faust," Buffy explained.

She could almost see Giles nodding.

"Yes, she was hoping to outwit the demon and break the bargain before she dies," he answered.

"You said ‘was,'" Buffy said softly, turning to look at the struggling Willow.

"It may be too late, Buffy," Giles said gently.  "Get her to a hospital or try and handle it yourselves, I'll be there as soon as I can. If you can get her to talk, get the name of that demon."

"Giles, she did it for me and I treated her terribly," Buffy whispered.

"If you get the name of that demon, call me – I'll have this damned phone thing with me," he instructed, ignoring her comment.

"Okay, I'm going to try and keep her here. If they think she's on drugs then they'll throw her out of school and screw up her future," Buffy decided.

"I understand but she may not have a future," Giles said softly. "If it gets too bad take her in. I'm going to send over some supplies through the Watcher Council and a nurse.  Don't fight me on this."

"Oh my God!" Xander exclaimed softly when Dawn showed him and Anya into Willow's room. 

Buffy was sitting against the headboard with Willow between her legs, lying on the bed.  The Slayer had Willow's wrists in her hands and the witch was struggling and thrashing against the pain. 

Both young women were sweating but Willow was worse and looked like she had been, and was going through, hell.  The witch's eyes were still black, her nose still bleeding, and her body convulsing and trembling.

Xander couldn't believe how bad the scene looked and he couldn't believe the tears flowing down Willow's and Buffy's faces. 

"Xander, this is not good," Anya said calmly and moved past her fiancée and sat on the edge of the bed.  She quickly looked Willow over and nodded as Willow whimpered in pain.  "She is trying to purge potent black magic from her system. It shouldn't be this bad though."

Xander frowned and turned to Dawn, standing in the hallway.  "We brought some orange juice and other stuff.  Get a large glass, better yet, bring the jug and a plastic cup.  Also the bag of chocolate bars."

"Okay," Dawn scampered down the stairs towards the kitchen as Xander turned to look at the women.

"What's going on, Xander?" Buffy asked as Willow yelled loudly from the pain.

"Willow never said anything but she knows," Xander began.  "When we were 14, my older brother ran away from home.  I found him in the bad part of town in a run down hotel."

"I didn't know you had a brother," Buffy said softly.

"I know," he nodded as he squatted next to the bed, reaching out to hold Anya's hand.  "No one did.  He was three years older than me and my half brother with a different last name. Phillip was hooked on heroin and wanted help.  I helped him quit cold turkey during Christmas break."

"Xander?" Buffy's face reflected her concern.

  "He didn't stay clean though and was dead of an overdose by Groundhog Day," Xander continued, wiping away tears as he watched Willow struggling.  "Our parents told everyone he died back east in a car crash and forgot about me from that day on."

Anya leaned to hug Xander around the waist as he stood up next to her.

"Dawn said that Willow was detoxing and I know a little bit about that.  Orange juice will keep her sugar level up from losing fluids over the next few days and sweets are about all she'll be able to eat or hold down."

"Loss of fluids?" Buffy questioned.

"Vomiting until she breaks something inside, diarrhea you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy and sweating like crazy," Xander explained grimly.

"He is right, it is like your modern day drugs," Anya nodded.  "It will be miserable for her and all of us to get her through it."

"Listen, I am so glad you both have some answers," Buffy said slowly as Willow stopped thrashing, only half conscious.  "You don't have to stay. I know we've all been a little battered around the edges because of her magic lately."

"Buffy, Willow and I were friends before kindergarten," Xander growled.  "I'm not leaving.  I know what to expect better than you."

"I'm staying," Anya merely nodded.

"Me too," a voice said from the doorway and everyone was surprised to see Dawn and Tara standing there.  Tara looked like she was about to break into tears at the sight of her former lover.  She crossed the room quickly and Anya got up so she could sit next to Willow.

"Willow?" she asked softly but Willow didn't seem able to hear her as she lightly struggled against the pain.

"Thank you for coming, Tara," Buffy said sincerely.

"Dawn didn't explain until I walked in the door," Tara smiled at the young and manipulative teenager.  "I couldn't believe she was this bad off."

"I know," Buffy nodded and gritted her teeth as another round of muscle cramping caused Willow to cry out and struggle against the Slayer's grip.

"We should find the belts from robes and tie those wrists to the bed," Xander suggested and blushed when Buffy raised her eyebrows at him. "Why are you holding her arms?" he countered.

"Because she's tearing at her skin, like the lightest touch hurts," Buffy said.

"Yes, it does.  Light, sound, touch, everything will hurt," Xander nodded.  "By tying her down, we can try and keep her from injuring herself or us."

"Us?" Dawn asked with wide eyes.

"Yeah, in the middle of withdrawals, she'd claw your eyes out to get a fix," Xander said, brutally honest. 

"Xander is right," Anya nodded again, leaning against him.  "She will call all of us the most foul names and threaten our lives if we don't help her get a magic fix."

"Damn, this is not going to be fun," Buffy growled.  "Dawn, help Xander find what he needs to secure Willow to the bed."

The two dashed out of the room.

"Tara," Buffy said softly.  "Have you ever seen this?"

"No, it's only whispered about among magic users and sorcerers," Tara shook her head.  "Buffy, it takes a lot of power to do this to someone."

"I know," Buffy nodded.  "Wait for Xander to get back in here."

It didn't take long to secure Willow to the bed by her wrists.  Next came Buffy's explanation of finding Willow in the condition she did and Willow's explanation.  Dawn didn't say anything about Buffy leaving out the part about Spike and Buffy sleeping together and the Slayer was grateful.

"Oh sweet Goddess," Tara's eyes were wide with shock and fear as she looked at the red haired witch.  "She made a pact with an Arch Demon Prince for her soul?"

"Yeah," Buffy said unhappily.  "In exchange for my body and soul."

"And you hated her for bringing you back, ironic," Anya commented and Xander hissed at her to keep quiet as Buffy glared.

"Giles is on his way and is sending someone over with supplies, medical stuff," Buffy added, ignoring Anya's observation.

"Well, this is going to take awhile, let's settle in," Xander suggested.

Whatever or whoever Buffy was expecting from the Council it wasn't the extremely old black woman knocking on her door the next morning.  It did ease Buffy's mind a little that the woman was carrying a large doctor's bag and a medium size duffle bag that looked full and heavy.

The old woman looked at Buffy and began nodding.

"From the looks of it, honey, I'm in the right place," she said easily.  "I'm Dorothy Hanson, the Watcher Council sent me to see after a friend of yours."

Buffy sighed with relief.  It had been a rough night on everyone and she knew it must show.  Willow had been hit constantly with racking muscle spasms until she was screaming with the pain and throwing up until there was nothing left in her system except dry heaves.

The gang took turns taking care of their friend while the others tried to sleep. It wasn't easy with the screams sounding through the house. 

Everyone was finally able to relax and get a couple of hours of sleep when Tara found a sleep spell that helped put Willow into a restful sleep for two hours.  It still wasn't enough for the weary friends.

On top of dealing with the horrors that just seemed to be beginning with Willow, Spike had shown up, demanding Buffy's attention.  He had been only slightly sympathetic over Willow's condition and argued with the Slayer when she refused to go anywhere with him while Willow was hurting.

Buffy was nearly frantic with the stress of trying to keep the others from finding out she had had sex with Spike, from worrying about Willow, worrying about the affects everything was having on Dawn, and about Giles returning.

"Honey, can I come in?" Dorothy asked and Buffy blinked and began to blush.

"I'm sorry," she immediately apologized.  "I guess I'm a little tired. Let me grab that for you."

"Sure thing," Dorothy agreed, following the Slayer into the house.  "I'm a nurse and I brought some medical supplies that we'll need."

She didn't even bat an eye at the sight of Anya curled up in an easy chair under a blanket and Xander stretched out on the sofa, both sound asleep. 

"Where's the young one?" Dorothy asked softly.

"Upstairs in her room," Buffy said, pointing at the stairs.  "She's finally sleeping."

"Really? I'm surprised," Dorothy commented as she followed the Slayer up the stairs. 

"You know this is magic, right?" Buffy asked.

"Yes, I'm a specialist in helping runaway students detox from this stuff," the woman nodded.  "I got into the biz at an early age, honey."

"Okay," Buffy said wearily.  "What did the Council tell you?"

"That you are a Slayer," Dorothy began as they stopped in the hallway.  "You and your friends have been through a very rough time including your death."

Buffy frowned. 

"To get you back your friend made a deal with some demon and did some high level magic," Dorothy continued.  "Then she fell into using the magic too easily and crossed the boundaries between gray into black. Now she wants back."

"Something like that," Buffy nodded.  "She hooked up with a guy into black stuff and almost got my little sister killed by a demon.  Willow is swearing that she's done with magic and will be leaving us."

"That wouldn't be a good idea," the nurse frowned.  "If she cuts herself off from her friends and her normal surroundings, the temptation to fall back into the magic will be too strong."

"I agree, we don't want her to leave," Buffy nodded.

"You said she was sleeping?" Dorothy asked.

"Her girl…our friend Tara is a witch and did a spell to help Willow sleep for a couple of hours," Buffy explained.

"Another witch?"

"Yeah, only does good stuff," Buffy muttered.  "She left Willow because of the magic stuff but she's helping now."

"Good, she can help me with your friend," Dorothy said, nodding for Buffy to open the door to Willow's room.

Dorothy sat down at the kitchen table as Tara poured them both a cup of coffee.  It had been a rough eight hours and they were both tired.  Willow had awakened as bad as before, her eyes dark and doubled over with pain until her nose was bleeding freely again.

The nurse had provided restraints that wrapped under the bed for Willow's wrists and inserted an IV drip to keep the young woman from becoming dehydrated.  Together with Tara, the nurse turned into a witch and kept Willow shielded from reaching out for any kind of magic relief.

Finally, after six hours of suffering, Dorothy had insisted on a tranquilizer for the red haired witch.  Now Buffy was out patrolling with Xander and Anya, Dawn was doing homework while watching over a sleeping Willow and Tara was pouring coffee.

"The Council said your girlfriend made a pact with a demon, has she said his name?" Dorothy asked as she poured sugar into her coffee.

"No, she t-told Buffy she made a deal with an Arch D-Demon Prince, that he g-gets her soul when s-she dies in exchange for Buffy's life and soul," Tara explained.

Dorothy frowned and held out her hands, palms up.  Tara looked puzzled but extended her hands to the old woman and watched as Dorothy wrapped her hands around Tara's and closed her eyes.

"Your family did you a disservice, young witch," Dorothy declared after several minutes, opening her eyes but keeping Tara's hands in hers.  Tara felt a familiar blush creeping over her face.  "You aren't worthless, you aren't evil and you are more than beautiful."

"I….."

"No protesting!" Dorothy snapped and held tightly to Tara's hands.  "I need you strong and confident! And no more stuttering, you're better than that."

Tara gasped as a surge of energy shot through the old woman's hands and through her body.  Dorothy acted as if nothing happened.

"You said Arch Demon Prince?" she asked.

"What? Yes, that's what she told Buffy?" Tara said absently.

"Damn," Dorothy muttered.

"What is it?" Tara demanded.

"We might be able to pull her back and keep her alive for a few years," Dorothy muttered.  "We might even be able to keep her on the gray side of magic but I doubt we can break whatever pact she's made."

"I heard that," Buffy complained from the doorway with Xander and Anya behind her.  "Want to explain?"

The small group moved into the kitchen, Anya going to pour all of them cups of coffee.

"There are different levels of demons and such," Dorothy began explaining, not noticing Xander and Buffy glance in Anya's direction.  For once she was keeping quiet about her demon past.  "Your friend Willow went straight to the top if she made a deal with an Arch Prince."

"Arch Prince?" Anya asked, "you just said demon, you didn't say anything about Arch Prince," she complained.

"Willow said Arch Demon Prince," Buffy explained.

"Oh boy, oh boy," Anya muttered, getting up from her stool to pace restlessly in the kitchen as everyone watched her, especially Dorothy.  "Arch Prince, not good.  This is so not good!"

"Anya!" Buffy snapped.  "Calm down and both of you explain!"

"Even my Lord was only a Prince, he wasn't an Arch Prince," Anya said hurriedly.  "I never even wanted to see any of them! Most of them are ugly and they are so powerful, they just zap you where you stand without a thought, just a wave of a finger and you're toast."

Tara and Buffy felt the energy rising around Dorothy as her eyes widened and both quickly jumped in.

"Anya is a former demon, she lost her powers and was cursed by her demon lord to spend the rest of her life as a mortal," Buffy explained rapidly.

"She's a good guy now, helps us and is engaged to Xander," Tara added.

"Anyanka?" Dorothy asked softly.

"I was," Anya said miserably. 

"I heard through the Council that you had fallen into the light," Dorothy said gently.  "What do you know about the Arch Princes?"

"Just that no one messes with them," Anya repeated.  "The demons below them try and stay out of their way or curry favor with them."

Dorothy nodded.  "If Willow made a deal with one of them, we won't be able to break it.  They are exceptional at covering all loopholes not in their favor."

"Willow's soul is lost?" Tara whispered, her eyes filling with tears as Buffy reached out to hold her hand.

"More than likely," Dorothy said bluntly.  "She'll always be tempted by black magic and when she dies, the Arch Prince gets her soul.  The only other option is unthinkable."

"What is that?" Buffy demanded, jumping on any hope.

"That someone trades their soul for hers," Dorothy answered.  "Or Willow tricks enough souls to darkness and holds off her own death, trying to outlast or outwit the demon."

"That's not funny!" Xander growled.  "And that's not Wills."

"She did it to save me!" Buffy snapped.  "Fine, they can take me again!"

"Not that easy, Slayer," Dorothy said grimly.  "This time you wouldn't end up in a peaceful place. The demon that would claim your soul would make your nightmares of hell seem like a church picnic."

"I risked that for Dawn and the rest of the world, why shouldn't I for Wills?" Buffy demanded.

"Because if you willingly take over that pact for your friend, then an Arch Prince of Hell will have the soul of a Slayer at his hands," Dorothy explained.  "He could send you back to Earth as a demon that would make anything you've faced seem like child's play."

"There has to be an answer!" Buffy growled, "We've always found an answer!"

"Even when it meant your death?" Dorothy asked gently and wasn't surprised when Buffy jumped up and ran out the back door.

Dorothy looked around at the group, each looking miserable.

"Have they always been this close?" she asked them, sipping her coffee.

"Yeah, almost the first day of our sophomore year," Xander commented.  "Willow and I were the social outcasts and Buffy was slated for the fast track to popularity but she became friends with Willow and I came with the package."

"I think they've been in love for years," Tara commented.

"What?" Xander demanded, almost falling off his stool.  "What are you talking about and where's the stutter?"

"We decided she didn't need it," Dorothy said casually, nodding for Tara to continue.

"What are you talking about?" Xander repeated.  "Buffy is straight and Willow was with you."

"I don't doubt that Willow loves me," Tara said quickly.  "I've always known how she feels about Buffy and I've suspected Buffy felt the same. I think the timing was never right, neither of them could face it and when Willow could, Buffy was with Riley."

"You're saying that you were second choice?" Anya asked.

"No, not exactly," Tara said, shifting uncomfortably in her chair.  "Willow really loves me, or believes that she does, but Buffy's always first in her heart."

"That might explain why they're willing to go to such extremes for each other," Dorothy said slowly, still sipping her coffee.

Everyone jumped when the doorbell rang.

"Who the hell?" Xander demanded.  "Everyone we know is already here except Giles and he's not due until tomorrow night."

"Well, let's hope it's not Spike, he's just annoying lately," Anya muttered as Xander slid off his stool and headed for the door.  After a moment, she followed him.

Xander's face reflected his surprise when he opened the door and found Amy standing there.

"Hi, Xander!" the witch said cheerfully. 

"Hi," he said, his voice not as enthusiastic as Anya placed a worried hand on his arm.

"Can I see Willow? I didn't hear from her for the last couple of days, thought we could hang at the Bronze or something," Amy asked.

"No, not right now," Xander said slowly.  "Willow's not feeling well."

"She spent enough time with you already," Anya snapped.

Amy's eyes lost her cheerfulness and became hard.

"If she's not feeling well, maybe I could help with that," she suggested firmly.

"No, you've done enough," Xander growled, placing his arm across the doorway.

"Xander, I need to see Willow and you don't even live here," Amy growled, her hands beginning to glow slightly.

"Neither do you, rat-girl," Anya snapped.  "You've done enough damage with Willow.  Now leave."

"Maybe I should step in here," a masculine voice suggested.  Rack stepped out of the shadows from the porch to stand beside Amy, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.  "I'm Rack and Willow belongs with us."

Xander felt a chill sweep over his body as Rack's one good eye glared at him.  He tried to slam the door shut but Rack merely placed his hand on the door and Xander couldn't budge it.

"Anya, get to Willow and Dawn," Xander said softly, standing his ground in the doorway.

"Boy, you couldn't stop me on your best day," Rack smirked.

Suddenly a figure darted under Xander's arm and threw something at the witches, causing them to howl in anger and stumble back down the stairs.  A firm hand grabbed Xander back and slammed the door shut.

The young man looked over in surprise at Dorothy as she held out something in her hand, chanting and motioning with her other hand as she moved the wand around the door.  A faint bluish light filled the jam of the door.

"I've already sealed the rest of the house," Dorothy said simply as she turned to face a surprised Xander.  "That the evil one Willow's been messing with?"

"Yeah," Xander nodded. 

"Hey, witch!" Rack called from outside.

Dorothy opened the door but didn't step outside, Xander sighed with relief when Buffy came running in from the kitchen to stand beside the old nurse and witch.

"She's already mine," Rack taunted and extended his hands, energy dancing between them like a ball in a child's hands.

"Sorry, scum, we're taking her back," Buffy growled but Rack merely laughed.

"Her soul will be mine and so will the child," he grinned and got into a car and Amy slid behind the wheel.

"Child?" All three standing at the door repeated and Buffy felt her knees growing weak.  Xander grabbed her from behind.

Part 2

Buffy sat down on the sofa, heavily, with Xander next to her. Tara stood by the stairs stunned as Anya and Dawn pounded down to join the others. Dorothy sat down in the easy chair Anya had been sleeping in earlier.

"Child?" Buffy repeated.

"Child? What child?" Dawn asked as Anya sat down next to Xander, her face reflecting her worry over his confused expression.

"Rack said that he would have Willow's soul and the child," Dorothy repeated.

"Child? What child?" Anya repeated again and then her eyes widened. "Willow is pregnant? He intends the child for his demons?"

"Apparently," Dorothy nodded, her face grim.

Tara sank down to the floor against the wall as Buffy stared at her shoes.

"Willow slept with him?" Xander muttered. "She doesn't go for guys and he's totally like un-datable!"

"Dawn?" Buffy asked slowly as the young girl began to blush and wouldn't look at any of them.

"I don't know," she admitted. "They were all acting so weird. Amy was totally stoned, like she was on acid or mushrooms and Willow was off with that creep in the other room. I don't know what happened in there."

"You know what someone is like on acid or mushrooms?" Buffy demanded with a parental stern look.

"I saw some kids get fried at a party and I left, okay?" Dawn explained. "They thought the light bulbs were turning into dragons and dancing around the room. Too weird."

"Back to Willow?" Xander suggested.

"When she came out her blouse was buttoned wrong and she was dazed," Dawn continued. "Her eyes were black and she was acting like she was stoned. Then everything went insane."

"I never even noticed the blouse," Buffy frowned. "She may not even remember what happened."

"Probably not," Dorothy agreed. "It would be like someone slipping one of you girls something in your drink and taking advantage of you."

"Except Willow put herself there and accepted the drug," Tara muttered.

Xander shifted on the sofa, leaning heavily against Anya.

"What does it all mean, Willow being pregnant with that creep's kid?" he asked.

"We don't know she is!" Buffy snapped.

"Almost certain she is if he thinks it," Dorothy shrugged. "Doesn't change much except we now have a powerful sorcerer who has a claim to your friend on several levels and a powerful witch with him."

"So we fight them, keep Willow safe, and she has a child by that rapist?" Buffy demanded.

"Well, I would suggest a visit from a Watcher Council doctor but it wouldn't help," Dorothy said.

"Why not?" Xander asked. "Not that Willow would agree to an abortion. She's Pro-Choice and everything but doesn't believe in it for herself."

"That bastard said something tonight, children," Dorothy said thoughtfully. "Might give us some hope."

"What?" Buffy demanded instantly.

"Let me make some phone calls," Dorothy said, holding up her hand. "One of you get back up and keep an eye on Willow. Slayer, I need information about that Rack thing out there."

"Spike said he knew him and helped me find Dawn," Buffy said thoughtfully. "Come on, Tara."

The witch looked surprised at the demand. "What?"

"You're coming with me," Buffy announced. "We need to talk."

Xander watched from the door as Anya and Dorothy as they helped Willow sit up in bed, trying to get her to drink more of the orange juice. The young man watched his devastated friend trying to focus, her eyes green once more.

The women were satisfied when she got half a glass down, letting her lay back on the bed. Dorothy felt the energy shifting around the red haired witch and clapped her hands, distracting Willow. Anya grabbed Willow's wrists as Dorothy raised her hands.

Willow screamed as her eyes changed to black once more.

Xander dashed forward and grabbed Willow's wrist that was closest to him, helping Anya struggle to get the restraints on her once again as a blue light spread from Dorothy's hands, covering the bed and Willow.

Willow screamed again and kicked Anya in the stomach. Xander threw himself over Willow's legs.

Anya got to her knees from the floor and managed to restrain Willow's legs.

Xander and Anya stepped back as Dorothy chanted and Willow raged. Xander held his hand out as Anya stepped around the bed and into his arms.

After a few minutes Willow stopped struggling and fell back on the bed.

"Quick!" Dorothy snapped. "Unhook that wrist and leg!"

Xander jumped to obey the nurse as the blue light faded and Dorothy grabbed for a bucket that had been placed beside the bed. Anya and Xander winced as Willow rolled to the edge of the bed, beginning to vomit into the bucket.

"It's okay, I'll watch her now," Dorothy said gently as she reached for a wet washcloth. "She'll be weak as a kitten in a couple of minutes and I can restrain her. Go and comfort the youngster."

"Dawn's in her room," Anya said softly.

Xander hesitated, watching Willow's body racked with dry heaves.

"Go on," Dorothy insisted gently. "I've got Willow."

Willow collapsed back on the bed finally and made no effort to resist as Dorothy restrained her wrist and ankle again. The older woman pulled up a chair next to the bed and placed the wet washcloth on Willow's forehead. Next, Dorothy held a straw in a glass of water to Willow's lips.

The witch nodded gratefully and took several sips.

"Hurts bad," Willow whispered, her eyes still black.

"I know, young one," Dorothy said softly, reaching down to hold Willow's hand.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Dorothy and I'm going to help you get through this," the nurse-witch explained.

"You stopped me from using magic," Willow frowned. "Witch?"

"Since I was a child smaller than Dawn in there," Dorothy smiled. "I've helped many down this road before. I need your help though, Red Willow."

Willow's eyes widened. "How do you know that?"

"I read some of your general Book of Shadows," Dorothy said, pointing vaguely in the direction of Willow's altar and supply drawers. "What I didn't find was your black one."

"Don't have a black one," Willow muttered.

"Where is the spell you used to bring the Slayer back? And a copy of your pact with the Arch Prince?" Dorothy questioned.

Willow turned her head away from the witch.

"I can't," she whispered.

"I know, it's all part of the pact," Dorothy said calmly. "You can't name your Prince and you can't reveal the spell you used to bring the Slayer back but we need that information to find a way to either break the deal or a way that it won't cost you your soul, honey."

"Buffy's back, deal was made," Willow muttered, still refusing to look at her. "Nothing can be done."

"Honey, you did that spell and made that deal out of love, there's always an answer," Dorothy assured her.

"It's beginning to hurt again," Willow turned to look at the nurse-witch, her eyes becoming fearful.

"You're going to get worse before it gets better," Dorothy said truthfully. "Tell me his name before you lose it again, young one!"

"No! I won't endanger anyone because of me!" Willow snapped and gritted her teeth as the pain began building again and her muscles began cramping.

"Tell me his name!" Dorothy commanded.

"No!" Willow shouted.

"Who was his messenger then?" Dorothy shouted back as Willow yelled with the pain.

"Orcus!" Willow shouted and then screamed.

Spike growled and came up out of his chair with a battle axe in hand when the door to his crypt crashed open.

Buffy easily deflected the axe and took it from the vampire and smacked him in the nose, sending him back into his chair.

Spike held his injured nose and glared up at Buffy as Tara walked in behind her.

"What?" he demanded. "You don't bloody well knock and you bring a party guest along? You getting even kinkier than I thought?"

Buffy held the edge of the battle-axe against his throat.

"I want very few words from you," Buffy growled, placing a foot in the center of his chest.

"I know you like it rough, Slayer," Spike smirked. "But I'm not used to an audience."

"Very few words!" Buffy snapped, moving the blade further into his skin, causing Spike to raise up in his chair to avoid being cut. "Only words concerning anything you know about Rack and the hold he has on Willow."

"Oh bollocks, Slayer!" he growled. "It always comes back to Little Tree, doesn't it?"

"Words, Spike, choose them carefully," Buffy threatened. "I've had very little sleep and my friend is hurting."

"Okay, okay, just stop with the butch act," he grumbled.

Buffy removed the blade and her foot and let him sit up in the chair and to readjust his leather jacket.

"When you said Willow was sick with that magic stuff that Rack does, I did some checking among the demons and the spell casters," Spike informed the two women and shrugged when Buffy looked surprised. "Hey, she never wanted to stake me and was even nice to me when I got chipped."

"Rack and Willow," Buffy snapped.

"Yeah, well, Rack is a major player," Spike said calmly. "He keeps alive and keeps his soul intact by offering up others in his place."

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.

"Instead of making deals for his own soul for power, he corrupts someone else," Tara explained and Spike nodded.

"Yeah, that's the game," he smirked. "He's got poor Amy more than half way there and Willow is a special delight of his, from what I hear."

"What about Willow?" Buffy demanded, raising the axe.

"He wants her very badly," Spike grinned, almost on the verge of taunting the Slayer. "I hear comments that Willow is more powerful than any of the sorcerers have seen in decades, maybe even centuries. They all would like a crack at her but Rack's got first dibs."

"Why? What did they do?" Tara asked.

"Well, I'm not sure but I think the video will be rated NC-17 or X, luv."

Buffy growled as Tara began to blush.

"He thinks he can get Willow's soul and keep his own out of danger?" Buffy repeated.

"Yeah, she's young, fairly innocent and really powerful," Spike nodded, not understanding the slight smile on Buffy's face.

"Rack has promised Willow's soul to some demon, hasn't he?" she asked, clarifying the information.

"That's the word, he figured he had her totally until you took her home," Spike muttered. "Rack thought you'd throw her out or she'd run back to him."

"What happens if Rack doesn't deliver on the deal?" Buffy asked thoughtfully.

Spike looked puzzled. "First, sorcerers like him don't make deals they can't follow through with, that's how they stay alive so long and so powerful. Rack must have a pretty good hold on Willow to even think about promising her over to the dark stuff. Second, Willow was more than half way there before she met Rack. He'll deliver."

"If he doesn't?" Buffy pressed.

"Then some demon might be very unhappy with the boy and do very nasty and unmentionable things to his body before taking Rack's soul to hell for a nice long and sweet eternity of torture," Spike answered.

Tara's eyes widened. "If Rack is forced to pay up for his pacts, it might work."

"What are you two talking about?"

"Never mind, Spike," Buffy said, her manner distracted as she thought about it.

Buffy looked at Tara, her eyes worried.

"I need to ask him," she said softly.

Tara began to blush as anger spread over her.

"Go ahead," Tara snapped.

"Listen, what if it was a major deal, like offering Willow and the soul of a child?" Buffy asked, turning to Spike.

"Shouldn't you be asking the old wanker about all of this?" Spike complained.

"Giles will be here tomorrow, I want answers tonight because Rack might come back," Buffy growled.

"Child? What child? Dawn?" Spike asked. "Is that why he wanted her there?"

"Originally," Buffy nodded, "but I think he has bigger plans now."

Spike's eyes widened and the vampire stood up, almost falling out of his chair.

"Willow? With that freak?" he demanded.

"It might be," Buffy nodded and Tara looked down at her shoes.

Spike began to pace restlessly, his hands clenched into fists.

"Okay, let me go and find some more answers," he said firmly. "I'll get back to you before dawn."

"Thanks, Spike," Buffy said sincerely but the vampire shrugged.

"Like I said, I like her," he grumbled.

The moment Tara had been dreading finally arrived when Buffy stopped outside the front door of the Summers' home and pointed to the porch swing. Tara sighed heavily and sat down and tried not to flinch when Buffy sat down next to her.

"Talk to me, Tara," Buffy demanded.

"About what? That my ex-girlfriend may have slept with some sleazy sorcerer, a male sorcerer?" Tara snapped. "I broke up with her, she can do what she wants."

"You know you don't stutter when you're angry," Buffy commented casually. "As for Willow doing what she wants, that got her in this fix. Third, you left because you love her, not because you stopped. Put that together and it matters a lot to you."

"Yeah, it does," Tara admitted, her chin dropping.

"Can you handle this until we get Willow through the detoxing?"

"Do we have a choice?" Tara asked bitterly.

"Sure, you could leave," Buffy said bluntly. "I don't think you want to but I understand the wigging thing. I'm not handling this so well either. I'm all torn up inside and don't know what to do or think."

"Where do we all fit into this?" Tara asked.

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.

"I loved Willow, still do," Tara said slowly, thinking. "I don't know if we could ever go back and I know I'm not the one she truly loves. So I'm wondering where that leaves me."

"Right here with us," Buffy said firmly. "No matter what happens with you guys. You're our friend now."

"What about you, Buffy?" Tara asked, risking a glance at the Slayer.

"What about me? I'm your friend and I want you around," Buffy frowned.

"How do you feel about Willow, are you ready yet?"

"What are you talking about? Am I upset that she slept with some guy?" Buffy asked. "Yeah, it obviously wasn't safe sex, it was with a slime ball, with a bad guy, and I'm not even sure if it was consensual. Besides, who do you think Willow loves? It's not Oz, she chose you over him."

"There's someone she would choose over me," Tara muttered.

"Alright," Buffy snapped, jumping up from the swing to face Tara. "Enough dancing around whatever you want to say! Me too! We're in this mess because everyone was keeping things to themselves."

"What?" Tara joined Buffy's frown.

"Giles was worrying about my return from the dead and if I had lost the Slayer spark. Dawn is in denial that I was having trouble adjusting, Xander and Anya were stressing over when to tell everyone about their engagement, and you were worried about Willow's magickal use getting out of hand. And Willow, keeping all the worst secrets, black magic, pacts with demons, the price for getting me back."

"And you?"

"Not telling all of you and working through my adjustment to living again, not telling you I wasn't overjoyed to be back," Buffy admitted.

"So where does that leave us?" Tara asked.

"With the need for total honesty between all of us," Buffy said, calming down slightly. "I was too busy with my own screwed up emotions and mental meltdown that I barely even noticed you moved out. One of my friends leaves her lover, my best friend, and I barely even noticed and I never asked why. That sucks and I suck."

Tara nodded after a moment.

"So what are we avoiding here? That we're pissed as hell that Willow might be pregnant? What else?" Buffy demanded.

"That you turned to Spike because you aren't ready to face something and someone you've been wanting for years," Tara snapped.

"You're dancing again!" Buffy countered. "And does everyone know about Spike?"

"Pretty much, they figured it out when you two were standing outside shouting at each other about it the other night," Tara smirked and shrugged when Buffy looked both outraged and ashamed.

"Okay, I turn to Spike because he's a vampire and I'm wanting Angel?" Buffy pondered.

"No, even Angel knew who you wanted," Tara said patiently, much like a teacher waiting for a student to see the light when solving a particularly difficult problem.

"Okay, I'm very tired, pissed off and not getting it," Buffy admitted.

"Just think about it for a while, Buffy," Tara suggested, standing up and moving for the door. "Think about your life without any of us in it, one at a time and see if you find your answers."

Buffy growled as the door slammed behind the witch.

Giles was able to get an earlier flight than originally scheduled when someone canceled at the last minute, enabling the former Watcher to arrive on Buffy's doorstep in almost record time.

Xander's face lit up with delight and relief when he opened the door and saw his former mentor standing on the porch. Giles coughed nervously as the young man hugged him fondly.

"Well, yes," Giles grumbled as Xander turned his head, wiping away tears of relief and exhaustion.

"Come on in, Giles," Xander said, grabbing for Giles' suitcase and overnight bag.

The ex-Watcher wasn't sure what he'd find when he entered the Summers home, it certainly wasn't that the place looked the same but then he scolded himself. It was exactly what he should have expected; he had only been gone a short time.