Rating: NC-17
Uber Setting: Contemporary
Disclaimer: BtVS characters, concepts and dialog belong to Mutant
Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. The story, however, came out of my
delusional little brain.
Distribution:
The Mystic Muse http://mysticmuse.net
If you want to archive this, please let me know first.
Feedback: Pretty please?
Spoilers: None.
Author's Note: I have to give special, super-dee-duper thanks to the
lovely WATSON for so many things – for putting up with me…for painstakingly
reading chapters and sections and paragraphs and sentences…for dealing with me
obsessing over j-u-u-u-u-u-u-st the right word…for serving as co-writer in
many many many instances (if it's a REALLY good sentence or phrase…it's
probably hers)…for simply being a friend and encouraging me
(Okay…encouraging? She was kicking me in the ass is what she was doing!)
Thoughts in italics
Webhost's Note: Special thanks goes to
Chris Cook of
Through
the Looking Glass,
MKF
and
Artemis for the graphics, wallpapers and source coding. Thanks, Chris!
This story uses two fonts to represent Willow and Tara's handwriting in
sections. These fonts are available for download here:
CatholicSchoolGirls BB
and Hybi 4. If these fonts are not installed on your PC, sections of this story
will be rendered in large text. Fonts sourced from
dafont.com.
Pairing: Willow/Tara
Summary: Willow and Tara made a solemn promise to each other 8 years ago.
Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12
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Greetings, New Freshman! You know, I've always wondered about that term ‐ "freshman". We aren't men, so wouldn't we be considered "freshwomen"? But, then, that excludes males ‐ "freshpersons"? Maybe you're called something different in Europe? Anyway, whoo and hoo! It's college time, baby! I can't believe we're in college, Tare. It's only been a month, but I can already tell it's going to be a very interesting experience, not to mention, very different. Hello! I'm in Boston! That alone is enough to turn my world upside-down...again. (The first time was just over 4 years ago.) I had to buy a winter coat! A lifetime in Southern California certainly did not prepare me for that. I know I have your sympathy since you went through the same thing. Plus, you're a sympathetic person. I met my advisor during orientation week. His name is Dr. Harold Bishop, but everyone calls him Doc Harry. I don't know why, but I'm sure I'll find out. He's very cool! His office is adorned with pictures and posters of theme parks ‐ especially the Disney parks. And he has little Disney and Looney Toons toys all over his desk. I like him! He's really really smart, but he doesn't take himself seriously. He's going to be a lot of fun...and I'm going to learn LOADS from him. Anyway, we designed my degree program. After this semester, I'll have enough credit to be considered a junior! I guess all of those extra classes paid off. (I have a satisfied smirk on my face right now, by the way.) So, I have officially declared my majors ‐ Architectural Design and Computer Science. The program is just for me. No one else will have the same degree. Well, that's not true. Anyone who majors in both AD and CS will have the same degree title, but they wont have the same focus, or expertise. I'm like you, Tare...I don't want to choose. So, I'll not only be using the computer programs to do design, I will also be designing and developing the programs for use by architects and designers. Cool, huh? Best of both world, and I can test the programs myself with my design projects. Doc Harry says my combination is rare, so I'll be able to pick and choose when it comes time to graduate and find a job. My roommate and I are still trying to adjust to sharing a space with someone else. She doesn't have any brothers or sisters either, so it's a big step for both of us. Fortunately, she cares about school and studies often. I'd hate to have a party animal for a roomie...it's bad enough our neighbors are up at all hours. I just don't understand how people can pay so much money for tuition and then just blow off their classes. It makes no sense. So you'll have to tell me all about England. At least you don't have to learn a new language to study there. Of course, we Americans have spent the last 200+ years bastardizing the English language, so maybe you will have to learn. It's a good thing you already like tea. Ya know, I'll see if I can come up with any more British stereotypes and include them in future letters. I think I'll try to include "sod off, you bloody git" in a conversation sometime...just for fun. (Please, imagine me rolling my eyes at myself.) As always, Mom and Dad told me to say hello to you. They brought me to school last month. It took them each 2 weeks to arrange, but they were able to adjust their schedules so that their lectures and seminars were either in or near Boston at the beginning of the semester. And they stayed for 2 weeks! In many ways, it was like a family vacation ‐ we did a lot of sightseeing and shopping. I constantly had to remind Mom that I was living in a dorm and not a 4-bedroom/3-bath colonial. Dad, of course, just followed along, chuckling. His chuckles subsided when Mom stuck him with carrying all of her purchases. I really think me being in college is affecting them more than any of us expected. I don't think my parents ever really realized that being so good at what they do would demand so much of their time. I know there are lots of people who think I was neglected. Once, when I was spending a weekend at Buffy's, Joyce asked if either Mom or Dad ever considered changing jobs to spend more time with me. Oh, she wasn't being judgmental; she was just curious. I'm sure my parents thought about it ‐ I saw how much it hurt them to miss out on the mundane things. But, I would never ask them to give up something like that. They love their work, Tare...so much. Asking them to do something else just so they could greet me at the door after school would be like asking them to stop being themselves. I'm proud of Mom and Dad. Each is top in their respective fields and they are so highly respected. How can I not be proud of them? So, yeah, that was a really wordy way of saying that my parents wanted to have as much fun as possible with me while they were here. Since their stay covered my first week of classes, one or both of them would walk me to and from classes. Every time I came out of a class and saw my mom waiting, she'd be carrying at least 3 bags worth of M.I.T. memorabilia ‐ t-shirts, sweatshirts, mugs, glasses, teddy bears, pencil holders, paperweights ‐ you name it, she bought it. She was on a first name basis with the staff at the campus store! It feels good to know how proud they are of me. They are going to try visiting again next month for a "Family Weekend" if they can work out their schedules. I wish you and Buffy could come too ‐ then my whole family would be here. I almost forgot to tell you! I've decided to take one class per semester that is purely "just because" ‐ a class that you and I might take together if we were at the same school. Doc Harry was in complete agreement: "One class that is completely irrelevant to your major is a marvelous idea! Great way to maintain your sanity." Of course, finding out there's a need to maintain my sanity made me shudder, but it will be easy to do cuz it will feel like you're here with me in the "just because" class. Even mild insanity is worth it if I can have that feeling for one class. Hey! We are physically closer to each other now! I moved east and you moved west. So we're 4 or 5 time zones closer now? Is that right? I'll have to look it up. I can't believe I haven't done that already. Speaking of time, I need to go. I have an 8am class and it's late, so I should go to bed. I can't wait to hear from you and learn about your new school. And you have to tell me about all of your new friends ‐ I need to give my stamp of approval, you know. Bye, babe. I miss you. Love, Will P.S. Buffy says, "Hi from Sunny San Diego!" She's enjoying UCSD quite a bit. I think she just likes studying at the beach so she can check out guys at the same time. I have to admit, I'm jealous...of the studying at the beach, not the boy watching. |
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My dear Will, Well, Christmas break is over and I'm back to school. I did well first term. I only got one B…in maths (oh, look at me with the British spelling). Oh well. It's not like I'm going to need math once I'm out of school – and I've just left myself open to a Willow Rosenberg patented lecture on the 1001 ways I'll need math in 10 years, haven't I? Mom and Daddy came to London for the holiday. Donnie had to stay at school because of his internship – he's hoping it will turn into a permanent job this summer after he graduates. So, Mom and Daddy split their time between us – two weeks with me and a week with Donnie. Then Donnie is going to come see me for a weekend next month. It's a good thing my scholarships pay for a single room at the hall – I can easily convert my studio space into a ''guest room.'' Saves everyone money not having to pay for a hotel. So, there's plenty of room here for you if you ever have time to visit. I have to agree with what you said in your last letter…doing Joint Honours is more difficult than it sounds. At least we can both easily combine our majors. Art History and Painting don't exactly clash. It's interesting to apply history to my painting. Sometimes I'll hole up in my studio space and try to apply the various styles we study in the history classes to my own painting. I have so many 16 x 20 canvases covered with various versions of Big Ben. Most of them aren't very good though. One or two are all right. I suspect I'll get better as I go. I figure it will serve me well after graduation. I'd like to have a go at restoration and reproduction when school is over. The paychecks from that would allow me to work on my own stuff. And if my stuff doesn't sell, at least I won't be a stereotypical ''starving artist.'' Honestly, I'd be happy with gallery shows. You'll come to them, right? I'm glad Buffy's dating again. It must have been so hard for her after what Josh did to her. I knew you'd help Buffy when you got home for break. You're a good friend, Willow. Buffy is lucky to have you there for her. I'm sure she's told you the same thing. Please say hello for me next time you talk to her. You know, Will, I'm a little jealous of Buffy. She gets to have you near her. She can just pick up the phone to call you and not worry about giving up food money for a week. I've often thought about calling you for just two minutes, just to hear your voice. But I know I can't. I know if I hear your voice, two minutes won't be enough. I'll never want to hang up the phone. We're less than 3 1/2 years until our date, Will. We've made it this long, right? Time will go by even faster since we're so busy with college. It has to. I miss you so much. I thought it would get easier with time, but it doesn't. I miss you more today than I ever have…and I'll miss you even more tomorrow. I miss us, Willow…you and me, sitting under our tree…without a care in the world. I think about that so much. I had a dream last week about the day Daddy helped us hang the swing. We had so much fun that day, didn't we? In my dream, we fell asleep under our tree. Your head was on my lap and I was leaning against the tree, just like we used to be. Except we weren't kids…it was now. I remember being so comfortable. You were on your side with your back to me and you had your arms wrapped around my leg, just above the knee. I had one hand on your shoulder and the other hand ran through your hair. We just fell asleep like that. I woke up from the dream smiling and I felt so happy. When I realized it was just a dream, I started to get sad, missing you even more in that moment. I told mom about the dream when she called me that morning to tell me how her doctor's appointment went (she's doing well, by the way). She said to me, ''Baby-girl, don't let the good dreams bring you down. Grab on to that feeling you had when you woke up and don't let it go. Cherish it. Carry it around in your pocket and, every now and then, take it out and look at it. Remember the good things, Tara.'' So, I picked you up, put you in my pocket, and carried you with me all day, Willow. It was a good day. I should go, Sweetie. I came to the library to study, but when I checked my pigeon- hole on the way and saw your letter, studying went right out of my mind. So here it is, 2 hours later, and I haven't cracked a book. I know you'll understand – the math exam is in 2 days. Two days and no more math! Write when you can, Will. Oh! I finally had someone at the computer centre teach me about email and such. I have two addresses: ''tara.maclay@slade.ac.uk'' and ''yourtarababe@yahoo.com.'' If you want to try the email thing, you can use either address. Though, I have a funny feeling I know which one you'll use. I can't guarantee how often I'll get to check my mail, so don't get upset if you don't get a quick reply. And don't be surprised if you still get regular, old-fashioned letters from me. You know me; I'm a traditionalist at heart. Take care, Sweetie. Remember I miss you more and more every second of every day. Always, Tara P.S. I've sent you a list of common British terms and their meanings…use them wisely. |
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I have a few minutes before my study group, so I thought I would send you a quick note to say hi. So, "HI!" It's so weird, Tare. I'm officially in my second year of college, but I'm considered a 2nd semester Junior. I'm used to people in my classes looking at me cross-eyed because I do well, but now they are looking at me funny because I'm in courses it took them 3 years to get into. I can't tell if it's jealousy or animosity. All I know is they don't seem very happy to see me in class with them. But, I'm not letting it bother me. The professors like me and I like them. I'm here for an education, not to be popular. Besides, since my new roommate and I are getting along so swimmingly, I'm not completely friendless. There are only two friends I care about keeping, anyway. Unfortunately, you're in England and Buffy's in California. But, not for too much longer…less than 3 years, Tara! Whoo and hoo! So how are things across the pond? I love the drawings you sent me. I designed and made a collage frame for them. I have it hanging right over my desk. That way, whenever I'm studying and I just need a quick break, I look up and see those lovely images. It makes me feel like you're there with me. I'm sure you can guess that I look up from my books quite often. Okay…I have to run. I've got 10 minutes to dash across campus. Write when you can. Please say hello to your family for me. I'm so glad your mom is well. Love ya to bits, Willow | ||||||||
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Love you, Tare. W | ||||||||
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How are things in Merry Old England? Tired of long walks along the Thames yet? If you ever run into Prince William, give him my phone number, would ya? Oh hell, you can give it to Harry too. (teehee) I've got a favor to ask, O Best Friend of My Best Friend. Remember that Art History 101 class I told you about? The one my advisor is making me take? Well, you were right – I love it. (sigh) I hate it when I'm wrong. Anyway, I was wondering if you would look at my midterm paper for me? I'd normally bug Will, but you're the expert in this area. I really want to do well in this class so the professor will give me permission to take her senior level course. I really need to impress her. So, will ya? I have the first draft done, and it's not due for three weeks. So there's lots of time. All you have to do is say the word and I can attach it to an email in no time. (bats eye lashes) Please? Thanks, Tara! Take care. Gotta run. Buffy | ||||||||
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Here's your paper. It's really quite good. Nice work. I've typed in some comments and suggestions for you – I made the font green so you could see it more easily. I also added some sources at the end of the paper. If your library has them, they'll give you a couple of ideas that'll fit in your paper nicely. Don't get me wrong; the paper is really good as it is. Some of the arguments you made are fascinating! I was motivated to look some stuff up in my own texts and to discuss them with my advisor. She agrees with me – she thinks you'd be a great Art Historian. (*wink*) Anyway, let me know if you have any questions or need anything else. I'm always happy to help a friend. And I do consider you a friend, by the way. So, no, you don't need to send me a box of cookies and brownies. Just remember me when you're a famous advertiser and I'm still a lowly starving artist who needs some help getting noticed. We'll call it even. Take care, Buffy. Tara | ||||||||
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So, at the end of this semester, I graduate with my undergraduate degree and in January, I'll be a graduate student. I'll complete the master's degree in one year. By the time of our date, I should be a full-fledged member of the work force. That means…dinner is on me! LOL Okay, I have to go call the folks to let them know. You're the first person I've told – I ran back to my room and sat down to type this as soon as Doc Harry gave me the news. I think Mom and Dad should be next. Then Buffy. Love and miss you, Tare. Say hi to the family for me. Write soon. W | ||||||||
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My "magic" is going FedEx Overnight as I type. Let's hope I can pull the rabbit out of the hat. I love you, Buff. You ROCK! W | ||||||||
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TARA IS COMING TO SEE ME THIS SUMMER! I'm hyperventilating, Buffy. Tara…here…with me…for TWO WEEKS! She used the money from her job at the Tate Gallery. She's flying in when neither of us have classes. Buffy, what am I going to wear?! Help me! I need to go lay down – I'm dizzy. I'll call you soon. Love, W | ||||||||
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Please, Tara – forgive me. Love, Will | ||||||||
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God, I'm sorry, Tare! You must hate me for what I did – you can't possibly hate me more than I hate myself. I was selfish and unfeeling. I know that. Honestly. I shouldn't have said ANYTHING. I should have waited until I calmed down before going off the deep end like that. Please, baby. Please talk to me. With all my heart, Will | ||||||||
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Look, I'm Will's friend, and I know it's none of my business, but you're so important to her. Will didn't ask me to write to you; I decided to do this on my own…because I consider you a friend, too. I hate to see you two hurting like this. I know it may not seem like much, considering I'm on another continent and we never met in person, but if you need anything, all you have to do is let me know. Buffy | ||||||||
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This has really shaken me to the core, Buffy. And I don't really know why. I have to figure this out. Willow said some things I never EVER expected her to say…EVER. The hurt is pretty deep. Again, I don't know why. It shouldn't have been that big of a deal. In the big universal sense, it's a small thing. And that is why I need time to figure stuff out. Thank you, again, Buffy. The only thing I would ask of you is that you keep me up to date on how Willow is doing…and that you take care of her for me. Tara | ||||||||
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I love you, Tare. Yours Always, Willow | ||||||||
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Tara tapped her fingers on the steering wheel impatiently and glanced down at the speedometer. Why does 67 mph seem so much slower here? She'd been driving for about an hour, but it seemed like much longer. The blonde sighed and reached over to change the radio station.
**click**
"Commercial"
**click**
"Commercial"
**click**
"Stupid DJ banter"
**click**
"Neil Diamond? UGH!"
Tara turned off the radio and returned to tapping the steering wheel. Eventually, she gave in to whining.
"M-o-o-o-o-o-m? Are we there yet?!"
Willow sipped on her mocha as she ambled down the streets of Sunnydale. She'd been away from her hometown for much of the previous 4 years, only returning a few times to visit when she had a break from school. The redhead sighed as she looked at the familiar surroundings. I've really missed this place.
The park came into view as she rounded the corner. Willow carefully examined the area and subconsciously gave a satisfied nod. It really does look good…even better than I expected. She caught the sight of a swing hanging from the large oak in the middle of the park. Our swing. Smiling, she made her way to her favorite childhood spot.
She reached the swing and lovingly ran her hands over the metal seat. She lifted the rectangular seat and turned it over, looking for the familiar marker. There she saw the telltale sign that this was, in fact, their swing. Willow dropped the seat to its normal position. Gingerly sitting on the swing, Willow tested the strength of the ropes. Once she was sure the swing wouldn't break, she wrapped her arms around the ropes, linking her hands in front of her, and rested her head on the rope to her right. The momentum of the swing caused her to sway in slow, lazy circles. Wow. That was almost 10 years ago.
"Donnie! Leave Willow alone and get over here and help me!" Donald Maclay, Sr.'s voice boomed across the grass-covered field.Some 30 feet away, Donald Maclay, Jr. stood with his left hand on his hip and his right hand on the forehead of a rather agitated 12-year-old redhead. Donnie kept his arm extended and he bent slightly at the waist, keeping his torso and legs just out of the reach of the flailing girl in front of him.
"But, Dad, she's the one who's trying to whoop on me! I'm just holding her back…out of self defense!"
The redhead paused her attack for a fraction of a second to give the older – and much larger – boy a heated glare. She quickly resumed her passionate, yet futile, efforts to give Donnie a good old-fashioned whoopin'.
"You picked on Tara and chased her and made her fall! AND YOU LAUGHED! No one picks on Tara and gets away with it!" Willow argued vehemently in defense of her best friend and attempted to kick Donnie's kneecaps. Before she knew it, Willow found herself flat on her back.
"Whoa there, Pixie! Y'alright?" Donnie reached down to help Willow back to her feet. "Guess your legs aren't quite long enough, Pixie. It was a good try though."
Willow's eyes became small, angry slits as she stared at her tormentor. "I don't need your help you…you…boy!" Willow spat the rather lackluster insult at Donnie as she swatted his hand away. Standing up quickly, her ego bruised more than her backside, she added, "And don't call me Pixie!"
Donnie raised his hands in mock surrender and took a step back. "Okay, okay, WIL- LOW!"
The fiery redhead was about to launch into another ill-planned attack on her enemy when she heard the faint sound of whistling coming from behind her. She turned to see Tara walking calmly as she returned from the small stream where she had rinsed off her scraped knee. The young blonde had a bunch of flowers in the crook of one arm. Every now and then, the whistling ceased so that Tara could inhale the sweet scent of the bit of nature she held in her hands. Smiling at the sight of her friend coming toward them, Willow headed in Tara's direction. A hand on her arm stopped her and she whipped around quickly, prepared to bite the offending appendage off at the wrist.
"Hey, calm down, Pix-," Donnie stopped short. He could have sworn he saw steam coming from the little redhead's ears. "Willow. Calm down, Willow. Just hear me out for a second, okay?"
"Make it quick, Goof-boy." Willow crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Donnie.
"Listen. I didn't mean for Tara to fall and cut her knee, okay? I…just…" Donnie trailed off, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. Willow cocked her head to one side, a gesture of defiance and challenge. "Yeah, okay, I pick on her! But, I'm her big brother! It's what I'm supposed to do. Honest, I would never really try to hurt her."
Willow's demeanor softened – just a bit – as she peered at the boy before her. "Do you really mean that, Donnie? Or are you just trying to get me to not be mad at you anymore? Cuz if you don't mean it, I'll be really mad!"
"I really mean it. I don't want to hurt her." Donnie squirmed under Willow's glare; he was not oblivious to the fact that the girl before him was his sister's biggest defender, despite her small stature. "Look, don't ever tell Tara I said this, because I'll say you're lying if you do, but, well, I kinda love her." He looked over to where Tara was still winding her way across the field. "As little sisters go, she's pretty okay." His gaze returned to Willow. "Okay?"
Willow dropped her arms to her side and relinquished her defensive stance. After a few moments of staring intently into Donnie's eyes, she relented. "Okay, Donnie. I believe you. But if you ever even think of hurting Tara, I will tear your eyeballs out and use them for marbles. Got it?" Not waiting for an answer – because, after all, she knew what his answer had to be – Willow turned and ran to Tara's side.
"Tara!" Willow yelled out to get the blonde's attention. She reached her friend and gave her a crushing hug. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you? Should we go to the hospital?"
"Willow! I'm fine…except…I can't breathe."
Willow pulled away from Tara, loosening her grip on her startled friend. "Oh my God! You do need a hospital! I'll get your dad!"
For the second time that afternoon, Willow felt a hand stopping her movements. This time, however, the action was accompanied by laughter.
"I don't need a hospital, Will. You were hugging me so tight I couldn't breathe." Tara gave her friend a lop-sided smile.
"Oh…um…sorry." Willow looked sheepishly at Tara and gave an embarrassed chuckle. "I was just worried. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, Will. It's just a scratch. That's what I get for being so clumsy, I guess."
"No, Tara, it wasn't your fault!" Willow's green eyes flared with protectiveness. "Stupid dumb Donnie made you fall. It's his fault, not yours. I beat him up for you." Willow stuck out her 12-year-old chest – or what little was there – in pride.
Blue eyes widened and stared at the tiny figure before her. "You did what?" Tara's gaze sought out Donnie, who was deftly climbing across the branch of the oak tree to tie off the ropes. "He, um, he doesn't look very beat up, Will." She gave Willow a teasing smirk.
Willow's pride-filled chest deflated, though the only true difference in her appearance was the embarrassed expression on her face. "Well…okay…yeah…so maybe I didn't beat him up. But I sure made him think twice about hurting you again! He won't be picking on you again any time soon, that's for sure."
Tara laughed again, tickled at the adorable actions of her best friend. "Yes he will. It's what he does, Will. I'd be worried if he didn't pick on me."
"What?! You like it when he picks on you and chases you around?"
"I never said I like it. I just expect it. If he weren't picking on me, I might think he was ignoring me. At least this way, I know I exist…he notices me. And he never really hurts me. I know he's playing. I'd rather be teased than ignored." Tara's smile lasted throughout her speech, her eyes showing a joyful wisdom beyond her years.
Willow, on the other hand, stood dumbstruck, thoughts whizzing through her head. "But, Tara…wouldn't you like it better if you weren't teased or ignored? I mean, wouldn't it be better if he treated you nice, like he should?"
"Geez, Will, what color is the sky in your world?" Tara nudged the redhead and gave her a teasing grin. "That would be too perfect, Will. There's no such thing as perfect. My family is real, not some family on a stupid TV show."
Willow noticed that Tara's expression had turned serious as the blonde idly played with the flowers in her hands, her eyes glossed over as if lost in thought. "Tara? What is it?"
The blonde looked into the green eyes of her friend, her own eyes carrying a sadness that made a shiver run up Willow's spine. "We're lucky, Willow. You know that, right?"
"Well, yeah, Tare. I know we're lucky. We each get to live in a nice house and we have lots of stuff." The wondering expression never left Willow's face; her brow furrowed even more as she realized Tara looked even sadder. "Tara, c'mon, what is it?"
Tara sighed and looked at her friend. "It's not just that, Will. Yeah, we're lucky to live in nice houses and have nice things. But…think about it, Will…Kim Nelson lives in an even nicer house than either of us. She's not very lucky though, is she?"
As she thought about their classmate, Willow began to understand what Tara meant. Kim's parents and younger sister had been in a horrible drunk driving accident. Both of her parents had been killed and Marci, her 9-year-old sister, would be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. Their grandparents took the siblings in, but made it clear they were not happy about it. After the funeral, Kim's grandparents hired a live-in nurse and a nanny, and then went on a trip to Europe. Kim and her sister wanted for nothing – except love.
Willow's eye shimmered, tears threatening to spill, as her gaze shifted from the grass at her feet to Tara and then to Donnie, who was currently hanging from the branch of the tree by his knees, playfully swiping his father's hat as Mr. Maclay passed by.
"I get it, Tare," Willow whispered and turned back to her friend. Looking into Tara's eyes, Willow understood for the first time how lucky she truly was. Grasping Tara's hand in her own, Willow took a deep breath to steady herself. "I get it. We are pretty darned lucky."
Tara gave the redhead's hand a gentle squeeze and smiled. "Very lucky. C'mon. Let's go over and make sure Donnie isn't rigging the swing to be a slingshot."
Both girls giggled and walked toward the large oak tree. "Hey, Tara! Let's invite Kim and her sister on a picnic!" The redhead turned excited eyes toward Tara. "What do you think?"
"That's a great idea, Will. I'll ask Daddy to talk to the nurse and make sure it's okay."
"Cool! I know it won't fix everything, but maybe we can help Kim and Marci have some fun now and then. We can share some of our luck." Willow's enthusiasm to bring a little joy into the lives of others made her skip rather than walk.
"You're a goof, Will," Tara said through her laughter. "I'm glad you're my friend."
"Me too, Tare. I'm glad too."
Don Maclay looked up to see the girls approaching the tree. "There you two are! Tara, how's your knee?"
"Oh, it's fine, Daddy. It's just a scratch. But look at the flowers I found for Mom! I think she'll like the colors. She doesn't have any like this in the garden." The blonde smiled at her father and held up the bouquet for him to sniff.
"Those are nice, sweetheart. Your mom will love them." He gave Tara a kiss on the forehead and then, clapping his hands once and rubbing them together, turned to both girls. "So, who wants to be the first to try it out?"
Willow's eyes widened in excitement and she did a happy dance around Tara. "Yay! It's ready!" Willow stopped and regarded Tara's father with grateful eyes. "Thank you, Mr. Maclay."
"Let me show you something, girls." The older man placed a gentle hand on the girls' backs and guided them both to the tree. "If anyone ever wonders who first called dibs on this tree, all they have to do is look." As he finished speaking, Mr. Maclay lifted the seat of the swing, flipped it over, and showed it to the girls.
"Wow."
"Yeah…wow."
On the bottom of the swing, hand etched into the metal, were the words "This space claimed by T.M. & W.R." Willow and Tara looked at each other with grins that could light up a moonless night.
"Now this place really is ours, Tara."
"Yeah. Our very own special place." Tara threw her arms around her father and hugged him tightly. "Thanks, Daddy."
"You're welcome, sweetheart." Mr. Maclay stepped back from his daughter and addressed the two happy girls. "Now, you two have a good time testing out that swing. Be home in time for dinner, okay?"
"Okay, Daddy."
"Donnie, let's leave these two to their girl-talk and we'll go work on that bike of yours." Mr. Maclay gathered up his tools and began walking across the field.
"Coming, Dad!" Donnie hopped down from the branch, landing right next to Tara. He quickly, but carefully, wrapped his arm around Tara's neck, effectively trapping her in a loose headlock. With the knuckles of his other hand, he rubbed the top of her head. "Watch what you're doing there, Kid. Don't want to scrape up that other knee."
"Donnie! No noogies!" Tara yelled through her giggles, trying her best to push her brother away from her.
Willow looked on as Tara and Donnie playfully wrestled, a small smile tugging at her lips. She thought about what Tara had said – she'd rather be teased than ignored. She thought about what Donnie had said – he'd never really try to hurt her. She got it; she understood. Donnie was apologizing.
Suddenly feeling left out of the fun, Willow decided it was time to jump in and save the day.
"Donnie Maclay, leave Tara alone this instant!" The little redhead stomped her foot and balled her hands into fists, planting them firmly on her hips.
Donnie looked up to see Willow glaring at him – SuperWillow, protector of little sisters everywhere. He let go of Tara and gave her a gentle pat on the top of her head. "No harm done. See? She's okay."
Willow remained still and continued to glare at the older boy.
"Hey, Dad! Wait up!" Donnie turned and began to jog after his father.
"Oh no you don't, Mister! Tara, stay here. I'll be right back." Willow ran after Donnie, closing in on him as she sprinted across the field. "Donnie, stop!"
Donnie looked over his shoulder to see Willow running after him, the look on her face was pleading, rather than demanding. He slowed down and came to a stop, turning to face the redhead.
Willow stopped a foot away from Donnie, her back facing Tara. With a nearly imperceptible nod over her shoulder toward the blonde, Willow whispered, "Make it look good, okay?" She winked and then raised her voice so that Tara could hear her, "Donnie, I told you to leave Tara alone! You'd better make sure you do!" And then she punched Donnie in the stomach, pulling her fist back just before making contact.
Understanding what the redhead was up to, Donnie doubled over a bit as if the punch had really affected him and wrapped his arms around his midsection. "Geez! Ya didn't have to hit me, ya dork! You'd better watch your back, shorty."
Willow smirked and again spoke quietly so Tara couldn't hear her. "You're okay, Donnie."
"You too, Pixie."
Knowing they finally understood each other, Donnie and Willow smiled and turned away from each other – Donnie jogging to catch up with his father and Willow trotting back to push Tara on the swing.
Willow sighed as she came back from her memories and gently grasped the ropes. Pushing off the ground, she set the swing in motion. She leaned back as far as possible once she'd gained some momentum, her hold on the ropes the only thing keeping her from falling backwards off the swing. Viewing the world while moving and being upside-down gave Willow a heady rush. It's like floating. After a few minutes, she hopped off the swing and moved to sit against the tree. Glancing at her watch and realizing she was about 30 minutes early, she smiled as she let the feelings of that afternoon so many years ago wash over her.
She chuckled lightly as she thought of Donnie and the hell he put her and Tara through back then. He certainly held up the standards of big brothers everywhere, picking on Tara every chance he got. But, after that day, Willow noticed the twinkle in his eye as he teased his sister. He'd never really hurt her.
And Tara…Tara dutifully fulfilled her role as the tortured little sister, chastising Donnie for his behavior toward her and calling him a dork whenever possible. Willow heard Tara's voice echo in her head: "I'd rather be teased than ignored." The redhead's smile faded from her lips and was replaced with a pained grimace.
That's just what I did, isn't it? I ignored her, ignored her feelings. I didn't stop to think, I just went on a self-pity spree. It was all about me. I didn't even consider how Tara felt. I don't blame her for not talking to me anymore. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't show up today. Hell, I wouldn't blame her if she hated me.
Willow's body tensed as she felt the sting of tears at the backs of her eyes. She quickly shook her head, as if clearing unpleasant cobwebs from her brain. No. I'm not going to think that way. She sent the postcard. She said she remembered. She promised. Besides, Buffy said she'd love me. Buffy wouldn't lie to me.
Her thoughts turned toward her friend. If it hadn't been for Buffy, she would have spent all of her time in high school either in the library or her room. Willow felt a grin sneak up on her as she thought of Buffy. She was different from the rest of the kids at Sunnydale High. Buffy didn't give up on her like the rest of them did. Buffy liked Willow for Willow…not for Willow's grade point average. Buffy understood that she could never replace Tara in Willow's life…and she didn't try. Buffy carved her own little niche in Willow's life…and her heart. No, Buffy was definitely not like the other kids, Willow chuckled to herself. She's my rock.
It was Buffy who kept Willow on track for the last year. She kept her promise to Tara, writing to her every now and then to let her know how Willow was doing. In turn, she made sure Willow knew that Tara was doing well. Buffy and Tara had formed a unique friendship during their correspondence with each other. Willow was their connection to each other. But apart from discussing Tara's well being with Willow, Buffy maintained Tara's confidence in all other respects. She did not serve as a messenger for Willow and Tara; she did not try to mend what was damaged. Buffy knew that was something only Willow and Tara could do together. The redhead's respect for Buffy grew exponentially. I wouldn't have made it through the last year without Buffy.
Willow sighed as thoughts and memories washed over her. Drawing her knees to her chest, Willow wrapped her arms around her legs and watched as the children ran through the playground on the other side of the park.
Tara arrived in Sunnydale without having to consult her map. Somehow she just knew where to go, even after all her years away. Noticing that she was a few minutes early, Tara decided to park a block away from their meeting place and walk the rest of the way. After sitting on a plane for hours and then driving from LA, she figured she'd give her limbs a chance to stretch.
Face it, Maclay. You're stalling. You don't know if she's gonna even be there and you're scared to death that she won't be.
Despite the warm summer weather, Tara shivered and crossed her arms tightly over her chest. She walked with her shoulders hunched and her head down, blonde tresses falling to cover her face. Suddenly she jerked her arms away from her body, straightened her posture and began walking with determination. Tara hardened herself to the task ahead.
Damn! Why do I do this to myself?! If she isn't there, then she isn't there. I'll just have to live with that. After all, I brought it on myself. If she is there, she may decide she doesn't want to be in my life anymore, and I'll have to live with that too. At least I'll have the chance to apologize before heading back to L.A.
Almost as suddenly, Tara's gait slowed. The tension she was unconsciously holding in released slightly as she reconsidered her thoughts.
But, this is Willow. She wouldn't do that, would she? Just shut me out like that? I did it to her, though. She would have reason to shun me. I hurt her so badly by breaking off contact. I took my friendship away from her without giving her the chance to make amends.
Tara came to a halt and sat on a bench at a nearby bus stop.
But, why should she have to make amends? Why should she have to do all the work? We both said things we didn't mean. I was as much to blame. But I turned my back on her. She tried to apologize. She tried to bridge the gap and make things right. But I ignored her. I just ignored her. And when I realized what I had done, that I was just as much to blame, what did I do? Did I write to her? Did I call her? Did I apologize? No. I kept my silence. I hurt her more than she could ever hurt me.
Tara stood and resumed her walk. Her determination, while not as fierce, had returned. She had somewhere to be.
I will not screw this up.
As she approached the area she remembered from her childhood, her heart sank. Their special place had been turned into a modern public park. Tara looked around trying to reorient herself with her surroundings. Everything was different. The area that was once covered with trees and wild flowers – where she and Willow could hide away from the rest of the world – was now jam-packed with people. There were families enjoying the warm summer weather at the picnic grounds. Children climbed through the jungle gym in the playground. Lovers sat arm-in-arm on the benches – many surrounding the fountain that was prominently displayed at the center of the park. Tara walked closer to the fountain to have a better look. The large sculpture in the middle of the fountain brought a wistful smile to her lips. It showed two young girls playing under the shade of a large tree – one pushing the other on a makeshift swing hanging from the tree's largest branch.
Out of the corner of her eye, Tara caught a glimpse of red as a group of teenagers left the area and headed toward the hotdog stand. She would have known that color anywhere. She'd spent years painstakingly mixing paints until she achieved just the right hue. It was etched in her memory.
She's here. Tara took a moment to catch her breath and then began to walk toward the friend she'd only seen in her dreams for the past 8 years. Willow was sitting at the foot of the large oak tree they had played under as children. Our tree. As Tara slowly approached the tree, she took in Willow's profile. Willow sat against the tree, her knees drawn up to her chest, her chin resting on her arms, which were crossed over her knees, her eyes closed. Tara could tell that Willow was lost in thought, a myriad emotions playing across her face. She stopped before reaching her destination to watch Willow and marveled at her friend's beauty. Willow's hair was waving slightly in the late afternoon breeze. Soft…I'll bet it's soft. Tara's gaze moved downward to take in Willow's face and she noticed the small smile on her lips. Soft…I'll bet they're soft. After spending a few more moments taking in all that was Willow, Tara brought herself out of her daydream and again began moving toward the tree.
As she walked, the tension and anxiety melted away. All that existed in that moment was Willow.
My Willow.
Willow had lost track of time as she sat wrapped in her memories. She made herself focus on the good memories – of her and Tara under the same tree, of Buffy goofily drawing little stick figures on her letters to Tara, of having a letter or email from Tara brighten her day. At the same time, she was trying to calm the pterodactyls that had been flapping around in her stomach. She'd thought about this day nearly every day for the past 8 years. She'd agonized over it every day for the past 2 months – What if Tara didn't come? What if she changed her mind after she sent the postcard? What would she do? No…no…she'll be here. She has to be here. I need her to be here. Willow soothed herself by closing her eyes and easily pulling up the image of Tara's prom picture in her mind. She could never forget that image – the half grin that made her heart skip a beat, the wheat colored hair flowing over her shoulders, the piercing blue eyes that seemed to dance. Willow was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of a melodic voice to her left. Though she hadn't heard the owner of the voice speak in 8 years, she knew without a doubt that it was Tara. She's here. She came.
"Give me your hand
Make room for me
to lead and follow
you
beyond this rage of poetry."
Willow smiled as she listened to the voice, which seemed to move closer with each word. Hearing a brief pause, she decided to pick up where the voice left off.
"Let others have
the privacy of
touching words
and love of loss
of love
For me
Give me your hand"
Her eyes were still closed as she finished the final lines of the poem. Willow took a brief moment to simply be. Without looking toward her friend, Willow broke the short silence.
"Maya Angelou, 'A Conceit.' It's my favorite."
"I remember. 'Women Poets of the 20th Century.' Your fall 2002 'just because' class."
Willow's smile widened. She remembered. She remembered and memorized my favorite poem. Her eyes still closed, Willow basked in the feeling of Tara being near. After a few moments, she spoke again.
"I was hoping you'd really be here." Willow spoke just above a whisper.
"Of course I'm here. We have a date."
"Yes…we do."
Willow finally turned her head toward Tara and opened her eyes-instantly making contact with the blue eyes she missed so much. The smile never left her face as she took in the sight of Tara casually leaning against the tree, her arms lightly wrapped around her waist. She felt a surge of warmth run through her body as Tara's lips curled into the half smile Willow adored. Willow's eyes followed Tara as she moved away from the tree and knelt in front of her – the two women gazed at each other, finally, eye to eye.
"Hi."
"Hi."
Buffy was still at her desk a couple of hours after she and Xander had returned from lunch. She was going over the same mock-ups for her latest project. Her heart wasn't into her work, though. Having Willow at her house and telling Xander about Willow and Tara had stirred memories from the past 7 years. It didn't help matters that the mock-ups in front of her were for the Espresso Pump campaign. She and Willow spent more time at the Espresso Pump while they were in high school than they did at home sometimes. Looking over the graphics for the campaign reminded Buffy of the good times she and her best friend had at the local café.
Buffy looked at the clock on the far wall. Well, they should be together now. Assuming Tara showed up. Oh, she'd better be there. Willow will be devastated if she didn't show. And I'll be forced to hunt Tara down and introduce her to pain for hurting my friend! Buffy shook these thoughts out of her head and chuckled at herself. Oh, yeah…little me is gonna get all big, bad and butch. Besides, Tara is my friend too. She's been hurting just as much as Willow. What happens if she doesn't show? Where does that put me? In the middle? Oh hell, if what I know about Tara is true – and I have no doubt that it is – she showed up. She and Willow are probably kissing and making up as I speak…um…think. Buffy gave an affirming nod and went back to the mock-ups. The ringing of her telephone broke the blonde's concentration.
"Buffy Summers…Hi, Mr. Gomboni…Of course, I'm on my way."
Buffy quickly grabbed a pen and notepad and made her way down the hall to her boss's office. Why do I feel like I'm being called to Snyder's office expecting him to suspend me? As she walked, Buffy went over in her head all of the things she could have possibly done to warrant being called to the VP's office. Try as she might, she couldn't think of anything…but that didn't stop her from worrying. Trouble seems to be my middle name. She rounded the corner and came to a stop at the secretary's desk.
"Hey, Kristine, how's it going?" Buffy met Kristine on her first day at work for the company and immediately took a liking to the older woman. There was something motherly about the woman that Buffy latched onto.
"Well, hello, Buffy! I'm doing well, thanks. How are you, cutie?"
"I'm fine," Buffy internally chuckled at Kristine's term of endearment. "Um, Mr. Gomboni asked to see me."
"Oh! Well let me announce you." Kristine picked up her phone and dialed a couple of numbers. "Buffy Summers is here…okie dokie…Go on in, Buffy."
"Thanks." Buffy took a deep breath and walked to the door; she knocked a couple of times and then entered the office. "Mr. Gomboni? You wanted to see me, sir?"
"Buffy! Yes, come in. Have a seat. And, if I remember correctly, I told you to please call me Tony…Mr. Gomboni was my father."
"Of course…Tony…I'm sorry."
"Good. Now that we have that settled, there are a couple of things I'd like to discuss with you." Tony leaned forward in his chair and opened a folder sitting on his desk. "First of all, how are things going on the Espresso Pump campaign?"
"Oh, um, really well, I think. I was just looking over the mock-ups when you called. They need to be taken over to Dave for final approval. I was going to do that today before I left."
"Today? Four days ahead of deadline?" Tony raised an eyebrow…whether in surprise or disbelief, Buffy wasn't sure.
"Um, well, you see, Mr. Gom-…Tony, the Espresso Pump has been a big part of my life ever since I was in high school. I can count on my left hand the number of days when I didn't stop by there for a mocha. So that project is really a labor of love as well as…um…labor." Buffy fidgeted a bit in her chair. God, Willow's been in town for one day and you've picked up her babbling. You couldn't just say "yes, sir"?
"Impressive, Buffy…very impressive. I'll look forward to seeing the mock-ups once Dave has approved them. Speaking of Dave, he was just in here a little while ago. We had a fairly lengthy conversation about you."
Buffy gulped. Here it comes. I wonder if Doublemeat is hiring. "About me?"
"Yes, about you. It seems as though Dave is highly impressed with the work you've been doing since coming on board with the company. He said your work on the campaign for The Bronze was some of the best he's ever seen."
"Really?" Buffy squeaked. She cleared her throat and focused on bringing her voice back to its normal register. "I mean, wow, thank you!"
"Thank you, Buffy. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see such dedication from someone so young. I've, um, also heard that you've been seen around the office well after closing time. Is this true?"
"Well, yes, sir, I do stay late on some days."
"Some?" Tony looked at the blonde skeptically.
"Okay, yeah, most days. But, honest, it's just because I want to make sure that I'm doing a good job. I mean, I'm not one of those people who stick around after everyone leaves just to raid the office supply closet. Really. I just sit at my desk and work…and then…when I'm done…I leave…and I'm just going to be quiet and let you talk now." Damn you, Willow!
Tony laughed heartily at Buffy's outburst. After a few moments, he calmed down enough to continue speaking. "I'm well aware that you work when you're here late, Buffy. Again, I'm impressed with your dedication and work ethic."
"Thank you, sir." Buffy let out a sigh of relief. I'm not in trouble.
"Why don't you take the rest of the afternoon off, Buffy? As a reward for the great work you've been doing. If you keep this up, you'll be running your own campaigns in no time."
Buffy looked at her boss with a shocked expression. His words soon registered in her brain and she broke out into a large grin. Definitely not in trouble. "Thank you, sir!"
"Tony."
"Thank you, Tony! Um, I'll just get those mock-ups over to Dave before I go and- "
"The morning will be fine, Buffy. Go grab your things and enjoy the day."
"Okay." Buffy's smile was permanently affixed to her face as she turned and left the office. She hurried to her desk, turned off her computer, picked up her purse and headed out of the building.
I've gotta find Willow!
"I'm so glad you're here, Tare." Willow finally broke the comfortable silence as she and Tara smiled at each other under their tree. She was lost in the deep blue of Tara's eyes. God, she's so beautiful.
"Well, if I remember correctly, a certain green-eyed redhead made me promise to be here. And I don't break promises." Tara looked pointedly at the woman in front of her. Definitely a woman…but still the girl I knew. "I'm glad I'm here, too, Will. I wouldn't be anywhere else."
The two spent a few more minutes just looking at each other, taking in each other's presence. Tara moved from her spot kneeling in front of Willow to sit against the tree. Once she was comfortable, she looked at her friend and smiled. She patted her lap and raised an eyebrow, then waited for her unspoken question to be answered.
While seemingly impossible, Willow's smile grew even larger as she recognized the familiar gesture. Without hesitation, the redhead moved to put her head on Tara's lap and looked up at the blonde. I could stay here forever.
"I've missed this." Willow couldn't look away from Tara's eyes. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you, too, Will. So much." Tara reached forward to touch the red locks splayed on her lap. I was right…so soft. As she ran her fingers through Willow's hair, she continued. "You know, on really bad days, when nothing seemed to go right, I would find a quiet place, close my eyes and picture us…here…just like this. The memories of being with you in this place always made me feel better."
"Me too. It's like…nothing could touch us here, you know? Like this was our own world and nothing or no one could intrude."
"Yeah. I know what you mean." Tara looked around at all of the people who now roamed around their "world". "Things have changed though. It's not just our place anymore."
"No, it's not just our place anymore." Willow's smile faded a bit. "Tara? Um, you don't like the park?" Please like it. You just have to like it.
Tara looked back down at the green eyes she adored and wondered at the hurt look she saw coming from them.
"Oh, no! I mean…yes! I do like it. Very much. It's really pretty. There's so much to do and see. And it seems very popular. After all, it's a weekday and look at how many people are here." Tara's eye caught sight of the fountain as she looked around. "And that fountain is beautiful. It reminds me of us when we used to play here. I'd like to come back and draw it someday."
"Thanks, Tare. I'm glad you like it." Willow's smile returned and she continued to gaze at Tara.
"I do." Tara looked back down at her friend and saw the sparkle return to Willow's eyes. There's something else. What's going on in that head of hers? "Willow, why are you thanking me for liking the park?"
"Well, because, um, I did it."
"You did what?" Tara wasn't quite sure where Willow was going with this.
"The park…I did it…I mean, I made it."
She made it? She dug it up and put up the swings and fountain and everything herself? With her own hands?
Willow tried to clarify her disjointed explanation, but the look on Tara's face told her she wasn't doing a very good job.
"Tara, I designed the park."
The blonde was finally beginning to understand what Willow was saying. Well, that makes sense. "So, you came up with the design to turn our special place into a public park." Tara spoke slowly, associating her surroundings with the conversation, piecing together the bits of information.
Willow misread Tara's reaction and, thinking Tara was angry, became anxious to explain. She sat up suddenly and faced Tara; Willow held the blonde's hands tightly in her own and looked directly into Tara's eyes.
"Oh, Tara, please don't be angry with me. Please! I…I had to do it, to save our tree…honest! They were going to level the whole thing…clear out all the wildflowers and tear down our tree. I couldn't let that happen, Tara…I just couldn't!" Willow was nearly panicked. "Buffy helped! Cuz, ya know, she was here and I wasn't…hard to make lots of trips from Boston…cuz…expensive, ya know? Plus, couldn't get away from classes and all of-"
Willow was cut off by the sound of Tara's laughter. She looked at the blonde and, while confused at the outburst, found joy in the sound. She gave Tar a mock pout. "You're laughing at me."
"Oh no! No!" Tara spoke through tears of happiness. She took a few moments to catch her breath and smiled at Willow.
"Will, sweetie, I'd never laugh at you." Tara reached up to move a few wayward strands of red hair behind Willow's ear. "No…I'm laughing because I'm so happy. You don't know how much I've missed Willow-babble. I'm just glad you still do that."
Willow smiled and blushed profusely, but she didn't know whether it was from embarrassment or from Tara's gentle touch. "Yeah, well, I've got the registered trademark on it," she quipped.
"So, tell me more about the park, Will. You say Buffy helped?"
"Oh! Yeah!" Willow was off and running again. "So, I couldn't do anything from Boston to stop them from tearing the tree down. So Buffy put together a petition to stop the city from leveling everything. She got a bunch of the kids on campus behind the idea and they went all over – on campus and in town – to get people to sign it. She put together a whole "Save our Natural Parks" campaign to go with it…that's what she does…advertising…but you knew that already. She's really good. So anyway, the city agreed to not blindly level everything, but they still needed a new park. So they started taking bids – the lowest bidder got to design the park. And, well, I made sure I was the lowest bidder."
"You made sure you were the lowest bidder? How did you do that?"
"Oh, that was the easy part!" Willow giggled and moved to sit next to Tara, holding one of the blonde's hands in her lap. Still a perfect fit.
Tara joined in on the giggling; she was enthralled by Willow's childlike enthusiasm. She's still a cuddler. She leaned into Willow's shoulder, urging her to continue.
"So…yeah…it's pretty common knowledge that the city would have a certain budget, right? And most design firms would try to make sure most of that budget went into the bank rather than the park…which makes sense…cuz that's how companies make their money…and, hey, capitalist society and everything-"
Tara couldn't hold in the snicker of amusement any longer. God, she just keeps getting more adorable by the minute.
Willow lowered her head slightly and looked up at Tara. She batted her eyes and smirked at the blonde beside her. "Well, you said you liked my babbling." Am I flirting? Whoo hoo! I'm flirting!
"Oh, I do! Please continue." She's flirting with me! Yay!
"Anyway, low bid…I did some research…cuz…hello…research girl here…and I was able to give the city a pretty detailed cost analysis of the materials that I'd need for my design…and I made sure my fee would be the lowest of all the bids. And mine got picked!"
"Will, how much was your fee?" Tara was beginning to get suspicious-Willow was being avoidy.
"Oh, it was enough." Willow looked down and found something fascinating on the back of Tara's hand.
Tara could see right through the redhead. I know how to get her to answer. Tara removed her hand from Willow's grasp, crossed her arms over her chest, and smirked at the redhead. "Well?"
Willow pouted in earnest, sticking out her lower lip as far as it would go. "No fair!"
Tara nearly gave in-the sight before her made her dizzy. Can I just nibble on that lip? Just for a minute? Whoa! Rein it in, Maclay! Tara snapped herself back to reality and raised one eyebrow at Willow. "Never said I'd play fair." And, God, neither are you! That lip…
"Piffle!" Pouty face didn't work. Huh! I thought it would for a few seconds though. Wonder what she was thinking about. Willow pulled her knees to her chest and sat playing with her skirt-constantly readjusting it over her legs. She looked at Tara from the corner of her eye. "Will you give me your hand back if I tell you?"
Tara wanted nothing more than to be touching the green-eyed beauty next to her- she'd felt too far away from Willow since reclaiming her hand. But, oh, that pout was worth it. Tara looked at Willow as if carefully considering the redhead's request. Let's see who can hold out longest.
"C'mon, Tare. Please?" Willow needed to be holding Tara's hand-not having the blonde's hand in hers had become almost painful. What I wouldn't give to have her arms around me. But for now, I have to be holding her hand-that wonderfully soft hand.
"Okay, Will…tell me and you can have my hand back." Oh don't give in now, but…it's so hard.
"Yay!" Willow stuck out her hand toward Tara, expecting the woman to return her hand to its rightful place.
"Uh uh, Missy, tell me and then you get my hand." Tara chuckled to herself. Yep, still the girl I've missed so much. So cute.
"Oh…well…okay." Willow looked down at her skirt. "Um…my…uh…fee…yeah…it was…nun holler." Willow purposefully mumbled the final words, hoping Tara could somehow translate.
"What was that, Will?"
Willow heaved a dramatic sigh and repeated her answer.
"One dollar." Willow glanced at Tara out of the corner of her eye.
Tara was shocked. She stared at Willow for a few moments-her eyes wide in amazement.
"Did you just say 'one dollar'?" The redhead nodded and Tara looked at the park around her. It's so beautiful…one dollar? Her gaze returned to Willow. Suddenly, Tara burst into laughter. Again, tears poured from her eyes as she marveled at Willow's ingenuity, creativity and all round adorability; she took joy in simply being in Willow's presence. When she saw the return of "Willow pout," Tara laughed even more.
"Oh, Will!" Tara tried to catch her breath as she spoke. "You're just too precious, sweetie. All of those adorable dramatics to reveal a one dollar fee."
Willow held in her own laughter, maintaining an air of feigned indignation. "Yes, well I believe someone owes me an even more exorbitant fee for divulging that information." The redhead smugly held out her hand, awaiting prompt payment.
Tara had calmed down enough so that she was smiling radiantly at Willow.
"I will gladly pay your fee, Will." She ceremoniously placed her own hand in Willow's, loving the warm feeling of entwined fingers again, and then continued. "But, I think you're being severely underpaid. If I may, I'd like to increase your fee."
Tara waited for Willow's reply. Please.
"Oh, definitely! I'd never turn down additional payment."
Without hesitation, Tara leaned over and placed a kiss on Willow's cheek. As she pulled away, she caught the redhead's eyes with her own, hoping she'd see the response she wished for in those emerald orbs. Please.
Willow was stunned. She stared at Tara with wide eyes-she tried her best to make her brain start working again. GAH! She kissed me! Ohmygod! SHE KISSED ME!! Okay, Rosenberg, get a grip. She's gonna think you're a freak if you just sit here with your mouth hanging open.
While Tara didn't think Willow was a freak, she was becoming concerned at the redhead's non-response. Oh God. "Um, Will?" Tara's nervousness was multiplying. "Willow? I'm…um…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"
"Wow." Willow cut off what Tara was about to say.
"Huh?"
"Wow." Willow repeated, her vocal abilities returned to a semi-functional state. "I mean…wow…I wish I always got paid like that." Willow's motor functions caught up with her brain and she gave Tara a smile so bright, it lit up the very air around them. The tip of her tongue jutted playfully between sparkling teeth. She kissed me.
It was Tara's turn to be at a loss for words. She began to feel warm from the blush that was obviously-and rapidly-moving up her body. Soon, the tips of her ears were a bright crimson. Embarrassed by her decidedly smitten reaction to Willow's words, Tara bowed her head and allowed her hair to fall forward, effectively covering her face.
Willow recognized Tara's attempt to hide and decided she simply would not permit it.
"Hey." Willow spoke softly as she reached over to place a finger under Tara's chin and raise the blonde's head. "None of that, Ms. Maclay." She gently pushed Tara's hair behind her ears. "I won't have you hiding those beautiful blues from me."
Tara blushed even more-she wondered if that was even possible-but did not look away from Willow. She lost herself in Willow's gaze. "Okay." Wow.
Willow gave the hand still clasped in her own a slight squeeze and smiled. "Okay." Then she lifted the hand to her lips. Never breaking eye contact with the blonde, she placed a gentle kiss just above Tara's wrist.
Tara glanced down at Willow's lips on her skin. So soft. She lifted her gaze and got caught up in Willow's green eyes as the redhead allowed her lips to linger. Oh God. "Okay." God, Maclay! Can't you say anything else?
"How about we go get something to eat? You must be starving," Willow said into Tara's wrist before pushing herself up to a standing position and taking Tara with her.
"Okay," Tara managed to squeak out as she followed in a daze. Apparently I can't.
Willow had not relinquished her grip on Tara's hand as they made their way through the park toward downtown Sunnydale. Tara offered to drive, but Willow preferred walking. I can't hold her hand if she's driving…but more importantly, I can't see her eyes if she's watching the road. She felt as if not touching Tara would result in her waking from a dream. A beautiful dream. Willow focused on their clasped hands and once again smiled at how perfectly their fingers intertwined.
Tara turned her head slightly to look at Willow and smiled. She was also enjoying the feel of Willow's hand in hers. She marveled at how easy it was to find contentment in Willow's nearness. The sight, the feel of her is so natural, like she's always been near me.
"What?" Willow caught Tara gazing at her, the blonde seemingly caught up in her own thoughts.
"I know you," Tara stated simply.
"Of course you do." Willow returned Tara's smile, her eyes sparkling. "You've known me since 4th grade, silly."
Tara's smile grew wider and she gently squeezed Willow's hand. So cute. "No, Will. I mean…I know you. I feel like I know everything there is to know about you. It's like we haven't been apart for 8 years, like I've been with you every one of those days. Do you know what I mean?" Oh, please get it. Please feel the same thing.
Willow looked away from Tara for just the briefest of moments before answering. "Yeah, I do." Willow spoke slowly in deference to the battle currently being waged in her mind. Language skills are needed here, Willow. Don't waste the IQ points now…But…eyes…smile…pretty. GAH! No cave Willow! "I do know what you mean, Tare. It's like someone implanted these false memories of the past 8 years in our brains…like that Total Recall movie. But in reality, we've never been apart. We've experienced everything together and those false memories are starting to crumble."
Willow's eyes went wide as a new and infinitely more exciting thought entered her mind. After taking a deep breath, she continued, all the while guiding Tara through the park. Willow was practically skipping.
"Oh! Or that Xena episode where Caesar got the Fates to mess with the Loom of Life and alter their realities so Xena and Gabrielle didn't know each other. But when they did meet, there was this attraction that they couldn't explain or deny. And then Gabby burned the altered tapestry at the risk of destroying the world so she and Xena could be together. Yeah…it's like that."
Willow turned to look at Tara, a proud grin gracing her features. She was met with an expression of amazement and wonder.
"Tara? Didn't they have Xena in Germany?" Way to go, Spaz. She has no idea what you're talking about. Way to completely disprove the 'like we've never been apart' theory.
Tara stared at Willow in absolute awe. How does she do that? She doesn't turn blue from lack of oxygen or anything. Amazing.
"Um, Tare? Are you okay?" Willow grew concerned over Tara's dazed expression. I think I broke her.
"Huh? OH! Yes, I'm fine. I was just thinking about what you said." Tara gave Willow's hand a reassuring squeeze.
"Oh, yeah. I guess I wasn't making much sense. You really should stop me when I go on like that," Willow said as she blushed in embarrassment.
"Will, I'm not going to stop you," Tara laughed and leaned into Willow's shoulder as they walked. "Don't forget, I like your babble. And you made perfect sense. I know exactly what you mean."
Willow grinned, her tongue slightly peeking through her teeth. A giddy feeling washed over her as she felt Tara's shoulder touch her own. "I'm glad."
They continued to make their way downtown, their clasped hands gently swinging between them. Tara was taking in her surroundings, reacquainting herself with Sunnydale, appreciating the warmth of the afternoon. Willow was reveling in Tara's presence, amazed that she could see and touch Tara. She thought over all they had said to each other that afternoon, as if to lock the words into her memory. Of course, being Willow, she quickly shifted into an analytical mode.
What am I glad about? That she understands what I was saying? That she likes my babble? That our shoulders are touching? All of the above? Who cares, Rosenberg…she's here. That's all that matters. This day could have turned out so differently.
Willow's smile faded and her pace slowed. Her furrowed brow gave her a worried look.
Tara noticed the change in Willow's demeanor and quickly brought the two of them to a full stop. "Will?" Tara spoke gently and waited for Willow to lift her head. When Willow's eyes met her own, Tara saw a lost little girl looking back at her. "Sweetie, what is it?" Tara carefully pushed some red locks away from Willow's face and allowed her hand to linger, gently cupping Willow's cheek. "It's okay, Will. You can talk to me."
As Willow leaned into the warmth of Tara's touch, she closed her eyes and felt a single tear slide down her face. "I don't know, Tare." Willow took a ragged breath and looked up to be greeted by the bluest, most loving eyes she'd ever seen. "Oh, God," Willow breathed. She lifted her hand to cover Tara's, again pressing her cheek into her friend's warmth. Tears fell freely. "You're here. After how horribly I treated you, you're still here. I don't deserve this."
Tara swallowed the lump in her throat and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, the sight of Willow crying and holding desperately to her hand broke Tara's heart. Oh God, what have I done?
"And the thing that really has me peeved," Willow continued, "is that it's not enough." Her features crinkled into a grimace. "No…no…that's not what I mean. I just…it's….UGH! Everything is swirling around in my head and I can't get it organized. I need a spreadsheet for my brain." Willow took a deep breath and collected her thoughts. "I mean, you being here is more than enough; it's more than I'd ever expected. But, it's like I'm forgetting something…something necessary…and I can't remember what it is. I'm afraid you're gonna think about what happened…about everything I said…and…and…" Willow was struggling to hold in her sobs and spoke between gasping breaths. "I just…Tara…I can't…I don't-"
"Hey!" Tara interrupted Willow, who was on the edge of hyperventilating, placing a hand on either side of her friend's head. "Look at me, Will." Tara waited until she saw the tear-filled green eyes looking back at her. She hooked her left index finger under Willow's chin and wiped away the tears with her right hand. "C'mon, Sweetie…no tears, okay? Be happy to be with me like I'm happy to be with you."
Willow's eyes widened, shocked that Tara would think she wasn't happy to be near her. "Oh God, Tara…I am happy to be with you! So happy. I'm Happy McHappy because I'm with you right now. But, I keep thinking about what I said to you…about what I did. I just expect you to…to look at me and say, 'Haha! Joke's on you! I actually hate you and I'm leaving now.' And…and…I would deserve it, Tara. It would kill me, but I would deserve it. And if that happens before I remember the necessary thing, it would kill me even more." Willow looked away for a moment, in thought, and then returned her gaze to Tara. "Is it possible for something to 'kill even more'…I mean, once you're killed, you're killed, right? You can't be killed more, cuz that wou-"
A gentle finger covered Willow's lips, effectively cutting off her babble. "Mara? Mut id it?" Willow mumbled.
"Shh. I need you to be quiet now, Will. Just breathe, okay?" Tara looked pointedly at the petite woman in front of her and waited for Willow's answering nod. Once she was satisfied that Willow was breathing normally, Tara removed her finger. "First of all, Will – and this is very important – I would never hate you…I can't imagine how I could possibly ever hate you. That being said, I would not just leave like that." Tara paused for a brief moment, a pained expression on her face. "Though I understand it may be hard for you to believe that since, for all intents and purposes, I left you last year when I wouldn't answer your letters." Tara quickly held up her hand to stop Willow's protest. "Hear me out, Will, please. It's true; you shouldn't have said those things. But you did."
Tara paused again, this time to take a steadying breath.
"We both did. I'm not proud of how I treated you, Willow. I shouldn't have shut you out like that. If we could go back in time I know we would each do things differently, but we can't, Will. So we'll just have to deal with it and move on. And we will deal with it; we will talk about it. For right now, at this moment, let's just be with each other. It's been 8 years, Will. I don't want us to spend our first 24 hours together crying over something that happened a year ago, okay? I forgive you, Sweetie. I forgave you so very long ago. I was wrong to not tell you that before today. Willow, can you forgive me too?"
"Oh, Tara." Willow sighed as she moved forward to wrap her arms around Tara's waist and pull her into a hug. She nuzzled into the crook of Tara's neck and held tightly to the friend who had been in her heart for so many years.
Tara leaned her cheek against Willow's head and embraced her, adoringly stroking the red hair she loved so much. "Is that a yes, Will?"
Willow pulled back just enough to look into Tara's eyes. She gazed deeply into the blue orbs before her and sighed again. "Of course," she whispered, as she returned her head to Tara's shoulder. "I figured it out, Tare."
"What's that, Sweetie?"
"The necessary thing. I know what it is." Willow grinned against Tara's shoulder.
"Hmm?" Tara was lost in the feel of having the redhead in her arms.
"A hug."
"Yes," Tara whispered. She closed her eyes and tightened her arms around Willow. "A hug is certainly necessary."
Whether it was a few seconds or a few minutes that Willow and Tara spent wrapped in each other's embrace neither could tell. All they knew at that moment was that it felt right.
"Will?" Tara continued to run her fingers through Willow's hair.
"Mmm?"
"'When Fates Collide'"
Willow pulled away from the hug just enough to look at Tara, her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "What?"
"The Xena episode…it's called 'When Fates Collide.' I watched it too." Tara giggled at the surprised look on Willow's face and then continued, "Do you think Xena and Gabrielle were lovers?"
The people walking through the streets of Sunnydale were shaken from their peaceful afternoon by the pounding rhythms of "I'm So Excited." Many looked around to locate the source of the disturbance. They were greeted by the sight of a petite blonde in a bright red, convertible Tracker, her hair blowing freely in the wind.
Buffy had lowered the top on her vehicle as soon as she reached the parking lot. It's a beautiful day and I'm going to enjoy it! After popping in her favorite music mix CD, Buffy began her drive home. Go home…change into comfy "no work for Buffy" clothes…find Willow so she can congratulate me. Perfect plan. Still thriving on the buzz that resulted from the meeting with her boss, Buffy found that she couldn't resist singing along with the music. Apparently, the Pointer Sisters' lyrics weren't good enough for her today.
"I'm not in trouble/ so don't burst my bubble/ I'm gonna get promoted and my pay will double!"
Men and women along the roads grimaced and shook their heads. Teenagers pointed and laughed. Small children covered their ears and hid behind their parents. A few babies cried, which earned Buffy a few glares from angered moms and dads.
Buffy, however, was oblivious to everything around her. Fortunately, she did notice the red traffic light and brought her vehicle to a complete stop at the intersection. The "Buffy Karaoke Party" continued until she heard a knocking sound come from a nearby source. She looked to the passenger side of the Tracker and greeted the trooper who had pulled his motorcycle alongside Buffy.
"Oh, hey, Danny! How are you today?" Buffy enthused as she reached over to turn down the music. "So gently you came rapping, and so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my Tracker door, that I scarce was sure I heard you." Buffy giggled at the uniformed man.
"Hey, Buffy. You probably didn't hear my tapping because you were busy rapping to your rather loud music." Danny smirked at Buffy.
"You're channeling dead poets too! Cool!"
"All right, Buffy, E.A. Poe aside, you need to bring it down a notch, okay? Keep the music down to a reasonable level…and could you try just humming along with the music? You're kinda scaring the kids." Danny's features flushed a bit at having to gently reprimand the blonde, but he couldn't let the citizens of Sunnydale – the people who pay the taxes that provide for his salary – suffer needlessly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah…definitely…music levels so that ears don't bleed…check. And, um, humming rather than singing…gotcha." Buffy looked at Danny with a sly smile and quickly batted her eyelashes for good measure. "You're not going to give me a ticket, are you, Danny?"
"No, Buffy," the trooper laughed. "No ticket today. Just pay more attention to the road than to the music, okay? The light is green…get going."
"Thanks, Danny! You're a gem!" Buffy shouted back to the trooper as she slowly pulled away from the intersection and continued her drive home.
"So, Miss Maclay, what will it be?"
Willow and Tara continued their walk down Main Street as Willow offered suggestions for their upcoming meal. The redhead pointed to each restaurant, café, or bistro in turn.
"There's Mama Angela's – great lasagna. The Three Marys has a healthier fare – sprouts, granola, and tofu. My parents loved that place. Um, Watty's Wok & Kettle is an interesting place – you can get Kung Pow Chicken with a side of Bangers and Mash. Not my combination choice, but it's an option. Deb's Deli has great sandwiches and a Soup & Salad bar. Or we can go to Cameron's Fish Market – just for the halibut."
Tara giggled at Willow's infectious enthusiasm – and her joke.
"You're so silly sometimes, Will. Don't change, okay?"
"It's a deal. Now, were do you want to eat?" Willow turned to face Tara. If it were possible to skip while walking backwards, Willow was doing it.
"Well, they all sound good," Tara said thoughtfully. "Do any of them have outside seating areas? The weather is lovely."
"Deb's Deli and The Three Marys do."
"The deli then. Soup and salad sounds tasty and I'm not in a mood for sprouts." Tara crinkled her nose as she finished speaking, earning a hearty laugh from the redhead. I love that sound.
"The sprouts are an acquired taste. You'll have to try their tofu sometime, it's pretty good." Willow squeezed Tara's hand and gently lead her in a new direction. "But not today. Today my Tara wants soup and salad."
For the second time that afternoon, Tara found herself dazed, moving on autopilot as she followed Willow's lead. "My Tara." She called me her Tara.
W
Tara Maclay to me
